Am I alone when...

[kivabeach]

...after viewing Facebook profiles of "friends" from high-school, I feel terribly bad about myself and where my life has taken me. It seems everyone is married, has children, went off to travel the world, gone to grad school and finished before I even finished my undergrad degree! I'm about to start grad school now, but i'm 31 and it just seems like I've done nothing with my life.

 

I had a major breakdown from this yesterday and am not sure what is going on inside of myself. I just felt like such a loser and a failure. I feel unaccomplished. I may never get married because the man I am with doesn't think its necessary,and usually I feel the same but I am obviously viewing it as a status thing and feel i need it to be validated?? I just dont know.

 

Am I alone though? Do others feel bad? My boyfriend just thinks its a place that people can boast about themselves and that no one is better or has accomplished more than another. I just feel like when you look at mine after looking at theirs, I haven't done much. i cried and cried all day about it.

 

what do you think?

[annieo]

Stop being so hard on yourself!!! You're in grad school (congratulations, that's an accomplishment), you have a relationship (congratulations, that's an accomplishment), and you probably have a lot of other positive things in your life that you didn't mention, because you seem to be honest and not an egotist.

 

Facebook, while it can be great (I've reconnected with a lot of good friends from the past with whom I'd lost touch), it is also yet another medium where the shameless self-promoters and exhibitionist can hawk their wares (meaning, their own need to be seen as cool, uber-successful, attractive, whatever their personal agenda is). It's not reality, it's a weird and wonderful place where you can highlight the good an edit out (if you so choose) all the negative, disappointing aspects of your life.

 

So don't take it to heart. And don't compare your life to the ficticious, overly-aggrandized versions of lives that you read about on FB. A lot of it is text-based airbrushing.

[whichwayisup]

Don't compare you and your life to anyone else's. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

 

You're doing fine! You have a boyfriend! You have your grad degree. Who cares if they got theirs first..

 

Be happy with what you have in your life, not what others have in theirs.

[Pedigree]

Yeah, I've gotten that feeling. But then I realize that I have had as much if not more fun than my facebook friends. It's just that no one cares about taking a picture. I mean, I go to a pub to have a drink with my friends not for a facebook photoshoot.

[Karyyk]

I feel that way often. I'm 30, not married, with a job that's halfway-decent but is unrewarding and with no real means of advancement past its current level. My "friends" are married (and many are now divorced...that's the flip side of the coin), they have children, rewarding, profitable careers, travel, etc. I can't even really afford to take a vacation this year (since I'd have to do so alone, there doesn't seem like much of a reason to even take one).

 

Unlike Pedigree, I don't have a lifetime of fun memories either, just a lot of work with very little to show for you.

 

I just feel like I've wasted an awful lot of time, time which is lost to me forever.

 

Yeah, feeling like that is very common methinks.

[Pedigree]

Unlike Pedigree, I don't have a lifetime of fun memories either, just a lot of work with very little to show for you.

 

See, that goes to show then when it comes to this stuff, it's all in your head. I just said that I've had as much if not more fun than the people in those pics and I get labelled with having a "lifetime of fun memories". This is the same way that people see pics of other people partying on facebook and go "They have a life, why I don't I have one?". Then you think about it more carefully and go "That girl's struggling to pass her subject" or "That guy's on the rocks with his girlfriend". After that you'll go, no, they don't have a life because they're the ones trying to cover things up with pics of them partying and the like. Then you'll think "Maybe my life's not so bad after all".

[kivabeach]

Thanks for the support. I like that someone mentioned it as text-based airbrushing. Still...I've been thinking about it now for a few days, and I'm wondering if, like in high school, i'm just trying to win the approval of everyone. It's like the same issues i had in HS are coming up again...wanting to be cool, seem successful, in love, "making" it in the world. My current feelings are if their lives are so full and productive, what the F#$% are they doing on Facebook anyway? I'm so close to just jotting down emails of people I truly know and love, and removing myself from Facebook altogether. The funny thing is, I can't even rememer where I left off with these people. It's been like 114 years since i've spoken to any of these people. Why should I give a crap about them now? The more I think about it and talk about it with people, the more I feel like I could be envied by others...no kids, no marriage tying me down (but Grad school will be in a few months , and I have traveled the world...atleast 13% of it according to Facebook!

 

I think i suffer from lack of self love and this may not have anything to do with the peeps on FB.

 

This is the second time this has happened to me though. the first time was on Myspace. I was barely friends with these people in HS, so why should I be friends with them now? or pretend to be? I've moved on from the HS days.

 

Its so tough though. I need to learn to love myself more.

[Gatormaniac]

T

Its so tough though. I need to learn to love myself more.

 

We all do.

 

If you spend your life trying to impress people, you may never find happiness. As was mentioned, learn to enjoy the progress you've made and success you've earned. Those that do that, are happy people.

[kivabeach]

We all do.

 

If you spend your life trying to impress people, you may never find happiness. As was mentioned, learn to enjoy the progress you've made and success you've earned. Those that do that, are happy people.

 

 

Yeah...this probably comes from the way my parents criticized me (and still do)...trying to impress people and win their approval.

 

How can i stop trying and accept the rewards i've already earned?

[Soulburn]

Like somebody already said, it's like airbrushing.

 

I'm on MySpace and on the verge of a successful career. However, the line of work I chose has its...aspects I don't like and one of them is IMAGE IS EVERYTHING.

 

We have pictures up on MySpace for work and wow, we look like we have the most interesting lives and we appear to be the absolute most confident people who have a tight grip on everything. The reason this is the "face" we have on MySpace is because we do know what we're doing in our line of work and have to show that to our customers to build trust.

 

But, do we take pictures of ourselves first thing in the morning when we don't have the foggiest idea what we're doing? Of course not. And I would never put a picture up there of me without makeup on when I wake up in the morning with my hair looking like Medusa's!

 

This wouldn't build trust with customers.

 

On a personal level, nobody likes to "let 'em see ya sweat" so everybody is putting on their best face on MySpace and Facebook.

 

Do I tell anybody on our work page or my personal page that I was dumb enough to be in an abusive relationship for 6 years? No way! I talk about the better aspects of myself and my life.

 

No one would have the impression that I spent years confused and dumb in such a bad relationship and that I used to be an alcoholic and drug addict (clean 3 years now). I sure wouldn't put up pictures saying "here's me overdosed in my bathtub three years ago".

 

I have to admit, I am someone else now and that is the person I "show" people. I'm 34 and wasted 15 years of my life on drugs but there's no good reason to dwell on that stuff and talk about it publicly.

 

If you went to my page, you'd have the impression that I have a fantastic life and always have. You'd see me at work looking confident, strong and intelligent and you'd see my personal page, full of pictures of me with friends and going to cool places.

 

I hope this makes you feel better, hearing this from the other side of things, I guess you could say.

[kivabeach]

Like somebody already said, it's like airbrushing.

 

I'm on MySpace and on the verge of a successful career. However, the line of work I chose has its...aspects I don't like and one of them is IMAGE IS EVERYTHING.

 

We have pictures up on MySpace for work and wow, we look like we have the most interesting lives and we appear to be the absolute most confident people who have a tight grip on everything. The reason this is the "face" we have on MySpace is because we do know what we're doing in our line of work and have to show that to our customers to build trust.

 

But, do we take pictures of ourselves first thing in the morning when we don't have the foggiest idea what we're doing? Of course not. And I would never put a picture up there of me without makeup on when I wake up in the morning with my hair looking like Medusa's!

 

This wouldn't build trust with customers.

 

On a personal level, nobody likes to "let 'em see ya sweat" so everybody is putting on their best face on MySpace and Facebook.

 

Do I tell anybody on our work page or my personal page that I was dumb enough to be in an abusive relationship for 6 years? No way! I talk about the better aspects of myself and my life.

 

No one would have the impression that I spent years confused and dumb in such a bad relationship and that I used to be an alcoholic and drug addict (clean 3 years now). I sure wouldn't put up pictures saying "here's me overdosed in my bathtub three years ago".

 

I have to admit, I am someone else now and that is the person I "show" people. I'm 34 and wasted 15 years of my life on drugs but there's no good reason to dwell on that stuff and talk about it publicly.

 

If you went to my page, you'd have the impression that I have a fantastic life and always have. You'd see me at work looking confident, strong and intelligent and you'd see my personal page, full of pictures of me with friends and going to cool places.

 

I hope this makes you feel better, hearing this from the other side of things, I guess you could say.

 

soulburn...

 

Thank you. Thank you for your kind, honest reply. I am very moved by your words and even shed sojme tears reading this post of yours. You are so right and i truly appreciate your words and your point of view. Congrats, too, for staying clean for 3 years.

 

This indeed makes me feel worlds better.

[Soulburn]

You know what, too? Just reading my own words opened up my eyes about other people. If I can look as good as I do at times, I wonder what's going on behind the scenes with some other people who look like they have everything together...

 

[swheat69]

If you look at your life and think about the people you have touched and blessed, then look at their lives and the people they have touch, doesn't it seem that your life has meaning too? It's not about accomplishments, it about helping other people to live in this cruel world and make it another day with their sanity intact. Do sweat what others do, they haven't experienced the same life you have, so let it go and concentrate on what is next for you. Your experiences will help another person somewhere down the line. Blessings are the only things you can take with you after death, so cherish the opportunity to bless another person, because when you die you get relive the experiences and emotions of the individuals you blessed along with your own emotions at that time.

 

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