husband being a jerk

[bubbley22]

my parents got divorced about a year ago and just in the last 6 months kevin has been so different it's hard to discribe.

 

he works nights and is home through the day sleeping until the late afternoon. this is soon going to change as he is going to days. when he's sleeping i hate doing housework because i always wake him. he expects me to stay home all the time and do nothing but housework.

 

just yesterday my mom and i were going to town and i was going to drive my car and we were going to have lunch. my mom lost everything in this divorce and i like doing things for her.

 

well i told kevin that we were going and he said well is she paying for your gas, who's driving, is she paying for her own lunch. just little things like that make me so angry that i could spit nails.

 

he doesn't even want me going places by myself. he thinks i should have no life and he comes up with excuses like, we need to save money and crap like that. although you wouldn't guess it if you could see his wonderous porn collection under our bed along with some XXX DVDs. he's trying to control me and there's no reasoning with him.

 

i have no one that i can really talk to because everyone thinks the sun rises and set in him. he's really reminding me of how my dad treated my mom at the end of their marriage.

 

my dad was a porn addict and lied to my mom. i haven't caught kev in a lie that i know of but i'm at my wits end.

can someone please shine some light on this situation.

i just can't stand for someone to control me. in his eyes he does no wrong and do no right. it's his way or the highway.

 

please someone give me some advice.

[Tony T]

I don't know what kind of advice you seek. If you didn't know your husband was a butthole before you married him, then you may not have been paying attention. I don't think you can convert a person from being an a**h*** to being a thoughtful, considerate, understanding person without that person desiring to change and without the professional help of a competent mental health counsellor.

 

These are the kinds of things you're supposed to watch out for before you get married. I'm afraid your guy is the kind who is pretty closed minded. Obviously, you wouldn't have come to this board if you were able to talk to him in a sensible, educated manner and get a like response.

 

I'm so sorry you're stuck with the bum. It seems he has absolutely no respect for your family. Just be sure you balance things out well so you don't pay more attention to your family than other things.

 

Additionally, did you know your dude was a porn addict before you married him? You sound like such a sweet considerate lady. I hate it that you are with such a dud.

[turtle]

Yikes! This guy sounds like my father!

 

It doesn't sound like he is being supportive of you at all, especially after your parents divorce.

 

He wants to know who is paying for lunch and gas?!? So, is it like a 10 hour drive to lunch? Are you eating at the Four Seasons? What a prick! This guy reminds me of my father. My father takes his girlfriend to Burger King for their night out and complains about anybody who "wastes money."

 

I hate to be blunt because I don't know the whole situation, but do yourself a favor and get out of the relationship. I don't care how much you love this guy. All he cares about is himself. Don't be one of those women that stays with a guy just because you think you are happy and you think you would never be able to find another guy. LEAVE! NOW!

[km82794]

It sounds like your married to my Ex, but his name was Joe.

 

Don't take this wrong, but is there a reason you're not working?

I only say this because after my ex begged me to quit my job and stay home, he became a controlling, abusing (mentally and physically) idiot who let his Mommy control all of our money.

 

Here's what I did when I knew it was time to go...

 

1. Got another job with full benefits.

2. Got my own checking account.

3. Saved some "just in case" cash.

4. Told him now, we go to counseling or I leave.

5. He refused, I left.

6. Got my own apartment.

7. Filed for divorce.

 

Seven simple steps to handling a controlling man. Sorry to be so blunt, but I know first hand it doesn't get better when they think they have you. By your husband throwing a hissy fit over a few $$ spent on Mom, it just reminds me of my life all over again.

 

My ex had me convinced I would never be anything without him and no qualms about telling me that. That was four years ago, I've been making it just fine without him ever since. May I add, it's been a very happy four years.

 

He controlled the money, my time, where I went and with who, but only I could control my happiness.

 

Once again, sorry to sound so morbid, but your letter just reminded me of a very bad past.

 

Goodluck dear, I feel for ya!!!

[Kimmy]

This sounds pretty bad. Have you asked him to go to marriage counseling? It might help. He may not realize that what he is doing is bad. I would tell him that you want him to go to counseling with you. If he truely loves you and wants it to work he will go. If not he is not worth it!

 

It is no fun being with a control freak, I have been there. A relationship should not be like this and the marriage is not going to last if it continues.

 

Take care , Good luck and don't waste your years with this guy!