I love my husband and another man...what do I do?

[DeepLatin Queen]

As I said before One shoudl not judge another until they are in that person's shoes. "Those who judge will be judged first"

 

As I said earlier I am not making excuses for what I have done. As for the relationship with the 21 year old- well i expect nothing. He cars for me- And unfortunately I am his first love...so he will be another person that i break the heart of.

 

I have been entirely honest with my husband, so instead of assuming that i have not, get to know that person before you decide to judge them. A sero-discordant couple (which is when one is hiv+ and the other is hiv-) is one of the hardest relationships to handle. It's not like I knew that he had this disease. This is something that was thrown in our laps. And don;t tell me some BS abotu if i love him. It's not that simple. Everythign is different. Sex, kids, relationships with friends... everything. And yes I wanted to solve the problem by going to counseling but that was not an option for him.

 

PS I don't want anything from you. I have guilt. Oh course I do. But we are already divorced in heart and mind. We sleep in different rooms, we have not had sex in over 4 months.

 

As I said before there is ALOT more to our story. When a couple gets married they hope for the best, and yes there are bumps in the road, sometimes mountains.....But when you are a woman who is selfless and you have alwasy made yourself last on a long list-- you lose yourself and your self worth. I am sorry that you see me as this moraless, guiltless b*tch. But when one partner is infect with this disease, my life is also at risk. I forgot to love myself and ask my husband to wear rubbers. And when i decided i was no longer going to put myself at risk....he got angry. That to me is a loss of respect for me, for my life and for so many other things. It was wrong. From that moment, I just felt that the most important thing to DH was himself.

 

I blame myself for not being a stronger woman. For not being strong enough to say I love me first then you.

 

I seem to have alot of hate in you for women. Why is that? Were you cheated on? I am sorry if you were. But some women cheat and cheat and cheat. And that is just who they are. It's part of who they are. I am not that typf of woman- i might have done it now- Yes i did, But it is not something that i do - It is not part of who I am.

 

Anyways....I am not looking for any feedback from you, or any one for that matter. This is a place where i can tell people how I feel. How things can change with a drop of a dime. I beleive everythign happens for a reason.

 

ONE LOVE ALL THE TIME

[scorp11]

Why people are so judgemental, I'll never know. Lovers have been in existence since the beginning of time, humans are biologically driven creatures and sex is a natural function. OF COURSE WE WILL BECOME ATTRACTED TO OTHERS!! It is CHEMICAL!!

 

Now, the next question is what to do with that knowledge. When you meet someone who gives you that "I know this soul from somewhere before" feeling, it could be life taking you by the scruff of your neck and moving you forward, for some particular lesson that needs learning. Are you intending to hurt a spouse? No. Are you living as a hedonist, for your own pleasure? Maybe. Are you searching for something lost? Probably. Will you find it there? Who knows... but you will find something you needed to find.

 

Is love ever wrong when it is pure love and not just erotic lust? If you are careful in your decision making and actions, have the experience and relationship based on the knowledge that you aren't leaving your spouse, and use the experience as a tool to know that when your life is over you followed your heart and lived fully, how wrong is it? People come through our lives to teach us things we need to learn. and situations arise from these needs.

 

If you married young, for security as well as for good solid friendship and love, and 20 years later become involved with a soulmate who is also married, and you both intend to remain married... are you doomed? Turning the feelings off won't work... they only intensify. Meeting discreetly once every 6 months for 2 hours, sharing the love, and then going home and devoting yourself to the well-being of your spouse and family for another half year isn't hurting anyone else. Eventually, the intensity will wane and it will end, and you will have left the family intact. "Live like you're dying"... experience this life fully. You get one shot.

 

Whose rules do you want to live by?? If you're religious, live by the bible or other guide. If not, I say follow the paths that seem to call you in their direction. And when it is all said and done, HAVE NO REGRETS. If you'll regret doing it, don't do it, but vice versa, as well. JUST DON'T HURT ANYONE ELSE and be very, very careful.

 

That's just my opinion...

[jmargel]

And unfortunately I am his first love...so he will be another person that i break the heart of.

 

Why not stop this with him now? Why break his heart as well, just so that you can 'feel' better about yourself? And in all sense, you aren't feeling better about yourself, you are feeling worse.

 

But when you are a woman who is selfless and you have alwasy made yourself last on a long list-- you lose yourself and your self worth.

 

So how is hooking up with a young guy who has no future going to help this? This is not a way to get back your own self-worth.

 

A sero-discordant couple (which is when one is hiv+ and the other is hiv-) is one of the hardest relationships to handle. It's not like I knew that he had this disease

 

Would you have married him if he found out before the marriage? Is your love for him conditioned on whether he has this disease? Remember he is still the same person you fell in love with before all of this. You married the person, not the disease.

 

And when i decided i was no longer going to put myself at risk....he got angry. That to me is a loss of respect for me, for my life and for so many other things.

 

Have you told your husband that even though sex is too risky, that you still love him? To alot of men, a lack of sex means his woman doesn't love him as much, or something is very wrong with the relationship. To most men it's a sign of other things. That's why he got upset. Do you truly think he'll risk your life just for some sex?

 

I blame myself for not being a stronger woman. For not being strong enough to say I love me first then you.

So loving 'yourself' first means having an affair with a guy you really don't care about, nor see a future in? It's not about putting one before the other. You can love yourself & your mate with equality and live a very fulfilling future.

 

I seem to have alot of hate in you for women. Why is that? Were you cheated on? I am sorry if you were. But some women cheat and cheat and cheat. And that is just who they are. It's part of who they are. I am not that typf of woman- i might have done it now- Yes i did, But it is not something that i do - It is not part of who I am.

 

You don't hate me. You hate the fact that I brought alot of sensitive issues up that are hard for you to confront. I don't take it personally, and my past & my life have nothing to do with this post. I am responding to your situation. No one 'thinks' that cheating is a part of their life, but it becomes one when you start to do it. What about this 21 year old? You going to 'cheat' on him too, knowing he is in love with you? How long are you going to lead him on? Have you told him that you are married to a guy who has HIV? See, not telling people important issues, is the same as lying. Omission is a synonym for a lie.

 

Don't you see you are basing your self-worth still, by having this affair with this young guy. You want to feel 'desired' and 'wanted', which everyone does, but at what price are you going to have to pay for it?

 

Anyways....I am not looking for any feedback from you, or any one for that matter. This is a place where i can tell people how I feel. How things can change with a drop of a dime. I beleive everythign happens for a reason.

 

It's understandable you are defensive. If I came on here saying what you are doing is justifiable I am sure you wouldn't have mentioned this. Post here as much as you want, but also be prepared to be shown the 'truth' about certain issues. You will read some things that you might not like, but might be best for you to read & follow.

[DeepLatinQueen]

It's funny, But I realize that I am posting to see your response. How funny, any ways....

 

Look I have asked myself that questions tens and tens of times. Would I have married him if i knew he was hiv+, honestly if i found out at the beginning of our relationship- I probably would not. No I did not marry the disease. But the fact is that This disease will be in my life longer than DH will live. And I am not sure how to explain to you the heartache and fear that I have about that. I love DH very much.

 

I did not go to this other guy (who you seem very concerned about his age) to give me self worth. This is a friend I have had for a couple years. We work out together, and he's a brother of a friends. So it's not like I found some guy with no future- Who said he did not have a future? I didn't. He is young, and what made us talk was a loss of communication in my own home. We just started to talk about life. Religion mostly. I am not leading him on. I do not know where life is going to lead me. As I said i am an honest person, I have not mentioned once that i have ever lied to DH or him. This other guy. who I'll call E does know about DH. So no I did not Lie to him.

 

I do not want to hurt anyone. But what i am doing is hurting me. I did not mean that i hate you. Of course i do not. I am not a hateful person. I meant it seems like you hate women. But never mind all that.

 

I respect all the opions that i am given. But I follow my heart. And for 5 months I have had to deal with this situation and for 2 years I have had to deal with the situation of HIV. Would you tell yout sister, daughter, mother that same thing in the same manner? Realy would you. Would you say well if you love him you'd stay with him no matter what? Would you? Because most would not want their loved ones put in a life or death situation.

 

I have decided to leave Dh. He knows i am moving out in December. Sometimes love just aint enough.

 

I know I made a dumb decision to cheat. But it's done. I can not change the past. But i can start a new future, without fear and depression. I hope to continue a friendship with DH, because no matter what we have a connection. I married him because i love him. I'm leaving because i love me. It took me a long time to accept my flaws, to accept my victories, to accept who I am. It took even longer to love who I am. Please do not take that away. Noone is arguing as to what mistake i did wrong. But there is nothign that anyone can say to take my pain away. A pain that is held deep in my heart.

 

I married DH hoping and looking forward to having a long life. And having kids, retire, so much. But 3 little letters have put a damper on that. Don;t get me wrong, I am not leaving soley because of the disease. But because it's the disease plus everythign else I have to deal with. It's too much. And that is my call. Unfortunately.

 

I do not know your name. But thank you.

[jmargel]

I found some guy with no future- Who said he did not have a future?

I should've said it in a different way, but I meant you two having a future together. You stated you don't love him, while he loves you. Knowing this, tell him this. Tell him you aren't ready for anything more than what you have. Otherwise you are leading him on. Be direct to the point about it too. Then let him make the decision on whether he wants to continue anything with you. I find so many people that will let others hang, just for their own satisifaction. It's not right.

 

I do not want to hurt anyone. But what i am doing is hurting me. I did not mean that i hate you. Of course i do not. I am not a hateful person. I meant it seems like you hate women. But never mind all that.

 

Yes, you are hurting yourself, and your husband. And the 21 year old guy if he doesn't know your true intentions with him. And no I don't hate women, in fact i'm getting married in 4 weeks. I just see things from a different point of view sometimes, because I have been through alot in the past.

 

Would you tell yout sister, daughter, mother that same thing in the same manner? Realy would you. Would you say well if you love him you'd stay with him no matter what?

If my fiancee would tell me today if she has HIV, I would stay with her. Yes it would be heartbreaking but at least I know when she takes her last breath, she knows in her heart that I have and always will be there for her. Love is just not a word, but it's a commitment, a devotion. "For sickness and in health".

 

There are NEVER any guarantees in life. You don't know when you are going to die. So with that in mind, would you NOT marry someone even if they are healthy? Who knows if they'll get into a car accident, or something unfortunate happens and you lose them? What if they become paralyzed?

 

Don't you see, your husband is facing a certain death. His days are numbered. Imagine how he feels? Imagine feeling the only thing you have to live for is your wife, who is leaving you at the most traumatic point in your life? That you have no one. The one that is suppose to be by your side no matter what, is bailing out. I couldn't think of a worse punishment.

 

After he dies, what are you going to say to him a few years from now, visiting his grave? That your sorry, that you made a mistake? That you feel all this guilt that you weren't there for him, during his last days? Remember, you have decades to live yet. He has what, maybe a year or two at most? What is one year in your life to show him how much you love him? You say you love him, well then prove it. You don't get a second chance to prove this to him. He will be dead soon. I'm not saying this to upset you, but trying to get a critical point across. You will never be able to see or hear from him again. Don't take this time for granted. Appricate whatever time you have left with one another. Enjoy and cherish it. For you will only have memories soon. Perhaps you are scared to watch him die? It would be extremely hard, but you have to hold onto each other. That's what will get you through this, not running away. It'll just catch upto you.

 

Sometimes love just aint enough

 

No it's not, and it most cases I would recommend counseling. But there is not much purpose to that in this case. Learn to communicate better, which means to listen better. When he mentions something that bothers him, instead of feeling disappointed, and rebuttaling your case, tell him you 'understand'. Don't get defensive with each other, because once he is gone you are going to realize how stupid you were acting.

 

 

I married him because i love him. I'm leaving because i love me.

See you have this conception that if you marry, you can't love yourself. That's so wrong. You shouldn't marry UNTIL you love yourself. Marriage is about loving yourself & each other. Not one or the other.

 

For one day, try to put yourself in his shoes. Look from his eyes, and think of his fears. That's all I ask, and probably he does as well.

[DeepLatinQueen]

Wow, ok where do I start..................

 

I am not sure if I have any type of future with this guy. I love him, he is a wonderful guy....but as i have already told him. I am not in love with him, I am not even sure if i know what that is.

 

I do know that you are right about loving yourself before you love another. I have heard this phrase a dozen times in the past few months. And took it to heart. I know that I am not ready for anythign more than i am giving. The 21 year old knows my intentions and so does everyone else involved. I am not trying to make more mistakes in my life, I'm just trying to rectify the ones I've made adn go from there.

 

Congrats on the wedding. Wow you must be very excited!

 

That is very commendable that you THINK that everythign will remain the same if your future wife was diagnosed with HIV. The thing is that HIV is not to be compared with anythign else. You can't compare it to an accident, or this or that or even cancer. it's not liek a disease that only affects one person. Do u understadn that i can also become infected by having sex with my husband.

 

And just for the record DH is very healthy and he has much more that just a couple of years- He has at least another 10 years. Maybe even 15 to 20.

 

Please the second half of your post made me cry. I had to take a time out before i responded. I can't put myself in his shoes. i can't. Cause i know that Ihave hurt him. But I just can't watch him suffer and die. I can't pretend that everythign is ok. I can't keep his secret. I can't have sex without tears or fear. i can't. It's just too much for me to handle.

 

If that makes me less of a woman than so be it. If it makes me this or that...then ok. I'll accept it.

 

And i will not be at his gravesite weeping. I will be happy for him, because by then he will be at peace. He will not have to pretend any longer. I will not have regret. I can't. Hopefuly DH will allow me to be there as a friend at least. We have been through so much, in the short 4 years we've been together. my life would have been so empty without him. And I know when he is gone, his presence will always remain. But i can't.

 

I'm sorry. But no matter how many good words you say it still does not help anything. you can not take the disease away. I can not take the infidelity away. And noone can take the fear away.

 

I appreciate your words, but I stand by my words. If it were meant to be , it will be. If not than so be it.

[Mr Spock]

Love isn't a static thing-it changes over time. One of the many reasons people cheat is because they desire the excitement of NEW love, courtship. I remember reading somewhere that the euphoria of falling in "love" (or lust, whatever) can last up to 4 years before wearing off, but don't quote me on it because I can't find the link.

 

All of you are posed on the brink of a relationship change. Don't listen to all the "You're MARRIED" blah blah blah. Instead, pick through the advice given here and take away this:

 

You have the opportunity to be honest. None of you have committed adultery yet that I've seen by skimming through your posts. You need to TAKE this opportunity. You need to tell your husbands that the relationship isn't cutting it for you, and you want to change things or get out. Be honest with them, first. I am not saying that you must love your spouse even if they become unmotivated sacks of flab who suck the life out of you -Marriage is a comittment two people make to each other, but it does not transcend ALL hurts. It isn't an anchor to tie you to a loser or an abuser for the rest of your life.

 

As always, there are an abundance of people on here who cry "How could you THINK of looking at someone else, you're MARRIED blah, blah, blah" but no one really understands until they're in that position. There is no wrong in falling in love with someone else, it's how you choose to handle it. The most honest thing to do is sit down with your spouse and TELL them you feel this way. Tell them you are experiencing feelings for someone else. That way, your spouse has the choice as well. Easier said than done, I know, but perhaps your spouse isn't being fufilled as much as they want either.

[christinef]

Sira

 

I have the same problem with one more added detail

 

Ive known the other guy since before my husband by 5 years eirlier.

 

I was working with him but he was engaged at the time. I knew we liked

 

each other but at the time i did not try to take him from his fiance cuz we were

 

only 21 and I knew there was more fish in the sea. Well as fate would have it

 

7 years later he comes to my place of employment to find a job - he was

 

married I was married both have kids and we became good friends again.

 

Now 4 years after that, him and I own a company together both still married to

 

other people both still loving each other. living our secret lives without ever

 

telling each other we actually love them, but we both know.

 

Neither one of us wants to divorce because we are afraid we will have the

 

same problem all over again - get bored with one another - and we both have

 

the attitude of why ruin a good thing. As long as we know how we feel about

 

eachother, why let the world know.

 

Maybe I will burn in hell for this. But then again why would god put him back in

 

my life If this wasnt what should happen.

 

Christine

[TMCM]

Originally posted by christinef

 

Maybe I will burn in hell for this. But then again why would god put him back in

my life If this wasnt what should happen.

 

Christine

 

If I found a fully loaded gun lying on the ground, does it mean that God meant that I find it so I could use it against those that have wronged me or that I take it to the nearest police station so that it wouldn't fall into the wrong hands?

 

TMCM

[Fritz]

Maybe I will burn in hell for this. But then again why would god put him back in

 

my life If this wasnt what should happen.

 

Of course, thats why God brought this guy back into your life. You were meant to be together.

 

 

 

 

Although, you know, maybe he meant it as a test of your love for your husband and your faith?

[no cherry tops here]

"dont leave the one you love for the you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love"

 

- you only <b>know<b/> the things you like about him, but you dont know the things that you dont.

 

- you wont find out what you dont like about him until your actually with him, might seem like s tempting thing to but its also might turn out to be a big regret.

 

- being a friends with somone and being in a relationship with them is different. It's like two different worlds.

[johnnyl321]

I've just read these pages or threads or whatever they're called here. The only conclusion I can come to is: Why bother? Based on what's been read, we shouldn't marry until we're too old to have sex. Maybe by then, the lust will be worn out of everyone involved.

 

The reason I feel this way, is my ex cheated on me. We were going thru hard times, financially, physically every lly word I can think of. One night I told her she should find herself a boyfriend if she wants love and attention. She took my word for it and she did. So I guess it's not cheating when you shove them away.

 

Now my girlfriend (3 years together now) she was the one who had an affair on her husband. She said he would come home, ignore her, blah blah blah. So I figured from the start, I'd treat her right, cause I really like this one. What happens? Well the first year is good, second year is still pretty good, now going through our 3rd year: same story--she never initiates any sexual contact, she never says "I love you" first, it's always "I love you too", no more cards or notes written to me like she once did. Do I still do these things for her? Of course, does it bother me she doesn't seem to care? Big time. Have I asked her about her feelings? Yep, here's some of the answers: I do love you, I just can't tell you how much. Of course I love you, sometimes I think I should just leave so you can find someone else who deserves you more---- I'm sorry i'm not talking with you more, it's just a phase i'm going thru, that's all.

 

These all sound like copouts to me. I've told her I'm a big boy, she won't tear my heart apart if she decides the grass is greener elsewhere, but, she says it's not the case at all, which brings up this point: Why, when I ask her how things are with us, she says" If you want me to leave, I'll leave now" ?. I bought a house for us this past summer. I have both my daughters in one bedroom so her kid can have his own room. I treat him like a son. A lot of times, I feel like she has no respect for me. I wish women would be more honest. I wouldn't care what the reason for her wanting to get out was, it would beat wondering about it. I'm sure my brain makes up worse things than what's really going on.

 

Anyway, sorry about the rant. Personally, let's outlaw marriage and legalize pot. Everyone would be happier in the end.

[jmargel]

Is sex that important that you are willing to let your husband, the love of your life go? HIV can be compared to other diseases, such as cancer. My brother had cancer and it does effect not only the one who has the disease but everyone who loves that person.

 

Unfortunetly if you wish to stay with your husband there will need to be some sacrafices made in regards to sex, to protect your own health. But you shouldn't equate love to the ability of having sex. If you have hurt him then why make the hurt worse? He probably already senses something is wrong. When one cheats the other spouse is usually tuned in enough to their marriage to pick up on some little red flags that pop up here and there.

 

Yes it will be hard to watch him suffer and die, but the suffering will be alot less painful with you being there. By you running away won't make the problem go away. It will follow you.

 

We have been through so much, in the short 4 years we've been together. my life would have been so empty without him. And I know when he is gone, his presence will always remain. But i can't.

 

Then repay him by giving him the love he needs. These next 10 years or so, isn't going to be totally about him either. To turn down his love and to not show the love you have for him because he has a disease is something I can't grasp. You are fearful about the future, by leaving at least you know what to expect. I think that in itself has a major role in what you are contemplating. Before you do anything you really need to have a heart to heart talk with God, your husband along with doing alot of soul searching.

 

 

Originally posted by DeepLatinQueen

Wow, ok where do I start..................

 

I am not sure if I have any type of future with this guy. I love him, he is a wonderful guy....but as i have already told him. I am not in love with him, I am not even sure if i know what that is.

 

I do know that you are right about loving yourself before you love another. I have heard this phrase a dozen times in the past few months. And took it to heart. I know that I am not ready for anythign more than i am giving. The 21 year old knows my intentions and so does everyone else involved. I am not trying to make more mistakes in my life, I'm just trying to rectify the ones I've made adn go from there.

 

Congrats on the wedding. Wow you must be very excited!

 

That is very commendable that you THINK that everythign will remain the same if your future wife was diagnosed with HIV. The thing is that HIV is not to be compared with anythign else. You can't compare it to an accident, or this or that or even cancer. it's not liek a disease that only affects one person. Do u understadn that i can also become infected by having sex with my husband.

 

And just for the record DH is very healthy and he has much more that just a couple of years- He has at least another 10 years. Maybe even 15 to 20.

 

Please the second half of your post made me cry. I had to take a time out before i responded. I can't put myself in his shoes. i can't. Cause i know that Ihave hurt him. But I just can't watch him suffer and die. I can't pretend that everythign is ok. I can't keep his secret. I can't have sex without tears or fear. i can't. It's just too much for me to handle.

 

If that makes me less of a woman than so be it. If it makes me this or that...then ok. I'll accept it.

 

And i will not be at his gravesite weeping. I will be happy for him, because by then he will be at peace. He will not have to pretend any longer. I will not have regret. I can't. Hopefuly DH will allow me to be there as a friend at least. We have been through so much, in the short 4 years we've been together. my life would have been so empty without him. And I know when he is gone, his presence will always remain. But i can't.

 

I'm sorry. But no matter how many good words you say it still does not help anything. you can not take the disease away. I can not take the infidelity away. And noone can take the fear away.

 

I appreciate your words, but I stand by my words. If it were meant to be , it will be. If not than so be it.

[mental_traveller]

When you married you made a promise to stick together for better or worse. Are you a person of your word or not? Sometimes doing the right thing means missing out on a chance to improve one's position in life. It all boils down to whether you value the achievment of your desires higher than your integrity. It is easy to give in to temptation, but that does not make it right.

 

However, if you do decide to go back on your word, then at least be honest with your husband about it, and initiate a separation/divorce before you even so much as kiss this other guy. If you're going to break up your marriage and go back on your vows, at least try to minimise the suffering caused and try to maintain some integrity whilst doing so.

 

Finally, you should get proof that this guy is serious - demand that he divorce as proof of his seriousness towards you, before you think of hopping into bed with him.

[NewLife]

Sira you situation sounds like mine I would be the husband in this case. My wife has the same feelings for someone else as you do with your co woker. I my case the other man is a women. What was missing from your husband that the other person gives you. Is it the way he controls you like you control your husband now ?

[Straightlove]

I'm in a marriage where I don't love my husband. We started dating when we were 19 and married when we were 20. We eloped and ran away because of the difficulty we were going through with our parents. I've been feeling loveless for 2 years of the 2 years we were together. After failing to make it on our own (because he didn't have the ambition to provide for his family) and a miscarriage and 7 months of marriage, we moved in with his parents. His mother hated me and did everything she could to tear us apart. After a year and a half when I was pregnant with our second child, my mother helped us move out.

 

Now we have lived on our own for about a year. He works but for the past year and has allowed other things to consume his time. It came to the point where we didnt' even speak any more. I stayed home with the kids...he worked, he came home...I went out. He ignored me, took me for granted, and when I asked him to try, he wouldn't. He told me that he would not change, that I was the one who needed counselling not him. He wouldn't try with me.

So I slowly got used to being unhappy and miserable. I figured I couldn't change him so why try anymore. Finally, I got tired of it and took a trip out of state to where my dearest friend resides.

 

And it is this friend whom I have feelings for. I've known him for seven years and I've always had feelings for him since high school. He also took me for granted and that is when I met my husband and when our life together commenced. I spent a weekend with this friend and it was perfect but then it was only a weekend. I've loved him (and yes I say love) for as long as I can remember. I can't imagine my life without him. I've thought of him and dreamed of him for my entire marriage even when I wasn't speaking to him (I thought that if I didn't contact him, it would go away....it didn't). I've known him longer than my husband.

 

Recently my friend and I had a conversation and he told me that he had feelings for me but that my husband is a better father then he is and that he's sorry for taking me for granted. He missed me when I left. But it's like I can't shake him. I've been trying for years to shake him but I dont' know how. I told my husband the truth about my friend and he said that if he feels the same way about me to be with him. In September of last year I already told my husband that I didn't love him anymore, I was tired of being invisible and that I was leaving him to be alone. He took it terribly hard but recently he has told me that he is prepared to let me go.

 

I know that I hurt him. I hurt him continuously because I have a bad temper and I am abusive. I am the poison in this relationship and my husband knows this. But he's not strong enough to terminate our relationship because his mother is poison and his father is still with her. He believes in principle, not in love. So he'll stay on principle. He has fallen out of love with me at a time as well but decided to love me for the abusive person I was. However I am not strong enough to love him as he loves me. I don't respect him because he is a passive mama's boy. I don't love him because of the hurt he caused me before I told him I was leaving. He didn't want to change...then when I said I was leaving, suddenly he wants to try everything he can get his hands on.

 

We have been working in a book called The Grrrreat Romance. It has assignments to do to be romantic to your significant other but I feel like I'm just playing a game. I'm not doing it to get closer to him. I'm doing it so he can do things for me. I'm doing it for what I can get out of it. I dont' desire him. And honestly I sometimes wish I was alone.

 

As for my friend, I have strong feelings for him but I'm not expecting anything from him...not marriage, not a father figure, not even a kiss. For now...until resolution comes, he's the man of my dreams...the love of my life. I'd like to be with him because I feel like I'm the only one who can love him the way he needs to be loved. Without attachment, without interruption, and without expectation of characteristics he doesn't have.

 

Sometimes I feel stronger about my friend than my husband and sometimes I figure maybe I'm doomed. What do you think of my situation?

[blinkless]

Regardless of the outcome of your Marriage, have the presence of mind not to get things out of order. If you go with your alleged soulmate, divorce your husband first.

 

At least respect him enough to not violate your vows. Never forget life and the struggle it is supposed to be, temptation included, I personally have searched all my life to feel love and in a reciprocating relationship.

 

I think if you trully believe you are soulmates, PREPARE.

 

True love can not be found where it doesn't exsist.. Nor can it be denied where it truly does.

 

I have always felt and verbalized to the man at one time or another, that I loved , if I trully loved them I wanted there happiness, even if that meant it wasn't with me.

 

There is no right answer. Just the Proper order.

 

If you leave him, leave his dignity intact.