Son's mother won't give permission to move

[lexi29]

My fiance and I have been looking for a house to buy. Originally we were looking in the area he lives now as he has a 9 yr old son and needs permission by his son's mother to move anywhere. THis location is about 45 minutes from where I work (good job I've been there 6 yrs) and about 15 minutes from his job. His parents also live in this town. His son has gone to school there for a year. Well last night my fiance told me that three people are quiting where he works (his best man at the wedding who is the boss's son in law, another close friend of his who has worked there for 12 years and possibly the boss's son. He thinks this is because they know something he does not- that the owner is ready to retire. He loves this job and enjoys the guys he works with. He says this is the first job he's looked forward to. He's been there four years. So last night he said he knows I would prefer to live closer to where I work and that since his job security is uncertain (and he won't enjoy working there as much if his close friends are gone) he is willing to move to the town I work in. It would be about 45 minutes from his current job and 10 minutes from my job. I would love that!!

 

The schools in that area are good ones and I could drop his son off at school every day before work. he would have more of a drive to work (if he keeps his current job) but he would also look for a job in the area (I do this for a living so I know I could find him something he would like)

 

Well the problem is his son's mother. He had to get her permission to move out of state (it was across state lines but only 15 minutes from where he used to live) His son's mother has lived in over 20 different places in the last 9 years and my fiance has only lived in two. This move would make #3. She lives 2 hours away from where he lives now. SHe moved last year (after my fiance moved to the state his son's mother lived in!!!) She only sees her son every other weekend and my fiance drives him to her mother's (son's grandmothr's house 20 minutes away) and the son's mother spends her visitation weekends there. The custody agreement says that SHE has to supply transportation and meet him at HIS house but he has been nice and drives the 20 minutes to her mother's house to drop their son off for her. She wanted her son to spend the entire summer with her (custody agreement does not say she gets him for the summer and my fiance asked his son if he wanted to spend the entire summer with his mom and he said no and also because we are getting married in Sept he felt it was better that his son stay with us to adjust to the new situation.

 

So he told his son's mother that the custody agreement did not say she could have him for the entire summer but he would give her two weeks. she dropped it and never said anything else. Well today he called his son's mother and asked her if she would give permission for him to move to the state I work in. It is about a half hour away from where they live now. 2 1/2 hours from his son's mother's. (instead of 2 hours). He told her he will still drop their son off at her mom's house and that she wont' have to do any extra driving or anything. She said NO. she said "because you won't let me have him for the summer, I'm not going to give you what you want!" So he will have to take her to court to let us move. He is afraid a judge will grant her more custody or take his son away from him. I know he is afraid because in the past judges have been very lenient toward his son's mother. She didnt' see her son for an entire year, she didn't pay child support (never has even though its ordered) she didnt' show up to the custody hearing (told the judge she "forgot" how do you forget about your own KID??) and they had to reschedule twice and she still refused to show up. They did a phone hearing in which she admitted she didn't know how old her son was at the time and that she never saw him. When my fiance moved to be closer to her (would live 5 minutes away from her) she moved 2 hours away!!! She never even told him she was moving till the day after they moved!!!! Yet through all of this he was not able to get full custody (he has physical custody). his son's mom has a boyfriend that lets the child watch porn with him. This was brought up at the court case and nothing was done. In fact the mother was given EVEN MORE rights than she previously had. So I understand his fear of going back to court.

 

However I really want to move to this area (be closer to my work) and it would be better for everyone involved (better school for his son and we would be buying a house and that means we'd be living in that area for a long time and it would be stable for his son (who has been to three different schools and he's only 9) Should I just drop the issue and keep looking for a house where my fiance now lives? Or should I urge him to take her back to court to be allowed to move? (but I'll be to blame if the judge gives the mother custody over the summers since she now lives 2 hours away (and both him and his son would hate that!)

 

I dont know what to do

[GPFan]

Court would appear the best option versus allowing Mom to dictate your every move and/or throw a hissy fit about whatever she pleases.

 

The parents will be strongly encouraged to pursue mediation first, if that doesn't work then might ask his Attorney to request a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) to represent the child's interests separate from Dad. GAL recommendations usually weigh heavily in the Judge's final decision. This may work out in your favour if his Son is not happy with the current visitation arrangement.

[lexi29]

Court would appear the best option versus allowing Mom to dictate your every move and/or throw a hissy fit about whatever she pleases.

 

The parents will be strongly encouraged to pursue mediation first, if that doesn't work then might ask his Attorney to request a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) to represent the child's interests separate from Dad. GAL recommendations usually weigh heavily in the Judge's final decision. This may work out in your favour if his Son is not happy with the current visitation arrangement.

 

 

My fiance and his son do not want the visitation agreement to change. Right now his son's mother gets to see his son every other weekend. She lives two hours away (her choice and she didn't even talk to my fiance about moving) so my fiance is afraid if he takes her back to court for a relocation hearing, the judge may modify the visitation arrangement so that the mother has their son the entire summer or something. She wanted to have him for the whole summer this year and my fiance said no. He asked his son if he wanted to spend the summer with his mom and he cried his eyes out. Also since we are getting married we both felt it was better for his son to spend the summer with us (as he normally does) to prepare for the changes that are coming.

 

My fiance's ex's live in boyfriend (they've been together about 7 years on and off and have a daughter together) called my fiance this weekend. He'd heard that my fiance asked his ex (son's mother) about moving 20 minutes away- but to another state and the live in boyfriend told my fiance to just move without her permission because the mother was talking to her ex husband (guy she left my fiance for and claimed was the father of their son) and the live in boyfriend said that he felt she was getting ready to leave him and he found out from his 5 yr old daughter that she (my fiance's son's mom) kept having guys over while her live in boyfriend was at work and that she would make the kids lock themselves in their bedroom while these guys were there. He also told my fiance that if she leaves she will more than likely leave their daughter with him. (same as she did to my fiance).

 

But the point of this is if she leaves her live in boyfriend she will probably move back to the area we live in now (well in another state but only a 20 minute drive or so) and she will probably leave her daughter with her live in boyfriend to raise. So if she does these things my fiance will not have to worry about the court giving her MORE visitation if she has shown to abandon her other child as well.

 

He does not receive child support from her right now- he dropped it because she never paid anything anyway and the court would do nothing to make her. He is going to use that as leverage to getting her permission to let him move. He is going to tell her if she doesn't let him move than it will cost him more to drive to work and he will also have to put his son in daycare so he will be filing for child support (and since her daughter is now school age she will HAVE To work). He has tried reasoning with her but she is stuck on the fact that he would not let her have their son for the whole summer. Their son didn't want to spend the summer with his mom and my fiance isnt' going to make him do something he is uncomfortable with. Also to show how much his mother "cares" about him, his birthday was a few weeks ago and she did not even remember it. She was invited to his party and as usual (every year she does this) she did not show up, did not call or anything. The only year she wanted to do anythign for his birthday was last year and she knew we had planned a trip starting on a monday and she had him that friday and saturday and part of sunday. She told him she was going to take him to Chuckie Cheese for his birthday but not until MOnday. Told him he'd have to tell his dad he wanted to be with her on monday (instead of taking the trip with us) and so he wanted to go to Chuckie Cheese and asked his dad and his dad said no because his mom should have taken him that weekend she had him instead of waiting. Well his son got upset with his dad and I because he wanted to go to Chuckie Cheese. Sort of put a damper on the trip we took. The thing is she never planned to take him to Chuckie Cheese, she was just maninpulating him into getting upset with his dad. So this is what my fiance has to deal with all the time.

 

Also her live in boyfriend told my fiance that he has witnessed her telling their son that her ex husband is his real father and not my fiance (not true and proven by a DNA test when he was 2). We already knew about this though because a few months ago his son came home and said "did you know you are not my real dad? Mom told me John is my real dad and that you never wanted me" and then he started bawling. My fiance has raised his son since he was a year old (first time he was told he was HIS son as the mother told him it was her husband's (long story but she broke up with my fiance when she found out she was pregnant but was cheating on him with antoher guy who she married right away) But one day she dropped the baby off at my fiance's house and never picked him up. My fiance has basically raised him alone ever since and she has the nerve to tell their son that his dad isn't his real dad and never wanted him.

 

We will probably take her to court but hopefully that is the right decision.

[whichwayisup]

We already knew about this though because a few months ago his son came home and said "did you know you are not my real dad? Mom told me John is my real dad and that you never wanted me" and then he started bawling

 

This is disguisting that the mom said this to her own son. Reading this just made me tear up and made my stomach lurch! How the F a parent could tell their child this, out of spite and just to piss off the ex, make trouble, is just so so SO wrong. That poor child..Make sure the courts know she pulled that stunt, as well as other things. Keep a notebook handy.

[lexi29]

I know, it makes me sick too. She is constantly doing things like this. She will go back and forth. Sometimes she will buy their son things- bought him a hamster to keep at her house, just gave him a mix CD of his favorite songs this weekend and since she found out we are getting married (and their son is excited about this) she has started telling him things like his dad is going to forget about him once we get married and she has started sending him texts saying I love you and stuff and their son didn't understand WHY she was sending him these things and he asked and she said "because I love you buddy" and he was like oh I didn't know that (seriously). But then she will go and pull crap like telling their son that he HAS to spend the entire summer with her OR stay with her during the entire school year (NOT what the custody/visitation agreement says at all!) and if he doesn't pick one or the other that one day when he comes to see her she's going to take him away and he'll never see his dad again. After she told him that he was terrified on the weekends he had to go see his mom. He would scream (like a toddler) and cry and BEG not to take him to his mom's. His mom also told him that on the weekends she has him, his dad forgets about him and doesn't remember he has a son.

 

We couldnt' figure out why every other weekend (when he had to go to his mom's) his son would go on for about 20 minutes each time, cuddling wtih his dad and being literally stuck to his side and kept asking his dad not to forget about him and to remember him while he was gone. He was terrified that when the weekend was over, his dad was just not going to show up as if he forgot he had a child at all. My fiance has bent over backward to try to do things to accomodate her so she wont' take it out on their son. Even though their court agreement states SHE has to provide transportation (she never notified the courts she moved 2 hours away) my fiance, takes his son to her mother's (son's grandmother) every weekend she has visitation (about a 20 minute drive). HE picks him up too so the mother doesnt' have to drive to where he lives. Also he does not ask for child support from her. (he should as she provides NOTHING) for their son. For christmas she bought him two things and refuses to even buy him clothes).

 

All of her "abuse" has been documented and was given to the courts when my fiance tried to get full custody a few years ago. His son's mother REFUSED to show up for the hearings (were rescheduled for HER several times) and she openly admitted that everything my fiance said she did was true! She didn't appologize for it or anything. And yet the judge denied his request for full custody (with visitation) and just gave him physical custody. Both parents were required after that to attend a parenting class and my fiance did (was in the court order) and the child's mom did not. None of this has helped in any court case my fiance has been through regarding his son.