i finally made my mind up

[icandoit08]

I've posted on here before. Nothin has gotten better. sh$# is only gettin worse as each day progresses. Now hes going out and not coming home till the next day. He doesn't talk to me, touch me, kiss me, or act like a husband towards me in no way what so ever. so i'm not goin to cook for him, wait on him, or let him use me any longer. i let someone else cook for me tonite. "Dennys" lol! if he wants to treat me like a roomate then thats how i'm goin to act. oh yeah and did i mention that the reason that he's been watchin his friends kid so much is because hes the God Father. Wow! that explains why he was watching her kid over her house while she was working, going grocery shopping with her, and making arrangement to get her car fixed. He must then took me for a fool but i might have put up with his crap for 7 years but i'm through being used. let her deal with his picky ways cuz i'm sick of it. I'm still tryin to figure out what man thats almost 40 would rather be in the club every weekend then home with a woman like me... he has to be gay...lol! my friends said that "dickhead" describes him better.

 

Its sad because he doesn't spend time with his kids. He's the one that has to live with that. And now i'm starting to realize that the reason that God hasn't blessed me with a kid is because he doesn't want me to have a kid with him because i see how he treats his own kids. Our lease isn't up till Aug so I can't leave till Aug 31..but i want him to leave now but i'm goin to give him 30 days to get away from me. I started putting passwords on my accounts and I want to move on with my life. We got into an argument on Sat about how he never has time for me and his comment was all i do is fuss at him about the same thing and if nothing has changed now then he doesn't plan on changing. He'll be that old fart that you see in the club hitting on young gals and i'll be some lucky mans woman sitting at home taking care of him and the kids. My heart is broken! 7 years with a man that refuses to change. He's going to regret us separating more than i will. I don't have to settle for a man that doesn't treat me like his wife...i rather be single. Besides my 28th birthday is in Aug i guess i'll have alot to celebrate. My independence.

 

Matthews 6

33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

[chuckgirl]

Yes, you can do it!! It is so awful to be in a bad relationship. I waited too long. Actually, sometimes I want to smack myself sometimes, for letting it go on for so long. 17 years. Yes, be thankful that there are no kids involved. It will be so much easier. And you are still young enough to have kids, if able, and with the right person.

[LakesideDream]

Good luck! These types of men amaze me. I understand that both of you are young, but being thoughtless and disrespectful is not dismissed by youth and inexperiance.

 

There really needs to be an educational process for people entering relationships. Or parents didn't do it for us, we are not doing it for our kids. If anything the kids are seeing revolving door marriages / relationships and think that's a normal way to live.

 

Next time I hope you meet a better guy.

[iluvpink]

Hi there icandoit08 we should be friends. My circumstances are similar except I'm nearly 44 and was married 8 weeks short of 21 years. I was going to save my marriage at all costs until 3 days ago. My advice is go for counseling - it helps - i started 2 weeks ago and have never felt better or "seen the light" better. I still don't want to be alone and I know I have a lot to offer someone but that wont be happening till I find out who I am and what I want. My kids are happier and our house is stress free, except when I have a bad day and cry/grieve. I wish you and your kids the very best - don't waste another day on someone who doesn't adore you the way you deserve to be. I believe for any marriage to work both people have to put in equal efforts. I couldn't do it and you can't do it on your own.

Best wishes to you.

[FloraPost]

iluvpink --

 

you and me both! My 22nd anniversary was Saturday. I kicked him out just over 6 weeks ago and the changes to my home are all positive so far. I told friends and family at the beginning that "my grief pool is very shallow after all these years of grieving." I can still tear up a little but it only lasts seconds and is usually because I'm a little worried about my kids.

 

There's no question that sadly, some people are takers to the extent that they are like vampires and will happily suck their mates dry. Getting rid of the vampire now! Hang in there, both of you (all of us!).

[icandoit08]

thank you all for your responses and advice. I mentioned couseling several times and he says that he doesn't need help that i'm the one that has a problem. so Sat he said he wasn't going to change and i've decided that he's going to change alright.......change addresses because i don't want him around me anymore. i couldnt even get any sleep last nite because he was up on the phone all nite and with the TV on. i'm on the lease and its up in Aug....i'm sleepin in the 2nd bedroom until he moves out. he would rather make me miserable than to be a man and end things. for him to be almost 37 he's very childish. the reason that we have the problems that we have now is because of lack of communication.......even if its not nothing going on between these two he led me to believe something was goin on cuz i've never met her but shes steady dropping her kid off to our home and neither of them ask me my permission and him bein my husband should no better. i would never disrespect him like that and i'm not goin to sit around until sh$% gets worse. besides he says that shes not the only woman that he talks to on the phone yet when i check his cell phone bill shes on their 6-7x a day. i have this bad feelin in my stomach and i know its more to the story than him being the kids Godfather......which i don't have a problem with but he acts more like a dad to this kid than his own children.

 

one of my friends mentioned do i think that this chick knows some dirt on him or maybe he's talkin to one of her friends. i dunno. i just wanna be free of all the drama and pain and be with someone that shows me some respect.

[chuckgirl]

thank you all for your responses and advice. I mentioned couseling several times and he says that he doesn't need help that i'm the one that has a problem. so Sat he said he wasn't going to change and i've decided that he's going to change alright.......change addresses because i don't want him around me anymore. i couldnt even get any sleep last nite because he was up on the phone all nite and with the TV on. i'm on the lease and its up in Aug....i'm sleepin in the 2nd bedroom until he moves out. he would rather make me miserable than to be a man and end things. for him to be almost 37 he's very childish. the reason that we have the problems that we have now is because of lack of communication.......even if its not nothing going on between these two he led me to believe something was goin on cuz i've never met her but shes steady dropping her kid off to our home and neither of them ask me my permission and him bein my husband should no better. i would never disrespect him like that and i'm not goin to sit around until sh$% gets worse. besides he says that shes not the only woman that he talks to on the phone yet when i check his cell phone bill shes on their 6-7x a day. i have this bad feelin in my stomach and i know its more to the story than him being the kids Godfather......which i don't have a problem with but he acts more like a dad to this kid than his own children.

 

one of my friends mentioned do i think that this chick knows some dirt on him or maybe he's talkin to one of her friends. i dunno. i just wanna be free of all the drama and pain and be with someone that shows me some respect.

 

There is no doubt in my mind they are having sex. The child may be his. If not, it could be that he does so much, because it helps with their sex life. He is wooing her. He is such a jerk to treat you like that. He flashes it right in front of you, with no respect for you.

 

Whenever someone is not open to counseling, I feel that they just don't care and there is nothing you can do, but leave. Disrespecting your feelings and thinking it is all you, is self-centered and there is no love in that.

 

I felt I was right, with most things in my marriage. Yet I was open to counseling, because I was trying to make our marriage better. I think he isn't open to counseling, because he knows he sucks.

[stbx2007]

There is no doubt in my mind they are having sex. The child may be his. If not, it could be that he does so much, because it helps with their sex life. He is wooing her. He is such a jerk to treat you like that. He flashes it right in front of you, with no respect for you.

 

Whenever someone is not open to counseling, I feel that they just don't care and there is nothing you can do, but leave. Disrespecting your feelings and thinking it is all you, is self-centered and there is no love in that.

 

I felt I was right, with most things in my marriage. Yet I was open to counseling, because I was trying to make our marriage better. I think he isn't open to counseling, because he knows he sucks.

 

He knows he sucks. He doesn't have any desire to have a counselor tell him or to face his behavior. People like him (and my stbx) just need to have their *sses kicked. Hopefully your attorney and the judge will see to that.