Saw My Ex Today

[Ariadne]

It's a dilemma whether I should confess my feelings to her. That I wish she wasn't going and that I still have a place in my heart for her. That I miss her and that I'll miss her more when she's gone.

 

Oh, God.

 

Yeah, you can tell her your feelings and that's kind of cute and all.

 

But I remember reading your threads and that girl had her last thought for you and took you for granted the whole time.

 

Of course, when you see her you remember only the good times, and how cute, and how nice etc.

 

Btw, good going with the phone call

[Touche]

Yep, it's just like I said. Right back to square one. How sad.

 

Stories? What stories? What could you possibly have to tell her that she's not going to take the wrong way and/or will make you look bad?

[johan]

You're right, Ariadne. To an extent. Our relationship wasn't healthy, but it wasn't out of spite or negligence. It was just because she was never able to trust and feel secure. She could never let herself really be intimate. And that's more due to disorders she can't be blamed for. Those problems are not a full definition of who she is. They are just barriers we would never have been able to overcome. So I broke up with her.

 

Look at the advice you are giving, by the way.

 

I don't think that's fair or correct, Touche. I don't think I'm going back to square one. There's no way she isn't moving. There's no way I'm going to pine for her when she's gone. I'll miss her, and I care about her. But when she's gone, I'm going back to the life I've created without her. And whatever feelings come to the surface will soon sink again. I'm glad to have this opportunity to say goodbye to her. And I'll let her know that she is special to me, because in two years I never did. I just dropped off the face of the Earth.

[Ariadne]

She could never let herself really be intimate. And that's more due to disorders she can't be blamed for...They are just barriers we would never have been able to overcome.

 

That's a bunch of phoney balloney (sp).

 

If a girl really loves you all those things don't matter one bit. You just wanted to believe that.

[Touche]

You're right, Ariadne. To an extent. Our relationship wasn't healthy, but it wasn't out of spite or negligence. It was just because she was never able to trust and feel secure. She could never let herself really be intimate. And that's more due to disorders she can't be blamed for. Those problems are not a full definition of who she is. They are just barriers we would never have been able to overcome. So I broke up with her.

 

Look at the advice you are giving, by the way.

 

I don't think that's fair or correct, Touche. I don't think I'm going back to square one. There's no way she isn't moving. There's no way I'm going to pine for her when she's gone. I'll miss her, and I care about her. But when she's gone, I'm going back to the life I've created without her. And whatever feelings come to the surface will soon sink again. I'm glad to have this opportunity to say goodbye to her. And I'll let her know that she is special to me, because in two years I never did. I just dropped off the face of the Earth.

 

Ok, I stand corrected then.

 

I sincerely hope you get the "closure" (don't believe in that though) that you're looking for, J.

[Touche]

You're right, Ariadne. To an extent. Our relationship wasn't healthy, but it wasn't out of spite or negligence. It was just because she was never able to trust and feel secure. She could never let herself really be intimate. And that's more due to disorders she can't be blamed for. Those problems are not a full definition of who she is. They are just barriers we would never have been able to overcome. So I broke up with her.

 

Look at the advice you are giving, by the way.

 

I don't think that's fair or correct, Touche. I don't think I'm going back to square one. There's no way she isn't moving. There's no way I'm going to pine for her when she's gone. I'll miss her, and I care about her. But when she's gone, I'm going back to the life I've created without her. And whatever feelings come to the surface will soon sink again. I'm glad to have this opportunity to say goodbye to her. And I'll let her know that she is special to me, because in two years I never did. I just dropped off the face of the Earth.

 

Ooops, how did I miss this little gem? You never told her that she was special to you? Did you mean while you were with her or since? If it's been since then why would you? I mean you broke up with HER, no?

[johan]

That's a bunch of phoney balloney (sp).

 

If a girl really loves you all those things don't matter one bit. You just wanted to believe that.

 

I don't agree. I think there are people who won't let themselves get close to others. It can be more scary for them if it's someone they really care about. There are women on here who have admitted that they sabotage relationships when they find someone good, just because they can't handle the feelings and the risk and what being really intimate might mean for the future.

 

I can't say for sure you're wrong about my ex. I just know what I perceived. It doesn't matter a lot. I feel relieved that I called her. I hate to think I'm going to be saying goodbye to her again. But this time will be more positive.

[johan]

Ooops, how did I miss this little gem? You never told her that she was special to you? Did you mean while you were with her or since? If it's been since then why would you? I mean you broke up with HER, no?

 

We broke up without any real resolution. It was angry and we both just let the line drop without a lot of discussion. Since then we've had no contact, and we lived with the negative ending.

[underpants]

I don't agree. I think there are people who won't let themselves get close to others. It can be more scary for them if it's someone they really care about. There are women on here who have admitted that they sabotage relationships when they find someone good, just because they can't handle the feelings and the risk and what being really intimate might mean for the future.

 

I can't say for sure you're wrong about my ex. I just know what I perceived. It doesn't matter a lot. I feel relieved that I called her. I hate to think I'm going to be saying goodbye to her again. But this time will be more positive.

 

 

I'm one of those people. (...I'm working on it though)

 

J dog. It doesn't really matter what her issues were or are.

 

I think this has more to do with you. If you have things you need to express and say to her, then do it. In person or in a letter. Take a stand. You may make her think twice and want to take another chance with you. Or she may run for the hills. Either way you say your peace and let her know where you genuinely stand. There is nothing wrong with that.

 

If she moves away you will have the peace that you did state everything to her. If your heart breaks I think at least, this way it will break in a way that enables you to have an open heart, instead of a guarded and hurt one that lives in regret.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Just be true to yourself and go from there.

[Touche]

We broke up without any real resolution. It was angry and we both just let the line drop without a lot of discussion. Since then we've had no contact, and we lived with the negative ending.

 

And you should think about why it ended that way.

 

You can really tell a lot about a person by looking at how they parted ways with their SO's. It speaks volumes and is quite revealing.

 

As for what Undies said here:

 

If your heart breaks I think at least, this way it will break in a way that enables you to have an open heart, instead of a guarded and hurt one that lives in regret.

 

I think that's key. This might be what has been holding you back.

 

Yes, I still think you should have given yourself your own closure, maybe this is what you need though in order to move on and to really give of yourself again.

[Ariadne]

I don't agree. I think there are people who won't let themselves get close to others. It can be more scary for them if it's someone they really care about. ..I feel relieved that I called her. I hate to think I'm going to be saying goodbye to her again. But this time will be more positive.

 

Well, maybe at first, but after two years and knowing how much you'd give your life for her even, is balloney.

 

But I think it'd be a huge deal for you to talk to her (since you have feelings and parted in a somewhat bad note) and I'm glad things turned out this way for you.

[Ariadne]

she said she was on her way out and didn't want to be late. She would call me tomorrow so we could arrange a time and place

 

I hope she calls and this is not some bs, good luck.

[Touche]

Sorry for the h/j but did you know this is your 24th thread on the coping board? Congratulations!

 

I'm crowning you King Cope.

[johan]

Some of them should have been started in other forums.

 

You must be bored.

[Touche]

Some of them should have been started in other forums.

 

Which ones? Gender and Sexual Identity or Abuse?

 

You must be bored.

 

You? Boring? Never! I love drama!

[Trialbyfire]

There are always two sides to every story. No one party is pure of dysfunctional behaviour, when reviewing the demise of a relationship. Perhaps it's better to analyse the dynamics of the relationship, which might give you better pathways/indicators backwards towards individual dysfunctions. Also, apply historical patterning of behaviour.

 

One other way of assessing situations is to review wants v. needs.

 

For example, this man I once knew always targeted "princess types". The princess personality type is accustomed to being treasured/adored by strong male role models like fathers, etc.

 

Once he caught the "princess-type", he then deprioritized them. Of course when doing the math, it's fairly easy to see how this type of deprioritization would affect a "princess-type", causing each and every one of his relationships to erode to difficult, then complete failure.

 

The dynamics of those relationships were an exercise in futility for both parties.

 

Regardless, your relationship with your ex ended with non-closure. In order to continue forward in your life, I think you owe it to yourself and your ex to get together and potentially discuss things. It will either lead to true closure or the possibility of a reconnection, reliant on individual state of minds.

 

Either way, I hope both of you get what you need from a meeting and wish you well for your future relationships. Good luck!

[Nemo]

There are always two sides to every story.

I would even say there are always three sides to every two-person relationship story. Maybe four if it gets made into a novel, and five for a movie. Six if there is an angry ex, or stalker in the picture. Sometimes, it's hard to keep track. But the third side, whilst usually the most boring one, is the side that tells it like it is. To everybody else, but not the actual people involved, of course. Perspective isn't just everything, it's the only thing.

[Trialbyfire]

I would even say there are always three sides to every two-person relationship story. Maybe four if it gets made into a novel, and five for a movie. Six if there is an angry ex, or stalker in the picture. Sometimes, it's hard to keep track. But the third side, whilst usually the most boring one, is the side that tells it like it is. To everybody else, but not the actual people involved, of course. Perspective isn't just everything, it's the only thing.

No doubt this would hold true when discussing a relationship between one or two schizophrenics...

[melodymatters]

There are always two sides to every story. No one party is pure of dysfunctional behaviour, when reviewing the demise of a relationship. Perhaps it's better to analyse the dynamics of the relationship, which might give you better pathways/indicators backwards towards individual dysfunctions. Also, apply historical patterning of behaviour.

 

One other way of assessing situations is to review wants v. needs.

 

For example, this man I once knew always targeted "princess types". The princess personality type is accustomed to being treasured/adored by strong male role models like fathers, etc.

 

Once he caught the "princess-type", he then deprioritized them. Of course when doing the math, it's fairly easy to see how this type of deprioritization would affect a "princess-type", causing each and every one of his relationships to erode to difficult, then complete failure.

 

The dynamics of those relationships were an exercise in futility for both parties.

 

Regardless, your relationship with your ex ended with non-closure. In order to continue forward in your life, I think you owe it to yourself and your ex to get together and potentially discuss things. It will either lead to true closure or the possibility of a reconnection, reliant on individual state of minds.

 

Either way, I hope both of you get what you need from a meeting and wish you well for your future relationships. Good luck!

 

Wow, too bad you'd take a huge drop in income if you went into this professionally !

 

I 'was' a 'princess type' and have experienced this phenomenon, but not because i had a loving father, but the complete opposite !

 

johan, I am cool with whatever avatar you use, your personality always comes through regardless. AND, i agree with unders 100%, it's a win win situation either way ; IF you choose to look at it that way.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm flattered mm since I respect your input on LS.

[Nemo]

Wow, too bad you'd take a huge drop in income if you went into this professionally !

Haha, are you suggesting that she'd scare all her clients away? I'm sure they were only looking for validation...

 

Anyway, what about a new TV show called Trials of Love? You know, just the sort of thing for couples who want a final judgement on their relationship.

[Trialbyfire]

Haha, are you suggesting that she'd scare all her clients away? I'm sure they were only looking for validation...

 

Anyway, what about a new TV show called Trials of Love? You know, just the sort of thing for couples who want a final judgement on their relationship.

Nemo, I can't wait to evaluate your psychy. It would be an eye-opener fo' sho!

[Storyrider]

Nemo, I can't wait to evaluate your psychy. It would be an eye-opener fo' sho!

 

I know he's cute, but does his psyche merit a diminutive nickname? How about psychy-whychy.

 

(I know, I can't spell adrenaline, so who am I to talk?)

[Trialbyfire]

I know he's cute, but does his psyche merit a diminutive nickname? How about psychy-whychy.

 

(I know, I can't spell adrenaline, so who am I to talk?)

A Freudian slip since it's obvious I view him so fondly!

[johan]

She called this afternoon. We agreed to meet an hour from now. I feel a little nervous. I hope I feel ok afterwards.