High Plains Drifter Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Well, I went out with a bunch of co-workers on Friday, tried to approach as many attractive women as I could... And was shot down hard each and every time. .. Again... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! Yeah...um. Aim lower. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattmck Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 How do you know what he looks like? Bars are a bad idea. Do you go to many parties and get togathers... those are great ways to meet women I try to get out when I can, mostly to work-oriented get togethers. Outside of that it's kind of difficult because most of my friends outside of work are married, and I'm not up to 'soloing' at clubs/bars. I did want to share what friend of mine told me this weekend... After I came to him looking for yet more advice and guidance, he basically said to get over myself; that the times he's been out with me, he sees that I've only been focused on the 22y.o. hotties, to the expence of what he feels were other women that may have been older and not as hot, but were nevertheless good options for me. He said I was looking and acting like a douschebag for flat-out ignoring these women. He then said that trying to get with the hotties was unrealistic, that they were more interested in guys their own age... He also made the point that considering my lack of experience, the only standard in a woman that I should be looking for is that she's willing to go to bed with me, anything else is negligible. An analogy would be like someone who still needs training wheels on a bicycle demanding to ride the baddest Harley-Davidson ever built. His advice boils down to just going for it with the first willing participant, no matter what. He drew the analogy (he's big on those) of learning to drive: You remember when you were 16, and your first car was some broken down bucket you wouldn't be caught dead with today? Well, back then you didn't give a $hit about what kind of car you were driving...you just kept thinking "HOT DAMN, I'M DRIVING A FREAKIN CAR!" Well, he said I would have the same thoughts when I finally score. I'd like to know what others think about this. Link to post Share on other sites
High Plains Drifter Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 His advice boils down to just going for it with the first willing participant, no matter what. Yes. Aim Low. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Matt, I think most experienced, self-perceived lothario's of 37 would be striking out with 22 year olds. TOTALLY unrealistic for the vast majority of men, and also for someone like yourself who is trying to get yourself in the game. Your friend is right. You never mentioned before that you were setting your sights on women that are unattainable to all but a few adorable young guys with game under the age of 25. Keep it real. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattmck Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 Yeah...um. Aim lower. How much lower should I aim. I can't help what I'm attracted to. Attraction is not a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattmck Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 Matt, I think most experienced, self-perceived lothario's of 37 would be striking out with 22 year olds. TOTALLY unrealistic for the vast majority of men, and also for someone like yourself who is trying to get yourself in the game. Your friend is right. You never mentioned before that you were setting your sights on women that are unattainable to all but a few adorable young guys with game under the age of 25. Keep it real. Well, I don't think I was going in saying 'yeah, I'm gonna score me a 22yo', my friend was just pointing out that the women that I were approaching just happened to be that type. A couple of other things he brought up; He really recommended considering looking for older women, I mean like late 40's or even in their 50s, he said that there are quite a few that are available and that the 'learning experience' with them would be better than with someone younger. He also said that I should give the online porn a rest and get rid of the Playboy mags and even the SI swimsuit issues, that I have a totally skewed perception of what 'real women'are like, and that's why I so obsessed with trying to find that 'perfect female'. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I like this friend. He is wise and speaks the truth. Let him guide you, Matt - sounds like he has your best interest at heart, and is genuinely trying to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattmck Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 I like this friend. He is wise and speaks the truth. Let him guide you, Matt - sounds like he has your best interest at heart, and is genuinely trying to help. So you agree with both his 'older woman' and 'no porn' advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I pretty much agree with everything you said he had to say to you, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
High Plains Drifter Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 How much lower should I aim. I can't help what I'm attracted to. Attraction is not a choice. You're attracted to women. That's a BIG Target. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 This has problems--Unless these are the messages you're trying to send. Yeah I posted on CL: 'Alright, here's the deal... I'm just trying to get my feet wet and experience what the dating/single life has to offer. = I'm a virgin and you'll have to take charge. I don't know what I'm doing. I took myself out of the game a while back, now I'm trying to go all in. = I haven't dated in years, and now I'm starting to panic and get desperate. I'm not the most savvy guy out there, definitely not a 'playa'... Just an honest guy looking for someone to share some good times with. = I'm not confident in myself. I'm also afraid I'm going to be taken advantage of. I'm totally unattached: no exs, no little ones... In other words, NO DRAMA! = I'm hoping to put a positive spin on the fact that I'm a late bloomer who is just getting started. I enjoy being active, going out, and I can also veg out and chill as well. Life is an adventure, all I need is a travel partner.' This last part is ok. Start over with this as your first line and ditch the rest. What do you think? Sorry for the brutal honesty. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattmck Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 I pretty much agree with everything you said he had to say to you, yes. Thanks, I know both of you mean well. I'm just trying to come to grips with reality. I said earlier that I was wanting to make up for all the opportunities that I missed out on, i.e. thinking I could reset myself back about 15 years so I could have all the wild and crazy sex that it seems that every other person I know said they had when they were in their 20s. I guess that's probably not in the cards, however. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 women are really easy to get, especialy the young hot ones in my opinion. First tip get a six pack... women love a man with a nice set of ab muscles and oh yeah big arms and pecs don't hurt either. As for your voice say stuff really deep like an anouncer for movie trailers. Last of all don't say much and be extremily agressive, Hi whats you number, women will think ur an ahole but magicaly you'll get the number anyways... last of all don't worry about the sex thing just lay on your back and let the girl do all the work. Now tell me do u have the balls to try out what I just said... if u do u'll be banging a girl before the 09 comes around. Oh yeah and have good alchol handy what ever they like to drink, and get them to drink it, good for breaking the ice... if they don't drink don't worry that just means they don't need it... or they suck Link to post Share on other sites
donnamorta Posted September 11, 2008 Share Posted September 11, 2008 260 lbs... that's amazing, and a great success! I wish my father could accomplish that, LOL. He's 56 though, so not as able and willing as someone your age Anyway, I don't really have experience with women your age as I'm only 24, but I know from experience that breaking off a relationship because of friends is never something you should do. I've dated beautiful petite women, and shorter rounder women, and a few in between. Now, of course I'm not a man whore so I won't say EVERYTHING in between, but enough to know that if you and another person get along, then why destroy a good thing? My life growing up I had to deal with leg braces, hearing aids, glasses, and a combo of all 4 at the same time. Trust me, girls looked right through me like I was a piece of glass. Now I'm stunning and don't need any of that, and I still get looked at like a piece of glass Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't be afraid to try new things or go new places, or just sit at a café with a cup of coffee and a book. You never know when someone will come sit down with you. Plus, being at a place like that, it's easy and convenient for that to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattmck Posted September 12, 2008 Author Share Posted September 12, 2008 Trust me, girls looked right through me like I was a piece of glass. Now I'm stunning and don't need any of that, and I still get looked at like a piece of glass Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't be afraid to try new things or go new places, or just sit at a café with a cup of coffee and a book. You never know when someone will come sit down with you. Plus, being at a place like that, it's easy and convenient for that to happen. That's exactly how I feel... Like I'm completely invisible to the opposite sex. When I pass women in the hallways at my office, or out in public, I try to at least make eye contact with them, but almost everytime they keep their gaze fixed straight ahead and slightly down (or worse, they suddenly reach for their cellphone and make like they're texting someone). I tell you, for so long I didn't want to be noticed because of my size, even though no one could NOT possibly notice me. Now that I do want to be noticed, I'm being treated like I don't even exist! Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 can you hear it, I'm playing the worlds smallest internet violin.... now stop feeling sorry for yourself, women are easy, atleast to get noticed. I know your not trying hard. Youve conviced urself of crazy crap. Is that you in the avatar. Youknow ur good looking. Heck the elphant man himself could at a minimum get women to notice him. You don't have to settle, you may not get mis america but your going to find a woman who turns you on in every way and thats all that counts. Approach women with energy, excitment, hornyness even... don't aproach them all messed up in the head and feeling sorry for yourself. You didn't miss out, sure it would probably make you happier and more confident to have some past wild sex memories and expirience but we live life in the PRESENT not the future and certainly not the past. So if you get a woman and your having a great time here in the present it makes up for it all. Cmon man snap out of it.....SNAP OUT OF IT... I agree the club scene is a pain in the ass... so get social go to party... events.... join a softball league make more friends.... you can do it don't doubt yourself... come back with recent stories of hard fought failure and then I'll consider feeling sorry for u... dont give up Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 Like you do? The cripple was pretty low. Pharmgirl, why are you stalking this member all over LS? Do you know him from other sites? If so, perhaps it's a good idea to keep it within the confines of other sites or at minimum, impersonal. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 That's exactly how I feel... Like I'm completely invisible to the opposite sex. When I pass women in the hallways at my office, or out in public, I try to at least make eye contact with them, but almost everytime they keep their gaze fixed straight ahead and slightly down (or worse, they suddenly reach for their cellphone and make like they're texting someone). I tell you, for so long I didn't want to be noticed because of my size, even though no one could NOT possibly notice me. Now that I do want to be noticed, I'm being treated like I don't even exist! Matt - I presume that is you in the pic? Adorable! The more you write, the more I believe your issue comes from marrying your new body with your old self-image. As you said, for many years you wanted to be invisible to women. Even though you have new confidence from your weight loss (yeah!), I suspect the old mentality is still hampering your success. You just need to bridge that chasm first... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mattmck Posted September 18, 2008 Author Share Posted September 18, 2008 I've have another big after-work gettogether this Friday that I'll be attending, it's at one of our regular establishments (meaning a pretty standard Friday night bar scene)... Any last minute advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated, and I promise to let you know how it goes afterwords. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 Yeah be yourself. The confident version of yourself that is, you know the one who won't make up any and all excuses not to talk to a girl flirt, touch and kiss her Link to post Share on other sites
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