My wife was giving this guy a bite of her sandwich: What do you make of this?

[usdaprime]

Help me out please

I wanted to find out what you think of this. Well my wife of only 2 years has been seen with another man "a co-worker" out eating lunch and sharing there food I guess my wife was giving this guy a bite of her sandwich and they was drinking from the same glass. I don't know what to think of this please give me some feedback Thanks

[Tony T]

Maybe they're trying to save money on lunch food and beverages. However, you should confront your wife and tell her what you have heard. Get her side of the story. If she's got something going with this guy, she'll then know to be a lot more discrete and conduct her food and drink sharing where it cannot be observed.

[longlegzs80]

I totally agree with Tony. You need to confront your wife. I can see if she is going to lunch with a co worker, that part is fine. But sharing food, is not appropriate. Now, you mention she has been seen with another man, a co-worker at lunch. Who has seen this guy with her at lunch?

 

If you are the one who has been spying on your wife, then you really need to sit yourself down and realize there is something going wrong in your marriage where you can't trust her.

 

If someone else has seen her with this guy, how do you know if it is the truth? Do you think that this person could be starting trouble with your marrage. WEll I think you need to give us alittle more info to this story like who told you about your wife going to lunch with a co worker and sharing food. Hope you respond to this soon. Take care.

[usdaprime]

Hi Thanks for your input. The person who saw this was my brothers room-mate. My brothers room-mate works in the same office building as my wife.

[longlegzs80]

I find it very odd that your wife would let a co-worker eat off the same plate as your wife and share food. That is kinds odd. If that did not happen I would say that your wife is just doing business with her co-worker, possibly talking about office stuff. But anyways, I would confront her. If this is something that really bothers you, I would definitly do it. But as far as your brothers roommate is concerned, tell him to get a life. He is bringing himself into this when he should really keep his mouth shut because it is probubly making you think that your wife is cheating. What you need to do is confront her, and listen to her side. I would think it would be difficult to bring up the fact that your brothers roommate seen her with the co-worker as they were sharing food. She might think that you are having him stalk her to see what she is doing at work.

 

This is a very tricky situation. But definitly confront her, and don't point the finger just yet. How you should approach this I don't know. But the best thing to do is to figure out if she is cheating which I strongly dought it. I think this might be now some insecurity issues on your behalf which I don't blame you because you are hearing this from your brother roommate. Who wants to hear that their wife has been sharing food with a co-worker. That part is still very odd to me. Just make sure when you bring this up, and she explains herself, that you don't sound like a jelous husband who is not trusting your wife. Because that would not go over well.

 

Really, I don't know what to tell you. Sure it is normal and okay for your wife to go out with co-workers to discuss business stuff but if they are sharing food. That is something that needs to be confronted. Well, I hope this has helped. Let us know what happened and what your wife has said about the matter. Take care.

[niko1999]

Females also have different relationship veiws than guys do as well. Maybe her co worker is gay? As much as it might gross you out, I know I and many of my freinds prefer gay guys just becuase you can be close to them and not have to worry, like sharing your lunch. Or she just may be friends with him, and claimed what a good sandwich she had and offered him a bite, and maybe only one of them was drinking something. THere are plenty of different explaniations. Make sure you talk to her, but dont accuse her.

[usdaprime]

Well I talked to my wife about this, and she admited to it. She did in fact share food with him all the time I guess. She claims nothing has happened she just feels comfortable with him enough to share food. I don't know what to think she seems to have no problem with this and had no problem admiting it. So what do you guys think, I should do next?

[Bryanp]

Let me ask you this: If the roles were reversed and a friend informed your wife that you have been going out to lunches with another woman and eating the same sandwich and drinking from the same glass together what do you think her reaction would be? Do you think she would be satisfied hearing from you that you feel so comfortable with this other woman that you enjoy biting into the same sandwiches and drinking from the same glass together? I seriously doubt it. I think this is a hugh red flag.

When people do these things it may indicate a strong relationship is building and they are getting closer.

 

I guess I have to ask why is your wife who is married woman having one on one lunches with another man and sharing food together? Your wife would freak if the roles were reversed and I think you know it. My guess is that your wife never told you before that she was having one on one lunches with this other guy. I think this is a very bad sign and does not look good.

[Gray]

Its good you confronted her, because you don't want to jump to conclusions. But my wife sharing food with another man would make me nervous.

 

Obviously this in and of itself isn't cheating, but does she do it with other people? Does she share food with other friends?

 

I'm just picturing myself going to work, knowing that I'm sharing lunch with a woman. Both sitting down and then eating the same sandwich and drinking the same drink. Its just a weird situation.

[Tony T]

Maybe it was an especially good sandwich.

[wideawake]

Even if it was the greatest sandwichin the world I'd still be pissed off, just a little anyway.

 

And I would certainly talk to my SO about it.

[niko1999]

Hey, thats what I said Tony! But the important thing is to let her know how it makes you feel. As I said before, women view relationships differently than men. To us, sharing a sandwich or a drink means nothing. We do it all the time with eachother, and also with other people. But once again, like I said, make sure you do let her know how it makes you feel, becuase she may not even think it may hurt you(what? guys can do things without thinking, but women cant???? )

[usdaprime]

Ok I am so mad now!!!!!! I talked to her she freely admits this? I guess thats good maybe that she didn't lie to me. She says they have ate the same sandwhich, drank from the same glass, shared a fork before. I certainly don't like this at all!!! However the woman here don't seem to find anything wrong with this correct? I know he is not gay, like somebody suggested. I am at a lost on what to do or think.

[bryanp]

This is just a thought but she did not lie to you because she knew she got caught? Now she shares a fork with this guy? What else is she sharing?

I would be very pissed also. There is no way if the roles were reversed you wife would accept this. These are the things a boyfriend and girlfriend do when they are dating. This is unacceptable for a married woman to be doing this with another man. Something does not sound kosher here.

[yes]

some people/cultures are a lot more easy-going about sharing utenils/food than Americans are. it's possible that it's no big deal to her - but then she also does it with other people, i guess? have you asked her about that?

 

if this is something she does ONLY with you and this co-worker, i'd be mad, too.

 

2c,

-yes

[talktalk]

Obviously I can only read into what you have said, but I would say that this sharing of the sandwich could VERY EASILY be NOTHING. If I were you, and I didn't feel too sure about my wife, and was not satisfied with the dialogue over the issue, I would want to size up the sandwich sharee with my own eyes.

I have to say though, I share food all the time, so to me it doesn't seem too suspect.

good luck

[Sweetnlo]

Okay, I'm a woman, and I disagree with the other women. The only way I would share my food with a member of the opposite sex besides my husband is if they were related to me. It would be one thing if she were cutting a piece off and putting it on his plate or sharing a bag of chips, but to take a bite of another person's sandwich is crossing over a line... I've never even done that with my female friends! I'm with bryanp on this; if she's sharing that with him, what else is she sharing?

[jenny]

its a sandwhich. my guy friends, even just study buddies, and i share food all the time;it's never meant anything to anyone. i gotta tell you i giggled through the lion's share of enforced mass imagining the collective reaction to the wild orgy of communion.

 

i suspect you might be feeling kinda insecure in general - sweetie , do some stuff for yourself, take yourself fishing or something fun to change your focus for a bit.

 

xox j

[dalmatianbaby]

Okay...I admit it...I'm a happily married woman...and a food/drink sharer.

 

It means nothing, I swear!!

 

I've read all the posts and I see both sides of the discussion. I personally, as an admitted food sharer, don't see much cause for all the hub-bub.

 

I share with my girl and guy friends. I have one co-worker (a man) in particular that I share with on a daily basis. We even go out for lunch one on one. My husband knows all about it. Admittedly, he was a little put-off by the comfort level of my relationship with my friend, but after hanging out with him a few times, he found that there was nothing to get in a snit about.

 

Yes, food sharing does come with a comfort level. I wouldn't just hand my sandwich to anyone, by any means. Your wife is probably pretty comfortable with this guy, but it doesn't mean that there is any hanky panky involved. My friend and I are very close, but I don't think that our relationship has ever crossed a line that would constitute a word like "infidelity".

 

Talk to her. Ask her if you can meet this guy. If she says yes, go into the meeting with an open mind. Don't just hate the guy because he drank from your wife's ice tea. If she doesn't think it is a good idea for the two of you to meet..then there is a cause for some suspicion. If they are just friends, it won't be an issue.

 

Good luck to you,

dalmatianbaby

[usdaprime]

Ok I now have a new thing about I have found out. My wife was seen this time feeding this guy!!!!!!!!! She was feeding him a cookie and she kept breaking it up in little pieces feeding it tooo him???? I am so mad now tell me this is not rite so I can confront her. One thing that occurs to me is that all these food buisness is funny and especially the feeding part. but all these things I have heard all revolve around food. Nobody ever said I seen your wife kissing this guy. So what should I think about this feeding?????

[EnigmaXOXO]

If your wife's alleged behavior is upsetting you so much, then why haven't you ALREADY spoken to her about it?????

 

You don't need affirmation as to whether what you are feeling is "right" or "wrong." You are obviously bothered, so why not just acknowledge that fact and then "deal" with the situation?

 

Take a day or two to figure out how to breech the subject CALMLY. Do not attack, do not accuse, just tell her what you've been told and ask her to please explain her side of it. Although she may stand her ground and claim it's "innocent," their behavior is obviously attracting some attention.

 

If she respects your feelings, she will try to see your side of it. If she jumps on the immediate defensive, no matter how calmly you approach the subject, she's either hiding some residual guilt or is severely lacking in some inter-personal skills!

 

No matter how upset she becomes, remain calm and level-headed. You must learn to COMMUNICATE your feelings, no matter how difficult it may be. If you keep stuffing things back, it will only build resentment and make the situation worse.

[BlockHead]

Does she also feed you, or your children if you have any?

 

If this guy is comfortable with bodily fluids (sharing a fork and glass) from other people, maybe you should put him to the test. Spit in the palm of your hand, and give him a firm handshake. Take a bite out of a cookie and see if he’ll eat it, and make sure you leave plenty of saliva. If the guy and your wife are comfortable with it, maybe he is okay.

 

This reminds me of the Clinton (oral) sex scandal. Maybe they think that it is infidelity only when there is sexual intercourse. You can’t go wrong checking for semen stains. I think a keen sense of smell should be more than sufficient. Or maybe I am going overboard.

 

I’m not married or an expert, but I’m hoping that this might help.

[usdaprime]

Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

If your wife's alleged behavior is upsetting you so much, then why haven't you ALREADY spoken to her about it?????

 

You don't need affirmation as to whether what you are feeling is "right" or "wrong." You are obviously bothered, so why not just acknowledge that fact and then "deal" with the situation?

 

Take a day or two to figure out how to breech the subject CALMLY. Do not attack, do not accuse, just tell her what you've been told and ask her to please explain her side of it. Although she may stand her ground and claim it's "innocent," their behavior is obviously attracting some attention.

 

If she respects your feelings, she will try to see your side of it. If she jumps on the immediate defensive, no matter how calmly you approach the subject, she's either hiding some residual guilt or is severely lacking in some inter-personal skills!

 

No matter how upset she becomes, remain calm and level-headed. You must learn to COMMUNICATE your feelings, no matter how difficult it may be. If you keep stuffing things back, it will only build resentment and make the situation worse.

 

I did speak to her as I stated in an earlier message. I am just at a loss on what to do. I understand some people here don't find a problem with her sharing food but I sure do especially her feeding some guy a cookie. I mean why in the world would somebody feed somebody. She did however play around and put food into my mouth. So if anybody any other input it would be greatl. Thanks

[bryanp]

I think there is an important and significant fact that is going on here. You have made it clear that it bothers you that she does this with this man. You have made it clear how you feel about this in the past and how this continued behavior disturbs you. The fact that she continue to do this behavior with this man is signaling a clear message. The message is that she does not care what you think and she does not care about your feelings concerning this issue. It would seem to follow that the possibility of something happening with this OM now and in the future is a real possibility since it seems she does not care about your feelings but what she wishes to do regardless of how it impacts on you. My friend it seems you have a clear problem in that she disregards your feelings and has no boundaries when it comes to this guy concerning food. If she is having an affair she would not be so stupid as to let people see her kissing him. The fact that she is throwing this in your face knowing other people will see her doing this and telling you indicates to me that you may have a much bigger problem now or in the future. Her disrespect for you continues even though she knows this hurts you very much. I would be very upset with this continuing behavior.

[gummo86]

I don't think that any of this is right at all. I think you need to tell your wife that this has to stop or there will be consequences. And while others might dissagree with me on this, I think you should confront the other guy and tell him that this needs to stop. If she gets defensive about it or refuses, then that is a huge red flag that she is doing something more. You could also ask her straight up if she is having an affair, if you know your wife as well as most men know theirs, read her eyes, they never lie. I hope I have helped you out a little.