Jealous about it...

[Strawberry Cane]

Hi everyone,

Just thought I would open myself up here and hope for some support if anyone can respond.

 

I was with my X for 3 1/2 years, and broke up with him after realizing that although he was a good person, he and I were looking for different things in life, (he wants to leave the country to find work while I want to stay here). We also had a long distance relationship for about half the time we've been together and we started to grow apart. He was a man with a VERY BIG ego, and was quite selfish. I very quickly jumped into a new relationship with someone I had met at my workplace. I had befriended him while I was still dating my X, and told him we couldn't be friends anymore after I started to develop feelings for him. I told my X (when we were still dating) that I had started having feelings for someone else, but that I cut contact with that person, and that we hadn't done anything except had a platonic relationship, which is 100% TRUE! We talked about it and thought about making it work, but after a while I knew I was just miserable thinking about marrying my X and living an unsatisfying life, so I broke it off. So anyway, I started dating this new guy almost immediately, and Its been about 2 months since the break up now. I just realized today that I really have fallen in love with this new individual, however, I was on Facebook, and I was simply curious to know what my X was up to... and when I saw that he got himself a job (doing what we both went to school for and which I am still unemployed) and I still can't find a job, I suddenly found myself to be somewhat jealous that he found a job already. There was also a post on his wall from some girl wanting to date him, and the thing that kills me is that I could care less that he is dating anyone else... I'm just sad to see that he's got a position in his career (remember this is also a job in a different country) and I'm still struggling to find work. We graduated at the same time (this year) and this was the year we were supposed to find secure jobs and start our life together but I just realized that I didn't want to spend my life with him anymore once we graduated. We grew apart, and I know that if he came back to me and asked me back I wouldn't want to get back... but I'm jealous that he isn't struggling to find work the way I am.

 

Am I just being stupid? Was it wrong to just see what he's been up to? Is it bad to be curious about what an X has been doing? Is it normal to be sad about the fact that he has a career already? I don't know... I feel so silly.

 

Part of me hopes that he finds someone wonderful and gets to have the life he's always wanted... someone that will fit his life better then I could... but the career thing is just making me jealous.