Could cheating be an evolutionary thing?

[LakesideDream]

Some of us have been in war situations, which others may consider murder. And some of us have had situations in our past where we've seriously considered murder as an option, but walked away from it. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

 

 

OWoman, how correct you are! I have no idea whatever how many "casulties" I created in my career. And frankly the concept of counting is abhorant to me. I never understood the Press publishing enemy "body counts" and still do not.

 

Sadly I was also forced to use deadly force once in Civilian life. Fortunetly the man survived, however that was pure happenstance. That being said, I believe I am less likely than the average guy to use lethal force today.

 

In another thread based on a court case I posted that I would never confront a burgler or robber with lethal force, "stuff" however expensive can be replaced, and is why we have insurance. The bad guys can have it. The bad guys cannot threaten me, or a loved one, or even a stranger with violence in my presence without facing the consequences.

 

I actually worried after D-day. I prayed no harm would come to my ex or her LTBF. No drunk driving, run off the road accident, no home invasion... no violent crime because the police always look at the ex. With my history of legal competance I knew they would look hard at me. There is a civilian downside to being a graduate of unarmed combat, explosives, and sniper schools.

 

The real "bad guys" are worse than ever before. If you blame anything, blame 3 strikes laws for the increased violence. Bad guys don't want 25 year prison terms. The current trend is for the bad guys to elimate witnesses to their crimes.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I read this article on the Internet about the behavior of our closest animal relatives in the evolutionary chain and got to thinking. Maybe, in some very complex way, there is a reason for cheating that is actually built into our genes...into the way we are. Yes, of course we all have free will and can make our own decisions but there are many things about human behavior that just seem uncontrollable at times.

 

Human social groups work off different principles, than chimps. For one thing Women have masked fertility cycles. We mate all the time... not just during a brief cycle.

 

Think about it in these terms. Having multiple paternities would assist in genetic variation and an increased survivability. However, that is offset by the amount of effort which goes into raising the children, meaning she needs a man to assist as much as possible.

 

So, it's a balancing act. The best for her would be to find a man who is willing to raise another man's children.

 

Also, if caught cheating... Human males are very likely to leave, kill offspring, or kill her. Cheating therefore is a dangerous proposition in a more tribal setting... which is where we come from.

[bish]

I disagree.

 

 

LOL...I knew someone would.

 

 

My dad was a 'cheater' and it caused our family (myself included) pain, but I wouldn't at all say he was a horrible person or had horrible character. Additionally, as I have said before, I think it is easy for people who are the victims of cheating to assume that they automatically have the moral high ground by default

 

has nothing to do with "moral high ground". it has to do with the common sense of not hurting someone else.

 

 

and that they should bear no responsibility for the state of their relationship.

 

If something is wrong in the relationship, that is one thing. But the cheater was the one that chose to take the despicable path they did.

 

 

But over time, it's naive to expect that person to remain committed to someone when it should be obvious they're not getting the satisfaction they expect in a relationship.

 

Then they should have left the relationship if it was as bad as the want people to believe.

[bish]

An additional thought...

 

I think that one reason why people are so wounded by cheating is that they assume that the person in front of them could never do such a thing, and I think it's because we want to believe in this fairy tale of romance.

 

Oh I believed in it, but never will again. No committments from me from here on out.

 

 

There was a time when I believed in such a thing, but I've also matured a lot since the days when I would go to sleep at night wishing there was a 'soul mate' out there for me. The reality is, you need to go into a relationship with your eyes wide open. It doesn't mean you should distrust or be suspicious or paranoid, but it means being realistic. When I do finally get married, I know that as much as I would like to believe that 'it could never happen to me...no, not her', it very well could, no matter how long I date her, no matter how much I vet her character. The bottom line is that people are people. Human relationships are complex and they change over time. If two people don't adapt, the relationship is increasingly at risk.

 

I understand. But if things get so bad where cheaters think they are justified in what they are doing, then they need to grow a set and leave the relationship.

 

 

I actually have a good buddy of mine back in my old hometown who's absolutely faithful to his wife (as far as I know anyway), but he is miserable. She treats him like crap. She calls him a fat@ss to his face. She puts him down.

 

Then he needs to divorce her. Because an attitude like that about one's spouse doesn't change.

 

 

And while I would agree that he is sometimes immature and perhaps brings some of the animosity on himself, I think she is a right c*nt of a woman for treating him the way she does sometimes. She's not evil but she just treats him like garbage at times, though in fairness to her I don't see what goes on within their walls. Whatever...he's married with three kids...it's not like he can just do the honorable thing and divorce without taking on a lot of consequences.

 

Sure he can. why be miserable?

 

 

If he cheated on her, I wouldn't find it dishonorable at all.

 

I would, because now he would be no better than the rest of them. And definitely no better than his wife which you call a C.

 

 

I'd say she's probably getting what she deserves.

 

Nobody deserves that. Except maybe a cheater themselves.

 

 

Similarly, I knew this couple who were friends of my older brother. I mean, they used to put on a show every time they would have guests over, insulting each other and putting each other down. She was a bit more educated and, quite frankly, more intelligent than her now ex-husband. She would put him down and insult his intelligence or lack thereof, and he would of course respond by calling her a few four-lettered names. I don't see how they ever decided to get married, but they did (thank God they didn't have offspring). Anyway, he eventually ended sleeping with his now ex-wife's sister's friend, if I recall correctly. While I wouldn't defend what he did, it was entirely predictable. She's just as much to blame for their marriage woes as he was.

 

She was as much to blame for the marriage "woes". His despicable act of cheating is all his own.

 

 

There's no moral high ground, except that she can use the label 'cheater' to describe her ex.

 

Yes she can.

 

 

And she knows that the stigma attached to it is powerful.

 

Tell me about it. My X will have to move out of town before she can find a decent guy. Everyone knows her and knows what she is. Only the bar flies will give her the time of day. Cause they don't care if she is a cheater.

 

 

But as far as I'm concerned, it's more stigma than substance. If people want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about relationships, they have to look hard, and look in the mirror, even if they assume they might have the moral high ground. It's so easy to just say "I'm the betrayed spouse, you're the immoral cheater, so you should get on your knees and grovel

 

Nah, they don't need to grovel...they just need to go away.

[pentacle]

 

In small societies or social circles there is not enough diversity to avoid low birth survival rates, and the effects of inbreeding. For proof of this one only needs to examine the current situation concerning the Muslim community in certain area's of Great Britian. Birth defects and retardation are 15-17 times higher in those segments of society than in the population at large. That's in a modern "Western" country with advanced medicine.

 

Hi,

 

Where do these stats come from?

 

Thanks.

[pentacle]

 

Actually, I DO think those who have little to no control over their own genitals ARE a tad lower on the evolutionary scale. I mean, really, are we completely governed by our own physiological urges? Do we not have a brain and free will?

 

 

But surely if these liaisons lead to the successful passing on of the genes then there is definitely an evolutionary advantage compared to those that do not engage in such behaviours. I don't believe there is an evolutionary scale to climb.

[LakesideDream]

Hi,

 

Where do these stats come from?

 

Thanks.

 

World Health Organization, via London Newspaper (don't remember which) linked to Drudge.

[silktricks]

The real "bad guys" are worse than ever before. If you blame anything, blame 3 strikes laws for the increased violence. Bad guys don't want 25 year prison terms. The current trend is for the bad guys to elimate witnesses to their crimes.

 

We've got a great many "bad" laws on the books. IMO the 3 strikes law is one of the worst.