luvstarved Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I just wanted to throw out there that some of it is desperation and some of it is sport. I certainly remember doing that sort of thing just to f**k with guy's heads. Kind of playing with them as some sort of dig over the fact that, at least out there "on the scene", so many are led around by their dicks...not a mature thing, to be sure, but not quite desperation either. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I just wanted to throw out there that some of it is desperation and some of it is sport. I certainly remember doing that sort of thing just to f**k with guy's heads. Kind of playing with them as some sort of dig over the fact that, at least out there "on the scene", so many are led around by their dicks...not a mature thing, to be sure, but not quite desperation either. Would you kiss or fondle a dog if this is what turned on the guys? In my opinion, if you have no attraction to women, but do something sexual with them to turn on a guy, it's as disgusting as doing it with a dog. This is just my opinion. I don't know you and you might have a little bi in you so this wouldn't have been a disgusting thing to you. I just know that now straight woman would do sexual things with another woman without bieng a little repulsed. Link to post Share on other sites
demrea Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Would you kiss or fondle a dog if this is what turned on the guys? In my opinion, if you have no attraction to women, but do something sexual with them to turn on a guy, it's as disgusting as doing it with a dog. This is just my opinion. I don't know you and you might have a little bi in you so this wouldn't have been a disgusting thing to you. I just know that now straight woman would do sexual things with another woman without bieng a little repulsed. its not disgusting ... a dog is a dirty mongrel, a women is a beautiful and soft human. the only thing disgusting is comparing fondling a dog to that of kissing a woman. bi or not ... its completly different. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Well...yeah I don't see the comparison either...there is a difference between "not turned on" and "repulsed". I am not bi but have been with women outside the presence of men! Just the experimental stuff that a lot more people have done than are willing to admit (esp guys). I sort of think of sexual orientation as having more to do with what you want to touch than what you want to be touched by...I think if most people are honest they are a lot less fussy about the latter...keeping it in the human realm at least. I would be lying if I said that if I could lie back and let some woman do all the work on me, I would be repulsed...au contraire, I guarantee I would respond! But as I do not find women's parts to be interesting playthings, and do not get independently aroused at the sight or thought of women, and would rather dislike reciprocating with a woman, I consider myself completely hetero... I would be repulsed by a dog, FTR... but to each his own... Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Oh, hell yeah! My best GF and I dirty dance on occasion when the guys are already watching and drooling JUST to get a rise out of 'em. That CERTAINLY doesn't mean I wanna "do" her, but it doesn't "repulse" me either. That's a rather strong word for the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rap8691 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Share Posted July 23, 2008 so things could be worse.... Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 so things could be worse.... Can you elaborate on that? Not sure whether you were responding to another post or giving a very brief update!!! I am sure many have been wondering how things have progressed for you...including myself... Link to post Share on other sites
Author rap8691 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 It was just my lame attempt at comic sarcasm. The dialogue seemed to diverge from the original issue to sex with animals. And at least he didn't tell me he wanted to sleep with the dog. I'm not doing very well. My H is on his trip and returns Friday night. He said we'd be in touch every day, which I took to mean that we would have opportunities to talk every day. What this has turned out to be is unanswered messages, calls at hours that I am asleep, text messages with no responses, etc. It's hard for me to not let me thoughts stray as to what he might be up to, in spite of him saying that nothing would happen between them. I have no idea how to react when I see him Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 It was just my lame attempt at comic sarcasm. The dialogue seemed to diverge from the original issue to sex with animals. And at least he didn't tell me he wanted to sleep with the dog. I'm not doing very well. My H is on his trip and returns Friday night. He said we'd be in touch every day, which I took to mean that we would have opportunities to talk every day. What this has turned out to be is unanswered messages, calls at hours that I am asleep, text messages with no responses, etc. It's hard for me to not let me thoughts stray as to what he might be up to, in spite of him saying that nothing would happen between them. I have no idea how to react when I see him Friday. Who's not answering the phone and text messages? You sound like you suffer from lack of self esteem. I think IC might help, especially assertiveness training. Right now it sounds like your husband is running all over you. I'ts time to stand up to him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I have no idea how to react when I see him Friday. So, he knew how you felt and still went on the trip anyway? This is bad and he isn't respecting your feelings at all. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be in the house when he got back, or I'd get the lock to the front door changed. Emotionally, there's no way I'd be able to handle your situation, it would kill me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rap8691 Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 Who's not answering the phone and text messages? You sound like you suffer from lack of self esteem. I think IC might help, especially assertiveness training. Right now it sounds like your husband is running all over you. I'ts time to stand up to him. I know that it sounds like I am weak, but typically I am quite independent and unemotional. But this whole situation has weakened me both emotionally and physically. I've been sick for two weeks because of stress and I've become susceptible to every bug flying through our office. I would love to be able to "stand up" to him, but I really just want him to be home and things be back as they were. But I'm also aware enough to not be that naive about it all. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I know you feel weak right now. You could at least, however, read some books on self-esteem or assertiveness. Maybe you are just in shock. I don't know, but the situation isn't good and it's going to eat you alive unless you get out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rap8691 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Share Posted July 25, 2008 Again, maybe I'm naive, but I don't think I need to just "get out of it". I need to hear what happened for him during this time away (both emotionally and possibly physically) to figure it all out. I spoke to him last night (he called before bedtime!) and he could tell that I wasn't feeling well and was sick (now I have strep throat). I hated for him to know that and to show me any sympathy, but he knows. I hate when games get played of 'oh feel sorry for me because I'm sick and alone', but I do get an uneasy/horrible feeling that it might have turned into that. He asked too many questions about my situation to not know. I have been reading books on relationships even before he left. I hope that he will read the same, although I haven't gotten to any any parts truly worth underlining. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 Well, you have been dealt a severe emotional blow...the emotional trauma was the first injury and it has understandably parlayed into physical illness. There is nothing weak or shameful about that. Your life has been turned upside down and you would have to be emotionally dead or superhuman not to have a reaction to it like you have. In some ways, I commend your H for at least being honest about his feelings with you, though he might have done so sooner. He may well have believed himself in the beginning that he was done with men and all would be well. I understand the idea of sexual urges that will not go away and sexual boredom in a marriage. But, the bottom line is that it is either correctable within the marriage or it is not. I think he was wrong to keep this all to himself and just come out with it as what he wanted to do without apparently ever making any effort to rekindle a satisfying sexual relationship with you. That would have been the proper first step. Meanwhile, you need to decide what your limits of acceptability are. For me, there would be no allowance for an open marriage. I would say, I understand your feelings, but you have to understand mine. We have not done anything to address the sexual problems at home and you seem to want to solve them with supplemental activity. That is not acceptable to me. If you can sit here right now and say in all honesty that nothing we could say or do together to build a satisfying exclusive sex life can possibly work, then we need to work on an exit strategy. It isn't fair to me to have you further delude either one of us. Otherwise, we should get on with the business of working this out between ourselves and leave 3rd party solutions out of it. Anyway, brace yourself for the possbility that he will come home and confess to having gotten physical. I don't know that will be the case any more than you do, but you should gather emotional strength for the possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Auntieana Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Okay my bi-sexual husband and i have an open marriage. You knew he was bi-sexual from the start and for bi-sexuals ( I am one myself) Sometimes the same sex offers something that the opposite sex can not give. I'm sorry but that is the truth. Just be grateful he was honest and open with you about his needs and that he didn't go behind your back. Like many men I know would. You married this man even though you knew he was bi and yes he did that it would be a problem at the start of the marriage because maybe then he really didn't think it would be. Just because your husband wants an open marriage don't mean he's going to love you any less. I still love my husband as much as i did the first day we fell in love. You can not contain sexual urges forever. You have thoughts about other men. You say you wouldn't act on it but why sex is sex and love making is love making. They are two completely different things. You love your husband and want to keep him so why not try this with him. It'll show you that trust him to always love you and only you and that no matter what you will only want him even if the consentual opption is there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Intellectualbrat Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 Again, maybe I'm naive, but I don't think I need to just "get out of it". I need to hear what happened for him during this time away (both emotionally and possibly physically) to figure it all out. I spoke to him last night (he called before bedtime!) and he could tell that I wasn't feeling well and was sick (now I have strep throat). I hated for him to know that and to show me any sympathy, but he knows. I hate when games get played of 'oh feel sorry for me because I'm sick and alone', but I do get an uneasy/horrible feeling that it might have turned into that. He asked too many questions about my situation to not know. I have been reading books on relationships even before he left. I hope that he will read the same, although I haven't gotten to any any parts truly worth underlining. One thing I will say to you is that you are one courages woman because i would not be able to handle this situation like you have. Uh- NO!! First of all let's talk about the commitement and leave the sexual preffrence out for one sec..You guys got married, he is your husband and you are his wife,,right? OK so if my husband tells me that I can go and screw some other guy I know right there and then that he does NOT LOVE ME...Hello?????? I would not think about it twice, i would divorce him in a heartbeat..Ok I understand you love him, But you are miserable, so why not be miserable on your own and at least you know you will get over it someday soon rather than stay with him and be miserable forever? You know that he will not change, it will get worst now, believe me, think about it...I truly do hope you the best...I myself would never be able to be with a man that I know is sleeping around, specially a gay guy...you are in danger, and remember, everything happens for a reason..and you can take that to the bank. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted September 12, 2008 Share Posted September 12, 2008 If it were me I would at least get a seperation in my marriage. I have known people that have open marriages and don't seem happy. I know gay, bi or straight that I couldn't deal with an open marriage. Your either committed to me or your not. Your not as alone as you think as this story reminds me of my best friend! I give him credit for being honest so he is at least a friend. But the fact this has occurred I would take some time away from the marriage, go to counseling and decide if you really want to be married to someone who is not committed to you the way (to me) a marraige needs. Please be careful of AIDS. It's a basic fact AIDs is more prevalent from anal intercourse. I had a neighboor who was married, the husband cheated on her and gave her AIDS. I hope if he is planning on having homosexual relations out of the marriage with men you don't know that he is protecting himself to protect you! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts