my long-term live-in girl lied. but i want her back.. help!

[missingthebears]

My live-in girlfriend of over 6 years and I just broke up a few days ago. It was the day after we returned from a long weekend getaway camping up in the mountains and we both had a great time. But the morning after we got back I was searching for a bag to stuff some things in to take to my work (it was raining) and stumbled across a couple notes someone had written to her that she had saved stashed in the bag. Bad stuff, love letters from some other guy. I was obviously devastated, but I love this woman more than anything, and I resolved that we'd talk about it that night and we'd find a way to work things out, unless she didn't want to and was in love with someone else (my biggest fear).

 

So I picked her up after work and confronted her, told her I wasn't mad but just didn't understand and that I wanted to talk about it. She cried a lot and admitted she'd cheated, and that she was ending it because we had resolved a few weeks back to concentrate more on our relationship together when I sort of pseudo-proposed to her and she said she wasn't ready. I guess it made her feel really sad and bad about herself more than anything. She said (and I believe her) that she didn't even love the other guy, but it was just that she was unhappy with her life in general and was trying to find out if she could be passionate about stuff again. Our relationship has always been a friendship first and lately the passion has suffered a little. We used to be passionate all the time but for the past few months (before this other thing even started) she'd just been very depressed and withdrawn. Regardless, we were still (and still are) very much in love and she's also my best friend. The things I miss the most right now are sleeping next to her, kissing the back of her neck in the morning, the playful fights we used to get into, just chilling out and watching television together or getting take-out. The simple things, the things that make a relationship the most important thing in your life, that make everything else bad okay. I thought that we were having a few problems, but we've always got through them before and she's the closest thing to perfect that I can imagine. Even now.

 

We talked and talked and talked, and she said she wanted to break up. Not because she didn't love me (which she insists she does very much) but because she felt that she was bad for me (she has sort of been a compulsive liar about stupid little things that I don't even care about over the years too, smoking being the most obvious example) and she needed time to find herself and dig herself out of this pit of self-depression without me around. She says she doesn't like what she's done to me or who she is around me sometimes and that she's broken my heart. So she's sort of moved out to a friends house, is planning on finishing out a couple weeks at work, and then moving out for good and going back to her parent's place a couple hundred miles away.

 

I'm really messed up about this. I've professed my love for her, told her that I can look past all this, and that our future is way more important than any of this crap. I am in love with her and need her very much. Living in the midst of all of our mutual possessions is tearing me apart while she's gone. We went out to get dinner together and talked the other night and both cried a lot and she said she would consider moving back in and remaining friends until she departs but it seems that I can't convince her that our relationship is worth saving no matter what I say or do. I don't feel like I can live without her, and I know in my heart that this is worth fighting for, worth dying for. This girl is my entire life, and the one thing that I felt was relatively stable and going well for me. Without her, it's all a huge mess and I'm miserable with my directionless life. We'd been saving to buy a house together, talked about getting a dog, etc, etc. I want to make her happy, and I do make her happy a lot, but not enough I guess?

 

We had been planning on picking up and leaving this area for some place different by the Fall, together, to just escape some of the things that were making us unhappy, but I don't even want to think about moving on without her. She said that her plan had been to end this affair she was having and move on with me and just forget about everything else except for how much she loved me, but now that I've found evidence and knew for sure about it (I had already suspected), she couldn't do that. I don't understand what has changed, except for now she has to face the fact that I know for sure. But I'm willing to move on, look past this. How can I make her see how much she means to me and how much it's worth trying/saving this? I'm afraid to push her too hard because she is the sort of person that runs instead of confronts things, but I need her to understand and help. I miss her already.

 

Thanks for any advice that can be given. I don't know where else to turn, and this is a somewhat desperate attempt, but I need my girlfriend in my life again. She is everything to me.

[Chris11]

cheating on someone is one of the worse tings you can do to someone. Give it some time and think about it with a clear mind. If you can forgive her...and she still wants to be with you then give it a chance