I love my sister but I need her out of my house

[Melovator]

I've had my sister staying with me for over two months now. It is driving me crazy. I did not want her to come and stay with me, I was guilted into it by my other sister who was moving interstate and I only agreed on the condition that it was not going to be longer than 6 weeks because she had broken her ankle and at that stage she was going to be moving interstate to be with her boyfriend.

 

Well that didn't happen, the boyfriends step-father is an abusive a-hole and the boyfriend ended up moving down here. So the both of them are now living in my back shed- which is lined and everything but its winter here and bloody cold, so they're running the bloody heater all the time driving up my electricity bill.

 

My issues at this stage are many- they do not check the paper for rentals despite the fact that I have the paper delivered each day (they are looking online but as I've pointed out ad nauseum not ALL rental properties are listed online and they need to check the paper!). I am not charging them rent so they can save money for their bond and any household items they will need to purchase- in exchange one of them is supposed to clean my house, this isn't being done to the standard I expressed I wanted several times (I used to have my other sister clean my house once a week for cash and she did a beautiful job!)

 

Further, having moved from interstate her boyfriend does not currently have a job and again I can see no evidence that he is making an effort, well basically I don't see him- which would be alright except that includes I don't see him use the toilet or have a shower... I find this disturbing and gross. Noone is going to give you a job if you smell and I don't want to think where waste matter is being put. I understand that because of his family situation he is probably experiencing some mild depression but he again as far as I can see is not doing anything about it, I have told the both of them about community resources that the both of them can access for mental health issues (because my sister has a few from our f**ked up mother) but again- no effort.

 

They don't even check the mailbox for their letters- I have five pieces of mail for my sister sitting on the table- she has not bothered to look at them. Yes she's back at work but surely she has time to read her mail.

 

I want them gone! I've had enough of sharing my space with people, its stresses me out. On days she's not working they sleep until 10 (well that's the earliest I will see her wander in to use the bathroom) and then do nothing but play on their computers. I love my sister but I cannot live with her- at this stage I don't want to live with anyone but my son. I find it difficult to bring friends back because my sister is quite conservative and I'm not and I feel I have to 'edit' conversation when she is around. And I definately don't feel I can bring any of the blokes I'm seeing back here, which puts a crimp in my sex life and makes me a grumpy bitch because I'm not getting any.

 

Further my sister is LARGE! real big- I was the same size as her ten years ago- I understand how difficult it is to lose weight (because I've just gone through it myself) but the size of her servings is incredible! I don't want to have a go at her and make her feel worse about herself but its reaching the point where I find it extremely difficult to not say something- she is heading for type 2 diabetes and heart disease and she's only 22! She is killing herself with food!

 

I've been a bit of a bitch because my house sits on top of a very large and steep hill and the bus stop is down the bottom of it, when she first went back to work I'd drive down and pick her up, but now I won't - if walking that hill is all the exercise she gets then she's going to damn well walk that hill!

 

I'm not their mother- I don't owe them anything, they are adults and need to start behaving as such, which means taking responsibility for themselves. They are guests staying in my house, they are not my house mates yet that's the dynamic my sister seems to think we're in despite me telling her 'no we're not'. I have reached the point where I have said "You have to be out my mid-August" but it still doesn't seem to be getting through to them. I'm going nuts I want my solitude and peace back!

 

I'm beginning to think that come mid August I'm going to have to hire a bloody removalist to get all their sh*t out of my place! And why should I have to do that? And why do they not want to get their own place? Living with me can't be fun! Especially when I'm all augh!!! like I am at the moment. They're 22, they're finally together after being in different states for three years, surely that would be motivation enough to get their own place.

 

I moved out of home at 19 (my sister was 8) it was difficult but it was the best thing I ever did, being independent and in charge of myself was empowering. I can't comprehend why anyone who is an adult would be content to be living on the 'charity' of their relatives. Maybe its because I'm the eldest and she's the baby of the family but she's an adult now- no one is in charge of her life but her!

 

I need to get them to understand that I'm going crazy having them here, that its not that I hate them I just hate house guests- especially ones that WON'T leave!

[Melovator]

Aughh! I just went down to the shops, told them I was going and did they want to come? No they just kept playing their computers. Then when I get back my sister wanders in and asks me what's for dinner tonight?????

 

Hello!!!! I am not your mother, I am not in charge of cooking her meals and I've told her this. I'm doing alright money-wise but I cannot afford to feed them and when I'm not home they help themselves to my food so that I've then got nothing to eat! I'm considering getting a lock for my pantry and fridge.

 

Further I'm busy studying and as I don't have my son tonight- I'm about to take him to his father, I was just going to have cheese on toast. Then she complains that there's not enough cheese for her and her boyfriend to have cheese on toast too. Bloody hell- I hate feeling all mean and petty but I have a life of my own to run and I don't have time to run hers as well.

 

I'm about ready to lose it at her and start going off like a crazy woman, its gotten to the point where her whiney tone gets my back up when she just says 'hello'. And are they going to any open inspections for rentals today?? No, did they go to any yesterday? no. When I pointed out that she had only gone to three since moving in here, she said "Well we're going to one tomorrow afternoon" like that made everything alright! It doesn't! the rental market here is tight and she needs to be more serious about her efforts.

 

I hate feeling like a bitch but I'm ready to throttle her!

[J2FT1]

You are being extremely kind by doing this. It is not your job. I feel your sister is taking your generosity for granted and is not making any effort to help out/move out. Give them a reasonable deadline to move out and mean it.

 

The type of people like your sister (no offense) annoys me a lot.

[GPFan]

You are being extremely kind by doing this. It is not your job. I feel your sister is taking your generosity for granted and is not making any effort to help out/move out. Give them a reasonable deadline to move out and mean it.

Yep, freeloaders are a dime a dozen.

 

Give her a deadline to either move out or begin paying comparative rent to you. That should do it as most freeloaders would prefer to pay someone else than someone they feel entitled to live off of.

 

Be sure she gets a good glimpse of the already filled out eviction papers you will file (leave them carelessly spread out on your desk) if she tries to renege.

[Melovator]

I've given them the deadline- no response. They don't even bother opening the shed door to talk to me. Its as simple as this now; come August 15th I'm taking my shed back and if they've got nowhere to go too bad too sad. The only horrible thing is the thought that if I do this she's going to be referred to my place of work by some other agency that deals with homelessness and then I'm going to have my work collegues thinking I'm the biggest bitch on earth for kicking my sister out onto the street. But I just can't take it. I've had enough, she can go live with her F**ktard father, my ex-stepfather, and his whorish girlfriend in their public housing unit. He and my mother f**ked her up, he can take some responsibility (my mother now being interstate) for his own child.

 

I'm tired of being the family member that everyone comes to, to fix their problems because they don't want to take any responsibility. Everyone expects me to pick up after their messes. The only people I have responsibility for are my son and myself and the levels of stress I'm experiencing over this are not good for either of us.

 

I'm just worried I'm going to loose it and smack her one, which I don't want to do because I am not my crazy mother!

[Ronni_W]

...then I'm going to have my work collegues thinking I'm the biggest bitch on earth for kicking my sister out onto the street.

Just a thought: why not head it off at the pass? -- as way of introducing the possibility at work, talk about your predicament and solicit colleagues' suggestions on what else to do...then when sis shows up, they will be well aware that you've done all you can ~~ as you say, already way more than is your appropriate responsibility.

Best of luck.