Randomly she goes cold. OLDER WOMEN!!!!!!

[loomis]

LONG LONG!!!!! May need to popcorn it up....

 

I know I've written a lot of posts lately but I need some help on this one from all of you.

 

About 2 weeks ago I met this girl at the bank and she was way into me.(she's 25 and I'm 20) I got her number and set up a time to go out to lunch. We'll that monday we went to lunch and we talked a got a long great. when I dropped her off at her work she gave a very generous hug and told me "I'll be texting you all day"

 

So all that week I took her lunch and we got together, on wednesday she came to my work and visited me and brought me a drink. Later that day we went to a water park where we talked a lot and held hands and such. (so we've known each other for like 4 days now) She text me later that day and told me how comfortable I made her feel. I told her I felt the exact same way.

 

The next day she randomly comes to my house and while we were talking on the phone. We took some cute pictures together on my computer and It was fun. When I walked her to her car I kissed her, not open mouthed, just on the lips. Later that night we were texting each other and she was telling me how much she likes the way she fits on me when we hug. I told her that I loved the way she fit on me when we hugged. Totally agreed.

 

Last friday rolls around and we watch a movie at her house and we're totally cuddling and it's awesome. I had to leave and she walked me to the door and I kissed her again this time open mouth and she was a great kisser. She calls me right after I leave and we're just talking and being happy.

 

We'll saturday night she turns really weird. She was texting me telling me about how one of her friends girlfriend had just broke up with her. I told I was totally sorry and that, that kind of stuff sucks. She then says like "well it's better it happens now, we're just talking about how were always the one's who give 200 percent in a relationship and the other person just sits there. Not worth it." I said "I know exactly what you mean. I said I feel the same way about the 200 percent, I feel like that. Some people just want to take and take. You just ave the be patient and wait for that someone to come along who will split that 200 percent." She asked me if I was drinking, I told her no. and she said "oh well, I'm really tired" then she just says "good night" I did the same.

 

I was really confused on what she meant by if I was drunk. one of two things came across my mind.

 

1. She thought that I was meaning that I want to be that person to split the 200 percent with her and that I "Love" her

 

or

 

2. She was saying that because she felt that she was giving 200 percent right now and that I wasn't doing anything. Most likely by not making it official that I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend.

 

Now she'll like barely talk to me. I have no idea what I did to make her so weird to me. Do you think it's because I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend or do you think I unintentionally scared her away?

 

Keep in mind(I know it sounds like it's like this 3 year relationship)BUT it's only been a week. Do you older women like just not f*uck around when it comes to this kind of S*it? lol what I mean by that is, do you get frustrated with men when they don't like ask you to be your girlfriend? Or do you think this girl is just moving WAY too fast and she saw that, so wants to see if I'll chase her?

 

Just tell me what to do OLDER WOMEN!!!!!!! I only attract your kind! I was cursed with an older looking face and mature attitude!

 

God! dating sucks the biggest balls ever! I hate it. I'd turn gay but then I'd have to find guys to date and that wouldn't change anything....haha...

[D-Lish]

I think people can be immature at any age... and that behaviour sounds a bit immature to me.

 

It's like a push-pull attention seeking game.

 

Who knows, she may just be pms'ing...lol.

 

Maybe step back a bit and let her come to you when she is done being aloof. I am sure she will.

 

Just don't make the mistake of texting her too much right because you are worried what's going on in her head. Just relax, be cool about it.

[loomis]

I think people can be immature at any age... and that behaviour sounds a bit immature to me.

 

It's like a push-pull attention seeking game.

 

Who knows, she may just be pms'ing...lol.

 

Maybe step back a bit and let her come to you when she is done being aloof. I am sure she will.

 

Just don't make the mistake of texting her too much right because you are worried what's going on in her head. Just relax, be cool about it.

 

 

Yeah I think that's been my problem. I've been texting her and stuff. I'll stop doing that.

 

Don't you think that through my actions you would think that I liked her? I mean do some girls need that title? like "Girlfriend"

 

F*ck I made her lunch and stuff she better know I like her.

 

Thanks for the response! Keep Em comin'!

[D-Lish]

I agree that asking somone to be your gf/bf is premature at this point- and probably grade-schoolish.

 

I don't think that is what she is looking for from you. I honestly think it's attention seeking behaviour. Some women play that game- they pull away to see if you'll chase. You don't want to fall into that game because it sets the precedence that she can act cold and you'll respond with more attention. I personally don't think that sort of behaviour is cool on her end.

 

My advice would be not to buy into it and stop texting her. She's the one with the problem, then she should be the one to get over it and come to you. You didn't do anything wrong!

[loomis]

I agree that asking somone to be your gf/bf is premature at this point- and probably grade-schoolish.

 

I don't think that is what she is looking for from you. I honestly think it's attention seeking behaviour. Some women play that game- they pull away to see if you'll chase. You don't want to fall into that game because it sets the precedence that she can act cold and you'll respond with more attention. I personally don't think that sort of behaviour is cool on her end.

 

My advice would be not to buy into it and stop texting her. She's the one with the problem, then she should be the one to get over it and come to you. You didn't do anything wrong!

 

 

That's what I was thinking, I mean God, who would ask someone to be their girlfriend after only a week of knowing each other? That's just not who I am.

 

I HATE with every fiber in my body, playing games. I will not do it. I think that's what she's trying to do. See if I'll chase.

 

Welp I'm not!

[Kamille]

I'm thinking she might just need to sort out her emotions from the friendship falling appart. A broken up friendship is as painful as a break up and can make someone feel pretty crappy about themselves.

 

In your shoes I would try to not overanalyze. I don't know if you guys have maintained contact since the comment - but I would act like nothing has happened, since, from your end, nothing has happened.

[loomis]

I'm thinking she might just need to sort out her emotions from the friendship falling appart. A broken up friendship is as painful as a break up and can make someone feel pretty crappy about themselves.

 

In your shoes I would try to not overanalyze. I don't know if you guys have maintained contact since the comment - but I would act like nothing has happened, since, from your end, nothing has happened.

 

Oh I'm so sorry, I meant that her friends girlfriend had broken up with HIM. lol they are still friends. I'll need to fix that.

[Kamille]

Oh I'm so sorry, I meant that her friends girlfriend had broken up with HIM. lol they are still friends. I'll need to fix that.

 

Hmmm ok that does change things. Any possibility that she is very busy with friend right now and that this explains the sudden 'coldness'?

 

ps: if you contact her, ask her how her friend is doing.

[Kamille]

ooh I'm a bit slow tonight... What are the chances she's held a candle to that friend for a while??? (the still friend is a guy right?)

[Lizzie60]

Wow.. gimme a break.. OLDER WOMEN! she's not an older woman.. for pete's sake, she's only 25..

 

5 years is not an age gap... at your age..it's the same age...

[loomis]

ooh I'm a bit slow tonight... What are the chances she's held a candle to that friend for a while??? (the still friend is a guy right?)

 

WEll I thought about that too, but he lives in Guam. So I don't think that she's looking for anything from him.

 

I know she's looking for a new job and could be stressed with that. The thing is though Is she was stressed with her other job, so I don't know what the difference would be.

[loomis]

Wow.. gimme a break.. OLDER WOMEN! she's not an older woman.. for pete's sake, she's only 25..

 

5 years is not an age gap... at your age..it's the same age...

 

 

 

Haha she seems to act a little younger then me even. I don't know what her deal is. If i don't like someone like that. I'm bold as hell. I don't let the feelings get any more out of hand because I know It can be hard for people to sit there and wonder all the time.

 

I've tried to hang out with her a few times and she's just shunned me. Maybe I should just take the hint and forget about it.

[D-Lish]

She may just be flaky. The kind of girl that changes her mind as much as often as her underpants.

 

You never know- maybe you are off the hook from getting involved with a drama queen!

 

How has she shunned you with regard to hanging out? She doesn't answer your texts at all or says she has something else to do?

[loomis]

She may just be flaky. The kind of girl that changes her mind as much as often as her underpants.

 

You never know- maybe you are off the hook from getting involved with a drama queen!

 

How has she shunned you with regard to hanging out? She doesn't answer your texts at all or says she has something else to do?

 

 

Yeah ever since last sunday I've asked her if she wanted to do something and she just says she has other things going on. I can take a hint, I'm not stupid.

 

I mean I don't think I should have to confess to her that I like her and maybe would have wanted to be with her soon. I just don't move that fast I need to get to know someone more. I mean a week isn't enough. Or is it?

[D-Lish]

Yeah ever since last sunday I've asked her if she wanted to do something and she just says she has other things going on. I can take a hint, I'm not stupid.

 

I mean I don't think I should have to confess to her that I like her and maybe would have wanted to be with her soon. I just don't move that fast I need to get to know someone more. I mean a week isn't enough. Or is it?

 

No, a week isn't enough time. If she was expecting any confirmations after a week (assuming that is what upset her) then that would be a ridiculous expectation to put on someone.

 

Honestly, if that truly is what upset her, you are better off not getting to know her further. It means you'd probably have lots od drama on your hands.

 

If she's stupid enough to pull away as she has been over something as silly as that, then she's going to miss out on a good guy by playing her cards like this.

 

Just leave it for now and don't contact her unless she reaches out to you. I suspect, that if she is truly playing games, she will come on strong again when you ignore her. If she is simply flaky and has lost interest, it won't matter, and you'll have your answer.

 

There are solid chicks out there who aren't into playing games.

[loomis]

No, a week isn't enough time. If she was expecting any confirmations after a week (assuming that is what upset her) then that would be a ridiculous expectation to put on someone.

 

Honestly, if that truly is what upset her, you are better off not getting to know her further. It means you'd probably have lots od drama on your hands.

 

If she's stupid enough to pull away as she has been over something as silly as that, then she's going to miss out on a good guy by playing her cards like this.

 

Just leave it for now and don't contact her unless she reaches out to you. I suspect, that if she is truly playing games, she will come on strong again when you ignore her. If she is simply flaky and has lost interest, it won't matter, and you'll have your answer.

 

There are solid chicks out there who aren't into playing games.

 

 

Sweet thank you so much. I think you're totally right. I don't want to get into someone who is all about playing games. It's funny because I thought that finding a girl who was 5 years older wasn't into playing games. Now I know It's no different, she's acting like she's 17.

 

The thing other thing is I told her I just got out of a relationship like 3 months ago. I didn't want her to feel like the rebound so I wanted to actually get to know her. Who knows though maybe SHE wanted to be the rebound you know what I mean?

 

Who knows maybe she's just a player, she thought I was hot wanted to get to know me, Kinda did, and now probably found some other hot guy to flirt with.

 

Good times I guess

[D-Lish]

Sweet thank you so much. I think you're totally right. I don't want to get into someone who is all about playing games. It's funny because I thought that finding a girl who was 5 years older wasn't into playing games. Now I know It's no different, she's acting like she's 17.

 

The thing other thing is I told her I just got out of a relationship like 3 months ago. I didn't want her to feel like the rebound so I wanted to actually get to know her. Who knows though maybe SHE wanted to be the rebound you know what I mean?

 

Who knows maybe she's just a player, she thought I was hot wanted to get to know me, Kinda did, and now probably found some other hot guy to flirt with.

 

Good times I guess

 

Well, I have been dumb enough to play games and blow it with guys in my 30's... so age isn't always indicative of maturity!

 

There are many number of factors that could be involved in her being cold and standoffish. Regardless of what they may be, she isn't acting worthy of your positive attention, so I simply wouldn't give it to her and then see if she comes around.

 

Who knows, she may just be a player, or she may just actually be busy.

You'll know soon enough by how she reacts to you not contacting her!

[loomis]

Well, I have been dumb enough to play games and blow it with guys in my 30's... so age isn't always indicative of maturity!

 

There are many number of factors that could be involved in her being cold and standoffish. Regardless of what they may be, she isn't acting worthy of your positive attention, so I simply wouldn't give it to her and then see if she comes around.

 

Who knows, she may just be a player, or she may just actually be busy.

You'll know soon enough by how she reacts to you not contacting her!

 

Sweet! Thanks a lot D-Lish. You've put a lot of things into a great perspective for me. To tell you the truth I think she probably is a player. I mean if a girl can get SO interested that fast, then I don't see why she couldn't get SO disinterested fast you know what I mean?

 

I'm not sweating it. Thanks again for saying I have a positive attention. I do try very hard to be positive in everything I do, with everyone I'm with. That's cool that you were able to tell that, that's how I try to be. Thanks.

 

I'm single, I love it, and you know what It's good times just hanging out not have any obligations.

 

My prediction is she probably won't even notice that I'm not talking to her. So that being said case closed.....probably lol

[D-Lish]

I wouldn't be so sure she won't contact you. Typically, attention seekers go seeking attention when it is taken away. That is why I urge you to just not contact her until she contacts you.

 

Also, people that come on too strong initially are people to be cautious of. They say all the right things, they reel you in wanting your adoration... then when they get it, it becomes boring to them. A lot of that comes from being insecure or previously hurt. A person like this goes around collecting people in small doses... but never makes an actual connection with anyone. Unfortunately, when people act like that, they screw around with other's emotions.

 

I did get the impression from the way she came on to you at the bank that she knows what she is doing. That is often a good thing because guys don't always want to be the ones to guess if a woman likes them or not before asking them out.

 

It's hard to read people anyway- unless you actually get to know them more intimately- there isn't much to go on.

 

Anyway, you'll meet someone else.

It's wasted energy trying to figure someone like that out.

If she calls, great- if she doesn't, it's okay too. You're young and good looking- and have this great opportunity to just go out and have fun playing the field.

[loomis]

I wouldn't be so sure she won't contact you. Typically, attention seekers go seeking attention when it is taken away. That is why I urge you to just not contact her until she contacts you.

 

Also, people that come on too strong initially are people to be cautious of. They say all the right things, they reel you in wanting your adoration... then when they get it, it becomes boring to them. A lot of that comes from being insecure or previously hurt. A person like this goes around collecting people in small doses... but never makes an actual connection with anyone. Unfortunately, when people act like that, they screw around with other's emotions.

 

I did get the impression from the way she came on to you at the bank that she knows what she is doing. That is often a good thing because guys don't always want to be the ones to guess if a woman likes them or not before asking them out.

 

It's hard to read people anyway- unless you actually get to know them more intimately- there isn't much to go on.

 

Anyway, you'll meet someone else.

It's wasted energy trying to figure someone like that out.

If she calls, great- if she doesn't, it's okay too. You're young and good looking- and have this great opportunity to just go out and have fun playing the field.

 

 

Yeah i got to thinking about it today and I was thinking the same thing. People who come on that strong don't normally have deep relationships. I think the only reason I was kinda distraught from it was because I'm still kind of getting over a long relationship failure and this seemed to make it go away. Now that I know what kind of person she is though I'm not distraught by anything anymore. I feel like myself finally for the first time in 3 months.

 

I don't need someone there all the time for me. In fact I don't think I will want someone for a long time. I'm tired of always spending money,calling, talking, explaining stuff, getting together. It's nice to do what I want.

 

So in a way I'm happy this happened because it did help me forget my ex of 3 years and finally get the confidence to tell her to leave me alone. Then with this girl from the bank it's made me realize just how much I enjoy not being with anyone hahah.

 

I don't really care if she ever gets a hold of me again or not. It's not worth my time.

 

Thanks again D-Lish.

[D-Lish]

I think when you've been through a rough time like you had with your ex that rebound dating is a good distraction. If nothing else she reinforced for you that your desireable- which is a great thing, it's just what the ego needs!

 

Dating will help to get over the ex, along with other things.

 

Meh, it's also a good time to just hang out with your buddies and do your own thing. I hate having to answer to other people.

 

Anyway, I am still betting you'll hear from her again.

Probably when you least expect it. You'll just have to decide if you want to keep her in your life if she does want to get together again. If nothing else she's proven she is a bit flaky.

 

Good luck!

[loomis]

I think when you've been through a rough time like you had with your ex that rebound dating is a good distraction. If nothing else she reinforced for you that your desireable- which is a great thing, it's just what the ego needs!

 

Dating will help to get over the ex, along with other things.

 

Meh, it's also a good time to just hang out with your buddies and do your own thing. I hate having to answer to other people.

 

Anyway, I am still betting you'll hear from her again.

Probably when you least expect it. You'll just have to decide if you want to keep her in your life if she does want to get together again. If nothing else she's proven she is a bit flaky.

 

Good luck!

 

 

Yeah she called me today. I didn't answer, I was totally busy moving out of my house. I don't think I would have answered anyway though hahaha. She left me a voice mail and was like "hey, It's me I just got done with my job interview and I just wanted to see what you were up too. Call me back."

 

I didn't have time to call back that soon, I did like 4 hours later and she didn't pick up, so whatever. lol I stopped playing phone-tag in Jr. High.

 

Yeah It was a total ego boost on making me feel like I am still attractive. Sucky thing now Is the ex got back on myspace. she;s being friends with all my friends. I'm not sad about it because i hate her. I pretty mad though, like way upset. I won't explain everything but for the most part she ALWAYS hated myspace before and was always on facebook. Now that she's on it, It's funny/aggravating. She totally turned into the person she always hated.

Good for her though.

 

I'm living my life and I'm happy. You're right I just need to be with the guys. It's true and it's nice. I will continue to be happy

 

Thanks D-lish. Whoever you choose to be with is one lucky guy.