peace69in Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 hi all..i just joined dis site.i'm in love with a woman who at the initial stage din't look like 31.i'm 22 now.we met last year july.she din't tell the truth coz she 2 wanted an emotional support and since she loves me deeply,she dint wanna lose me.shes takin a divorce from a forced marrige of 10 years.she has a 5yr old boy.i really can't stop imagining the complications from all sides...what should i do?i mean we both love each other but the age gap...the kid..i promised her that if the pressure not to wed her is too much then i would be her best close aide n would look after her...though shes a doctor and earning very well.i really am hell a lot confused...plz advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author peace69in Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 hi...am from india..n so is she...shes still a kid at heart n speaks like one.i just graduated and getting a job in IBM.there are no cultural n language barriers...10yeras back that guy blackmailed her sayin he wud commit suicide n all dat cheap stuff.her parents are the type that if any situations come,they just keep quiet or find an easy way out.so they dint do anyting n said wot happend had happened.she resisted 4 5 years and then her parents forced her 2 have a kid so things will b alrite.so she had a kid and is living now only for him.dat guy dint even help her during her pregnancy..all dat aside..my problem is what i should do...i cant leave her coz we both need each other.on the other hand...a kid and an age gap... Link to post Share on other sites
HYS Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 There's alot to consider here. The age gap isn't so much of a problem but the child may be. The child bring a different dynamic to a relationship. It definitely won't be a normal courtship. For example, what kind of custody arrangements does she have? If she has full custody then you will be with her child alot more than you expected. You also have a ex husband to deal with. Anyway, you really have to be a mature adult to deal with it. If both of you are, then it will work. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 I think you should take it slow and see where it goes. I don't think there is anything wrong with a 22 year old man dating a 31 year old woman. If it was the refeverse, no one would bat at eye. But I do know that there is a big maturity gap between 22 and 31. For myself, I know I was really a different person at 25-26, then I was at 21-22. In those few short years you will change alot. If it's meant to be, it will whether the changes. Take it slow, treat her right, make sure you are being treated right and were it leads. No need to rush into anything right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peace69in Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 hi...we both are very compatible...in every way..and i feel very secure wid her..so i guess da mental maturity is never a problem...but how to deal wid a kid???am 2 young 2 b a dad.n av 2 c wot my parents will tell...dey will like freak out or something....so i should juz take it slow n c wer dis will lead 2???let time take itz place? Link to post Share on other sites
missdeathwish Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Well, the age difference isn't that big of a deal, especially if two people love one another genuinely. However, the fact that she lied to you when you met (did you start dating when she was still married?) is of concern to me. I certainly don't believe the "once a cheater, always a cheater" story. However, her dishonesty towards YOU during the first part of your relationship is something you should definitely keep in mind. Don't worry about the kid, don't worry about the age difference. Instead, think about her actions. Are you okay with someone who will lie to you or hide the truth from you to get what they want (emotional support) or to "keep" you? What I'm saying is that before you make any long-term commitments to her, you should be certain of her intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 These are the questions you two need to be asking yourselves and each other, because the world is cruel when it comes to peoples expression of love. It does not matter if she is older or your older. If she's black and your white. The relationship is right across the hall or on the other side of the planet and on the lower hemisphere. There is ALWAYS going to be some difficulties. Now the extra difficulties we stack on when we try to form our lives around what others think. Here is the first thing you both need to solve for yourselves...ARE YOU TWO TRULY HAPPY AND IN LOVE? If you can answer yes to that then think about these questions... 1) Is this the woman/man I want to be with for the rest of my life, even though I don't like this and that about her/him. 2) Despite our age, can we function on each others levels when the moment counts? Is the love able to look at her with realization she is going to wrinkle before me? 3) Is our level of maturity and experience able enough to allow us to see and react to each other on the same level? Will the age difference affect our joins and expectations of life? 4) Can we deal with the evil jokes and looks and disapproval of friends, family, and strangers? In ALL relationships the magic that keeps it together is not emotions or passion, finances, sex, or even children, its communication, good, effective communication. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
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