Alcohol Detox- day one

[melodymatters]

I think you're doing great D. So much so that I was going to pour myself a glass of wine tonight and I didn't. Oddly enough, since the ex, I crave alcohol more often. I must have upped how much I drank while I was with him, since he was always drinking. Thank you so much for sharing what you are experiencing with us D. I know it's helping me take better care of myself.

 

 

Me too !! My nightly couple of beers was escalating, and you set such a good example that i'm taking some time off from drinking too. So far two days. you are SUCH a good influence !!

 

keep up the good work !

[Curmudgeon]

You're doing great, D-Lish. It's not easy. I know. My wife detoxed over the course of a week several months ago then entered a residential recovery program where she stayed for 30 days. Even after all that she's had a couple of 1-2 day relapses but she keeps on working at it. Today she's sober. Hopefully she will be tomorrow as well.

 

As for the cigarettes, she, too, quit when I did last December but a week ago started smoking again for just the reason you mentioned. It was just too darn difficult to quit two vices at the same time. Thankfully, I'm not even tempted and she doesn't smoke around me as a courtesy.

 

If you haven't looked into AA, I'd recommend it. You never know what kind of strength you can gain from a support group.

 

Best of luck. It's tough but I have confidence you're strong enough to beat it. I admire anyone who can and 2Sunny serves as a great example of what's possible.

[Jilly Bean]

D? How was the weekend with the folks? How did they take the revelation?

[D-Lish]

Hey everyone...

 

Well- Friday I had a bad day. I had to go to the lawyers to deal with the final stages of the Inc. bankruptcy, then some friends helped me to clear out the remaining contents of my personal items from my store that have been in lock down.

 

After we cleared things out- my friends came back to my place and brought beer (they don't know my situation). Once the guys started drinking I got into a few myself and had a relapse. I went and stayed at my parents yesterday and then returned to my own place today after the liquor store was closed so I wouldn't be tempted to pick anything up- although I struggled with it all day and really wanted to grab beer.

 

So yesterday and today I have started again. I found it hard to deal with it tonight... but managed through nonetheless.

 

I do think I need a residential treatment program... being away from it for 30 days would probably do the trick!

 

I can't let a bad day be an excuse because I know I will have to face bad days down the road. This is harder than I thought- many tough days ahead I imagine... but I am definetely committed to this recovery.

[2sunny]

DL-

 

i find AA meetings helpful. if you don't agree with everything they put out there - it doesn't matter. it is for folks that have a DESIRE to stop drinking.

 

use it as a support system to help you stay on track. people share about their experience, strength and hope. if you find a person there that you connect with - you may consider sharing your history with them so they can encourage you to stay on track.

 

i definitely have to rely on a few little tricks that seem to keep me out of trouble - none of which are difficult. one is contrary action. for example i admit that whatever i was doing before didn't work for me to stay sober. when presented with a situation i say to myself "what would i normally do in the old days?" then i do the complete opposite! this gives me a new result and it helps.

 

i'm proud of you for starting again... that is hard - but totally worth it! keep up the good work.

[D-Lish]

DL-

 

i find AA meetings helpful. if you don't agree with everything they put out there - it doesn't matter. it is for folks that have a DESIRE to stop drinking.

 

use it as a support system to help you stay on track. people share about their experience, strength and hope. if you find a person there that you connect with - you may consider sharing your history with them so they can encourage you to stay on track.

 

i definitely have to rely on a few little tricks that seem to keep me out of trouble - none of which are difficult. one is contrary action. for example i admit that whatever i was doing before didn't work for me to stay sober. when presented with a situation i say to myself "what would i normally do in the old days?" then i do the complete opposite! this gives me a new result and it helps.

 

i'm proud of you for starting again... that is hard - but totally worth it! keep up the good work.

 

Thanks for sharing 2S... I know what my triggers are- and unfortunately one of those triggers is actually sitting here with my drinks posting on LS!! I have considered giving up the computer for a while because I know it's one of the things that contributes to my problem. I get lonley and bored- and being online alieviates the boredom, while the alcohol washes away the lonliness.

 

I think that getting though this first week with only one relapse is still a small bit of progress seeing as though I have been drinking everyday to the point of getting drunk this past year... but I still want to stop 100% and be sober for at least a month.

 

I am going to talk to my doc this week about my options. I would go to AA as long as the premis doesn't get too heavy on the religious aspects of recovery. I get pretty angry about the imposition of religion on my life as I am pretty anti-god/religion - and not just mildly opposed- I am heavily opposed. So I fear I would just tune out or get turned off at the first mention of god having anything to do with my recovery.

 

I did make it through last night and tonight though- it just took a lot of willpower to do so. Now that the weekend is over, I feel some sense of relief.

[Star Gazer]

I hope you're not beating yourself up over your little slip, D.

 

Know that we're all here supporting you 100% along the way. We believe in you!!!

[D-Lish]

I hope you're not beating yourself up over your little slip, D.

 

Know that we're all here supporting you 100% along the way. We believe in you!!!

 

Thanks SG... a little bit of shame- but I have decided to post truthfully:o!!

[Gala]

D-Lish -

 

I hadn't been on LS for a few months, then saw tonight that you are experiencing this struggle. I am so sorry. My dad came from an alcoholic background and quit drinking before he ever met my mother, but I still had the potential. Suffice it to say that college was quite an experience... somehow, over the years, my drinking winnowed down - thank God. And yet in tough spots in recent years I've savored those 2 glasses of wine before bed, just for that little window of numbness. Last year just about finished me off, so boy did wine feel necessary.

 

Then I came back from a really great trip to Europe in April, found myself out of wine, and said "Let's see how long we can go here." I still drink moderately in social situations, but have not yet bought alcohol to bring home. One of my reasons is, admittedly, total vanity - alcohol is apparently the mega-cellulite producer (do a Google search on cellulite + alcohol + estrogen!).

 

But over and above that, I know that I am not beyond just reaching for excessive amounts of alcohol when I am REALLY nervous. It is an old, unhelpful behavior. It is not frequent, but it happens. So I am really working on understanding my emotions and not numbing them out when I have them. My dad was not an active drinker, but he never got past a lot of the emotional issues that had driven the drinking - and this history is part of my struggle. I even was saying to my therapist last session that I think problem drinking itself becomes a huge focus, sometimes at the expense of the emotions underneath. I have a similar aversion to the God emphasis of AA that you've expressed, and maybe the residential treatment programs are effective not only because your environment is controlled, but b/c a lot of therapeutic work goes on.

 

My car was apparently stolen last night, so I allowed myself a beer when I went out for Thai food tonight.

 

I will be thinking of you. Take care.

[D-Lish]

D-Lish -

 

I hadn't been on LS for a few months, then saw tonight that you are experiencing this struggle. I am so sorry. My dad came from an alcoholic background and quit drinking before he ever met my mother, but I still had the potential. Suffice it to say that college was quite an experience... somehow, over the years, my drinking winnowed down - thank God. And yet in tough spots in recent years I've savored those 2 glasses of wine before bed, just for that little window of numbness. Last year just about finished me off, so boy did wine feel necessary.

 

Then I came back from a really great trip to Europe in April, found myself out of wine, and said "Let's see how long we can go here." I still drink moderately in social situations, but have not yet bought alcohol to bring home. One of my reasons is, admittedly, total vanity - alcohol is apparently the mega-cellulite producer (do a Google search on cellulite + alcohol + estrogen!).

 

But over and above that, I know that I am not beyond just reaching for excessive amounts of alcohol when I am REALLY nervous. It is an old, unhelpful behavior. It is not frequent, but it happens. So I am really working on understanding my emotions and not numbing them out when I have them. My dad was not an active drinker, but he never got past a lot of the emotional issues that had driven the drinking - and this history is part of my struggle. I even was saying to my therapist last session that I think problem drinking itself becomes a huge focus, sometimes at the expense of the emotions underneath. I have a similar aversion to the God emphasis of AA that you've expressed, and maybe the residential treatment programs are effective not only because your environment is controlled, but b/c a lot of therapeutic work goes on.

 

My car was apparently stolen last night, so I allowed myself a beer when I went out for Thai food tonight.

 

I will be thinking of you. Take care.

 

Thanks Gala- I surely did notice a change in my body, especially where fat was beginning to settle in my tummy area... not to mention that I have put a huge strain on my immune system and find myself getting sick and prone to infection the past 6 months. I've gone on an immune system boosting regimen with vitamens and certain foods and admittedly feel better with more energy this past week. Feeling better has been a strong incentive because the results happened within a few days.

 

I appreciate the stories and other's struggles. It's nice to hear that others have struggled and overcome addictions... it truly gives me hope.

[Jilly Bean]

I appreciate the stories and other's struggles. It's nice to hear that others have struggled and overcome addictions... it truly gives me hope.

 

Girl - if you read my other post about OD'ing and if you knew what life was like after that (it's honestly too gruesome to share at this point in your recovery), you'd realize if I can bounce back from that, then YOU can certainly right yourself.

 

I still have every faith, despite the brief blip.

 

I do think you should tell your friends, though.

[Star Gazer]

I do think you should tell your friends, though.

 

I agree...if only so that they can try to not unknowingly tempt you.

[Gala]

D-Lish -

 

I did see your post on the HIV test that your doctor recommended. Good heavens - with all that beer coursing about in your system, no wonder you were tired! I also liked that explanation about the yeast...

 

One suggestion - in your spare time, you can think about -- and even practice -- ways to explain to friends that you're not drinking. Some you may want to be more detailed with than others; don't feel like you need to confess everything every time.

 

By the way - if you haven't seen it, you may want to read the thread that Blind Otter started on 6/18. She has a tough row to hoe right now as well...

[D-Lish]

I did actually explain to my neighbour that I often drink with that I wanted some downtime- and he has been supportive. Unfortunately the guys that moved my stuff for me are more fairweather friends... so I didn't feel comfortable. I'll just avoid hanging out with them from now on.

 

As for my close friends- I only have one I confide in... the others don't necessarily "get it"... But I do have to start being honest with them. I know most of them would be shocked if I was to be 100% honest with them, but I also know revealing it is a part of the process of recovery.

 

Being generally under the weather for the past 6 months def has its roots in my consumption. I felt better and had more energy into the 3rd day of not drinking- and my infection immediately subsided too. That's why I think a good 30 days of being off alcohol while I focus on getting healthy will be a huge positive.

 

I couldn't imagine your OD JB, must have been horrendous. I saw rock bottom on the horizon... and it scared me. I was also making very poor choices.

 

Thanks again for sharing your stories everyone- it does give me better insight into the damage I have been doing to myself. And it's comforting to know others have conquered their own demons.

 

I'm just concentating on removing myself from situations that might encourage drinking... and sadly I think that will mean giving up some of my social circle... but I see no other way to combat the problem.

[blind_otter]

I'm just concentating on removing myself from situations that might encourage drinking... and sadly I think that will mean giving up some of my social circle... but I see no other way to combat the problem.

 

This is a reality for those of us who have to abstain from certain substances. There are just some people you can't hang out with, it sucks, but that's how it is. The good news is that once you get heavily into your sobriety, you will be able to be around alcohol again without feeling the urge to drink. You will be able to nurse your soda water with a twist without really feeling out of place, although IME drunk people are about 10 times more annoying when you're sober. Especially when they do that thing where they say the same thing over and over again in 50 different ways because they forgot they already told you. 50 times.

 

But early in your recovery, yeah - it is just common sense to stay away from it. When I got clean, I stopped hanging out with 75% of my social circle.

[Art_Critic]

I do think I need a residential treatment program... being away from it for 30 days would probably do the trick!

 

Yes you do.. but it isn't being away from 30 days that will do the trick..

 

You have to give it up for good and for all... no more drinking D-lish.. Day by day..

 

You have just proven or shown yourself that you cannot control your drinking. you only went a few days before drinking again.

 

I feel that you need to enter yourself in treatment with a 12 step program of some sort to follow up..

You need a support system that you can count on and you also need to remove yourself from drinking situations in the future till you can handle it.

[Art_Critic]

So yesterday and today I have started again. I found it hard to deal with it tonight... but managed through nonetheless.

 

By the way.. nothing wrong with starting from the beginning again.. not everyone can put it down and leave it down..

 

Keep trying D-lish....

 

Remember that all you have to have is a desire to stop drinking

[Gala]

D-Lish -

 

Are you into yoga at all? That may sound a bit California-woo-woo, but it does help with stress - and with understanding how the body responds to it. I've been at it for 5+ years, and now at work (and elsewhere) I really notice how much people carry in their bodies. All those folks with their shoulders up around their ears...

[D-Lish]

Yes you do.. but it isn't being away from 30 days that will do the trick..

 

You have to give it up for good and for all... no more drinking D-lish.. Day by day..

 

You have just proven or shown yourself that you cannot control your drinking. you only went a few days before drinking again.

 

I feel that you need to enter yourself in treatment with a 12 step program of some sort to follow up..

You need a support system that you can count on and you also need to remove yourself from drinking situations in the future till you can handle it.

 

You're completely right Art. I do need something much more than my own will- because it's not enough.

 

I initially thought I just wanted to go back to having a few drinks on the weekend with my friends... like it used to be before things spun out of control. That will never be possible.

 

I truly don't understand how I got this way- going from drinking socially, and sometimes no drinking for months... to becoming a full fledged alcoholic in my mid-30's.

 

So, I did start over, and after my relapse Friday, I haven't had anything.

I feel a tug today though. I am going to ignore it... but I feel it. I am also weepy with super high anxiety today.

 

I haven't tried Yoga Before G. I usually do cardio.

It's something a lot of people suggest to help with stress and anxiety.

[Art_Critic]

 

So, I did start over, and after my relapse Friday, I haven't had anything.

I feel a tug today though. I am going to ignore it... but I feel it. I am also weepy with super high anxiety today.

 

 

You really should cut yourself a break some.. We all don't know why things happen to us..

 

You have been thru a meat grinder with all the things about your business and home and then throw in the relationship issues..

 

What you do need to remember is that giving it up for good and for all isn't a bad thing.. it is a good thing for you...

 

I have lived 21 years without alcohol in my life.. no drinks.. nothing with alcohol in it.. including medicine.. no near beer ( drinking near beer for an alcoholic sets up the system of denial to the point that a real drink is real close.. ) and I have never missed it..

 

Everything that happens in my life that is good or great can be attributed to being sober...

 

Everything...

 

Even my son.. I wouldn't have him today if I had not sobered up ..

 

There are good things in your life too that will be attributed to you being sober.. trust me...

some day you will look back and wonder what you saw in getting drunk..

[2sunny]

DL-

 

i'm not sure where you're located but pilates was a great source of exercise for me while i was in rehab... i'm not generally the exercise kind of gal - but i loved it!

 

cleared my head and brought back my toned body very quickly. the flexibility in body motion and strength level was awesome.

[Touche]

No offense to AC because I have tremendous respect for him where this issue is concerned. But...I can't think about giving it up for "good and for all." That's an AA thing right?

 

D, just think about not drinking TODAY. Just today. As for the anxiety, try a cup of herbal tea and give in to any food cravings.

 

I'm right there with you.

[Art_Critic]

No offense to AC because I have tremendous respect for him where this issue is concerned. But...I can't think about giving it up for "good and for all." That's an AA thing right?

 

I don't know if it is an AA thing or not.. My sponsor used to say it to me when I was trying to admit to myself that I was powerless over Alcohol..

 

I think in essence it just means that you have to give it up with the intent of never drinking again.. day by day..

 

If you give up drinking thinking that one day you can return to drinking again then you will be shocked when you start and realize that it IS a progressive disease and you will be drinking harder and be worse off then you were before...

 

To me giving it up for good and for all means just that...

That I haven't given it up thinking that I will drink one day like everyone else..

I can't.. I'm an Alcoholic.. and that means I had to give it up for good and for all .. day by day...

[D-Lish]

I used to be able to have a few drinks and stop... but this past year as everything started falling apart, I have found that I simply cannot have just one... One always leads to 10-15. It's complete and utter escapism for me. I feel so good after one, I have to have another, and then I simply cannot stop.

 

I have actually been wondering if I should give up my internet for a while, as that seems to be a heavy trigger. I enjoy getting bombed and posting here or talking on msn. I would grab a case of beer on my way home every night after work and come home and sit by my computer and get drunk...

 

Of course I would like to believe I can go back to being a mild social drinker, but I know it's imbedded in me that one will lead to many. I have no self control with alcohol. I was on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs as well as taking prescription sleeping pills on top of the drinking up until a few months ago when I stopped taking my prescriptions.

 

My doc actually suggested that I get into the habit of taking my immovane and clonozapam at night when the need to drink came upon me so I could go to bed instead. It was a good idea in theory- but I think it's just trading one addiction for another. I can't sleep because my anxiety is so intense, it's beyond a mild case. That's probably something that yoga or pilates might help.

 

I'm not sure if I should resume my medication or not. Having sleeping pills on hand as an alcoholic could be dangerous.

[2sunny]

i'm sure i don't need to tell you that alcohol is a depressant.

 

that being said... for some folks they wonder if they need the anti-depressants - but then realize after they have been off the alcohol for a bit of time that it's not necessary.

 

only your doctor (psychiatrist?) should be the one to determine your needs in this arena.

 

don't rule out the possibility though that you may have only been depressed by the use of alcohol.

 

this revelation that i didn't need any meds after i eliminated alcohol was amazingly freeing...

 

i really wanted to blame my depressed frame of mind on anything but eliminating alcohol... thus - my ability to continue the use on a daily basis. funny how the mind can try to justify the need to continue to drink.