the inevitable contact

[serendip]

If you had been there you would have seen how ridiculous it was. If it was no big deal then being in the same space as me wouldn't have mattered. It was really quite a show. Its hard to explain... this was in no way a mature reaction. He literally RAN past me several times.

 

 

You are right...I wasn't the one in your situation but from what you wrote...all he did was try to avoid you...unless he ran into the table just to avoid speaking with you. I think this within the realm of normal human behaviour after a break up

 

You can't control his action or reactions just like he can't control yours...but you can avoid awkward situations like this until you are fully heal so that you don't give a damn about what he does

[LikeCharlotte]

You are right...I wasn't the one in your situation but from what you wrote...all he did was try to avoid you...unless he ran into the table just to avoid speaking with you. I think this within the realm of normal human behaviour after a break up

 

You can't control his action or reactions just like he can't control yours...but you can avoid awkward situations like this until you are fully heal so that you don't give a damn about what he does

Hahaha. He did run into things... and around things and various other comedic responses. I wouldn't give a damn about what he did if he didn't make it so that being among our friends was hard for me and them. Again we are not talking about a huge place. There is just no reason we cant get along. I think with some more exposure it wont bother me and I wont get upset. I really was laughing at him most of the time after few drinks. I'm not the one with the problem so I'm not avoiding anything. Thanks tho... don't think for a second that I am not taking your advice. I hear you loud and clear.

[orangehose]

 

It looks like dude is just trying to heal...there's nothing he did that was anything seriously wrong.

 

Okay, maybe this point of view is right, and maybe I'm biased having recently had a similar experience myself - BUT I think LC still has good cause to be annoyed. Correct me if I'm mistaken, but HE's the one who ended things with her, she didn't do something to wrong him, and she's made it abundantly clear that she's open to a cordial post-breakup relationship but doesn't want him back - i.e., he has enough reason to believe that if he said hello to her, she'd be polite, not either *****slap him or take the conversation in awkward directions.

 

Perfect set-up for him to be able to say a polite 'hello, how are you?' and then proceed with his evening, right? But now, because of his 'ignoring' act, running into her has turned into this 'thing' for both of them - whereas if he had been mature enough to say hi, then in the future, it wouldn't be a big deal to be around each other, even if they're not going to be buddy-buddy.

 

Anyway, this is just my perspective - that there's no need to behave like mortal enemies post-breakup if nothing seriously bad happened (e.g. cheating, stealing money, the works). No one says you have to be friends, or have a long conversation. Just be polite, because it makes things so much easier in public.

[orangehose]

As if you'd turn into some begging psycho right? Ridiculous. If there is a reason at least have the nerve to say "hey orange you suck because... please go away forever" instead of just leaving you to agonize. Common decency isn't hard to manage. What is wrong with people like this?

 

YES, exactly, this is what annoys me - that he might be arrogant enough to presume I'd try to win him back if he said hello to me, when I've never tried to do that. It's either that or cowardice.

 

And yes, as you said, I also tried hard to figure out if I had unknowingly angered him. He didn't mention any wrongdoing on my part when he listed his reasons for breaking up, and he prides himself on being upfront with people who wrong him, so I figure, the ball is in his court to let me know if I say, unwittingly killed his invisible pet dog.

 

I will not let him get away with this. One way or another he is going to put on his big boy pants and deal with me or he can leave when I am around. I won't be manipulated into what he wants anymore. I'm not a puppet I am a person. I get my say too and I want to enjoy my summer with friends. Ugh, this is so stupid. Help me get my control back. I mean at some point people will not placate him and he'll have to stop right?

 

LC, I've definitely had times (after a run-in) when I've wanted to send him a sarcastic message calling him out on his immaturity (i.e., 'you can say hi... i won't bite '). In my case, I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his behavior bothers me, or stir up some sort of nasty conversation. But you may make a different decision, and I think that's totally legitimate.

 

I think what makes this hard for me - and perhaps for you too, LC - is that we are good-natured, reasonable people, and therefore expect good-natured behavior in return. Heck, from the description you give of your post-breakup communications, you practically deserve a Nobel peace prize for diplomacy. So yeah, maybe it's just hard for us to accept that people are capable of behaving in this way. It just seems so... disrespectful.

[LikeCharlotte]

LC, I've definitely had times (after a run-in) when I've wanted to send him a sarcastic message calling him out on his immaturity (i.e., 'you can say hi... i won't bite '). In my case, I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his behavior bothers me, or stir up some sort of nasty conversation. But you may make a different decision, and I think that's totally legitimate.

 

I think what makes this hard for me - and perhaps for you too, LC - is that we are good-natured, reasonable people, and therefore expect good-natured behavior in return. Heck, from the description you give of your post-breakup communications, you practically deserve a Nobel peace prize for diplomacy. So yeah, maybe it's just hard for us to accept that people are capable of behaving in this way. It just seems so... disrespectful.

I'm not going to do anything rude. I'm not going to do anything at all. Eventually he will have to face it because I'm not going away. It's my life and I'm not going to let this happen again. Our lives will sometimes intertwine thats just how it is. Make the best of it. I don't know when things between us got so convoluted. We were fine, I thought we'd be friends, I thought we were... this is so crazy. I hope this doesn't happen again. I'm just going to keep hoping for the best and trying to not get hurt. I hate having my good memory tainted so much. I'm still trying to cope with feeling used. This is an old feeling thats come back to bite since the encounter. How did I become evil incarnate when I've done nothing but love him and try to make things right from a bad situation?

[pickingupthepieces]

"I could tell you my adventures — beginning from this morning,' said Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then."- Alice in Wonderland

 

Love it LC... so true! You are doing fab!..seriously I am jealous.. you have pulled through like a champ! It is definetly a control thing... I used to be like that (maybe still am a little, REALLY hoping not though). Maybe you could approach him.. with a friendly "hello" just to show him you are the mature one? OR maybe I'm wrong.. that could just start some unnessesary drama... either way you ARE the better one!!

[LikeCharlotte]

Love it LC... so true! You are doing fab!..seriously I am jealous.. you have pulled through like a champ! It is definetly a control thing... I used to be like that (maybe still am a little, REALLY hoping not though). Maybe you could approach him.. with a friendly "hello" just to show him you are the mature one? OR maybe I'm wrong.. that could just start some unnessesary drama... either way you ARE the better one!!

Thanks, I thought the quote went unnoticed. I'm an Alice fanatic! I felt great until yesterday. I'm not going to do anything. I've already tried more than I should have. I just hope he comes around at some point.

[motive2002]

Doing our best sometimes will just be never enough. Sometimes... it's just a lost cause no matter how we look at it.

[LikeCharlotte]

Doing our best sometimes will just be never enough. Sometimes... it's just a lost cause no matter how we look at it.

True motive... I'll still do my best. Where have you been?!?

[LikeCharlotte]

My final thought on this matter is something my girlfriend said to me last night

"I don't know how screwed up people think so it doesn't make any sense to me. whatever."

[bish]

Basically what you're saying is the guy is a total coward ? Yeah, I think so - most that "run away" from the breakup are.

 

Its a breakup. What reason is there to stick around?

If I am broken up with someone, what reason would I have for wanting to be around them? Especially if I have found someone else?

 

And if someone breaks up with me, why do I owe them acknowledgment?

[LikeCharlotte]

If I am broken up with someone, what reason would I have for wanting to be around them? Especially if I have found someone else?

What reason would you have for being unreasonably mean and negative? Not every relationship end with bad feelings or someone intentionally hurting another. What on earth does "someone else" have to do with being civil to an ex especially one you've claimed is a friend? Nothing.

[orangehose]

My final thought on this matter is something my girlfriend said to me last night

"I don't know how screwed up people think so it doesn't make any sense to me. whatever."

 

That's a great line from your friend.

 

One thing that helped me was imagining what my ex would say if I were able to talk to him about his behavior, and he were willing to respond freely. I imagine he would say in his sarcastic way, "We've had a BREAKUP here. What, do you expect us to have some silly chit chat about the weather, like nothing's happened?" As in, that's his modus operandus, take it or leave it. It's crappy, and I disagree with it, but I'm not going to take it as a personal rejection. It's his issue.

[LikeCharlotte]

"We've had a BREAKUP here. What, do you expect us to have some silly chit chat about the weather, like nothing's happened?" As in, that's his modus operandus, take it or leave it. It's crappy, and I disagree with it, but I'm not going to take it as a personal rejection. It's his issue.

*Charlotte giggles to herself* I imagine that my ex would think that exact thing but never actually say it to me because after all it's a BREAKUP and what's the point blah blah blah blah ad nauseam. The truth is he has an issue with ex's in general (mine, his, probably yours) and he needs therapy but probably won't ever seek it. (I won't get specific because it is his personal business) I'm with you 100% it just really sucks to be forced to deal with it in person.

 

Still, "I don't know how screwed up people think so it doesn't make any sense to me. Whatever."

[LikeCharlotte]

It is probably because I am sad today but orange's little anecdote reminded me of what was affectionately called "the sweater fight". I had a sweater that was given to me along with a lot of other belongings and things that couldn't be taken in a cross coutry move by a friend. The friend was someone I dated 10 years ago for about a year. I repeat: 1 year relationship that ended amicably and 10 years of real friendship thereafter.

 

I once said to the ex that it was XYZ's sweater (I think I was trying not to ruin it) and he snapped at me and said "Why do you tell me things like that". I wanted an explaination for his reaction but he wouldn't give me one. I got "You should know WHY and if you don't I guess you don't really understand me. We are miles apart." Huh? What? Days later he explained that he knew it was silly (still no explanation as to why) and he would try not to react that way in the future. He also told me his reaction was "not about the f***** sweater." Yeah, then what was it about? WOW. Way to project... OOHHHHKKAAYYY then....

 

So, fast forward to the day of a birthday party for my girlfriend. I was very excited to be able to bring him to meet some of my other friends who had been asking about him for weeks! He needed something to wear and I said "I can give you 'the sweater' because it's all I have that might fit" and he snapped again saying "Don't ever say that again!" I explained that it wasn't a romantic gift from when I was dating XYZ, it was from a XYZ as a friend because he couldn't take everything with him. At first he reacted with "Just let it go." as if my explaination was dragging out some argument he was having with himself. Eventually my explaination sort of settled him but not much obviously because he left telling me" I don't think its a good idea that I go." and didn't come to the party with me. Totally left me standing there in shock. We were already out the door and I thought we were going. I was very upset and embarrassed because he was expected. I drank way to much that night to keep from crying. I felt awful.

 

Fast forward again. We are talking to one of my friends and XYZ comes up and that I had dated him. Later on he blows up and says "You said he was just a friend, you lied." I tried to defend myself and explain (again) but he wouldn't hear it. He told me "It doesn't matter he isn't just a friend. It's still a lie." He let it go eventually but my explaination was totally disregarded.

 

After many tedious hours of discussion he admits he has a problem with ex's. He can't bear to talk about his previous relationships and has an issue with hearing that my previous realtionships ever happened. He admits it is his issue and it has always been a problem but says it isn't jealousy. Again, huh? what?

 

Fast forward even more. I decide that I will not bring up ex's at all, but not forever (as a few are good friends that I talk to frequently) so he can slowly begin to cope. This is dependent on him working on it of course. In the future I will be careful and keep any references light. Later on I am told "You've done too much damage already. Why couldn't you see it sooner?" I couldn't win for trying.

 

As a side note, he wasn't generally snappy or mean. He was usually pleasant and very happy with me. So, the anger was quite shocking and upsetting. Also, I think I just saw clearly that he has to act this way to me to justify his fear. Epiphany or waste of time?

Just wanted to tell that little story that because I'd thought of it. hrm?

[bish]

What reason would you have for being unreasonably mean and negative?

 

I don't see ignoring someone as mean and negative. If someone breaks up with me, why are they worthy of my acknowledgement?

 

Maybe your X was mean, you didn't really say in this post. But I am not obliged to acknowledge anyone.

 

Now I am not going to initiate conversation with an X. I'll speak when spoken to and will say hi in passing.

 

 

Not every relationship end with bad feelings or someone intentionally hurting another. What on earth does "someone else" have to do with being civil to an ex especially one you've claimed is a friend? Nothing.

 

Sometimes being civil means not interacting with the X. Like my xW, I could call her a wh0re everytime I saw her. I just choose to ignore her.

 

I know this isn't the case with you, or at least I hope not since I don't know your story, but it may be better that he doesn't look in your direction.

 

Why would he have this animosity? I know you broke up with him, but don't know the reasons why. If it was because you two grew apart, then I can't see him being a total jackass to you.

[bish]

What on earth does "someone else" have to do with being civil to an ex especially one you've claimed is a friend? Nothing.

 

Well if one isn't civil to another, then they obviously aren't claiming them as a friend. And the way I see it, I know others will disagree, it is disrespectful to a current SO to maintain a close friendship with an X.

 

Being civil when seeing each other is one thing. But it seems like you are wanting his attention.

[bish]

It is probably because I am sad today but orange's little anecdote reminded me of what was affectionately called "the sweater fight". I had a sweater that was given to me along with a lot of other belongings and things that couldn't be taken in a cross coutry move by a friend. The friend was someone I dated 10 years ago for about a year. I repeat: 1 year relationship that ended amicably and 10 years of real friendship thereafter.

 

I once said to the ex that it was XYZ's sweater (I think I was trying not to ruin it) and he snapped at me and said "Why do you tell me things like that".

 

And you think he wanted to hear you tell him the sweater was an X's because? What was the point of telling him that?

 

 

I wanted an explaination for his reaction but he wouldn't give me one.

 

You really need an explanation? As if you don't know? You felt the need to tell him the sweater belonged to an X. I'll admit, he overreacted(but again, I don't know your history with him), but his question right back to you was a valid one, why DID you feel the need to tell him that out of the blue?

 

 

I got "You should know WHY and if you don't I guess you don't really understand me. We are miles apart." Huh? What? Days later he explained that he knew it was silly (still no explanation as to why) and he would try not to react that way in the future. He also told me his reaction was "not about the f***** sweater." Yeah, then what was it about?

 

The fact that you felt the need to tell him it belonged to an X. It was about you bringing up an X.

 

 

So, fast forward to the day of a birthday party for my girlfriend. I was very excited to be able to bring him to meet some of my other friends who had been asking about him for weeks! He needed something to wear and I said "I can give you 'the sweater' because it's all I have that might fit"

 

OMG. WHY on earth would you offer him that sweater knowing how he felt about WHO it use to belong to?

 

 

and he snapped again saying "Don't ever say that again!"

 

 

Well it now almost sounds like you are trying to piss him off. You knew how he felt about it, it probably looked to him like you were rubbing it in his face. Again, its kind of silly, but you knew how he reacted last time. So why would you even bring it up again? Much less suggest he wear a sweater that he obviously had issues with because of who gave it to you?

 

 

I explained that it wasn't a romantic gift from when I was dating XYZ, it was from a XYZ as a friend because he couldn't take everything with him. At first he reacted with "Just let it go." as if my explaination was dragging out some argument he was having with himself. Eventually my explaination sort of settled him but not much obviously because he left telling me" I don't think its a good idea that I go." and didn't come to the party with me. Totally left me standing there in shock. We were already out the door and I thought we were going. I was very upset and embarrassed because he was expected. I drank way to much that night to keep from crying. I felt awful.

 

 

Well he did overreact, I'll admit that. But once someone knows which buttons will set someone off, you try not to push them in the future.

 

 

Fast forward again. We are talking to one of my friends and XYZ comes up and that I had dated him. Later on he blows up and says "You said he was just a friend, you lied." I tried to defend myself and explain (again) but he wouldn't hear it. He told me "It doesn't matter he isn't just a friend. It's still a lie." He let it go eventually but my explaination was totally disregarded.

 

Well, if you said he was just a friend, but you DID in fact date the guy, then you did lie to him.

 

I wouldn't care if a guy came up and said, "hi, I'm Joe Schmoe. Your gf and I dated a long time ago". But if my gf told me that Joe Schmoe and her were nothing but friends, and then I found this out, I'd be wondering what other lies I've been told.

 

It does, however, seem that he has some jealousy issues, but you weren't helping it much.

 

 

Fast forward even more. I decide that I will not bring up ex's at all, but not forever (as a few are good friends that I talk to frequently)

 

well me, along with quite a few others here, will tell you that being "good friends" with someone you had had sex with before isn't, most of the time, going to bode well with alot of people out there. You put yourself in the position to be with them in that capacity again by remaining "good friends".

 

I'm not saying I'm not friends with my X's. I say hi and bye when I see them, may carry on a 2 minute conversation with them if I see them at the store, but I don't call them, hang out with them, or anything like that.

 

If you are just the kind of friends that you are civil to, then you bf shouldn't have a problem with it. If it is guys that you call on the phone, receive calls, texts, or hang out with, then I would totally understand him not being ok with it.

 

 

As a side note, he wasn't generally snappy or mean. He was usually pleasant and very happy with me. So, the anger was quite shocking and upsetting. Also, I think I just saw clearly that he has to act this way to me to justify his fear. Epiphany or waste of time?

Just wanted to tell that little story that because I'd thought of it. hrm?

 

Well I still don't know the whole story, but I think you need to see your role in things. You did lie to him, you brought up a topic that you knew he was uncomfortable with, that coupled with the fact that he isn't too fond of hearing about your Xs in the first place.

 

And in the end, you broke up with him. And that is fine. Its more than likely the best thing for you.

[LikeCharlotte]

I don't see ignoring someone as mean and negative. If someone breaks up with me, why are they worthy of my acknowledgement?

He ended it. Then told me we are friends but it truly awful to me although I've tried to be nice and respectful.

 

Maybe your X was mean, you didn't really say in this post. But I am not obliged to acknowledge anyone.

 

Now I am not going to initiate conversation with an X. I'll speak when spoken to and will say hi in passing.

Yeah, well... he's said one thing and done something else each time we've spoken. Says we are friends... but wants nothing to do with me, even casually. Says we can bridge the gap at some point with friends and then treats me like I am repulsive. I'm not trying anymore. I was just hoping we would be friendly if not friends. We do have mutual friends and we will see each other sometimes.

Sometimes being civil means not interacting with the X. Like my xW, I could call her a wh0re everytime I saw her. I just choose to ignore her.

 

I know this isn't the case with you, or at least I hope not since I don't know your story, but it may be better that he doesn't look in your direction.

 

Why would he have this animosity? I know you broke up with him, but don't know the reasons why. If it was because you two grew apart, then I can't see him being a total jackass to you.

He broke up with me because we were super blissful but entered into a negotiation phase. There were some tough spots but not about anything serious. We simply needed to learn how to work together and he gave up. There was nothing I could do and so I let go too. We have no reason at all for anger or animosity. I can't imagine that he has any reason to dislike me. He says that he isn't angry, then acts like an iceberg. He says we are friends but "will not be in each others lives very much". When I've asked how that means we are friends he accuses me of semantic argument. I was just pointing out the obvious. He is just so angry, and cold. I don't get it. I've done nothing wrong, and he's said as much. He asked for less contact... okay, I respect that. He said we would see each other and see how it goes in mutual friends space. Then this. Why not just tell me to f*** off? He has just been so much different than the person I knew. This is not at all what I expect from him. Whatever it has to be, fine. I just hate the inconsistency and confusion. As for wanting his attention, a little, sure but only as a friend. I'm pretty much through with that too. He just makes no sense and I can't be bothered with all the bull**** he has given me since the break up. Whats the point?

 

BTW. Thanks bish. Keep it coming. I'd rather not care at all. I don't unless i am forced to deal with him really.

[bish]

He ended it. Then told me we are friends but it truly awful to me although I've tried to be nice and respectful.

 

Well I read in another post that you ended it, but I guess you were talking about another X. My bad.

 

 

Yeah, well... he's said one thing and done something else each time we've spoken. Says we are friends... but wants nothing to do with me, even casually. Says we can bridge the gap at some point with friends and then treats me like I am repulsive.

 

Well he did say one thing and did another. When he sees you does he snarl and look away, or does he just ignore you? If its the latter it could be that he can't cope with it all and doesn't know what to say.

 

 

He broke up with me because we were super blissful but entered into a negotiation phase. There were some tough spots but not about anything serious. We simply needed to learn how to work together and he gave up. There was nothing I could do and so I let go too. We have no reason at all for anger or animosity. I can't imagine that he has any reason to dislike me. He says that he isn't angry, then acts like an iceberg. He says we are friends but "will not be in each others lives very much". When I've asked how that means we are friends he accuses me of semantic argument. I was just pointing out the obvious. He is just so angry, and cold.

 

Sounds like, for whatever reason, he changed his mind. From what you describe, don't know why that would be.

 

Only way I'd be cold to an X after saying we can still be friends is if I found out later that she was messing around behind my back during the R.

 

But I know that isn't what you did, so it is rather puzzling.

 

 

BTW. Thanks bish. Keep it coming. I'd rather not care at all. I don't unless i am forced to deal with him really.

 

Well he obviously had an issue with X's, as silly as it may be (unless you hung out with X's on a regular basis or something).

 

Only thing I can think of is someone might have came to him filling his head with a bunch of crap after he broke up. Like maybe, "ya, she dated that guy too" and it pissed him off. Could that be possible? That friends might be filling his head with crap?

[Trialbyfire]

LC, bottomline is that it doesn't matter what he's thinking or why he's acting this way. It just is.

 

You have to learn to accept this, that he's separate and can/will take whatever actions he wants to take. You can/will take whatever actions you wish to take. You cannot and never could control his actions.

[LikeCharlotte]

And you think he wanted to hear you tell him the sweater was an X's because? What was the point of telling him that?

Metioned that i didn't want to ruin it accidentally... I think I was painting or something and said because it was XYZ's. Not exactly a dig, you know?

 

 

 

 

You really need an explanation? As if you don't know? You felt the need to tell him the sweater belonged to an X. I'll admit, he overreacted(but again, I don't know your history with him), but his question right back to you was a valid one, why DID you feel the need to tell him that out of the blue?

See above. I wanted an explanation for his snapping at me. I was actually upset that I'd upset him.

 

The fact that you felt the need to tell him it belonged to an X. It was about you bringing up an X.

Ugh. He is a friend not an ex. A friend of 10 years. I just don't think of XYZ as an ex.

 

 

OMG. WHY on earth would you offer him that sweater knowing how he felt about WHO it use to belong to?

He told me HE was not upset about it previous to that and that he knew it was silly, because XYZ is just a friend who left me some stuff he couldn't take. Because we were going somewhere, and he was visibly upset that he had nothing to wear and it was all I had. It was innocent and I apologized up and down that I'd upset him. Jesus, If I could take back that innocent remark I would... every f*****g day.. I would.

 

 

Well it now almost sounds like you are trying to piss him off. You knew how he felt about it, it probably looked to him like you were rubbing it in his face. Again, its kind of silly, but you knew how he reacted last time. So why would you even bring it up again? Much less suggest he wear a sweater that he obviously had issues with because of who gave it to you?

I'm an idiot for believing that he wasn't really upset about it and that "it wasn't about the f*****g sweater" as he put it. You are right, I messed up but damn it I didn't know and once I did I did everything including losing all my pride to fix it.

 

 

Well he did overreact, I'll admit that. But once someone knows which buttons will set someone off, you try not to push them in the future.

Believe me if I'd known... never ever ever.

 

Well, if you said he was just a friend, but you DID in fact date the guy, then you did lie to him.

No, I told him the truth the entire time. He knew damn well who and what XYZ was. I'd never ever lie... especially not to someone I love. He just chose to hear what he wanted to because he was angry. If i had lied he wouldn't have spoken to me again. I never lied. I still wouldn't. I'd have given an arm for this guy. wtf.

 

I wouldn't care if a guy came up and said, "hi, I'm Joe Schmoe. Your gf and I dated a long time ago". But if my gf told me that Joe Schmoe and her were nothing but friends, and then I found this out, I'd be wondering what other lies I've been told.

I didnt say that. I told him exactly who XYZ was and how long we'd been friends after dating. It was so long ago that I dates XYZ I don't even remember it and neither does XYZ. He's engaged and 3000 miles away. I'm sorry but i'm not going to pretend that I don't know XYZ or blow him off after 10 years. I have to mention him sometimes... we talk. I am in his wedding for christs sake. UGH

 

It does, however, seem that he has some jealousy issues, but you weren't helping it much.

I'm an idiot sometimes. I was learning. I've only been in love once before... and he was mentally ill... I try. You can't imagine how hard I tried.

 

well me, along with quite a few others here, will tell you that being "good friends" with someone you had had sex with before isn't, most of the time, going to bode well with alot of people out there. You put yourself in the position to be with them in that capacity again by remaining "good friends".

He wanted it over, so I go on the assumption that he will never change his mind. As for XYZ or any ex I speak to... I have no feelings for them or vice versa. I don't play that game and my ex's know it. When its over its over. Thats it but moving on to friendship is nice if it works out.

 

I'm not saying I'm not friends with my X's. I say hi and bye when I see them, may carry on a 2 minute conversation with them if I see them at the store, but I don't call them, hang out with them, or anything like that.

I've had different experience's. I just don't harbor bad feelings. The past is the past. If something good can come of it, why not. I guess I am stupid for caring for people.

 

If you are just the kind of friends that you are civil to, then you bf shouldn't have a problem with it. If it is guys that you call on the phone, receive calls, texts, or hang out with, then I would totally understand him not being ok with it.

I don't have much as far as friends and family. XYZ is a friend nothing more. I won't trade 10 years of friendship for no reason. XYZ has been there for me and my family. XYZ is coming to visit to plan his wedding.

 

Well I still don't know the whole story, but I think you need to see your role in things. You did lie to him, you brought up a topic that you knew he was uncomfortable with, that coupled with the fact that he isn't too fond of hearing about your Xs in the first place.

I didn't lie. I would never... and I told him id never say another word if he'd work with me. I did all I could do bish, I swear.

 

And in the end, you broke up with him. And that is fine. Its more than likely the best thing for you.

Wrong. It was too much work for him. So I lose, but hey.. he loses too.

 

I'm getting upset. Im sorry. i can't think about this anymore right now.

[LikeCharlotte]

Only thing I can think of is someone might have came to him filling his head with a bunch of crap after he broke up. Like maybe, "ya, she dated that guy too" and it pissed him off. Could that be possible? That friends might be filling his head with crap?

I would be so angry. He has trouble enough without that. grrrr. If that is the case people suck and I wish they would mind their own. I guess i'll never know. As Elliott Smith says "Oh well, Ok."

Thanks for your time bish. I shouldn't think about him anymore because I won't ever know and that is that.

[LikeCharlotte]

LC, bottomline is that it doesn't matter what he's thinking or why he's acting this way. It just is.

 

You have to learn to accept this, that he's separate and can/will take whatever actions he wants to take. You can/will take whatever actions you wish to take. You cannot and never could control his actions.

I accept it. I'd like to know why but I accept it. I can accept things and still wish they hadn't turned out the way they did. I'm not fighting it I just wanted to understand it... for myself.

[sunshinegirl]

LC, bottomline is that it doesn't matter what he's thinking or why he's acting this way. It just is.

 

You have to learn to accept this, that he's separate and can/will take whatever actions he wants to take. You can/will take whatever actions you wish to take. You cannot and never could control his actions.

 

I think LC and I may be alike in that this kind of processing helps us ultimately make our peace with the relationship and how it ended. Maybe analytical types are prone to this kind of speculation, examination, processing...maybe others find it easier to accept that it doesn't matter what they think or why - or are able to get to that place sooner.

 

But I know I have to work things out in my MIND just as much as in my heart...