I'm in love with my MM

[Owl]

Saying absolute horrible things, which makes me really not like him. I wonder if he is doing this on purpose to make me end it.

 

Marriage counseling can help the two of you work through this. Its just as BNB said...he's been devestated beyond belief by the affair. He's as confused and conflicted at this point as you are.

 

You might also try getting a couple of books..."Suviving an Affair" comes to mind. Its very useful in helping you see both sides of the affair...his and yours. It gives good insight for how both of you can deal with this as well.

[Shellz]

My H actually got that book from the library. He said it was alot of bull****. He isn't willing to accept my mourning for my lover at all. We can't afford marriage counseling. We are in a bad financial situation as well. I have talked to family & friends & it doesn't help. I am in love with another man, my H knows it. I can't admit it to him. That is the bottom line. I am scared to start over by myself. I am devastated that my MM didn't stand up for me & say he was in love with me. I just need to change my frame of mind. It is pretty obvious that my H won't be able to get over this. After the last 3 nights we had together & the things that were said, it is pretty clear. He & I are definitely down a path of self destruction & neither of us really cares. We both just want to disappear. If I didn't have a son, I would get into my car & drive & be gone.

[Chrome Barracuda]

My H actually got that book from the library. He said it was alot of bull****. He isn't willing to accept my mourning for my lover at all. We can't afford marriage counseling. We are in a bad financial situation as well. I have talked to family & friends & it doesn't help. I am in love with another man, my H knows it. I can't admit it to him. That is the bottom line. I am scared to start over by myself. I am devastated that my MM didn't stand up for me & say he was in love with me. I just need to change my frame of mind. It is pretty obvious that my H won't be able to get over this. After the last 3 nights we had together & the things that were said, it is pretty clear. He & I are definitely down a path of self destruction & neither of us really cares. We both just want to disappear. If I didn't have a son, I would get into my car & drive & be gone.

 

Why would he accept you pining over a man who just F-ed you????

 

Your married you shouldnt be pining after anyone. It sucks because he has to see it and to him he figures it's ridiculous.

 

I wouldnt accept it, and if the situations was reversed you would think it would be pathetic to see him cry after the OW meanwhile still be married to you. You would feel like your second best. Is that what it means to be married to be second best to someone else.

 

Let's set this straight you may feel, you are in love with another man...

 

But this OM just said what he needed to say to get in your draws and used you. He used you like a rag doll and left you.

 

That is not love that is infatuation. You need to understand the difference between the two. You want to escape the marriage not because it's bad but because you wanted to leave. and the OM was an end to justify the means. MM didnt stand for you, because he's a damn coward...

 

Your whole affair meant nothing to him. Absolutely nothing. He said what he needed to, to get in your draws. If he was any man who had the same feelings he would have left his wife and been with you. But how can you as a woman accpet a man who's willing to cheat on his wife to be with you, is that the kind of example to set for your son. Your using your husband as a security blanket and it's not right. You was big enough to cheat you should be big enough to accept that and leave.

 

your husband is hurting deeply. very deeply and he's in the anger stage.

 

If you want to leave, you should stop using the MM as an excuse. because it looks like you need someone to prop you up or be your fallback net just incase you fall. That isnt right.

 

I think your husband is a good man but you cant see that because your pining for your affair partner is very selfish compared to your betrayed husband's pain. Most of your posts aint even mentioning your H.

 

What do you truly want at the end of the day? Your husband doesnt deserve it. and you need to stand in his shoes. The quicker you get out of the fog the better.

[Shellz]

It seems to me that most of these replies are coming from people who have been cheated on. Otherwise there wouldn't be so much nastiness. Why are you saying that he used me? Why didn't I use him? Why is it always the man that uses the woman? The woman in all these cases is always the whore & the bad guy (in the eyes of the cheated on). The man plays an equal part. I talked to him recently & he told me that basically what happened was that when d-day happened, he was shocked how his teenage kids reacted. Plus she would **** him over financially big time & he can retire in 5 yrs. So he is staying with what he knows is secure. He is trying to make a go of it, even though he said he thinks about me every single day & misses me. The relationship (affair) did mean a lot to him & I mean a lot to him. He is scared of the financial issues big time & I am a risk. He isn't a player, & this wasn't planned out this way. He made a huge mistake calling my home with the secret phone. It wasn't planned. We did not want to get found about. We were not ready for this to happen. He told me that he eventually told her he had feelings for me & she knew this anyway. After my recent conversation with the MM, I get the impression that he is kind of waiting it out to see what transpires. I am not using my H, I am hoping that time will heal & I will get feelings back for him. AND lose those feelings for the MM. In the meantime, all the verbal torture he is putting me through is not helping. I know I am contradicting my words. I am so confused & depressed. I definitely feel terrible about how my H feels. I know I am hurting him. But once you sell your house & divorce, that's it. It isn't as easy as some of you are making out to sound. People are also telling the MM how horrible divorce is. There is so much involved in this. Especially when you have a wonderful, little nearly 6 yr old involved. I don't want to ruin him. I am trying to forget, but I can't. Doesn't anyone understand this? I truly believe that the MM & I were meant to be together & he does too. The rub is that I am willing to take the chance & do it & he isn't.

[NoIDidn't]

Once you wake up from your dream, you will come to see that what you felt was nastiness really wasn't (that) nasty.

 

He made his choice, no matter what he says to you over the phone in secret from his family. He is still there. You will not end up with someone that is still married - and likely to still be married in 5 years after he retires. Who wants to give up half of the income that they saved for retirement in a divorce settlement? I wouldn't.

 

Used or not, the affair is over. Its time you accept that. Since you haven't shared what your H is saying to you, I can't say anything about it. But, statistically speaking, men have a much harder time accepting being cuckolded. They stay angry for a while. So expect anger, but request/demand respect (whether he feels you deserve it or not).

 

The feelings won't fade if you keep thinking about them in instances of what if, and we weren't ready for others to know. In an affair, its always a ready or not scenario, it was unrealistic to think that you could control the outcome or anyone else's reactions to the news.

 

I hope you and your H find a way to get some counselling (a church maybe) so you can sort out your marriage or plan for your divorce.

[Owl]

The only way to get past your 'mourning period' is to go full blown NC with OM completely and totally...and accept that this is FOREVER, and not some limited trial.

 

And it can take months to get through, depending on several factors.

 

Let me ask you this...you want to rebuild your marriage. If so...what model do you intend to base the NEW marriage off of? What changes need to be made? On BOTH sides...

 

Your marriage as it stands now isn't good...it isn't successful.

 

You need a new one. But without counseling, how do you get a new one instead of just rehashing the old one and not making any real fundamental changes?

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I have been cheated on. And I have been a product of divorce and seen how my mother had to struggle alone with 3 children and no support. I remember blaming myself for the breakup of my stepdad and my mom. I remember wondering why doesn't my own father come to try and find me and my brother. So, if that is being bitter, HELL YEAH! And you deserve every bit of "nastiness" you get.

 

It is people like you that many of us have problems forming relationships. Because we as children had to go to sleep hurt, scared, mad, etc. because their dreams of what their life is shattered by two or more soulless, morally putrid, pieces of humanity are willing to disrupt our lives. We had to see our mothers or fathers bite back their own fears and tears in order to show us strength and security. Why as adults many become like one of their parents, meaning that they either turn into adulterers themselves or find themselves as single parents. Why so many lack confidence or trust in themselves or others on an intimate level. Why, because stupid people think that adultery does not affect their kids. Well it does, it does not matter if your child was a troubled teen or a straight "A" student...It affects them in places you can't see.

 

So, if there is bitterness and nastiness, suck it the heck up. Your the one who wanted to air your dirt laundry and think one wasn't going to reply to the stench. If you expect sympathy because your married man decided not to be with you, count is as the consequence of one's actions and failings. Chalk it up to experience and make wiser choices next time. Don't be slothful, find your own man with NO strings attached and find the happiness you want and deserve. But, make sure your unattached so your not making a mockery of your vows or to the intent and spirit of marriage.

 

 

DNR

One of the bitter souls if you want to believe such non-sense. If you really want to know what an affair does and why these men and women may be bitter, ask them why they are so.

[Untouchable_Fire]

There is so much involved in this. Especially when you have a wonderful, little nearly 6 yr old involved. I don't want to ruin him. I am trying to forget, but I can't. Doesn't anyone understand this? I truly believe that the MM & I were meant to be together & he does too. The rub is that I am willing to take the chance & do it & he isn't.

 

Your marriage sucks so bad that your going to hurt your kid more by staying than by leaving.

 

If MM loved you... then he would choose you. That's what love is. They are saying you got used... because you choose him... and he won't choose you. Instead he wants financial security, and whatever he has with his wife.

 

You resent your H too much to continue in that sham of a marriage. Yes your financial situation is bad, but you need to get out. It seems the only thing that is keeping you there is fear. Do you really want to live like this because your afraid to take a risk?

[Dark-N-Romantic]

She does not deserve a divorce. At least not yet. I am like Dr. Phil from a point about divorce. She has to earn it. She has to obviously get some private counseling to deal with whatever issues is going on with her. She needs to drop ALL outside affair with other men and focus on herself and her children before she does even worst, like taking those kinds from their dad. If he has issues the husband needs to get his counseling too. Then, they need marriage and family counseling to see if these relationships can and/or should be fixed. And if an effort on both parts to get there marriage back on track fails, then go and get a divorce. But, just like marriage is earned, so should a divorce.

 

 

DNR

Of course there are always exceptions.

[NoIDidn't]

She does not deserve a divorce. At least not yet. I am like Dr. Phil from a point about divorce. She has to earn it. She has to obviously get some private counseling to deal with whatever issues is going on with her. She needs to drop ALL outside affair with other men and focus on herself and her children before she does even worst, like taking those kinds from their dad. If he has issues the husband needs to get his counseling too. Then, they need marriage and family counseling to see if these relationships can and/or should be fixed. And if an effort on both parts to get there marriage back on track fails, then go and get a divorce. But, just like marriage is earned, so should a divorce.

 

 

DNR

Of course there are always exceptions.

 

 

Of course, Dr. Phil thinks that counselling means that one "deserves" a divorce. HE'S A THERAPIST!!! He wants his cut!

[Lookingforward]

Of course' date=' Dr. Phil thinks that counselling means that one "deserves" a divorce. HE'S A THERAPIST!!! He wants his cut![/quote']

 

No, he'd just like to go back to the dark ages when marriage was almost impossible to get out of, and quite a few spouses were held to ransom by that.

 

For all it's faults I prefer the system these days.

[bentnotbroken]

It seems to me that most of these replies are coming from people who have been cheated on. Otherwise there wouldn't be so much nastiness. Why are you saying that he used me? Why didn't I use him? Why is it always the man that uses the woman? The woman in all these cases is always the whore & the bad guy (in the eyes of the cheated on). The man plays an equal part. I talked to him recently & he told me that basically what happened was that when d-day happened, he was shocked how his teenage kids reacted. Plus she would **** him over financially big time & he can retire in 5 yrs. So he is staying with what he knows is secure. He is trying to make a go of it, even though he said he thinks about me every single day & misses me. The relationship (affair) did mean a lot to him & I mean a lot to him. He is scared of the financial issues big time & I am a risk. He isn't a player, & this wasn't planned out this way. He made a huge mistake calling my home with the secret phone. It wasn't planned. We did not want to get found about. We were not ready for this to happen. He told me that he eventually told her he had feelings for me & she knew this anyway. After my recent conversation with the MM, I get the impression that he is kind of waiting it out to see what transpires. I am not using my H, I am hoping that time will heal & I will get feelings back for him. AND lose those feelings for the MM. In the meantime, all the verbal torture he is putting me through is not helping. I know I am contradicting my words. I am so confused & depressed. I definitely feel terrible about how my H feels. I know I am hurting him. But once you sell your house & divorce, that's it. It isn't as easy as some of you are making out to sound. People are also telling the MM how horrible divorce is. There is so much involved in this. Especially when you have a wonderful, little nearly 6 yr old involved. I don't want to ruin him. I am trying to forget, but I can't. Doesn't anyone understand this? I truly believe that the MM & I were meant to be together & he does too. The rub is that I am willing to take the chance & do it & he isn't.

 

 

 

 

He should love you enough to leave, he doesn't leave, he doesn't love you enough. NO one said you were more responsible than he is. But, you are the one on here complaining about your feelings and wanting him. It sounds like your emotional investment is hell of a lot more than him. You can spin your story anyway you want, but the reality is he is still with his wife and family and not with you. If you want him, you are doing your H a disservice by not investing in him, but in your hopes and dreams for someone else's husband.

 

You can call it anger, bitterness, or just plain sour grapes, but when you take those rose colored glasses off and get your head out of the fog, you will see he has made his choice and he is more than willing to stick with it and not you. It is clear that you would have been completely happy with remaining in a secret and deceiving your spouses, that says a lot about what you really have deep in your soul.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Of course' date=' Dr. Phil thinks that counselling means that one "deserves" a divorce. HE'S A THERAPIST!!! He wants his cut![/quote']

 

He does not practice any more. So no he is not getting a cut from his advice in that department. And I don't know if he even dealt with married couples. But, indirectly, he is actually referring to one's vows... "For better or for worst." "In good times and in bad times." And right now it is definitely worst and bad. And it is these times that two people should do all to prove that they did everything to save their marriage. Not this pathetic hit a but and ditch the car marriages that seems so prevalent these days. Especially where children are concerned, the have every right for either their parents to earn a divorce so that both can say they tried and more than likely come to a more logical level of why they should divorce than an emotional one.

 

 

DNR

[OWoman]

No, he'd just like to go back to the dark ages when marriage was almost impossible to get out of, and quite a few spouses were held to ransom by that.

 

For all it's faults I prefer the system these days.

 

Yep.

 

Personally I think one earns a divorce by marrying, in the first place.

[Lookingforward]

He does not practice any more. So no he is not getting a cut from his advice in that department. And I don't know if he even dealt with married couples. But, indirectly, he is actually referring to one's vows... "For better or for worst." "In good times and in bad times." And right now it is definitely worst and bad. And it is these times that two people should do all to prove that they did everything to save their marriage. Not this pathetic hit a but and ditch the car marriages that seems so prevalent these days. Especially where children are concerned, the have every right for either their parents to earn a divorce so that both can say they tried and more than likely come to a more logical level of why they should divorce than an emotional one.

 

 

DNR

 

You think he doesn't get a "cut" from his shows and book deals ?

 

Fwiw he BARELY practised one-on-one therapy at all before going into the "motivational' side of things

[OWoman]

Fwiw he BARELY practised one-on-one therapy at all before going into the "motivational' side of things

 

Unsurprising. Therapists are required to be non-judgmental. I guess he couldn't sustain faking that for too long. Plus his grasp of ethics seems tenuous at best. That Britney business broke every rule in the book - if he'd still been registered to practise, he'd have been scrapped off the roll.

[Shellz]

Oh my gosh, did you guys not read my original posts? SO "dark n romantic" (nice title) do you think I am bashing my husband to my son? Do you think someone should just go through life miserable just for the kids? I would never dream of taking my son from my husband. He is a great father. The bottom line is the MM is a scared pussy, so he is going to live a life of "content" maybe. Or a life where his wife is constantly nagging him about what he is doing (which is going on right now). But yes, this is what he chose. He chose his boring wife over me, which he was content with before being with me. REMEMBER, I know this because of our long history together, not just what he is telling me. He is already getting sick of her nagging him about every step & every thing he is doing. I hope by then, I will be totally over him & he will still want me. Then I can say "**** you!" ANd for the millionth time, I know my H doesn't deserve this. YOU CAN NOT DENY WHAT THE HEART WANTS. Obviously my heart wants more than his. This is probably my last post. I am tired of being abused by my husband & some of your posts. It really seems like no one understands where I am coming from. He says he thinks about me every day & of course I do too. The bottom line is that it is financial security & love doesn't prevail. I disagree, but I can see that to a certain point. My love is stronger than his & it is wearing me out. Right now, I am going to focus on my H & son & try my hardest to forget about him.

[Lyssa]

Right now, I am going to focus on my H & son & try my hardest to forget about him.

 

Hey Shellz,

 

Don't let one poster stop you from posting here. There are others who can relate to your story and who will support you through this. You can just put the posters on ignore.

 

It's good that you want to focus on your family. As for MM, it is not going to be easy but you will get over him.

[soda]

Oh my gosh, did you guys not read my original posts? SO "dark n romantic" (nice title) do you think I am bashing my husband to my son? Do you think someone should just go through life miserable just for the kids? I would never dream of taking my son from my husband. He is a great father. The bottom line is the MM is a scared pussy, so he is going to live a life of "content" maybe. Or a life where his wife is constantly nagging him about what he is doing (which is going on right now). But yes, this is what he chose. He chose his boring wife over me, which he was content with before being with me. REMEMBER, I know this because of our long history together, not just what he is telling me. He is already getting sick of her nagging him about every step & every thing he is doing. I hope by then, I will be totally over him & he will still want me. Then I can say "**** you!" ANd for the millionth time, I know my H doesn't deserve this. YOU CAN NOT DENY WHAT THE HEART WANTS. Obviously my heart wants more than his. This is probably my last post. I am tired of being abused by my husband & some of your posts. It really seems like no one understands where I am coming from. He says he thinks about me every day & of course I do too. The bottom line is that it is financial security & love doesn't prevail. I disagree, but I can see that to a certain point. My love is stronger than his & it is wearing me out. Right now, I am going to focus on my H & son & try my hardest to forget about him.

 

 

He's not that into you. You wish he were, but he's not. This isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth.

 

Everybody "understands where you're coming from." You just don't understand where you're at. You're pursuing a man who means more to you than you mean to him. I know...it sucks. I'm dealing with the same thing in my marriage.

 

MEN DO NOT PURSUE AFFAIRS FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP. MARRIED MEN ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU'VE BEEN CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE.

 

That is a great truth. For the love of God, WS/OW...stop deluding yourselves. The man in your EA is not a soulmate. He hopes that you'll give him an orgasm. The man in your PA enjoys having sex with you. He does not care if you ruin your life. He will go to great lengths to protect his.

 

This is the nature of the beast. Lawyers get rich because everybody is convinced that their case is "unique."

 

True romance is wanting to be with the same person even when they've already given you everything you could ever ask for. I watched a widow have a picnic with her dead war hero of a husand at his grave once. She was flush, smilng, and crying when she left. I was just 19 and witnessing that made me realize that I would die trying to please the one that I was meant to be with.

 

Why would settle for ducking and hiding? Or Mister or Missus Right Now?

 

Eh, I'm just as confused as the rest of you.

[Lyssa]

MEN DO NOT PURSUE AFFAIRS FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP. MARRIED MEN ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU'VE BEEN CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE.

 

Some men, Soda - some men.

 

Yup, I reckon you are confused.

[OWoman]

MEN DO NOT PURSUE AFFAIRS FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP. MARRIED MEN ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU'VE BEEN CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE.

 

No doubt some. But there are others who do. Universalising on the basis of a single - or limited - experience merely sets you up to be shot down by others whose experience proves otherwise.

 

I watched a widow have a picnic with her dead war hero of a husand at his grave once. She was flush, smilng, and crying when she left.

 

I hope this poor woman got the therapy she needed. I'm not sure what your point was in posting this but it made me think of the "scandal" someone else posted about on another thread with the firefighters? I was thinking perhaps the army or whatever her "war hero" husband belonged to should have done something similar so she could be getting her rocks off instead of sitting talking to herself and a pile of bones like some faded Ms Havesham.

[Order & Chaos]

No doubt some. But there are others who do. Universalising on the basis of a single - or limited - experience merely sets you up to be shot down by others whose experience proves otherwise.

 

 

 

I hope this poor woman got the therapy she needed. I'm not sure what your point was in posting this but it made me think of the "scandal" someone else posted about on another thread with the firefighters? I was thinking perhaps the army or whatever her "war hero" husband belonged to should have done something similar so she could be getting her rocks off instead of sitting talking to herself and a pile of bones like some faded Ms Havesham.

 

What sort of twisted, toxic love would stop someone from moving on after death and somehow this idea being see as good!?! I know if I love someone I wouldn't want them forever pining after me when I pass on. I would want them happy and living life, not lost in memories.

 

And nice Great Expectations reference.

[soda]

No doubt some. But there are others who do. Universalising on the basis of a single - or limited - experience merely sets you up to be shot down by others whose experience proves otherwise.

 

 

 

I hope this poor woman got the therapy she needed. I'm not sure what your point was in posting this but it made me think of the "scandal" someone else posted about on another thread with the firefighters? I was thinking perhaps the army or whatever her "war hero" husband belonged to should have done something similar so she could be getting her rocks off instead of sitting talking to herself and a pile of bones like some faded Ms Havesham.

 

Life is just about getting one's rock's off? Really? We don't think about the past...at all? So, why are you wasting your time here? This seems like a very wasted pursuit if your only goal in life is getting your rocks off.

 

Maybe she was just taking 15 minutes to remember the past. I don't know. I didn't interrupt her to ask. I do know that one particular time was the only time I saw her, which suggests that it might have been her anniversary...or another day that the woman had cherished in her past life with her husband.

[bentnotbroken]

Oh my gosh, did you guys not read my original posts? SO "dark n romantic" (nice title) do you think I am bashing my husband to my son? Do you think someone should just go through life miserable just for the kids? I would never dream of taking my son from my husband. He is a great father. The bottom line is the MM is a scared pussy, so he is going to live a life of "content" maybe. Or a life where his wife is constantly nagging him about what he is doing (which is going on right now). But yes, this is what he chose. He chose his boring wife over me, which he was content with before being with me. REMEMBER, I know this because of our long history together, not just what he is telling me. He is already getting sick of her nagging him about every step & every thing he is doing. I hope by then, I will be totally over him & he will still want me. Then I can say "**** you!" ANd for the millionth time, I know my H doesn't deserve this. YOU CAN NOT DENY WHAT THE HEART WANTS. Obviously my heart wants more than his. This is probably my last post. I am tired of being abused by my husband & some of your posts. It really seems like no one understands where I am coming from. He says he thinks about me every day & of course I do too. The bottom line is that it is financial security & love doesn't prevail. I disagree, but I can see that to a certain point. My love is stronger than his & it is wearing me out. Right now, I am going to focus on my H & son & try my hardest to forget about him.

 

 

 

If he is a coward for not leaving his boring wife, what are you for not leaving your abusive husband? It seems you are contradicting yourself. You don't want your H and he doesn't want his wife, yet you both stay, for whatever reasons. But you are bashing him for it, but you don't want anyone bashing you for it. Do you think you are any different than he is.

 

Sure you can deny what the heart(flesh) wants. Most of us want more cash, but we don't rob banks to get it. Hell, I want to eat a whole chocolate cake some days, but I don't. I loved the man I was married to, I denied my heart and moved on. It is a choice you refuse to make. Yes yes, I know you believe that your situation is different than his, it isn't. You both have chosen to stay with people you say you don't love and you both have chosent to deny them the opportunity to have someone truly love them.

[Shellz]

He's not that into you. You wish he were, but he's not. This isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth.

 

Everybody "understands where you're coming from." You just don't understand where you're at. You're pursuing a man who means more to you than you mean to him. I know...it sucks. I'm dealing with the same thing in my marriage.

 

MEN DO NOT PURSUE AFFAIRS FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP. MARRIED MEN ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU'VE BEEN CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE.

 

That is a great truth. For the love of God, WS/OW...stop deluding yourselves. The man in your EA is not a soulmate. He hopes that you'll give him an orgasm. The man in your PA enjoys having sex with you. He does not care if you ruin your life. He will go to great lengths to protect his.

 

This is the nature of the beast. Lawyers get rich because everybody is convinced that their case is "unique."

 

True romance is wanting to be with the same person even when they've already given you everything you could ever ask for. I watched a widow have a picnic with her dead war hero of a husand at his grave once. She was flush, smilng, and crying when she left. I was just 19 and witnessing that made me realize that I would die trying to please the one that I was meant to be with.

 

Why would settle for ducking and hiding? Or Mister or Missus Right Now?

 

Eh, I'm just as confused as the rest of you.

 

 

To soda:

 

Are you a male or female? Are you the cheater or the cheated on? I think you are totally wrong about "he isn't that into me" Can you imagine your spouse telling you that you will be screwed financially after 24 yrs of marriage & getting your kids involved?? Them saying they will never talk to you again if you are with this person. That would scare the crap out of you & you would try to make a go of it with your spouse b/c of this. Wouldn't you? My MM is not a habitual cheater & is not a player. He is scared enough to not take the risk with me and change his entire life. I can see this to a point, but at the same time I can't understand why if he is so in love with me & thinks about me every day why he wouldn't just take the chance. My situation is a little different b/c my son is almost 6 yrs old. So he is young enough to not judge the situation so much. Neither of us were really looking for an affair & he was not looking for the orgasm. His wife can do that. Come on, think about what you are saying here. How do you know that this other person is not your soulmate? Just b/c it is an affair & secret that it doesn't mean that this isn't the person you should be with?? He & I know that we are meant to be together, but it won't happen b/c of history & complications. I would leave my husband if he would make the move, but I am not going to be hasty for no reason. I would really love to fall back in love with my husband & forget about all of this. That is where I stand.