Owl Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 We'll have to agree to disagree...your defense of the argument was equally inane. Those "confounders" are RARELY a real factor in his choice to cheat...they choice to cheat came FROM WITHIN HIMSELF...based off his own moral code and decision processes. Same with the rapist scenario that you provided. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 -Owoman doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage, or in monogamy in any fashion. That puzzles me right there. Why get married if she doesn't believe in it? Why get married if she doesn't believe in monogamy? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 you Know I Can't Help But Wonder If A House And A Husband's Paycheck Wasn't Involved How Easy It Would Be To Leave In Spite Of The Children? Bingo!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Sure CAN. Can is not DOES. You have a penis, so you can rape a woman. DO you rape women? I'd guess not. flawed analogy there. I am not a rapist and never have raped anyone. He DID cheat, therefore can, and more than likely, will do it again. Just like if he DID rape someone, he more than likely will do it again. So either your original argument (that disrespecting one woman necessarily means disrespecting all) doesn't hold, or you're a rapist by virtue of having the capacity. Which is it? No, it is that your analogy is not a good correlation. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Well, to follow your argument, Owoman. The REAL comparison has nothing to do with errr....equipment. The REAL comparison along the lines of what you brought up would be this...he's demonstrated that he can and HAS raped someone in the past, so can do so again. And we all know that this is indeed a very, very common occurrence. There's a "history" demonstrated by his prior behavior. Bish's point is that this man HAS treated at least one woman that he claims to have loved like dirt in the past...his wife. If he's done that to her...he could (and likely will) do so again. Yes, my point exactly. TY owlman Link to post Share on other sites
SerenityX2 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 The reason Owoman's situation is "different" is exactly as she described: -She PREFERRED being the OW to different MM over the course of her life. She sought out that kind of relationship as opposed to "falling in love" with a MM....until she met her current MM. -MM's family supports the affair. -MM does actually APPEAR to have come from a truly abusive marriage. Normally, they lie and make it sound like it was, but there's nothing to support those claims. -Owoman doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage, or in monogamy in any fashion. -Owoman is planning on marrying her MM once everything is done...regardless of her actual views on marriage. All of these factors by themselves would be unusual...but its even more so that they all occur in her situation at the same time. Thank you Owl, You summed it up great. Those are exactly the key points that makes her's unique. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 That puzzles me right there. Why get married if she doesn't believe in it? Why get married if she doesn't believe in monogamy? Because there are practical reasons for them to M (if you read her prior posts) Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Because there are practical reasons for them to M (if you read her prior posts) yes I know all about the "practical" reasons...all the wrong reasons to get married, especially if you don't believe in marriage or monogamy. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 yes I know all about the "practical" reasons...all the wrong reasons to get married, especially if you don't believe in marriage or monogamy. I don't see why - from a purely pragamatic pov, it's just a legal requirement, or are you the arbiter of what reasons are valid to marry now ? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I don't see why - from a purely pragamatic pov, it's just a legal requirement, or are you the arbiter of what reasons are valid to marry now ? Hey, they can get married for whatever reasons they want. But if one doesn't believe in monogamy or marriage, then it aint gonna last long. One or both will be out there cheating in no time. Link to post Share on other sites
Order & Chaos Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Hey, they can get married for whatever reasons they want. But if one doesn't believe in monogamy or marriage, then it aint gonna last long. One or both will be out there cheating in no time. But if one doesn't believe in monogamy then how is it cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 But if one doesn't believe in monogamy then how is it cheating? Sssshhhhhhh.... don't confuse him Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 But if one doesn't believe in monogamy then how is it cheating? Because the other one could. If both of them don't believe in it, then they are made for each other and are saving 2 other people Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Because the other one could. If both of them don't believe in it, then they are made for each other and are saving 2 other people Saving other people ? Noooooooo...they are just doing what is right for them (whether YOU agree with it or not) Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Saving other people ? Noooooooo...they are just doing what is right for them (whether YOU agree with it or not) Uh, did I or did I not say they were made for each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Order & Chaos Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Uh, did I or did I not say they were made for each other? Yes but you negated it by saying that it saves two other people. If the two other people believe the same philosophies they aren't actually saved then are they? No, what it is, as long as the communication is there than any set up is "correct" as long as both parties are on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Hey, they can get married for whatever reasons they want. But if one doesn't believe in monogamy or marriage, then it aint gonna last long. Actually they may have a better go at it in fact, at least they don't go into to it like most of us do like two blind schmucks thinking "nah that will never happen to us we believe in monogamy forever and ever" Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Yes but you negated it by saying that it saves two other people. Thats because it does. If the two other people believe the same philosophies they aren't actually saved then are they? They are saving two other people who believe in monogamy who would otherwise find themselves in the unfortunate situation of being with people that do not. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Actually they may have a better go at it in fact, at least they don't go into to it like most of us do like two blind schmucks thinking "nah that will never happen to us we believe in monogamy forever and ever" Some of us do believe in monogamy. And we prefer to find someone that does as well an simply hope they aren't lying to us regarding their beliefs. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 That puzzles me right there. Why get married if she doesn't believe in it? Why get married if she doesn't believe in monogamy? I'm assuming you're American and thus familiar with the concept "green card marriage". But perhaps I shouldn't make assumptions or I'd assume that, since I've already answered this questions dozens of times previously, if you were really "puzzled" you could have read or remembered. And making assumptions based on logic is really dangerous around some people. My bad. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 yes I know all about the "practical" reasons...all the wrong reasons to get married, especially if you don't believe in marriage or monogamy. so, what would the "right" reason be to get married if you don't believe in marriage or monogamy? :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Yes, my point exactly. TY owlman Oh good. Well, since I've already invalidated it earlier, I won't need to do so again since it remains invalidated. Next! Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Hey! I am new to post but been reading on the forum for sometime now. Really seen some interesting stories and experience that are so helpful. I guess I am looking for someone in my similiar situation to be able to talk with some. I am a MW involved with a MM. We have both been married about 11 years and both have 2 wonderful boys. We have amazing chemistry and probably both developing feelings much deeper although we have not said it openly...because the truth is neither of us come into this looking to change our situations at home for the sake and love of our children. But it does get more complicated and since we don't live that close, it is work to see each other. Just looking for some MOW to lean on if out there. Apparently from the original post, OP isn't looking for advice - just others in the same position to support her. You know, it's not like you're being 'thrown together', you say yourself it is WORK to see other - so the easiest solution would be just to let it go and both focus on your OWN marriages, no ? If you want two husbands go live somewhere polygamy is acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I'm assuming you're American and thus familiar with the concept "green card marriage". Yes, I'm American, and yes, I'm familiar with that and that it should be more heavily scrutinized to keep people from getting married simply to get a green card. But perhaps I shouldn't make assumptions or I'd assume that, since I've already answered this questions dozens of times previously, if you were really "puzzled" you could have read or remembered. And making assumptions based on logic is really dangerous around some people. My bad. Nice try with the assumptions based on logic dig. What "puzzles" is that one would ditch their convictions for so-called "practical reasons" Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 so, what would the "right" reason be to get married if you don't believe in marriage or monogamy? :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: In my opinion...nothing. But that is just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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