I feel guilty...though its not really cheating...right?

[4givrnt4gtr]

I posted this in another side of the forum but i wonder if it be better here...

 

So, I dated this guy for a year...it was getting pretty serious. Then I found out some dirty texts to some chick and I ended it.

Ive been thru every single emotion in the book. From the I hate you how could you, to the ok maybe we can figure this out.

 

So, long story short, after he didnt show up to meet me and then sent me a sad email about how he couldnt see me as just a friend, i told him i was willing to give us a shot but i needed him to think if I was what he really wanted. I asked him to be sure he wanted me before he gave me a call. And that if he didnt, then id understand.

 

Two weeks pass by and I heard nothing from him.

 

In the meantime my best friend (guy) started to put moves on me. I tried to fight it, but unfortunately last weekend we both got drunk and ended up making out. (no sex though).

At this time i was sure my ex wasnt going to call me again, that he didnt love me, so I had to move on.

 

On Monday I received the news that I got into graduate school. My ex knew about my anxiety about getting in so I texted him letting him know I got in. He called me that night and we talked a bit. Nothing personal, just congratulation and we talked about what we were doing and after a while we hang up. I was left with the feeling he just didnt want me but didnt have the guts to tell me.

 

THen today he called me again. We talked for a while, joked laugh. At this point my friend has been on my mind a lot, and what we did on saturday. Im sure my friend and I are never going to be anything, but still. I was feeling a bit awkward talking to my ex. I miss him like crazy, but now Im feeling guilty, and a bit confused.

 

Then it got worst. He asked what I did this weekend. I told him I hanged out with my guy friend and my other friend, went to the beach and then to a bar. He asked if I got wasted. I said I got a bit tipsy but that since my other friend lives by the beach we stayed there. He then said "I hope you didnt do anything stupid" I asked what he meant and he said that he hoped I didnt hoke up with my guy friend. I was dumbfounded. I asked him why he thought that and he said he didnt know, he just got a vibe. That sent chills up my spine.

 

Now here's the kicker....i denied we hoked up. I said he is my best friend and I wouldnt do that. I felt guilty saying it...but at the same time...I dont know, I just couldnt make myself say I did. Its not like I cheated...but still. He said ok, and that anyway it wasnt his business.

 

I feel horrible.

 

What should I do? should I come clean and tell him I made out with my friend? Should I just let it die since we are not together anyway? ughh this is horrible. I feel just as bad as what he did....

 

what should I do?!?!

[Calisto]

Nope. Don't tell him. It's none of his business, but if you say that, it is just saying that you did hook up. You did the right thing by saying no because 1. you're broken up and 2. he hasn't told you he wants to be with you and that he loves you.

[Ronni_W]

In my view, no, you didn't cheat. But you did lie, for whatever reason -- probably more cos you're feeling all weirded out about you and your friend, than it has anything to do with the ex.

 

You could go either way, depending on what will make you feel better AND on you want with/from the ex:

[1] "I was dealing with my own issues so I lied to you when I really didn't have to, and I'm telling you just so I don't have to feel guilty about lying, and I don't want to talk about it any further" OR [2] you can just leave it alone (especially if you think the ex is gonna give you a hard time - like he said, it ain't none of his business, no how.)

 

Personally, I'd find a way to not feel badly about either the thing with the friend or the thing with the ex. In the grand scheme of things, no harm, no foul, really, so no need to beat yourself up about it.

[Keridan]

It's natural to feel like you are cheating when you are so newly out of a relationship and still care about the guy. You did not, however. You were single.

 

I think you should also let the the lie sit as is for the time being. In the long run it will make little difference. If you end up getting together, then it's time to fess up first.

 

I actually had a very similar situation when I was about 20. My fiance and I had broken up because I was a jackass. She ended up hooking up with a guy friend of mine a while later. She lied to me and he didn't. I got all butt-hurt at the time and upset with her. Looking back on it now, she had every right and I was already being a jerk. I almost wish the friend had lied, too

 

Try not to punish yourself too badly! You told a lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation. That's no crime, it's natural. In an ongoing relationship, it's bad. Otherwise, there are times it's okay.

 

I wish you all the best and hope you feel better

[Walk]

I think the only reason the ex asked is because he likes the idea that you're waiting for him. Doesn't sound like your ex wants to persue a relationship with you, but really doesn't want any other guy touching what he considers his. Personally think he's on a bit of an ego trip, and the idea of you hooking up with another guy could damage his little fantasy world.

 

I wouldn't feel guilty about what you did, or how you handled it with the ex. What you do while single is your own business.

 

Also... The ex blows you off, won't even give enough consideration to drop and line to let you know that he's not interested in persuing a relationship, or heaven forbid... actually open up a dialog about his thoughts on the subject. Instead, he avoids communicating with you, runs from the problem. And the ONE time you actually talk to him after you've told him your willing to persue a relationship if he's serious about it... the first time you talk to him in weeks and he starts questioning you about other men???? WTH? Sounds overly possessive. He doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else touching you either? Keep him an ex and find someone who isn't so flaky.