So she's moving in with him now.

[RogueK]

I want to make sure i'm right on this.

 

 

So i found out my ex is definatley moving in with the guy she started dating a week after we broke up.

 

She's been seeing him now for only two months and the first month with him was pretty much spent with her and i on the phone and her telling me how much she isn't sure that this (our break up) is what she wants.

 

Upon leaving her now i'm sure shes run into some money problems. I believe 100% that she's moving in with him just for some stability and help with money.

 

From what friends say apparently she still doesn't even know how she feels about him and when asked if there is a future with him she says "it's not something i've been thinking about".

 

I mean is this not the worst decision to make in a relationship. I'm assuming he likes her and from what i hear he treats her and her son well (which makes me happy at least), but is there any chance of this working out?

 

 

Also i've made the decision (before finding this out) to let her know if she needs someone to talk to that i'll be here. I mean she broke it off with me and there is ablsolutley no hate or anything between us. She's meant so much to me in my life that even though she's with another i can't push her away. So i figured i'd just give her the option of letting her know if she wants/needs to talk that i'll be happy to.

 

Was that the right thing to do? I'm not exactly sure what all of the break up rules are or anything, what i've gotten out of all of this though is to make sure you aren't doing something that is going to make you feel lousy in the long run.

 

I can't believe she's moving in with this guy though.

[Tony T]

When a woman breaks up with you, that means she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Why are you communicating with her...all that does is help her deal with her guilt. She is with another guy and proceeding to look out for her own selfish interests by moving in with him. She has no concern for your feelings at this point. Drop out of her life.

 

You are being so cruel to yourself. There is no need to talk to her anymore. You are not part of her life at this time. One day, when she needs to use you for something, she will call you. For some reason, you ceased to be any any use to her, emotionally or financially, when she split.

 

There is no reason to be concerned about her current relationship, how it's going or whatever. That is her business and NOT yours. And DO NOT make yourself available to her to cry on her shoulder. Why should you want to hear her woes if she has any with this other guy? She'll just be using you more if she does that. YUK. If she calls you with problems, tell her to call a counsellor.

 

Let this woman totally go, free her from all connections with you, so YOU can move on with your life and find someone who wants to be with you. This is NOT the lady.

 

Yes, it's painful. But if you want to prolong the pain into the next millenium, keep on doing what you are doing. Remember, this lady has totally moved on to new pastures. You are not part of her life anymore and I'm sure she will be happy when you realize it...unless, of couse, she is striving to string you on as a second string standby in case things don't work out with this dude. A lot of people do that. Is that what you want to be, her safety parachute??? I don't think so.

 

Cut all ties whatsoever and go forward with your life. Best wishes for great luck to you.

[RogueK]

Thanks Tony i'll definatley work on this.

 

 

I suppose there are still lingering feelings. It's not so much as i'm worried about her relationship as it is about her however. Her best friend just found out that her daughter has leukemia. Not only that but doctors have found a huge cyst growing on one of her ovaries and she has to go into surgery next week.

 

Yes it's over and i understand that, maybe you are right and i need to cut ties but the fact is i care and worry about her.

 

I just want to do the right thing.

 

I suppose i'll try and listen to you, you have no reason to lead me in the wrong way.

 

Thanks.

 

Still i can't believe she's being dumb enough to move in with ANYONE after being with them for such a short time. I can't help but think it's got to do more with the stress than anything. We cut off communication from each other (my decision) and i've just recently decided - not to be there as a crying shoulder for if/when things don't go well with her man - but as someone who knows and has understood her for so long that i'll be here if she just wants a friend to talk to.

 

I'll sleep on it and try and figure out what is best for me i suppose.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "Still i can't believe she's being dumb enough to move in with ANYONE after being with them for such a short time."

 

It makes no difference what she does or in what time she does it. Her relationship with you is over and you should have no concern whatsoever about any of her actions. Focus your attention on your life and on people who pertain to your own life and happiness. She is a part of your past you must sever.

[RogueK]

Alright Tony i'll do my best. I've read enough posts to know you're usually right. I still care but i suppose those are just lingering feelings of our time together.

 

Severing isn't easy but i'll admit i want to be happy again. If this is the road then i'll take it.

 

 

 

P.S. Aww c'mon...bring the Pee Wee Avatar back.

[michiganmale27]

Quit beating yourself down over this. Tony is right, you need to severe communications with her. Begin looking out for yourself, nevermind being there for someone who obviously doesn't care enough about you to be honest.

 

As far as the friends go, that's the standard reply...Oh I don't know if she cares for him yet, blah blah blah save the breathe ladies....That's the reply to save you from feeling pain.

 

Good Luck!