LolitaAnastasia Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I'm in a relationship with a man ten years my senior. I'm 24 he is 34. We have known each other for three years, during this time been friends with benefits, I actually slept with him the night I meet him. (I was getting over my first breakup with my ex-boyfriend) For a long time a year and a half I didn't know if we were dating till I asked him outright if we were dating to which he replied "I'm not ready for a relationship". I understood and was crushed that we were not dating. It got to the point that my mother has been saying he is only using me for sex. However in the past few months he has been getting cosy with me. Even started to refering me as his girlfriend and he as my boyfriend. The other night he kissed me while we had sex. This has been the first time he has kissed me since 2006! I was so surprised and excited. The thing is that while we are "offically" dating, I still feel strange/embarassed when we say goodbye. He has left to work in the city and I wanted to hug him but I was to embarassed to hug him in case he didn't want me to hug me. He will be coming home on weekends as this job is only temp. How do I get over feeling shy about hugging him or showing him affection? I would love to kiss him again without having sex. Should I ask if my "boyfriend" and I are offically dating or should I just let it go and see what is going to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Tell him "things feel different, more intimate. Does this mean then,.....?" If the answer is still 'no', you'd have every right to call him several choice words and names under the sun, for using you, and tell him to go take a hike. If all he wants is sex, perhaps he'd like to find someone else and pay for it? That would put you both in the picture then, wouldn't it? You'd both know where you stand..... I have had experience of this. It's darned annoying, isn't it?! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 IME, usually the dating part comes before the boyfriend/girlfriend part. So, since you are hearing the latter, assume the former is taking place and own that. Be more aggressive with physical non-sexual intimacy. If you want a change-up, tell him you were thinking about dating some other guys (since you and he haven't had an exclusivity talk I presume) and then gauge his reaction. If he says "sure", then do it. Interpersonal relationships are the last bastion of unfettered personal choice. Enjoy! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LolitaAnastasia Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Tell him "things feel different, more intimate. Does this mean then,.....?" If the answer is still 'no', you'd have every right to call him several choice words and names under the sun, for using you, and tell him to go take a hike. If all he wants is sex, perhaps he'd like to find someone else and pay for it? That would put you both in the picture then, wouldn't it? You'd both know where you stand..... I have had experience of this. It's darned annoying, isn't it?! Yeah it is annoying, but he did ask if I wanted to go to the snow fields with him to meet the rest of his family. I already know his father and mother very well. He quickly took it back saying "I shouldn't of asked" then quickly covered it up with "Do you ski?" which I answered honestly "No, I have never skiied in my life." Then he changed the subject. Although we are planning to going on holiday. Also I find it kind of embarassing to be called Babe or Babes. But he calls me it lol. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Also I find it kind of embarassing to be called Babe or Babes. But he calls me it lol. Why? It's a term of endearment (at least for me)... Does moving from FWB to a romantic relationship worry you? I'm sensing ambivalence here... Perhaps he wants to progress this to an exclusive romantic R and doesn't think you're on the same page. How about this? Sit down and talk about how you feel about each other. Novel idea, I know Link to post Share on other sites
Author LolitaAnastasia Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Why? It's a term of endearment (at least for me)... Does moving from FWB to a romantic relationship worry you? I'm sensing ambivalence here... Perhaps he wants to progress this to an exclusive romantic R and doesn't think you're on the same page. How about this? Sit down and talk about how you feel about each other. Novel idea, I know Hee hee, yeah it could be a proper relationship but it is all new for me and it something I have been wanting for 2 and 1/2 years so it is kind of overwhelming. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Well, you have support from this corner. I hope this mate is the same kind of Aussie bloke I've come to admire and enjoy from my travels there. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LolitaAnastasia Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Awww thanks Carhill. It means alot. I do find it kind of amusing when we talk about our "pasts". Because he says things like "When I was 18/19 I went to heaps of raves". I reply "Well during that time I was in grade 2/3". I do support the things he does and he supports my hobbies Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 That's healthy stuff, regardless of the age difference. Age is just a number. You give me hope Link to post Share on other sites
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