OW/Pregnant and Suicidal

[grumpygirrl]

Hello, Im grummpygirrl. I have been reading this forum for a while and now I have the courage to post my story.

 

I was with this man when I was younger and he loved me and I cared about him and we broke up. I broke off all contact with him because it hurt me so bad when we broke up. It devastated him. We were very young and I was a single mother and I really didnt want him to take on the responsiblity of my child.

 

It has been years and he contacted me through an agency that finds people and boy at this time in my life I was going through a rough patch. I was having financial distress and had some emotional problems. I had a car accident that almost took my life a year ago.

 

To cut to the chase he came into my life and gave me 7,000. to help me get through and he paid for me to take a trip to jamaica. Of course he is now married and have kids. I told him when he contacted me that I would love to be friends with him and his wife. He said all the things that men do from I was the love of his life and he saw me as his future wife and he regretted the fact that we never had a child. We talked for months. He does have marital problems and I realized that what I was giving him was somehtihing that his wife should have been giving him, but I am sure she has her reasons as to why there marriage is in shambles. They have both cheated on each other. We share the same interests and he is an author on how people need to attain their life vision and happiness!n He told me that he was teaching people how to attain their happiness and that is why he contacted me because the happiest time in his life was with me.

 

He came to see me and we used protection the whole time accept for the last time. He said that I did not believe that he wanted me as his future wife and by me having his child this would convince me to believe that we have a future together.

 

From that one time I am pregnant. the wife knows about it. That's another story and its safe to say that she is staying in the marriage and he had the nerve to tell me that he thought that once she found out that i was pregnant that she would leave. I did point out to him that he could leave to ane of course he went on that kids need me issue. I told him that if he was so concerned about his kids then he would not have impregnanted me.

 

Today I told him that I was done. He now says that he is going to get a divorce it can be two years or five. I said that that was between him and his wife and I accept that. However, that does not work for my life so I am done with him. I have contacted a child support attorney and will make him responsible.

 

My questions is why would he talk me into having his child and then pull back with his words. I am still emotionally raw, I went through a bitter divorce three years ago and I am just now getting over my ex. If I was able to survive my ex then I know I can survive this. I am wondering if I should get an abortion. He is giving me a hard time about leaving him alone and he does not believe me, but I am determine for my sanity to leave him alone. I point blanked asked him did he want this child and he said yes and I gave him the options as to how he wanted to communicate in regards to the baby, he said that he did want me to tell him about my doctor visits and keep him abreast. The main reason why I am leaving him alone is he is getting very cocky and I realize that what I am giving him emotionally is what his wife is suppose to give him. But, it is killing me in the process.

 

Why did i listen? because I made a mistake all those years ago. He was a good catch and he loved me so much and I did love him. I realize that the man that I loved all those years ago no longer exists. The man that loved me would never have crushed my heart the way this man did.

 

I could send his wife the chat sessions where he kept harrassing me to have his child, I could send her a copy of the check he sent me and the trip to jamaica. But why do that? he has chosen where he wants to be and she really dont care.

 

Oh his family knows that i am pregnant. I would not talk to him for a week and he had the nerve to ask me was I really pregnant. I told him yes when I finally spoke to him and told him the DNA test will prove it.

 

Help me, how do I move on and I dont know what to do about my unborn child.

[grumpygirrl]

When I asked him why he wanted me to have his child he said that he did not trust me. He felt that I was going to leave him again and by us having a child he knew that no matter what I would always be in his life. WTF?

 

I am done with him because he has the best of both worlds a wife who is willing to do what ever he wants now to keep her husband and she told me this herself and me on the side. I have enough self respect to know that this is damaging to me and as long as I am around he does not have to face his marriage problems. They had problems long before I came around. Now, without me around he can work on his marriage. I will not be dragged no further into their cesspool.

[bentnotbroken]

You weren't dragged, you jumped in with both feet. The situation you are in is tough, but I guess you already know that. Leave him alone and consider getting counseling to figure out your next move.

[astra77]

grumpygirrl i am so sorry to here of your situation. I feel your pain.

 

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING SILLY. There are alot of people here on this site- more experienced than me - to help you and give you advice and we have all been through simalar situations.

 

Do you have any family or friends you can talk to? Or even better a counselor. The first step to healing is posting your story - I was scared to death to do it MYSELF, but now that I have I feel a little better. People here are very supportive and understanding, and TALKING / TYPING DOES HELP.

 

I inadvertantly found myself in love and having an affair with my boss - who is married with kids - I am also married. I left him and my job a short time ago and it has ripped me to the core, but suicide IS NOT the answer. Think about this - your pain now is what your loved ones will feel 10 times over if you go through with it. How would your mum, dad, sister, brother, kids and friends feel if you left them? PLEASE DONT DO IT !!!!!!!

 

Let me understand, did this man ask you to have his child and then go back to his wife???? I am not too sure what his motives are here, maybe he wanted an "easy" way to leave his wife so that he could be with you, but its safe to say that this has only complicated matters further now that she wont leave. It's a little ironic that he uses his kids with his wife as a reason to stay when YOU are expecting his next child - what about the needs of your child with him????:mad::mad: this makes me mad.

 

See a counsellor, you have some BIG decisions to make and keep posting here and let us know whats going on -

 

BIG hugs and kisses to you girl, DONT GIVE UP.

[mistresswchildren]

Ok, so the pregnancy part sucks, trust me I know. I have two by the MM. FORGET ABOUT HIM NOW!!!!! He does not care about you. He does not care about his wife. He cares about himself. Leave it at that. That is the bottom line. I have now been struggling to raise two children on my own. Don't get me wrong, things get tough, but don't do anything to yourself. You made a bad decision, don't make it worse. Think about your actions.

 

I realize that this may sound harsh, but 85% of suicide attempts by women are failures. You do something to yourself, and you hurt that baby inside you. Do you want the child? If you do, don't jeopardize the life of the baby. If you were to try something and you were to be unsuccessful, and then the child miraculously was left unharmed, they would take that baby from you in a heartbeat. The child would be born, and they would rush in to take him/her from an "unfit" mother. Yes, it sounds harsh, but I am trying to make you see that there is no reason to do this to yourself or your child.

 

Now, as far as he is concerned, leave him. I suggest you really think about whether or not you want him in this child's life. If you file for child support, then he will have visitation rights. I understand that you may not be in a financial position to raise the child on your own, but if I were you, I would try to. I now have two children and I had to fight for every penny I have received from child support. Sadly, he now has the right to visitation, and I don't trust him as far as I can throw him with my children. He has not acted on it yet, but only time will tell. My best advice to you is to cut it off now. Keep him as far away from you as possible. There are people out there who care. Turn to them instead of turning to this man for comfort. Please, just keep posting.

[grumpygirrl]

Yes I did jump in feet first and I accept responsibility for that. Regardless of what he said I accepted his words. No he never left his wife. We went on a trip together and that is how the baby was conceived. He said that this child would prove to me that he loved me. Furthermore, the children with his wife were not planned she just told him she was pregnant and was keeping them. And he never speaks about them. He told me how his son's baseball team sucks and I told him that was a horrible thing to say and he never brought his children up to me again, but he does not bragg on them I believe they dissapoint him. Well, he said he Wanted this child. He felt that with the combination of our success in our professional careers and the education we have that this child is destined for great things. I am going to make him financially liable. I have spoken with an attorney and he said that because of the distance (we are very far apart) that for him to have visitations as far as him taking the baby to stay the night will not happen unless he is an on-hands dad and I cant see him doing that or his wife allowing this. The wife wants him to have nothing to do with this baby, but that is not my issue that is his.

I am going to leave him alone for good. I just dont believe that he is going to go away quietly. Yes, he wants his wife to leave him he thought she was but she's not going anywhere and again he is selfish and he is not worth having. And he is or was devising a plan to make her leave but she is not leaving and even though we have been seeing each other for six months and he says that all of this happend really fast and of course we need to slow down, (after we went full force to have a child), I realize that three months or three years it doesnt matter unless I do something now this will only get worse.

[porter218]

WOW, grumpy it is uncanny how much you sound like the other end of the story from cw2 in the infidelity forum. I mean I really wouldn't be surprised if you really are the OW from her story.

 

anyway, If I were you just go and have this child on your own. Steer clear from this ridiculous drama. You can always look at this child as the best part of a man you used to love. But leave the real man behind. If eventually he want to have contact with the baby then let him as long as it seems to be a healthy relationship for the baby but keep him out of your life. I have faith that your situation will end peacefully and happily, but without real involvement from the MM.

 

Good luck.

[grumpygirrl]

Let me understand, did this man ask you to have his child and then go back to his wife???? I am not too sure what his motives are here, maybe he wanted an "easy" way to leave his wife so that he could be with you, but its safe to say that this has only complicated matters further now that she wont leave. It's a little ironic that he uses his kids with his wife as a reason to stay when YOU are expecting his next child - what about the needs of your child with him????:mad::mad: this makes me mad.

 

No he never left his wife, he said today that he had no idea tha once she found out that I was pregnant that she would stay with him. I dont know maybe he just wanted to have unprotected sex. But, for him to go out of his way to find me after all of this time doesnt make sense. I think that maybe I hurt him so much all those years ago that he is seeking revenge. Like he wanted to prove to me that he made it even though i always told him he would make it. He said that I showed him what a family was he grew up in a poverty stricken area and the love that me and my daughter showed him changed his life. Well, thanks for the input. I wont cry over this and I will not hurt myself. But, thinking about him will not change the facts so I will put him out of my mind and move on. Hopefully someday I can find happiness with a real man. I have learned a valuable less; to trust in my instincts. I never do. Everything that I told him would happen when his wife found out to the way this was going to go, Happeded. So, now I see where this is headed and I am going to leave him alone because if I dont this is going to get worse. He already left me some ****ty messages when I refused to talk to him for a week.

[astra77]

Oh huny, I cant believe it. I am so sorry to hear this.

 

Please seek some counselling, and try to establish a support group of people at home - family friends etc. You need to do this for YOU.

 

You need to find the strength within yourself to FORGIVE YOURSELF for being fooled by this guy. No one likes being used by someone, and then you spend a whole lot of time kicking yourself for being fooled by them.

 

Only you can decide if you want this baby, it is your body. How far along is the pregnancy?

 

YOU ARE WORTH MORE than the crap this guy is dealing you at the moment. I know you love him, I know it hurts. I know you probably believed him when he said all those sweet things to you, but can he really love you?? Maybe he does, but really this is a VERY strange way of showing it. How DARE he use your body as "proof of your love", and then not want to share to joys of your love and raising this beautiful child you created together. Oh my god that is NASTY.

 

YOU need to take CARE of YOU and the BABY. Focus on the BABY. and keep posting huny - we are here for you

[norajane]

Yes I did jump in feet first and I accept responsibility for that.

 

Then that means you have to do the hard things and pull on your big girl panties and take care of yourself so you can have this child, if that is your intent. Anything less is not taking responsibility for your life choices.

 

I'm sorry you are in this situation and for how you are feeling, but you have no other choice at this point but to get it together for the sake of your child, this new baby, and the rest of your life. You can do it. Find the strength within.

[bentnotbroken]

Yes I did jump in feet first and I accept responsibility for that. Regardless of what he said I accepted his words. No he never left his wife. We went on a trip together and that is how the baby was conceived. He said that this child would prove to me that he loved me. Furthermore, the children with his wife were not planned she just told him she was pregnant and was keeping them. And he never speaks about them. He told me how his son's baseball team sucks and I told him that was a horrible thing to say and he never brought his children up to me again, but he does not bragg on them I believe they dissapoint him. Well, he said he Wanted this child. He felt that with the combination of our success in our professional careers and the education we have that this child is destined for great things. I am going to make him financially liable. I have spoken with an attorney and he said that because of the distance (we are very far apart) that for him to have visitations as far as him taking the baby to stay the night will not happen unless he is an on-hands dad and I cant see him doing that or his wife allowing this. The wife wants him to have nothing to do with this baby, but that is not my issue that is his.

I am going to leave him alone for good. I just dont believe that he is going to go away quietly. Yes, he wants his wife to leave him he thought she was but she's not going anywhere and again he is selfish and he is not worth having. And he is or was devising a plan to make her leave but she is not leaving and even though we have been seeing each other for six months and he says that all of this happend really fast and of course we need to slow down, (after we went full force to have a child), I realize that three months or three years it doesnt matter unless I do something now this will only get worse.

 

 

Maybe it isn't that he is disappointed in his children, but his children see him for what he is and they are disappointed in him. He is devising a plan to make her leave, what a prick. Why doesn't leave the wife he doesn't love and the children he didn't plan, want and disappoint him. He is a steaming pile of you know what and he deserves nothing, especially not the love of precious children.

[Screwedover]

How is it possible for young children to "disappoint" his or her father? What the heck is wrong with this man?

 

Give the baby up for adoption or raise the child yourself. He sounds like a bad father and a selfish person. You don't need him.

[bentnotbroken]

How is it possible for young children to "disappoint" his or her father? What the heck is wrong with this man?

 

Give the baby up for adoption or raise the child yourself. He sounds like a bad father and a selfish person. You don't need him.

 

 

I agree. He is an child in an adults body.

[porter218]

does this sound familiar Grumpy?? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=155277

 

If it is, you 2 should both leave this selfish man and rebuild your lives. If it isn't your story then use this one to help you understand what is happening on the other end of your drama. All we need now is the MM to start his thread.

[astra77]

does this sound familiar Grumpy?? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=155277

 

If it is, you 2 should both leave this selfish man and rebuild your lives. If it isn't your story then use this one to help you understand what is happening on the other end of your drama. All we need now is the MM to start his thread.

 

Had a quick read - SPOOOKY if this is not related !!

[porter218]

Agreed astra, It odds of these stories having that much in common and absolutely nothing contradicting each other is astronomical. I am waiting to see what they both say about this.

[astra77]

Porter, its just tooo spooky not to be related. What a situation. Lets see what happens - my god now all we need is the MM to post here !!

 

Sounds like the MM is in love with his OW. No excuse for the situation, but i can understand how he wont leave the W - he is scrapping for some sort of dignity i guess, and doesnt want his kids with W to feel totally abandoned - does this make sense, and he also wants a firm commitment for OW b4 he puts that final exit move in place. Sad, sad story.

[astra77]

The other spooky thing is that the MM sounds EXACTLY like my XMM - has NO or VERY little self esteem - issues brought on by the M, feels trapped but doesnt know how to escape, TORN because of the kids with his W

 

The BW sounds like my XMM'S W - in total denial about the marriage situation and VERY controlling of H. Husband has become a toy to get what SHE wants

 

And...... I sound like the OW - although I have now left the A and am not pregnant - thats too heavy to even think about. OW is caught in the middle of the crazy mess.

 

The bad thing is that ALL involved are hurting and BIG mistakes have been made by EVERYONE

 

I live in aussie land so its WEIRED to know that there are people in a very similar situation thousands and thousands of kilometres away

[porter218]

OK, In 36 hours if no word for grumpy or cw2, then I will rule that these 2 posters are from eachothers story.

[astra77]

agreed Porter !! You'd make a great Private Investigator !!:)

[bentnotbroken]

OK, In 36 hours if no word for grumpy or cw2, then I will rule that these 2 posters are from eachothers story.

 

 

Or the same poster. Troll maybe?

[Lookingforward]

Or the same poster. Troll maybe?

 

the OP here doesn't read like someone who is going for her doctorate.....maybe it's just coincidence. The other thread doesn't mention the OW having a child already, and a few other points (like the Jamaica trip etc).

 

I think we have to take each thread at face value for now.

[bentnotbroken]

the OP here doesn't read like someone who is going for her doctorate.....maybe it's just coincidence. The other thread doesn't mention the OW having a child already, and a few other points (like the Jamaica trip etc).

 

I think we have to take each thread at face value for now.

 

Not a big deal I guess, but very entertaining none the less.

[OWoman]

the OP here doesn't read like someone who is going for her doctorate......

 

Depends what her home language is, I guess. I've read dissertations at Masters and PhD level prior to final submission from second language speakers that were similar.

[porter218]

agreed Porter !! You'd make a great Private Investigator !!:)

Funny you say that. I am one as a part time gig. been doing it for for 13 years and pretty good at it.