Alcohol Detox- day one

[D-Lish]

Well, after revealing in another post that I have become rather dependant on alcohol as an escape from my anxiety and depression, I have decided to post that I am starting a detox today.

 

I have written a bit before about my drinking, but this time I am ready to actually do something about it.

 

I will either go out with friends or stay in and consume anywhere between 6-15 beers a night. This has just gotten progressively worse. I have built up a tolerance that sometimes even 15 beers doesn't get me hammered.

 

I've done a lot of stupid things and put myself in risky situations with my drinking. Today, I would like that to stop and begin a way of life that involves a healthier, happier me.

 

I've always denied my problem because I am healthy in other ways- I go to the gym and eat well... but even this has begum to diminish. Sometimes I won't eat for a couple of days because I want to save the calories for the alcohol.

 

So today, I got up, had breakfast, a small lunch... and will have a small dinner.

 

I didn't go to the beerstore today- and I keep watching the clock knowing it closes in a few hours. I am not going to go though. Tonight will mark the first night that I haven't had a drink in about 3 months.

 

Wish me luck.

[melodymatters]

Oh ! Good Luck, Good Luck, Good Luck !!!!!

 

I can relate to many things in your story and will be here wishing you so damn much well !!!!

 

[D-Lish]

Oh ! Good Luck, Good Luck, Good Luck !!!!!

 

I can relate to many things in your story and will be here wishing you so damn much well !!!!

 

 

Thanks Melody:o

 

Tonight will be tough, tomorrow will probably be tougher.

I have been able to go one night without it before- but not two nights in such a very, very long time.

[jerbear]

It is actually easier, if you can do one day, you can do two days!

 

I believe you can!

[Jilly Bean]

D - have you looked into any local outreach programs you can go to for support? Any type of AA, or 12 Step type programs?

[D-Lish]

D - have you looked into any local outreach programs you can go to for support? Any type of AA, or 12 Step type programs?

 

I made an appointment with my doctor for next week. I plan to ask for help with a referral to a program. I've also been off my anxiety meds for a few months and the symptoms of the anxiety are soooo bad, that the drinking has been my one and only solace to calm my nerves. I plan to start back on those as they have helped in the past.

 

I would honestly be open to going into any program that might help.

I get annoyed with any program that is affiliated with a religious doctrine- and I know AA is heavily permeated with religious influences.

 

Anyway- tonight... no alcohol. My anxiety is through the roof though.

I am shaking life a leaf and my heart is in my throat, my stomache in knots and my back is killing me. I'd chalk it up to mild withdrawl, but I often feel like this... I just am usually into the sauce by now which serves to calm my nerves.

 

Anyway, it's been close to 24 hours without a drink.

I probably can't do this on my own- getting into a support system would probably help immenseley.

[Jilly Bean]

Yes, I agree that support would be helpful.

 

D - do you have some type of 800 hotline you can call during the weak moments while you are DTing? Before you find more appropriate resources, that is...

 

Also, the first 24 hours are the hardest. You are doing GREAT. Don't give up on you.

 

How about taking a nice bubble bath?

[Trialbyfire]

Good luck D-Lish!

[D-Lish]

Yes, I agree that support would be helpful.

 

D - do you have some type of 800 hotline you can call during the weak moments while you are DTing? Before you find more appropriate resources, that is...

 

Also, the first 24 hours are the hardest. You are doing GREAT. Don't give up on you.

 

How about taking a nice bubble bath?

 

lol... I have had two baths tonight.

 

And thanks TBF!

[Jilly Bean]

lol... I have had two baths tonight.quote]

 

Then maybe it's time to busy yourself with online porn...

 

Or, chewing gum and watching Who's the Boss reruns...

[Prodigal Princess]

Good luck, munchkin.

 

You need to get your mind off it. Rent a DVD, read a book, phone a mate, read through all your past LS threads and look how far you've come!

 

I've had friends who quit drinking and they said the first 2 nights was definitely the hardest. After that, the next big step is avoiding it in social situations. Once you change your routine so it doesn't involve the grog, however, you're halfway there. Good luck, and let us know how you go.

[Prodigal Princess]

lol... I have had two baths tonight.quote]

 

Then maybe it's time to busy yourself with online porn...

 

Or, chewing gum and watching Who's the Boss reruns...

 

You know what I'm loving at the moment? Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210 - on DVD! I spent most of last night catching up with the Peach Pit crew.

[2sunny]

DL-

 

i'm so proud of you... i'm sure this decision was not made lightly. just be very careful detoxing as it can be very dangerous to do it on your own.

 

a support program would be helpful - even if you don't embrace all of what it offers in the beginning - something is better than nothing.

 

just consider one day at a time - or even five minutes at a time if you need to. try not to get overwhelmed - which is easy to do.

 

maybe do some meditation or something that relaxes you or that you can rely on when the urge to drink pops up. if nothing else just distract yourself if that is necessary.

 

like i said... i'm proud of you! you go girl! these will be a few tough days ahead but you can do it.

 

if i can do it - you can do it! i used to drink more than a gallon of vodka every day... i really don't have the desire to go back to that misery again. THIS is living! you will do fine.

[Star Gazer]

You're a courageous woman, D. I've always known that. If there's anyone who can get through this, it's you.

 

[dropdeadlegs]

I don't post much anymore, but yours caught my attention.

 

The 1st 24 hours may be the hardest, or not. It depends on your drinking habits. I can easily go days without beer, but weekends are very hard. Not because my BF drinks, he rarely does, but more because it's a habit. And he DOES indulge that habit.

 

Why? I don't really know. Perhaps because he sees me as a person who likes to drink (and is harmless while doing so, meaning it doesn't interfere with us or our family) versus a person who drinks to achieve a sense of being that is not "normal" ie: high or drunk, whatever you prefer to call it. I have often called myself an alcoholic, and he just says, "no, you just like to drink." Somehow I think I'm the right one on that debate. I don't have 4 beers, like he does, I have 20, or more. I don't LIKE to stop with a few. I will say that I CAN'T stop with a few. I have to have more, until I'm ready to stop.

 

Yes, these days I drink at home, and I definitely don't drink and drive. But my patterns may have changed (drinking in bars versus drinking at home) yet my desired result hasn't changed at all. I still drink to achieve an altered sense of being.

 

I often ask myself "why?" My life is VERY good. Much better than a year ago. I have a wonderful home, great man/lover, great kids, even what I would call a perfect existence, so why the need to "escape?"

 

My guess is habit, alternately known as addiction. Yes, I used to drink one six pack per evening, along with half a joint. But I cut out the pot two years ago, and the beer has gone up to 10, versus 6. I've gained 20 pounds, too. So much for the pot causing weight.

 

I wish you the best, D-Lish. I hope you can overcome this monster on your own. I understand your reluctance to join a 12-step program.

 

Art_Critic will espouse them, but I had difficulty with the

God" aspect myself. Still, look where I am. Not where he is, for sure.

[Art_Critic]

You go girl... Remember that doing one day at a time is the easiest way to break it down..

Don't look to tomorrow and only look to today.

 

Some people I have known have had to take it down to one hour at a time..

 

I certainly understand your concern over the word God in the AA program..

The thing to remember is that the AA program uses the word GOD like this :

 

Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out

 

As we understand God.. it is designed to fit all people religious and not..

the big book even has a whole section dedicated to agnostics..

 

When I quit drinking I was an agnostic and even today I still have many of those same feelings but I used the AA program in the way it was designed.... to help me stay sober and from drinking again...

 

My higher power is the Ocean ... not a person.. not a god.. but an object that I felt was greater than me...

Certainly there are AA groups that make religion the forefront of their program.. there are also groups that don't..

 

The steps are really just a journey into self awareness and the fellowship is the biggest power of unity.. being able to fall back on someone who understands what you are going thru..

 

 

Keep it up D-lish.. you certainly can do this.. I'm rooting for you.

[Art_Critic]

by the way...

I say this to myself daily..

 

I don't want a drink today...

I may drink tomorrow but I don't want a drink today..

and tomorrow I will wake up and feel the same way as I do today.

 

I created this to keep my mindset into only thinking about today and one day at a time..

[blind_otter]

Good luck, D. I wish you all the best. I know you can do it, just stay the course.

 

FWIW, I didn't have the traditional old man in white robes as my higher power, either....I chose the Universe.

[D-Lish]

Thank you Art and BO...

 

Last night was tough, I didn't sleep one wink because of my anxiety.

The alcohol has been my sleeping remedy for such a long time.

 

I didn't realize you could develop into an alcoholic out of the blue like that. There is no alcoholism in my family. It was purely situationally developed, probably progressive over the past two years due to the stress and depression- but really bad for the last year.

 

So I am taking this one day at a time. I set a realistic goal of no alcohol for one week. Since I didn't sleep last night, I am hoping I will be tired enough to go to bed early. I ususally start my craving to start drinking after 7pm. I have tried to do this before, yet find myself watching the clock for when the beer store closes (at 10pm) and inevitably go running over because the craving is so bad.

 

I also tried to ween myself off bu going in and just buying 2 or 3 cans... but when they were done, I would crave more, so the next night I would buy 4 cans... and so on and so forth... the binging just got worse again and I went back to stocking my fridge.

 

SO many times I have woken up feeling crappy in the morning and told myself that day was the last day i would drink... but I inevitably fall back. I will ask to be recommended to a support group this time when I see my doc again next week.

 

Last night was the first step.. tonight will be another test.

If I can make it through the weekend, I will see that as a great accomplishment, since that is when the biggest temptations happen.

 

Thanks again for your words of wisdom and support.

 

I am an Atheist myself, so I am hoping to find a program without the religion aspect- but if I can't... I can't... I'll go where I have to!

[Art_Critic]

I had the night sweats and a racing mind for a couple of weeks..

My fog took about 3 weeks or so to clear and after that I was able to think more clearly..

 

Make sure you eat well...that helps a bunch

 

Also remember that to someone who has a drinking problem:

One drink is too many and 1000 are not enough...

 

Don't take the first drink D-lish and you will be fine...

[Jilly Bean]

You're doing great, D! Take a moment to acknowledge to yourself how huge this was. Journey of a lifetime, kinda stuff...

 

Maybe Art can clarify this, but I don't know if someone can be classified as an alcoholic, or just someone who is abusing alcohol. Or, if there is even a difference.

 

I know you have religious issues with AA - for me, when I took my friend, the only thing that tweaked me was the moniker that everyone was branded an alcoholic. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to tell people to wear this badge every day for the rest of their life.

 

For example, I had a big coke/crystal problem years ago. I have been clean for over 10 years, so its very much NOT a part of my life, and NOT who I am today. I also refuse to label myself a "drug addict" as they wanted to in NA, as I feel that would attach me to it even more. I do readily admit that given the right circumstances, I could fall back into this, and I prefer to look at it as I had a serious drug problem at one point in my life. Not to say I couldn't again, but I also dont want that bond with the title.

 

So, for you, again, not sure it helps to consider yourself an alcoholic. Knowing that you have a serious problem with it yes, which you have already admitted and are therefore working on getting yourself sober. YEAH!

 

You are a strong, tough cookie, D and I truly have every faith that you will right yourself.

 

One day at a time, my sister.

[melodymatters]

Oh D-lish, I am so proud of you and amazed at your strength ! No one was forcing you to quit : you are doing it for yourself, which is the only way.

 

I drink/drank for the same reasons you did, but you know the alcohol just makes the anxiety worse. I'd rather see you take a valium or xanax here and there for the first few days than shake apart at the seems. They DO give you those to help detox in the hospital.

 

Right now I am on the lowest dose of paxil, and I only take that every other day, and it helps with the anxiety.

 

I wish I lived closer so I could be there for you !

[blind_otter]

I know you have religious issues with AA - for me, when I took my friend, the only thing that tweaked me was the moniker that everyone was branded an alcoholic. I wasn't sure it was the right thing to tell people to wear this badge every day for the rest of their life.

 

I think, for me, it actually helps that I will forever be a "recovering alcoholic" - because it constantly reminds me that it will never be OK to have that first drink. If I were to abandon the label, (this is just me) I would probably much more easily rationalize that "now it's ok to drink."

 

You may know about my S/O's continuing problems - I think that his refusal to label himself as a lifetime alcoholic is one of the biggest problems. He has quit for years, literally. He quit before the birth of his first son, and was sober up until his son turned 4 or 5. Then, he just randomly started drinking again because he thought he was cured.

 

To this day he refuses to say he is an alcoholic. Only that he has "alcohol problems" - and to me this is why it happens, every couple of years, every couple of months, every couple of weeks (depending). He stops for a while, thinks he "has an handle on it," then starts again.

 

This cycle has been going on for nearly 25 years with him.

[Art_Critic]

To me taking the first step and " Admitting that I was powerless over Alcohol " is what broke down the label of a problem drinker..

 

I think when I labeled myself as someone who had Alcohol issues I was full of denial and was continuing to drink.. despite the label..

 

It was only going part way... hiding behind the the label allowed me to continue my drinking and behavior because I wasn't an Alcoholic.. Denial

 

Going all the way is accepting that I am powerless over Alcohol and that I am an Alcoholic...

 

Like B_O.. it is a stark reminder of my past and where I don't want to go again...

[Jilly Bean]

No, that's good input, BO.

 

I guess for me, I know if I were to use again, I would die. Because I wouldn't stop. I would drive myself into such a powder frenzy, that it literally would kill me.

 

I fully admit I *had* a problem with it. So severe, that I have never fooled myself into thinking I can casually use and be OK with it.

 

For me, as with all true addicts, there is no middle ground. Either I use (and die) or stay straight and live.

 

I guess because I don't kid myself that I can use and handle it that it makes it easier to eschew the labeling.

 

BO - I think the thing with your SO is that regardless of labels, he just wont admit that he cant handle alcohol. Period. Im sorry you deal with that...