Grapesoda Posted July 26, 2003 Share Posted July 26, 2003 Me and my b/f have been dating for 4 months now. He is in college wich is only 45 minutes to an hour from me but he is home for the summer so we are very close. We see eachother 2-3 times a week. I care so much for him. He is honestly a really great person and I am so lucky to have found him. Here is the situation. The other night I asked him if he thought we had a future together. I didnt mean marriage or a 5 year commitment, I just meant for the next 6 months to a year based on how he says he feels about me. His answer disturbed me, made me feel very sad. He said "well we have only been dating for 4 months now and I cant predict the future, things happen in life and something may come up that could change us". He didnt have faith at all that we could make it i dont think. After he saw that I seemd saddened by his reply, he then says " when I return to college, we'll try our best to make it work". Now I know he is talking realistically..I know something could happen. BUT I have faith that it could work. He doesnt seem too though. I know how I feel about him and that wouldnt change. We wont be able to see eachother as much since he would be living on campus but we could have our weekands. Another ing that worrys me is I am his first real relationship , I have been in other relationships and always have ended up hurt and heartbroken. My old worries are popping up and I feel very insecure. He doesnt seem as serious about us as I am. Also whenever we are together and there are pretty girls out he oggles them. he stares alot. I worry about him returning to where there are plenty of pretty girls and I am not around. Please can I get plenty of advice of what to do...we are both young. He is 19 and I am 20. help.... Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 26, 2003 Share Posted July 26, 2003 I didnt mean marriage or a 5 year commitment, I just meant for the next 6 months to a year based on how he says he feels about me. You said "what I mean" here. When you asked him about the future did you qualify that statement to him so that he knew you meant six months or a year? If someone said "a future" to me, I would think they meant a very long-term or permanent commitment. I am his first real relationship Don't get your heart set on him - "FIRST" relationships are usually just that - FIRSTS. He doesn't sound very committed to you, and personally I don't think he should be (nothing personal against you) because he's young and needs to experience life. He doesn't know what he wants yet and needs to date a lot of different people before he matures enough to settle down with one. It sounds like you need to accept the relationship for what it is, and enjoy your time together and have fun. If you are looking for a commitment and feel like you would be wasting your time dating someone who doesn't think the same way, then move on. You will both be happier. Link to post Share on other sites
niko1999 Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 I agree with Hokey, enjoy your time together. I dont think its that your boyfreind doesnt have faith, its that your boyfreind is thinking realistically. He is right you cant predict the future, yuou dont know what 6 days will bring, let alone 6 months or so. Dont forget, yoiu have only been together for only four months, that isnt a very long time yet, so you should still be having fun, dont worry about school, if it is meant to be, it will be:) Link to post Share on other sites
Chris Posted July 27, 2003 Share Posted July 27, 2003 You will only scare your partner if you start talking crazy stuff like commitment after only 4 months. A sure way to end a relationship after only 4 months is to start talking about "futures" together. I personaly would start running if I heard that from someone I have only been seeing for that short of time. Not because I didnt like or care about her but because I would not want to hurt her feelings down the road because she had big plans for us and I never got to feel that way. Its best to just let things ride for a while and have fun! And quit talking crazy for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
julietverni Posted September 15, 2003 Share Posted September 15, 2003 I had a boyfriend in college and it was the same situation. From the moment I met him, I thought he was "the one" but throughout our entire 4 year relationship, he was never as in love with me as I was with him and it constantly hurt. I always put more effort into the relationship and I never got back as much as I wanted or deserved. You've got two options, give up now while the relationship is still young and when it won't hurt as much, or continue the relationship, but never put in more than you get out. If he's the type that's not gonna make something work, but just let it happen, then you should do the same. It's not fair to you and no matter how much you try to show him that you love him and want a lasting relationship, I guarentee it won't make a bit of difference to him, whether he loves you or not, because those people will always be like that. Who knows, maybe he will change, but for now, follow his lead and put the same into the relationship as he is, or get out. Link to post Share on other sites
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