The Family cottage, how do you share it?

[CanadaGuy]

After the loss of a parent, dealing with the family cottage is not on the top of my list, but it is with the rest of the family.

 

Has anyone gone through this?

 

And how do you "share"

 

Who pays for what?

 

When you a need a new _____, who pays?

 

When you want a new _____, who pays? Who picks it out, what colour?

 

Maintanence, one wants it like a spa, one wants it like a cottage should be, a bit rustic, and enjoy it, as opposed to spending the entire weekend cleaning every square inch.

 

Neither want to sell, so we have to make it work...

 

Thanks for the constructive idea's in advance

[quankanne]

if the family agrees to keep the cottage, set up a building maintenance fund that all contribute to so you can take care of practical needs (fixing problems, painting, paying property taxes, etc).

 

and talk to everyone about how you want to care for it: Keep it low-key and rustic, jazz it up a little, jazz it up a lot, then plan accordingly from there.

 

if it's in a place that's far away from everyone, you might hire a company to provide basic care-taking (yardwork, house-cleaning, etc) so that none of y'all are stuck keeping up the place and resentful that the others don't help.

 

another idea is to get a calendar and see who wants to use it when – including joint holidays. That might help keep the peace in the family!

 

my main suggestion is to keep things simple so that if any one of y'all is called to deal with the cottage hands on, you're not forfeiting a whole lot of time caring for someone else's "grand plans"!

 

now, where's the cottage located & can I reserve for the last week in october? :p:p

[whichwayisup]

I am sorry for your loss..

 

Split all the bills equally.

 

How big is your family? Do you all get along? How big is the cottage?

 

Cottages that left after a loved one's death can cause alot of fighting, so just make sure ALL of you sit, talk and be fair when picking weeks for holidays.

[CanadaGuy]

Tables have turned, my brother does not want to share the cottage with me. So it either he buys me out, or I buy him out.

 

The could have been an o.k. thing, but the cottage is big $$$ owning 1/2was easy, but all is a big comitment.

 

Didn't want to have to deal with this choice, but looks like I have to make a choice.

 

Also feel like my brothers want nothing to do with me, I'm not a big drinker, and they are big drinkers (one is an alchohlic in my opinion)

 

So giving up the cottage, I no longer see my nephews, be part of the other events at the cottage.

 

Don't feel like part of the family any more.

[whichwayisup]

Tables have turned, my brother does not want to share the cottage with me. So it either he buys me out, or I buy him out.

 

It isn't HIS cottage to decide that. That's crazy, he doesn't want to share. It would be better for you both to have time up at the cottage and also rent it out to make some money to pay off the taxes etc..

 

The could have been an o.k. thing, but the cottage is big $$$ owning 1/2was easy, but all is a big comitment.

 

Then neither of you use it for afew years and rent it out. Go from there, atleast this way you both own it and you're making money. And, in the meantime have family talks about how to go about keeping the cottage IN the family to keep everyone together and happy. Time sharing can work if everyone is respectful and fair.

 

Also feel like my brothers want nothing to do with me, I'm not a big drinker, and they are big drinkers (one is an alchohlic in my opinion)

 

That sucks. But, don't give up. They're being jerks and pushing you around, don't let them!!

 

So giving up the cottage, I no longer see my nephews, be part of the other events at the cottage.

 

This is crazy! These kids are your family, your nephews - You should still be invited up to the cottage, even if you sell your share in it. TALK to them about renting it out for a year so you all can discuss this fairly. IF you are feeling like you're gonna get screwed out of this, talk a lawyer, especially since you own part of the cottage, yes?

 

Don't feel like part of the family any more.

 

Sorry this is going on, hopefully in time it'll get solved in a mature way.

[CanadaGuy]

Thanks Thiswayisup!

 

Some great points and idea's.

 

Will let you know how it pans out.

 

Thanks again.

[whichwayisup]

Wondering how things are going? Any update CG?

[CanadaGuy]

Thanks for asking

 

Well, nothing has been done, since until I sell my other house, it is not an option for me to buy the cottage.

 

BUt regardless, I think with the bitter feelings with the cottage this year, and the fact that it will never ever feel 100% like mine, even if I pay for it. I'm leaning towards buying a cottage that I like, and has what I want.

 

The family cottage is the family cottage, but without the family, it is just a piece of property.

 

A few people asked me if it was not the family cottage, and I could buy that exact property (so no emotional connection) would I buy it, the answer became clear, no

 

When I make up my list of wants for a cottage, the family cottage has a few, but lacking some big ones that can not be changed. It is on the shady side of the lake, and that mean in May, June, September, October it can get really cold, and spring time really buggy. On the sunny side, less bugs, much hotter, and that gives an extra 2 months of outside use (it does cost more, but not double the cost)

 

I also feel the family cottage should stay in the family, a my brother does have kids, that I'm very close with, so this way they would inherit it down the road.

 

What do you think of my logic? Am I missing anything? I would hate to make the wrong choice and regret it.

 

Thanks again

[whichwayisup]

As long as you're allowed up to the cottage and be part of the family (yes you all have to work on your family relationship with one another), and be involved in your nephews' lives, I think you're doing fine..

May, June

 

Yuk! Black fly season!!

 

I'm leaning towards buying a cottage that I like, and has what I want.

 

Then do it! Create your own memories and build a history with another cottage that you like.