Former lesbian having troubles getting past current boyfriend's past sex life

[thegoodlife]

Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum and I need a little perspective on things.

 

All of my life up until now I have always dated females. I came out when I was 13 and therefore all my teenage years and early adult I've identified as a lesbian. I was never closed off to the idea of men but was also never attracted/nor interested in any. Until now. I have met the most amazing man. I could go on and on about how great he is but I'll spare you. I will just say we are very much in love and I've never been so happy.

 

My only problem is his past sex life. He's had sex with 4 other women, which is good, it could be a hell of a lot more and I'm aware of this. I too, have had sex with 4 other women so we are equal on that matter. He doesn't judge me or have any issues or jealousy of my past and I've never been the type to let that bother me either. Any of the women I've been with have been with other women before me and that never bothered me once. I guess it's basically the fact that he's had sex with other women and I'm still a virgin heterosexually. I wish so badly that he was a virgin too but of course this all happened before he even knew me, how was he to know he would meet me? How can I be upset he didn't wait? It's not like I waited either. I feel so horrible because I know that my feelings are very hypocritical. This is hard for me because as I said I normally never feel this way, I'm not a jealous person.

 

I'm nervous since I have never done this before and I don't know what to do. He's being great about it and saying that he knows I've never been with a man, he doesn't expect me to be an expert at first. But in a way that makes me feel even worse, it's like he's expecting I won't be that great and let's face it- I WISH I was an expert overnight in my sleep haha.

I know in my mind and in my heart that I'm worrying over nothing really, it will be great, I will be fine and it's true, I will get better. After all, isn't that what relationships are all about? Growing together, learning what we like/what we don't like, experiencing life and enjoying being in love. Yet still, I'm having a hard time getting these other women he's been with out of my mind. I hope that he doesn't desire them if I'm not up to par, per se.

 

Talk some sense into me?

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I think you will be just fine. You really are worrying way too much. You need to just relax and just have fun. Four other people is not a lot of people. I guarantee you that he will not be thinking of other women. Do you think he will be thinking that you are thinking and comparing him with the other women you have been with? I seriously doubt it.

 

It sounds like you both are very happy with this relationship so there is no reason to analyze it to death and concentrate on the fear of the negative. Concentrate on the positive and be happy. Everything will be just fine. I guarantee it!