with a coke user?

[Confused08]

Hello, just wanted to start out by saying I thank anyone and everyone that replies and gives me advise. So I have been dating this girl for a few months now, on one of our first dates she told me she used to use coke, everyday, she then told me that there was nothing to worry about because she had stopped moved away from the place where she was doing it, all was well untill the other night she and a friend went up stairs for awhile, I asked her straight out what were you doing and she said just hanging out talking getting ready. Later that night I found a rolled up 10 dollar bill in her purse she came clean said she had used it the night before and tonight, I asked her why, and she said not to worry about it that she is not going to "fall" back into it she just wanted to do it, and she only bought $40 worth and that it was gone, and that she wouldn't do it again. I guess being as I have NEVER used coke I have no idea if you can go from using it everyday for like a year to just saying o ok I don't want to anymore, without some sort of help. But my question is can someone just say ok enough, or is there always going to be that craving to do it? Also with my feelings towards it should I stay and hope that she is telling the truth, or hope I can "help" her from doing it more, or cut my losses? I know that you all are not fortune tellers and can't see the future but ANY help would be GREAT!

[Jilly Bean]

As a former coke addict, I can tell you that the only thing that got me to quit was OD'ing.

 

If she used every day for a year, then she is lying that the other night was a random event.

[saraispiel19]

Oh boy are you in a pickle.

 

Well this little lady is not being honest with you that for sure. Has she undergone any counciling (if not she is in dire need to), it is very and I mean very hard to just cut off an addiction (espcially if she was using the drug every day for a year!). She needs to go to some sort of a detox clinic (with or without you) and you definately need to tell her this. Not everyone and there is a tiny tiny tiny tiny percent that do it on thier own and it is very hard. I also would like to ask what type of people does she hang around with now- weeds make even the pretties flowers die.

 

You either need to confront her and tell her she needs help and if she absolutely flat out refuses then (I and as well many other people may think) she is indeed not looking for help to overcome it and you do need help.

 

I would also like to ask: when did she "quit"-- did you know her then (sorry I don't remember if you posted this)? If so she would have had a HEAVY withdrawl.When cocaine use is stopped or when a binge ends, depression (crash) follows almost immediately. This is accompanied by a strong craving for more cocaine, fatigue, pleasurelessness, anxiety, irritability, sleepiness, and sometimes agitation or paranoia.

 

I would also want for you to take note that no drug takes you down faster or harder than crack. There are two forms of cocaine, the powdered form that you snort, and crack that you smoke. Cocaine is so very addictive that "if you give a mouse a hit of cocaine every time it presses a lever, it will do nothing else but press that lever. It won't stop for a minute to take a sip of water or a bite to eat, and eventually it will die from a cocaine overdose. The only thing that prevents people from overdosing on crack is their bank account. Once people are addicted to crack, they will sell their soul for another hit".

 

Common physical signs of cocaine addiction include but are not limited to:

• Red, bloodshot eyes
  
• Runny nose or frequent sniffing
  
• Weight loss
  
• Increased susceptibility to illness
  
• Increased blood pressure
  
• Constricted blood vessels
  
• Dilated pupils
  
• Increased heart rate
  
• Increased temperature
  
• Nosebleeds
  
• Altered motor activities (tremors, hyperactivity)
  
• Perspiration or chills
  
• Nausea or vomiting
  

 

In my opinion this is not a good relationship to be in-- if this is a new relationship I firmly suggest that you go from boyfriend to good friend because that is what she needs right now. She needs help very soon.

 

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

[Prodigal Princess]

But my question is can someone just say ok enough, or is there always going to be that craving to do it?

 

Some can stop at will, most cannot. If she has really been using as often as she says, it would be extremely difficult for her to go cold turkey, especially if the only reason she has stopped using is because she no longer lives with other users (i.e. she hasn't stopped voluntarily ).

 

Also with my feelings towards it should I stay and hope that she is telling the truth, or hope I can "help" her from doing it more, or cut my losses?

 

Cut your losses. She isn't telling the truth. And even if she wants to quit, it's going to be a long, hard road from where she is now. It doesn't sound like she even thinks she has a problem.

 

For someone who hasn't even used before, it will be almost impossible for you to understand why she is using and what it will take for her to stop. She needs to admit she has a problem, and get clean, before she will be in any state to be in a healthy relationship.

 

If you continue seeing her, I see only heartbreak ahead.

[Confused08]

thank you very much jilly, and sara..... sara to answer your questions, she said that she had "quit" using like amonth before we started dating so i don't have any idea of any cravings or anything of that sort. The people that she has been hanging out with are not the same people but still talks to them on the phone and as far as i know this is as far as it goes, but just found out tonight that she still has five friends that she hangs out with regulaly that do coke. About the consuling, she was going to see one, (her parents told her that she "had" to) but she told me that the first day she went to see him she was high and that she had done a couple lines in the car before she went in, and told him everything the doctor told her what he thought, and since then has been lying to him so that he will say she is better now and what not. I completely agree that knowing this while not much emotion is envolved is a good idea, but still a part of me thinks-hopes that i could help, and know that sounds VERY cliche but I am so twisted up in knots that I have NO idea what to do, your continued advise would be GREATLY apperciated

[saraispiel19]

.....but she told me that the first day she went to see him she was high and that she had done a couple lines in the car before she went in, and told him everything the doctor told her what he thought, and since then has been lying to him so that he will say she is better now and what not.

 

SHE IS NOT READY TO COMMIT TO LEAVING HER ADDICTION NOT READY TO ADMIT IT NOT READY TO DROP IT- i cannot express it any longer.

 

This girl is toxic and is not a good girlfriend you recently started dating she is lying to you and enduring a coke addiction.

 

Also to add a TRUE professional would see she is LYING because they know ALL the signs and have "been there done that" plenty of times. My guess is that she's lying- ask her what the doctors name is :and find out.

 

How old is she by the way? If she's underaged she would've been immediately been put into a rehab facility (with her parents signed agreements) or into a TRUE detox program.

 

A daft moo she is and you need to cut it right in the bud before you get sucked in and get hurt.

 

The only help you can do is take her to a clinic yourself other than that sit down and watch her waste her life away and she will end up in jail a few times because you end up doing crazy things for drugs and you will end up hurt.

 

Goodluck and keep us posted!

[Waiting2Live]

She will not stop her coke use just because you suggested so. Ha, I wish it was that easy. I will tell you more - every time you will bring this subject it will only trigger her desire to have another line. Former addict is talking here.

Honestly, there is nothing you can do. Leave her now or accept the fact that the person you are dating has a serious "bad habit".

 

On a bright side though I would like to share a story.

Good friend of mine who hates smoking really deeply (she lost her beloved father due to the lung cancer) was dating an amazing almost perfect guy with the only problem - cigarette addiction. He told her upfront he is not going to quit ever. She cured his addiction by just enjoying fully their lives and not concentrating on smoking. Since they both love outdoor, they did lots of camping trips, biking, hiking, etc. The have very adventurous and eventful life that sometimes we would just "forget" or "would be to busy" to smoke. He still carries cigarettes on him every time, even though he has the same pack he bought about 8-9 month ago.

 

So there is hope!

(very slim chances though)

[Confused08]

So this may be a dumb question, but shoudl i take some sort of hope from the fact that she told me right away that she "used" to have a problem, and when i confronted her the other night she was right up front with me about using it again? Or should i be more focused on the fact with her attitude about the situation, and the perception that she does not think that using it every once in awhile is that big of a deal? Which by the way is that possible, to have been doing coke everyday for about a year, then to stop for a couple months, then just say I want to do it just here and there? Thanks again for your continued help, and advise

[saraispiel19]

....Which by the way is that possible, to have been doing coke everyday for about a year, then to stop for a couple months, then just say I want to do it just here and there? Thanks again for your continued help, and advise

 

 

that is one big lie - stop buying into it. Coke gets addicting and in this case she is going back down the spiral.

[Msblueyes]

So this may be a dumb question, but shoudl i take some sort of hope from the fact that she told me right away that she "used" to have a problem, and when i confronted her the other night she was right up front with me about using it again? Or should i be more focused on the fact with her attitude about the situation, and the perception that she does not think that using it every once in awhile is that big of a deal? Which by the way is that possible, to have been doing coke everyday for about a year, then to stop for a couple months, then just say I want to do it just here and there? Thanks again for your continued help, and advise

 

It's like this....use every day, to me, would say, "that's an addict." Now, in my experience the best way to quit is little by little...one month is not enough time to be totally off it without a number of relapses....if she continues to associate with people who use, she will continue to use.

 

Some people can do drugs whenever and not have a problem; they are not addicts.

 

People who are addicts can not put down that rolled up dollar bill or straw or pipe, once they start, they can't stop.

 

You need to figure out if she's an addict or a user, and in either case, if you want to deal with that in a relationship.

[mental_traveller]

Random dating tip #23 - don't date drug addicts

[saraispiel19]

Random dating tip #23 - don't date drug addicts

 

 

i think that's number 1 haha

[Confused08]

So just a little update, the girl and I talked and i told her that i didn't want to get envolved with a girl that is using. She was upset but understood, we still talk every once in awhile, any suggestions on how to "covertly" try and help her? Shoudl i tell her parents that she is still using or would that raise up a whole different crap storm? Your continued help is appercaited!

[PandaStillLovesBunny]

Yes, I'd tell her parents if you really do care about her. Personally, I'd say that she won't get help unless <i>she</i> wants to get help, but sometimes a little parental pressure can get her to realize the errors of her ways. I wouldn't go out with her again for a long time, though.

[saraispiel19]

So just a little update, the girl and I talked and i told her that i didn't want to get envolved with a girl that is using. She was upset but understood, we still talk every once in awhile, any suggestions on how to "covertly" try and help her? Shoudl i tell her parents that she is still using or would that raise up a whole different crap storm? Your continued help is appercaited!

 

 

In my opinion I would not keep her close. If she wants help she will seek it, no one can be forced to be sober (really they would have to be WILLING to quit, ask anyone else that has had an addiction-- you have to be willing not obligated to do so).

 

If this girl is underaged and I mean 21 and under I do firmly suggest you tell her parents- If she is a young adult well her butt will land in jail one of these days (eventually she'll go balistic for another "hit" and have no money and will do crazy things to get to it) and hopefully she'll learn her lesson the night she spends in the cold cell. This girl is going to learn it on her own.

 

Another thing you can do which is the "right" thing to do is find out who she is buying this from and report him anonymously. Drug dealers need to be taken off the streets regardless thier situation. As for other Members who may disagree with me- I don't care, drugs are an awful thing to put in your body and do awful things to the world around you.

 

Goodluck to ya!

[Waiting2Live]

So just a little update, the girl and I talked and i told her that i didn't want to get envolved with a girl that is using. She was upset but understood...\

 

That is it! There is nothing more you can or should do. You gave her a choice. Since you mentioned you "still talk once in a while" I would assume you are not dating anymore. Is it correct? You guys don't live together, don't share intimacy and life plans for a bright future together, right? If that is correct, I think you know the answer yourself. She made her choice and unfortunately not the one you would prefer. So there is nothing more to be confused about it, move on, you will meet another girl that will treat you the way you deserve... blah.... blah

 

If she is underaged (how old are you guys?), I MIGHT consider talking to her parents. I still do not recommend it though. If she is over 21, forget it. She is an adult and its her life to live. As a good friendly concern you might want to give her some brochures with rehab, detox info. That will show her that you do really care about her and at the same time it shows that you do respect her independence and freedom in choices she makes. Maybe she will realize how amazing you are and will end up giving up drugs and you will live happily ever after.

 

Also

 

Please do NOT take Saraispeil's advice regarding figuring out who is her dealer and reporting him. 1st of all it has nothing to do with your dating situation. 2nd of all and most importantly peopled get killed for that sh*t. I am being very very serious.

[saraispiel19]

Please do NOT take Saraispeil's advice regarding figuring out who is her dealer and reporting him. 1st of all it has nothing to do with your dating situation. 2nd of all and most importantly peopled get killed for that sh*t. I am being very very serious.

 

true. i don't know what i was thinking when i said that (to find out) however when it comes to drugs comming off the streets that concept i do stand by firmly..

 

whoopsies sorry for the slip up!!

[cjanee]

Well, I have had my share of experience with this one. Dated a cocaine user for 18 months. He was charming, manipulative, a thief and very very sick.

 

First off when someone is addicted to anything there is an underlying problem which is much deeper then, " I can stop anytime." Fear is the driving force behind addiction. If a person can stuff their fear of life, fear of relationships, places and things then in some ways they get to stop living.

 

Living for some people ,the daily grind of it is difficult. Repressed trauma can sometimes be the cause of stuffing these uncomfortable feelings or too much of any stimulant over time will make the brain and body sick.

 

If I keep manipulating my neurotransmitters to go above the baseline,(normal conditions), then eventually the dopamine(neurotransmitter) is not going to work so well and walla! I am chronically depressed. I need to use more just to feel normal now.

 

Its complicated. She could have underlying mental disorder like depression, bi polar, ADHD, ADD, mood disorder.. and is self medicating to feel better. It goes on and on.

 

But one thing is a guarantee.. If she keeps using the way she has the end result will be a very sick girl anyway.

 

I suggest you check out Naranon. There should be a meeting in your area. It saved my life. Google it. You will learn alot at those meetings. If its not too late you may decide to walk now while you still can.

[cobidoll]

they will lie and then lie about lying. it's all lies- get out.