Feeling Trapped

[quankanne]

Ruby, you're dealing with a lot right now, and from what I've read, it sounds like you're finally at a point where you can "fight" back to make your voice heard, and you're not happy because you don't see any change in the situation.

 

to a degree you're right, but in another sense, you're not: The change is evident in that you're finally speaking up for yourself, instead of trying to be Perfect Wife (and we all go through that at some point in our marriages, trying to be what he wants so that all will be "good").

 

it sounds like your husband is still happy with his choice of spouse, even though he sees you struggling with what's going on as you find your voice. Instead of looking at him as the enemy, would it help to see it as him supporting your desires to get an education the way he did you? Or are you automatically expecting him to fight you because you have no real idea what he thinks? (again, we tend to do this when we feel we must be "good spouses" and we fail to effectively communicate)

 

break it down in stages: Instead of just looking to divorce as the instant answer, look at getting your degree as a means of better finding out who you are and who you want to be. If he's truly supportive of this, it might make things easier along the way because he's behind you and helping you with rearing your child as you study. Who knows? Maybe you'll find the person you're looking for as you complete your courses and your self-esteem/self-image improves, and you are able to see y'alls relationship in a different light.

 

because right now, it's very easy to think in terms of doom and gloom when things remain the same, while even the smallest bit of change can elicit new ideas or observations about your relationship.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up, but keep your options open. If you feel the same way in 3 months, 6 months, half-way through your college career, THEN start planning alternatives. Because I can personally vouch for a skewed vision of life when depression sets in: You convince yourself that those things that may have normally brought joy or pleasure or relief just aren't worth the effort anymore, that only drastic change can help, when all it does is just add to the jumbled mess.

 

I'm not against you, Ruby, but asking you to consider baby-steps when it comes to making drastic decisions like divorce, because what you feel may bring you happiness might just do the opposite, or worse ... nothing.

 

good luck, and keep us posted, okay?

[Nomad1]

Ruby - Why don't you take time out for yourself for a few months. If your H is happy looking after your daughter, let him do that. Or you can take her with you and see how you feel after 3 to 6 months. It seems to me that you have hit a stage where you are asking existential questions: who am I, what do I want from life/ Only you can find out and you need time to figure that out. If your H is understanding he will let you do what you want. In 6 months' time you might see things differently. If not, then you can separate. It must feel awful to feel trapped. You need to feel free to pursue what you want. It will be better for you and for your husband. Explain to him how you feel. If you make him understand, he will support you.

 

Nomad1

[Billy Bob]

People can change for better or worse. Control is just a behavior. It can be changed, if the person understands his behavior, the reasoning behind why he does it, and is willing to do what it takes to limit or control his response or triggers to such behavior.

 

Well.. Some behaviors can be modified sure.. But I have been in realtionships with two people with very controlling personalities and try as they might, they just can't change. I knew I couldn't live with someone like that.

 

But hey, if she thinks he can really change his colors (not just for a couple weeks) I'd say give it another shot.

[TrustInYourself]

Ruby - Why don't you take time out for yourself for a few months. If your H is happy looking after your daughter, let him do that. Or you can take her with you and see how you feel after 3 to 6 months. It seems to me that you have hit a stage where you are asking existential questions: who am I, what do I want from life/ Only you can find out and you need time to figure that out. If your H is understanding he will let you do what you want. In 6 months' time you might see things differently. If not, then you can separate. It must feel awful to feel trapped. You need to feel free to pursue what you want. It will be better for you and for your husband. Explain to him how you feel. If you make him understand, he will support you.

 

Nomad1

 

Beautiful post Nomad.

[vivrantflo]

Some men choose to escape by dating or seeing other women. I hope you are prepared for that situation.

 

 

I don't think she'd mind, cause I'll bet my next paycheck on the fact, that when she leaves her husband.. whom she exchanged vows with, and has a child with.. she'll end up dating some other dude within six months.

 

 

 

It sounds like you are ready to chase your happiness no matter what, and that takes a lot of strength.

 

 

Chasing happiness?? Why are you encouraging her to leave her marriage? Am I the only one that feels that marriage is a lifelong comittment?? Yeah, I guess it would take a lot of strength to $hit all over your marriage vows.

 

 

 

 

Be proud of yourself for that and I wouldn't even bother trying to explain to some of the posters on this board. They're still filled with anger and contempt over the past. LOL, I definitely do not want to be in that boat.

 

 

It's great that you feel it's funny. Understand that "some of the posters on this board" are males.. that were in the OP's husband's shoes. They were.. and I quote "loving supportive husbands" .. loved their wives to death, and then their wives want to "find themselves" or "be independant".. and no matter what these men do to save their marriage, the woman walks.

 

Maybe that's why some posters are filled with anger. Make sense??

[TrustInYourself]

I don't think she'd mind, cause I'll bet my next paycheck on the fact, that when she leaves her husband.. whom she exchanged vows with, and has a child with.. she'll end up dating some other dude within six months.

 

Irrelevant. I could bet the check that her husband finds another woman in the next six months, while she's busy just going to school. Anything can happen. Just because she initiates the seperation, doesn't mean she has to be persecuted. This is where her husband's reaction will play a part in w/e future they will have.

 

Chasing happiness?? Why are you encouraging her to leave her marriage? Am I the only one that feels that marriage is a lifelong comittment?? Yeah, I guess it would take a lot of strength to $hit all over your marriage vows.

 

Marriage, commitment, vows mean nothing to a woman without happiness, understanding, and love. Sure these terms are important and should be valued, but without love, they are just words. Words to enforce that the women we marry are "trapped" in a situation they can not escape. Why would you want to continue treating someone in misery with more pain and misery. Time and space can heal and break down those walls of pain. Why not show true love and understanding by giving them exactly what they want?

 

It's great that you feel it's funny. Understand that "some of the posters on this board" are males.. that were in the OP's husband's shoes. They were.. and I quote "loving supportive husbands" .. loved their wives to death, and then their wives want to "find themselves" or "be independant".. and no matter what these men do to save their marriage, the woman walks.

 

Maybe that's why some posters are filled with anger. Make sense??

 

I'm male. I was a loving supportive husband. I loved my wife to death. Yet, here I am separated from my wife. What we percieve may not be what our wives percieve. What we think is reality, may not be our wife's reality. That anger is just a reaction to that which we do not understand or refuse to understand. Do you think that people who fall out of love, choose to do so? Do these people deserve to be punished? I don't know. To be honest, I deal with anger every day. I'm trying to let go of that anger. It's a waste of my energy to be pissed about something I have no control over.

 

I hope that helps clarify my position. I'm not right or wrong. I just know the way I feel at this moment in time. I'm trying to be the best person I can in this situation. I laugh because I want to cry.

[Billy Bob]

It's great that you feel it's funny. Understand that "some of the posters on this board" are males.. that were in the OP's husband's shoes. They were.. and I quote "loving supportive husbands" .. loved their wives to death, and then their wives want to "find themselves" or "be independant".. and no matter what these men do to save their marriage, the woman walks.

 

Maybe that's why some posters are filled with anger. Make sense??

 

That's exactly where most of us are coming from.. I don't think too many of us are actually "angry", just realists that have heard it all before and watched so many try to roll the boulder up the moutainside.

[vivrantflo]

All of your points have been taken. I've never been married so I suppose my words may have no merit to those who have been or is married. But I just find it sad that this husband whom is now married, and enjoying a newborn child, may lose everything cause his wife resents him, and doesnt feel the marriage is worth fighting for.

 

Like i said, I have no experience in marriage whatsoever.. but if Im married, and it's falling apart.. im going to do whatever I can, and more to fight for it, and make sure not to lose it. The OP went to MC and IC, but from her tone it feels like she's just going through the motions, and she has her heart really set on leaving and taking the child.... and that's sad as hell.

 

Im sure marriages have their ups and downs.. and those stretches may last for months, maybe years at a time..but when u make the lifelong comittment, those stretches of "down" time should be worked on and perservered together.. together they can get through it if they both want it.

 

Like I said.. I've never been married.. but that's how I view things.

 

 

"I'm male. I was a loving supportive husband. I loved my wife to death. Yet, here I am separated from my wife. What we percieve may not be what our wives percieve. What we think is reality, may not be our wife's reality. That anger is just a reaction to that which we do not understand or refuse to understand. Do you think that people who fall out of love, choose to do so? Do these people deserve to be punished? I don't know. To be honest, I deal with anger every day. I'm trying to let go of that anger. It's a waste of my energy to be pissed about something I have no control over."

 

That was your quote, and I have to be honest with you.. I thought you were female reading your previous posts.. and reading that quote I See where you are coming from.

 

 

Respect

[sumdude]

getting married too young, not doing things for my self enjoyment, depending solely on my husband for happiness.

 

You are at such a crossroads in life at a young age...

 

One of my best buddies met a girl while she was still in high school. They were later married and had a baby. Not long after that she became restless. Made some bad choices (not to say that you will). Started running around with the wrong crew, got into some drugs... bad scene. A divorce and rehab later...

 

Point is she didn't get a chance to run around, be on her own, experience the world and eff up without responsibilities.. and FWIW to experience other men... It's sad really, they are both good people.

 

Both of you are still young... and you are wondering if this is all there is ... right?

 

It isn't about finding yourself... it's about creating or recreating yourself and your life. People take each other for granted in relationships.... they don't really mean to... it just happens.

 

The hope is... maybe... just maybe... you and your husband can not only recreate your own lives as individuals but recreate the relationship. It'll take a big willingness and a lot of patience on both of your parts. There's a possibilty that if you don't go through this with him you'll go through it some other time with someone else.

 

Figure out what you want out of life... for yourselves individually and as a couple. To find out if there's a way to make it work together rather than apart. To let go of what was, what has already happened, the resentments and start from here... right now... That wall wasn't built in a day and it won't go away in a day. Letting go of regret, past hurts, forgiveness... a challenge but not an impossibility.

 

Take a little more time to find out what you really want becasue from your posts it seems like you don't know and just want something else. Find out what you're willing to compromise on, how you want to be treated. Your husband may not realize just how much he took you for granted, or how he treated you that made you feel the way you do. You have to tell him... sometimes you have to tell people how you want to be treated, what you will or won't put up with. Really. there's no rush... you're making the biggest decisions of your life and have time.

 

You both have to grow as individuals.. be it apart or together.

 

I'm not going to tell you whether separating or divorce is good or bad... even being one who was left by his wife...

 

All I can say is that you will still have those questions about your life whether your husband is in the picture or not and will face similar things in future relationships. I'll lean towards finding your path together because I know just how destructive a divorce is to all the people involved. So often they fiind themselves facing the same issues down the road...

 

"Hold on loosely but don't let go..."

[TrustInYourself]

All of your points have been taken. I've never been married so I suppose my words may have no merit to those who have been or is married. But I just find it sad that this husband whom is now married, and enjoying a newborn child, may lose everything cause his wife resents him, and doesnt feel the marriage is worth fighting for.

 

Like i said, I have no experience in marriage whatsoever.. but if Im married, and it's falling apart.. im going to do whatever I can, and more to fight for it, and make sure not to lose it. The OP went to MC and IC, but from her tone it feels like she's just going through the motions, and she has her heart really set on leaving and taking the child.... and that's sad as hell.

 

Im sure marriages have their ups and downs.. and those stretches may last for months, maybe years at a time..but when u make the lifelong comittment, those stretches of "down" time should be worked on and perservered together.. together they can get through it if they both want it.

 

Like I said.. I've never been married.. but that's how I view things.

 

 

"I'm male. I was a loving supportive husband. I loved my wife to death. Yet, here I am separated from my wife. What we percieve may not be what our wives percieve. What we think is reality, may not be our wife's reality. That anger is just a reaction to that which we do not understand or refuse to understand. Do you think that people who fall out of love, choose to do so? Do these people deserve to be punished? I don't know. To be honest, I deal with anger every day. I'm trying to let go of that anger. It's a waste of my energy to be pissed about something I have no control over."

 

That was your quote, and I have to be honest with you.. I thought you were female reading your previous posts.. and reading that quote I See where you are coming from.

 

 

Respect

Damn skippy, I appreciate that. I wouldn't stress the fact that your advice is from the perspective of an unmarried guy. Good advice is good advice.

 

I read some of your advice/postings from the second chances forum. How are things with the ex? How was the Italian festival?

 

I hope it all went well, love is hard work! Take care and best wishes.

[TrustInYourself]

You are at such a crossroads in life at a young age...

 

One of my best buddies met a girl while she was still in high school. They were later married and had a baby. Not long after that she became restless. Made some bad choices (not to say that you will). Started running around with the wrong crew, got into some drugs... bad scene. A divorce and rehab later...

 

Point is she didn't get a chance to run around, be on her own, experience the world and eff up without responsibilities.. and FWIW to experience other men... It's sad really, they are both good people.

 

Both of you are still young... and you are wondering if this is all there is ... right?

 

It isn't about finding yourself... it's about creating or recreating yourself and your life. People take each other for granted in relationships.... they don't really mean to... it just happens.

 

The hope is... maybe... just maybe... you and your husband can not only recreate your own lives as individuals but recreate the relationship. It'll take a big willingness and a lot of patience on both of your parts. There's a possibilty that if you don't go through this with him you'll go through it some other time with someone else.

 

Figure out what you want out of life... for yourselves individually and as a couple. To find out if there's a way to make it work together rather than apart. To let go of what was, what has already happened, the resentments and start from here... right now... That wall wasn't built in a day and it won't go away in a day. Letting go of regret, past hurts, forgiveness... a challenge but not an impossibility.

 

Take a little more time to find out what you really want becasue from your posts it seems like you don't know and just want something else. Find out what you're willing to compromise on, how you want to be treated. Your husband may not realize just how much he took you for granted, or how he treated you that made you feel the way you do. You have to tell him... sometimes you have to tell people how you want to be treated, what you will or won't put up with. Really. there's no rush... you're making the biggest decisions of your life and have time.

 

You both have to grow as individuals.. be it apart or together.

 

I'm not going to tell you whether separating or divorce is good or bad... even being one who was left by his wife...

 

All I can say is that you will still have those questions about your life whether your husband is in the picture or not and will face similar things in future relationships. I'll lean towards finding your path together because I know just how destructive a divorce is to all the people involved. So often they fiind themselves facing the same issues down the road...

 

"Hold on loosely but don't let go..."

 

Right on the damn money, sumdude! I second this! Keep in mind the way you feel isn't up to anyone but you. If your husband loves you enough to let you go and wait for you, I think you should put some value into that. Well said, sum.<pat on the back>

[vivrantflo]

I read some of your advice/postings from the second chances forum. How are things with the ex? How was the Italian festival?

 

 

It ended up raining, so we stayed in with a movie. Around my area, it's been raining NON STOP for the last few weeks, and it's getting very annoying.

 

Things with us are good. We are very casually spending time together, and we enjoy each other's company. Nothing much has changed.. she's not ready for a relationship, and I'm focusing more on school and work. When we are both not working, we're together so thats a plus.

 

Thank you for your concern and I'll keep u posted in my other thread

[TrustInYourself]

It ended up raining, so we stayed in with a movie. Around my area, it's been raining NON STOP for the last few weeks, and it's getting very annoying.

 

Things with us are good. We are very casually spending time together, and we enjoy each other's company. Nothing much has changed.. she's not ready for a relationship, and I'm focusing more on school and work. When we are both not working, we're together so thats a plus.

 

Thank you for your concern and I'll keep u posted in my other thread

 

Exactly what I"m doing now with the wife. There's a lot of things both of us have to deal with when we are together. There's anxiety but there's also some good points. Not sure how this will end up to be honest. Hopefully your situation works out for the best. Thanks again.

[vivrantflo]

Exactly what I"m doing now with the wife. There's a lot of things both of us have to deal with when we are together. There's anxiety but there's also some good points. Not sure how this will end up to be honest. Hopefully your situation works out for the best. Thanks again.

 

 

Hey, may I have the link to your original story?

 

Thanks in advance

[The Collector]

'Mommy... why did you and daddy split up?'

 

'Mommy was bored and felt trapped sweetheart. Also he forgot what mommy's favorite flower was.'

 

'Oh.. '

[SingleDad]

Collector - ouch...harsh reality...yet vivid...

[BreezyGirl]

I think the dynamic being missed here is that the OP is also suffering from alienation and concern about her long-term life/career plans. It's very difficult to be a stay-at-home mother. Sure, it seems ideal. There's no 9 to 5 rat race, no pressure to get to that deadline, etc. But it can also feel very empty and unsatisfying. Very few people truly appreciate the hard work mothers do in the same way we appreciate the rich CEO. (Is there a Forbes 500 for the stay at home set??? )

 

I think part of the reason she wants a divorce is because she wants out of this stay at home vicious circle.

 

Here's what I would do:

 

1. Seek career counseling. You're working on an Associates degree, but that may not be enough to satisfy you. A *good* career counselor will help you identify what you really want to do with your life.

2. Make a plan to achieve that goal. Whatever it takes. Lean on your husband to get it done. Night classes, day classes, a full-time student schedule, whatever. Get it done quickly--don't let it take years and years when you could finish a lot faster.

3. If you *do* leave your husband, rethink living with the parents. You need *independence* not greater dependence. Living on your own, although difficult, will give you the sense of empowerment that your life seems to be missing.

4. Regardless of the choices you make, seek out the company of *intelligent* stay at home moms. I think you need some sort of intellectual stimulation--don't stick with the gossip hounds. Find some smart moms who can provide community. This is sometimes far more difficult in practice.

 

So, in other words, I think your marital problems stem from the deep emptiness that *lots* of other stay at home mothers feel. If you can alleviate some of that, you might find working on your marriage a greater possibility if not a heck of a lot easier. Good luck!

[RubyTuesday]

'Mommy... why did you and daddy split up?'

 

'Mommy was bored and felt trapped sweetheart. Also he forgot what mommy's favorite flower was.'

 

'Oh.. '

 

How incredibly insightful, wow, thanks, now everything will be just fine.

 

Thanks so much really, now that you have said that I see things so much more clearer.

[The Collector]

If you want me to spell it out for you, my advice is to remember your primary role for the foreseeable future is to be a good mother, to swallow your yearning for freedom for a few years and give your daughter a happy trauma-free childhood. If your husband was being abusive or impossible to live with it would be a different story.

 

If the sexes were reversed, and a father was saying he was feeling trapped and wanted to break up his family to fulfill his urge for independence he would have little sympathy.

[sumdude]

 

If the sexes were reversed, and a father was saying he was feeling trapped and wanted to break up his family to fulfill his urge for independence he would have little sympathy.

 

unfortunately... i agree...

 

If a man says this it's assumed he wants to scrog some other women...

[TrustInYourself]

How incredibly insightful, wow, thanks, now everything will be just fine.

 

Thanks so much really, now that you have said that I see things so much more clearer.

 

What's your honest opinion on this? I'm just curious.

[allthingsarepossible]

'Mommy... why did you and daddy split up?'

 

'Mommy was bored and felt trapped sweetheart. Also he forgot what mommy's favorite flower was.'

 

'Oh.. '

 

 

I have to agree. Time to grow up and be a responsible adult. If you feel trapped than that's too bad! You have a child that needs a mother and a father, not a mother who acts like a little teenage girl.

[OGrtMaker]

I have been in a similar position (except not so young as you are). I was living out in the boonies, far away from family and friends. I was a SAHM with two toddlers, 20 months apart, and my H was gone working all the time. I'd be alone all day taking care of the kids, no one to talk to, and he would get home after they were in bed, and rather than us spend time together he would sit in front of the TV until he fell asleep, night after night. This is just a part of why I left (there's more but these are the things I found similar to your situation). I felt like I had no life, no identity, and like your husband, mine did not hear me when I told him how unhappy I was. He seemed fine with the status quo. I felt like I was becoming invisible and I went through a long depression. To make a long story short, I left almost 2 years ago. I got a job, made some new friends, saw my extended family more, and pursued hobbies that made me happy. I felt HAPPY for the first time in years.

 

But that happiness didn't last. If you leave, you will probably feel euphoric for a while. But eventually life is LIFE and problems/situations/unhappiness/etc aka REALITY will come back. I am still separated and looking back now I wish I hadn't left. Yes, I have valid reasons for leaving and I could make a list of the bad things my husband did, but what it comes down to is THINGS CHANGE> just because things were bad then doesn't mean they would always be bad. Just because you are not happy with your husband now doesn't mean you couldn't be happy with him in the future. I look back over the last 2 years and I realize that even though I hated the situation I had a lot of responsibility because I am in control of my own feelings. My husband, like yours, is a good man. Like another poster here said, if the situation is not extreme (abuse, etc) then it is worth working on your marriage.

 

You mentioned waiting a few years and then getting divorced, after you've gone through schooling. I would say, out of experience, this is NOT what is best for your child. My older daughter has had a lot of hurt and sadness over her daddy and I not being together. The older they get, the more they understand. I wish my innocent kids did not have to go through all the change and disruption of their young lives these past two years. Now they will ALWAYS remember this when they are older. That is a sad legacy to leave to your child.

 

Look at it this way ~ marriages have a lot of ups and downs; you may have years (like me!) of feeling unfulfilled and unhappy, but it doesn't have to remain that way! You and your husband have the power to change and make your marriage better.

 

It took me leaving (and then about six mos. after) for my husband to realize what he'd lost; by then my heart was so closed that I did not want to go back; yet still neither one of us has filed for divorce. I am trying to share my story with you so someone can learn from MY mistakes. If I could go back, I would have stayed with my husband even if it meant I had to make major changes to get him off his behind to finally listen to me and work on our marriage. I am lost now, he is lost now, and although our children have two parents who love them more than anything, they don't have the BEST thing for them, which is to have both parents together. :tears:

 

I do empathize with where you are at. I would say do whatever you can WHILE STILL MARRIED to find your own happiness. Go to school, make some new friends, pursue interests, and continue to try to get through to your husband that the current situation needs to be changed. I know you've told him this probably a million times and he hasn't heard you ~ keep telling him! Things CAN get better, and remember that if you leave, who's to say that things will be any better? Sure, they will be different, but you may not find the happiness that was in front of you all along.

 

Forgive me for quoting a line in a song, but these lyrics haunt me:

 

"Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand/ And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands"

 

Good luck & I pray you and your family will get through this, together.

[TrustInYourself]

I have been in a similar position (except not so young as you are). I was living out in the boonies, far away from family and friends. I was a SAHM with two toddlers, 20 months apart, and my H was gone working all the time. I'd be alone all day taking care of the kids, no one to talk to, and he would get home after they were in bed, and rather than us spend time together he would sit in front of the TV until he fell asleep, night after night. This is just a part of why I left (there's more but these are the things I found similar to your situation). I felt like I had no life, no identity, and like your husband, mine did not hear me when I told him how unhappy I was. He seemed fine with the status quo. I felt like I was becoming invisible and I went through a long depression. To make a long story short, I left almost 2 years ago. I got a job, made some new friends, saw my extended family more, and pursued hobbies that made me happy. I felt HAPPY for the first time in years.

 

But that happiness didn't last. If you leave, you will probably feel euphoric for a while. But eventually life is LIFE and problems/situations/unhappiness/etc aka REALITY will come back. I am still separated and looking back now I wish I hadn't left. Yes, I have valid reasons for leaving and I could make a list of the bad things my husband did, but what it comes down to is THINGS CHANGE> just because things were bad then doesn't mean they would always be bad. Just because you are not happy with your husband now doesn't mean you couldn't be happy with him in the future. I look back over the last 2 years and I realize that even though I hated the situation I had a lot of responsibility because I am in control of my own feelings. My husband, like yours, is a good man. Like another poster here said, if the situation is not extreme (abuse, etc) then it is worth working on your marriage.

 

You mentioned waiting a few years and then getting divorced, after you've gone through schooling. I would say, out of experience, this is NOT what is best for your child. My older daughter has had a lot of hurt and sadness over her daddy and I not being together. The older they get, the more they understand. I wish my innocent kids did not have to go through all the change and disruption of their young lives these past two years. Now they will ALWAYS remember this when they are older. That is a sad legacy to leave to your child.

 

Look at it this way ~ marriages have a lot of ups and downs; you may have years (like me!) of feeling unfulfilled and unhappy, but it doesn't have to remain that way! You and your husband have the power to change and make your marriage better.

 

It took me leaving (and then about six mos. after) for my husband to realize what he'd lost; by then my heart was so closed that I did not want to go back; yet still neither one of us has filed for divorce. I am trying to share my story with you so someone can learn from MY mistakes. If I could go back, I would have stayed with my husband even if it meant I had to make major changes to get him off his behind to finally listen to me and work on our marriage. I am lost now, he is lost now, and although our children have two parents who love them more than anything, they don't have the BEST thing for them, which is to have both parents together. :tears:

 

I do empathize with where you are at. I would say do whatever you can WHILE STILL MARRIED to find your own happiness. Go to school, make some new friends, pursue interests, and continue to try to get through to your husband that the current situation needs to be changed. I know you've told him this probably a million times and he hasn't heard you ~ keep telling him! Things CAN get better, and remember that if you leave, who's to say that things will be any better? Sure, they will be different, but you may not find the happiness that was in front of you all along.

 

Forgive me for quoting a line in a song, but these lyrics haunt me:

 

"Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand/ And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands"

 

Good luck & I pray you and your family will get through this, together.

 

My family is broken. My heart is broken. **** it all.

[OGrtMaker]

My family is broken. My heart is broken. **** it all.

 

I'm sorry, I don't know how to take this. Are you mocking me or talking about your own situation? I have read some of your posts and it sounds like you have gone through so much pain, on the other side of things. I apologize if my post upset you. I'm just trying to help offer some advice to the OP.