Woggle Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 You all know about my friend going through the divorce. We talked a little this morning and his soon to be ex is mad because he didn't fight to save the marriage. She is the one that cheated, asked for a divorce and then didn't respond at all after he begged and pleaded for a year. He fought like hell to save the marriage and after he finally gave up and decided to file for the divorce himself she got mad and accused him of not fighting for her. Now he wants nothing to do with her and can't wait to finalize the divorce so he can finally move on with his life and she is acting like the victim. My ex was the same way. She cheated on me and then walked out but later on felt justified in trying to shoot me because I gave up on her too easily. I just don't get it. Does it makes women feel less worthy when a man moves on quickly and isn't all brokenhearted and crying? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 woggle, you know both of the women you mentioned aren't "normal" women. People cheat for all kinds of reasons of which one, is the desperate need for external validation. Apply this need to how they reacted when either one of you guys didn't validate. Insta-victimhood! Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 So I'm nit a woman but my ex had some of that frustration.. so I'll give it a shot anyway. Their ego's weren't being fed enough... they lost that power, control and the center of attention they had and needed their drama fix. Like most addicts they went into withdrawal when the drug was taken away... ...and... 'Seller's' remorse... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 sumdude's hit the nail on the head: It's all about powerplay. She wanted to get her nut, but she also wanted her husband to pine away for her, to beg her to stay, to do everything in his power to make the relationship work even though she wasn't interested. Basically, she was being a beech. which is really, really stupid because when you actually care about someone, when you love them, games are beneath you. tell your friend not to look back, because apparently, she's not worth even being angry over ... Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Woggle- Both your ex and your friend's have one thing in common: they cheated. They were in pursuit of instant gratification. Once they realised that the newness and the excitement of sexual encounters is temporary, they probably thought: WTF have I done? By which time it was too late! Best thing to do is to stay as far away from them as possible. They will try to make life hell for you. Move state or country if you can! Nomad Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 My psycho ex is now in Florida so she is finally out of my life. I don't think his ex is that crazy but you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 You all know about my friend going through the divorce. We talked a little this morning and his soon to be ex is mad because he didn't fight to save the marriage. She is the one that cheated, asked for a divorce and then didn't respond at all after he begged and pleaded for a year. He fought like hell to save the marriage and after he finally gave up and decided to file for the divorce himself she got mad and accused him of not fighting for her. Now he wants nothing to do with her and can't wait to finalize the divorce so he can finally move on with his life and she is acting like the victim. My ex was the same way. She cheated on me and then walked out but later on felt justified in trying to shoot me because I gave up on her too easily. I just don't get it. Does it makes women feel less worthy when a man moves on quickly and isn't all brokenhearted and crying? I don't know your story or your friend's but I know that a lot of men will put all the 'faults' on the women.. of course.. it's none of THEIR fault.. If one person cheats, IMO, most of the time, they have a 'good' reason to... maybe you were driving her to cheat on you.. We only get one side here.. it's easy for you to say.. that the victim is your friend.. but in real life, maybe she is.... really. Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I don't know your story or your friend's but I know that a lot of men will put all the 'faults' on the women.. of course.. it's none of THEIR fault.. If one person cheats, IMO, most of the time, they have a 'good' reason to... maybe you were driving her to cheat on you.. We only get one side here.. it's easy for you to say.. that the victim is your friend.. but in real life, maybe she is.... really. Let me guess, you've been on the side that is the cheater? I'm sorry but there is no driving someone else to make a conscious decision to cheat on someone else. I can understand if you say that someone has driven you out of the relationship, but that is totally different than you making a decision to cheat while in a relationship. There is no 'good' reason to cheat...ever. Cheating is for lowlife weasels. How about try to fix the relationship or get out of it, THEN go get your rocks off with someone else. And obviously I've been on the side of the cheated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 You all know about my friend going through the divorce. We talked a little this morning and his soon to be ex is mad because he didn't fight to save the marriage. She is the one that cheated, asked for a divorce and then didn't respond at all after he begged and pleaded for a year. He fought like hell to save the marriage and after he finally gave up and decided to file for the divorce himself she got mad and accused him of not fighting for her. He should have told her that she is a cheater and not worth fighting for. Now he wants nothing to do with her and can't wait to finalize the divorce so he can finally move on with his life Good for him!! he'll be much happier and she is acting like the victim. Oh, there are alot of people here that think the cheater IS the victim. In their minds there had to be something your friend did to make her cheat on him....it just HAS to be something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted June 24, 2008 Author Share Posted June 24, 2008 I admit I am not perfect but I am not the one who spent a year in prison for trying to do a driveby on my ex. How she only did a year I will never know but at least she has moved far away. My friend did not deserve what he got and now that he has gotten some self respect he realize she is not worth a drop of his effort. Link to post Share on other sites
cyabye Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Lizzie60, There is NO good reason to cheat on someone. PERIOD. The cheater is trying to fullfill a need (so they think)which in turn shows how selfish that person really is. So you think the husband or wife drove their spouse to cheat? Hey, it's all my fault! cyabye Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Lizzie60, There is NO good reason to cheat on someone. PERIOD. The cheater is trying to fullfill a need (so they think)which in turn shows how selfish that person really is. So you think the husband or wife drove their spouse to cheat? Hey, it's all my fault! cyabye Hey I believe otherwise.. There is, sometimes, a good reason to cheat... for example.. for the sake of the children.. for the sake of the BS... Sometimes, I am convinced that the BS drove their partner to cheat.. of course.. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Sounds more like a reason to talk, or even split up / divorce. Going to have to agree that there is no excuse for cheating. If it gets to that point, you should just split up with them first. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Lizzie - Does that mean that if you are in a committed relationship with someone, you would have no compunction about him sleeping with / having emotional ties with someone else? If the answer is yes, then why not agree to having an open relationship from the outset? That way, no one will be deceived. Nomad Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Hey I believe otherwise.. There is, sometimes, a good reason to cheat... for example.. for the sake of the children.. for the sake of the BS... Sometimes, I am convinced that the BS drove their partner to cheat.. of course.. HUH?? This makes absolutely no sense Lizzie. How do you cheat for the sake of your children?? I know some people feel they have been driven to cheat...but the truth is they were driven to leave, but like a spineless coward they just cheated instead. Link to post Share on other sites
soda Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I agree with sumdude. I was once in a long term relationship where my SO seemed to feed off making me jealous about this guy who always appeared to be waiting in the wings. Her song and dance changed when I informed her that I wasn't going to be jealous and that her sorry butt was dumped. She screeched at me for not "trying" to make our relationship work. Lizzie...I think your opinions are designed to validate your own wrong and hurtful behavior. There is never a good reason to cheat. There are many compelling reasons for ENDING one relationship BEFORE starting another. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 Mature, respectful, wholesome humans end relationships before starting another. It doesn't matter the reason. If someone pushes you away or hurts you with their behavior, you end the relationship. You don't start another relationship while holding onto the old one. That's called weakness, co-dependence, inability to be honest to others and most importantly honest to yourself and the way you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
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