jerbear Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 She called this afternoon. We agreed to meet an hour from now. I feel a little nervous. I hope I feel ok afterwards. Bring a condom with you, just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 She called this afternoon. We agreed to meet an hour from now. I feel a little nervous. I hope I feel ok afterwards. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 Bring a condom with you, just in case. It is best to be prepared I guess... Good luck J. Even though you don't accept them as bunnies, they're still here cheering you on. :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Bring a condom with you, just in case. A condom and a cyanide tablet. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Well, looks like I'm too late to wish you luck. I do hope it went well and that you're feeling good about this. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Well Johan, give us the update Link to post Share on other sites
Author johan Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 We met and had sushi. It felt like two years hadn't passed, except that we either discussed memories or things we would have shared. Or things that had been shared with others that shouldn't have been. I was honest with her about how I felt, and she was honest with me. It was nice and I guess we still have feelings for each other. It seems it was a mistake to have broken up. A pretty sad and irreversible one. She's leaving in a short time and whatever feelings we have will have to be put on the shelf. And we'll have to live our lives with only memories. I hate the pop-psychology concept of closure, and like Touche said, you can really only provide that for yourself. And that's what I'll have to do is close this myself. I'm not back to square one, and I thank God for that. Maybe I'm at square 5. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I guess we still have feelings for each other. It seems it was a mistake to have broken up. A pretty sad and irreversible one. That's sad. See what happens next, still you have some days to go. Besides, she is just moving away, is not like she is going to die. You can just get in a plane and go see her. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Why do you now feel it was a mistake to have broken up? I thought she was emotionally distant, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Why do you now feel it was a mistake to have broken up? I thought she was emotionally distant, etc. (no, she was afraid to open up after two years bc she might get wounded...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author johan Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Why do you now feel it was a mistake to have broken up? I thought she was emotionally distant, etc. We talked about that. She took responsibility for it. She said the things that I needed to hear. It would have been nice to hear them two years ago. If we had been able to last for a while longer, there were changes in her life that would have made it worth the wait. She was at a real personal low point when we were together, toward the end. It made her act crazy. It's hard to say. It's hard to rewrite history. Maybe the wounds and scars would have made it difficult for us to really recover from the craziness. Maybe this is how things would have ended up either way. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Maybe she wouldn't have had these personal insights or been able to push past the low points if you had stayed together. Was it more of a farewell or a goodbye? Link to post Share on other sites
Author johan Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Maybe she wouldn't have had these personal insights or been able to push past the low points if you had stayed together. Was it more of a farewell or a goodbye? I think that's a possibility. It's hard to say. Things could have worked out a hundred different ways. Which is which? Maybe just a "Goodbye for now. Maybe." Link to post Share on other sites
Author johan Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Today sucked so bad. I wish I hadn't seen her at all. I sort of wish that. I am so deluded sometimes. I can't wait for this episode to end so I can get back to even. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Today sucked so bad. I wish I hadn't seen her at all. I sort of wish that. I am so deluded sometimes. I can't wait for this episode to end so I can get back to even. Where is she going? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Today sucked so bad. I wish I hadn't seen her at all. I sort of wish that. I am so deluded sometimes. I can't wait for this episode to end so I can get back to even. :( *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 I don't know why you keep torturing yourself by staying in contact w/ her... you could have been healed weeks, months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johan Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 Where is she going? She's moving far away. :( *hugs* Thanks, CE. I don't know why you keep torturing yourself by staying in contact w/ her... you could have been healed weeks, months ago. Maybe I should have stopped all contact as soon as we broke up. And maintained it for at least a couple of years. Think that would have worked? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 She's moving far away. Thanks, CE. Maybe I should have stopped all contact as soon as we broke up. And maintained it for at least a couple of years. Think that would have worked? Hindsight is 20/20/ Maybe it would have, but no point in looking back now at that. My ex moved far away - which makes things impossible anyways. Hope you start feeling better soon Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 I don't know why you keep torturing yourself by staying in contact w/ her... you could have been healed weeks, months ago. Uhm, get with the program! (That's my answer for everything tonight.) The man was healed. This is just a minor setback. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Hindsight is 20/20/ Maybe it would have, but no point in looking back now at that. My ex moved far away - which makes things impossible anyways. Hope you start feeling better soon Yeah, why didn't you try that, Johan? OH and I forgot...get with the program! Link to post Share on other sites
Author johan Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 Yeah, why didn't you try that, Johan? OH and I forgot...get with the program! Feeling better? Or moving away? If I had moved away, it wouldn't have been a big problem for her. Feeling better would be nice, if I could just do it. I have to be honest about things I guess. I don't think I was ever going to find true closeness and happiness with her. We have a lot of amazing good between us, but I think the barriers were always going to be there no matter what. It's hard to find someone who is so close to exactly right. It's so disappointing to know that the only flaws, the few, were fatal ones. It's a game the universe is playing with me. Over and over. I feel like dice. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Feeling better? Or moving away? If I had moved away, it wouldn't have been a big problem for her. Feeling better would be nice, if I could just do it. I have to be honest about things I guess. I don't think I was ever going to find true closeness and happiness with her. We have a lot of amazing good between us, but I think the barriers were always going to be there no matter what. It's hard to find someone who is so close to exactly right. It's so disappointing to know that the only flaws, the few, were fatal ones. It's a game the universe is playing with me. Over and over. I feel like dice. No, no, no. I was referring to this: Hindsight is 20/20/ Maybe it would have, but no point in looking back now at that. The "get with the program" remark wasn't aimed at you (this time.) It was aimed at Northstar. Go back and read the sequence of the posts and you'll see what I mean. As for the rest of your post. No. It's not a game the universe is playing with YOU. It's not. We all feel like that at one point or another. You're certainly not alone in feeling that way. And yes, we all have flaws. Only you can decide whether they're "fatal" or not. Not sure what you meant exactly by the "dice" comment but yeah, it IS a roll of the dice. Each and every damn time. But there are always ways to better our odds. Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 No, no, no. I was referring to this: The "get with the program" remark wasn't aimed at you (this time.) It was aimed at Northstar. Go back and read the sequence of the posts and you'll see what I mean. As for the rest of your post. No. It's not a game the universe is playing with YOU. It's not. We all feel like that at one point or another. You're certainly not alone in feeling that way. And yes, we all have flaws. Only you can decide whether they're "fatal" or not. Not sure what you meant exactly by the "dice" comment but yeah, it IS a roll of the dice. Each and every damn time. But there are always ways to better our odds. Maybe it came out wrong, I meant that we can always wonder if we'd done something different how it might have turned out. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 1, 2008 Share Posted July 1, 2008 Maybe it came out wrong, I meant that we can always wonder if we'd done something different how it might have turned out. No, I didn't mean to be harsh northstar. It's just that Johan was in strict no contact for two years. He was being sarcastic about asking whether the 2 year no contact would work. You see now? Link to post Share on other sites
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