TrustInYourself Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 The easiest path is not necessarily the right path. I think there is "work" involved to save the marriage because of the damage caused and the hard feelings involved. But it would be work because you want it... and you have a daughter to think about. The wife is really sick and tired of the work. She wants the love. She want's the effortless happiness and joy of being in love. She wants to know when we hold eachother, there is no one else in the world but us. How can you achieve those feelings by working? Did you work on that when you met your wife? Or did those feelings happen naturally. I don't even know. I'm asking because I'm curious and would like to know. I'm trying to take small steps to regain her trust and to put those painful feelings in the past. I need to stop rushing things. It's not just me either, she's 100% into me physically. I need to remind myself that sex is not love. Then I can focus on what is important. I question if you'd really want to be in my situation, knowing all the conflictions that I have to deal with all day. Knowing my wife feels nothing for me, yet she still comes to dinner and sleeps with me. I'm accepting of that, because of how much I love her. Do I push her away? I'm starting to wonder again. I know when I'm alone without her, living my life, I'm automatically moving on. My personality is to go out and meet people and party. When I'm out I consistently find myself drawn to women and occasionally it's mutual. It's like letting Jekyll out. Suggestions? Ugh. Need to go work out to get this off my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 The initial meeting someone is natural of course. But now you are married and have a daughter... Like it or not you made committments to both of them... Now you have responsibilities. The marriage is falling apart so there is repair work to do... work because you want to, not just because you have to. She should not know you are working - you want her to think it's natural. Stop having sex. You need to get into her emotionally and spiritually, not physically. Spend quality time together talking, holding hands, going on a date - without it leading into sex. Wait until she is emotionally ready to make love. And yes I would want to be in your situation because you are with your wife and are being offered opportunities to show her your love and attention the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 The initial meeting someone is natural of course. But now you are married and have a daughter... Like it or not you made committments to both of them... Now you have responsibilities. The marriage is falling apart so there is repair work to do... work because you want to, not just because you have to. She should not know you are working - you want her to think it's natural. Stop having sex. You need to get into her emotionally and spiritually, not physically. Spend quality time together talking, holding hands, going on a date - without it leading into sex. Wait until she is emotionally ready to make love. And yes I would want to be in your situation because you are with your wife and are being offered opportunities to show her your love and attention the right way. LOL, yeah, don't get me wrong. I know I have it good. It's just a very confusing and difficult time trying to unlearn habits, such as going to her and kissing her or holding her hand. Simple things like that have to be forgotten. You have to litterally go from scratch. The relationship has to be toast. It has to be reborn. Everything has to be rebuilt. That is daunting, yet not impossible. IC and MC are going to help I hope. Let's pray I don't screw things up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Roto25 Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 Wow..so I met with STBXW last night and she was really pouring out to me and I was so cold to her. I didn't mean to be, she caught me checking other women out and it really, really hurt her. I was just being myself (she left me out to dry and you either sink or swim, I swam). I really don't feel that I can love her again, truly, automatically ya know? I don't want to have to change anything to love her or feel differently than I actually do. Does that make sense? Life is too short and I want/need what I deserve. I was reminded of this because I went out with a girl tonight who has goals, a great education etc..and she is very attractive to boot. But I feel guilty about it, I feel guilty for going out with her. Even though this isn't a "date" but on a side-note I really think she is attracted to me. However, why should I feel guilty considering all she has put me through. AHH life/emotions are weird Link to post Share on other sites
araxis73 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 You know that "look" ~ that "hating, spouting, don't give a f**K" look you get from the wife! That "hateful" ~ I wished you were dead look? That's because your Plan "B" and he's Plan "A" ~ but Plan "A" isn't working out so well! You couldn't dump this gal fast enough! But? If you choose not to? Wake up every morning, and look in the mirror, and tell yourself, "F**K YOU! Forget your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations, your desires, your wishes, your friends, your family ~ NOW GET YOUR @SS OUT THERE AND TRY AND MAKE THIS B***H HAPPY! FOR EVERYDAY OF THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE! I am grateful for this motivation. Thank You! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Roto, if your still out there. live your life without a woman like this. Be happy you didnt have kids!!! It gets worse with them. She cheated and dragged you over the coals, dont go back to her. the only reason she acted like that with you was because her and the OM aint working out, but hey it's what she wanted! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 You shouldn't feel guilty at all and she should be kicked to the curb. I would get away from her as fast as you can and move on with your life. If she loves you so much she would have never done this and if you take her back she will do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Roto25 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 Quick update: (btw i appreciate all the support) We've hooked up a few times and she is really wanting things to be back to "normal". She is going to counseling and tells me she has ended it w/ OM BUT his myspace (i know childish but its all i have to go by) still says he is in a relationship. The divorce papers have been filed for 2 weeks now..PLEASE tell me why this isn't good for me (why she isnt)..I just need to get out and meet people to take my mind off of it. AHHHH!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 WTF! She's ended it with OM, and now your "Sloppy Seconds!" Oh, Hell no! You don't need to just to "man-up" you need to "Rambo-up!" Forget this broad, already! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Roto25 Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 word my man! Its just tough because to be totally honest I've never wanted to be alone because I didn't feel confident in myself being alone..I'd hang out to someone just because it was someone ya know? Someone to hold, to go to movies with etc..this is why I have ALWAYS been the one to be dumped.. I have definitely "grown-up" through this..I think I need to just "live" ya know? Explore what is out there and take in all that life has to offer at this stage.. Thank! Link to post Share on other sites
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