Am I Overreacting?

[jimj_123]

I would like some advice on something that has caused me some concern at home. Not a major clash, but not that much has been said about it. We are a middle-age, middle-class couple with a strong marriage.

 

Recently, we had two couples over for some burgers, etc. After our meal, my wife got out some photos and was going through them with our friends. At one point, I was elsewhere in the room with one of the men while everyone else was looking at the photos. I overheard something that got my attention and upon asking about it, learned that they had run across a photo I had taken of my wife as sort of a joke that I assumed nobody else would see. In this photo, she is standing at the ironing board ironing something without any clothes on. The shot was taken from the back and therefore her entire bare backside is visible. When I voiced some question about our friends seeing it, she turned it over and said she wasn't aware that I didn't want them to see it. We just kind of laughed it off and went on looking at photos. Everyone there saw it, however before it was all done.

 

Later, as I brought this up, she said she was unaware that I would be concerned about it, pointing out that it only showed her backside. She then mentioned another photo that she assumed I was aware of, but was not. She got it out and I then learned of it's existence. It had been there all the time, I just didn't know and she hadn't tried to hide it. This photo had been taken about two years ago at a friend's wedding she served at. The entire bridal party had posed for the photo in an arms-locked fashion while wearing only their bra's and half-slips and shoes. It was taken on an impromptu basis when one of the ladies suggested it before they put their dresses on. There were about ten women from about age 20 to age 50 in the photo. She said none of them saw a problem with the photo and that they all received a copy. I'm sure it's also in the bride's wedding album for all to see.

 

My question is, am I overreacting to the fact that several men have seen my wife's bare backside and also a photo of her in the group picture of the wedding party in their undies? If you're a woman on this forum, would you be comfortable with these photos? Would your husband or boyfriend mind? If you're a man here, would you object if your wife or girlfriend wwas seen this way?

 

Some opinions, please.

[tikigods]

I just asked my husband and he said he wouldn't care if some friends saw a naked picture of me. I think you are overreacting to this its not like she posted it on the internet for all to see

[tanbark813]

Full frontal would bother me but these photos sound harmless.

[blind_otter]

My question is, am I overreacting to the fact that several men have seen my wife's bare backside and also a photo of her in the group picture of the wedding party in their undies? If you're a woman on this forum, would you be comfortable with these photos? Would your husband or boyfriend mind? If you're a man here, would you object if your wife or girlfriend wwas seen this way?

 

Some opinions, please.

 

I'm a woman and I wouldn't be upset about the photos. As tanbark said, if it were full frontal it would be one thing, but it's just her ass. And the wedding pic is even more innocuous just bras and a half slip! I'm sure there are pics of your wife at the beach that reveal more skin than that.

[Krytie TV]

Personally I think you sound a little uptight. No, a lot uptight. I don't know what your values are now or were growing up, but I do think it would help you to let your wife live a little. Most people have a bit of exhibitionism in them, and what you're explaining sounds very PG-13. I mean, bras and slips? You mean she showed tummy?!

 

Anyway, from the outside, yes... major overreaction.

[quankanne]

they had run across a photo I had taken of my wife as sort of a joke that I assumed nobody else would see.

 

I personally wouldn't be upset, the photos were in jest, though honestly? You should have thought twice about snapping that picture of your wife if you didn't want anyone other than you to see it. Because I guarantee, whatever you deem private has a way of making itself known to others at inopportune times.

[in_absentia]

I don't think you're overreacting, as you seem to be dealing with it in a really calm manner when it's obviously upsetting you. Overreacting would be kicking off and demanding divorce and giving your wife a really hard time for it.

 

Loads of men feel similarly to you, it's easy for people to say you're being too uptight etc. but I bet if you could change how you felt, you would. My boyfriend is the exact same, he gets very posessive and jealous about the idea of other men seeing my body, to the extent that he wouldn't like it if I went swimming etc. I admit it does sometimes really get to me and frustrate me when I'm deciding what to wear on a night out and stuff, but that's the way he is, he never tells me what to do but I know stuff certainly uspets him. I get a lot of crap from my friends telling me he should lighten up and stop controlling me etc. but at the end of the day I love him, I have insecurities of my own and I know how it feels not to be able to control how they make you feel. So don't let anyone tell you you're unreasonable for feeling this way; if you feel it you can't help it.

 

However the important thing is how you deal with it, don't give your wife a hard time cos it seems she wasn't aware it'd bother you, but tell her how it makes you feel in a non accusatory way ('you made me feel awful because you showed people the photos/you must enjoy the attention because you didn't care about people seeing your body') and set some ground rules for the future. I'm sure if it hasn't come up before and she isn't aware she might be glad to know how you feel and you could agree on something to make you both happy.

 

If I was asked to pose in a photo like that I'd have to say no because I know how upset my bf would be. Personally I wouldn't care, I'm not a nudist but hey it's just bodies and if everyone's in on it who cares. But I know how it makes him feel and sometimes I put that above my desire to do something that probably doesn't mean that much to me overall. Sometimes he does step over the line and I get upset and feel like I'm being attacked, as if he thinks I'm easy or something because i'm not always wearing huge jumpers and stuff, but it's borne out of love and caring about me (as well as jealousy and posessiveness) so I try to understand as much as possible.

 

It's not easy for both people in the relationship.

[jenjen_321]

Here's an example of the shoe being on the other foot. Specifically it was the husband whose bare butt was seen by multiple people. It was during our office Christmas party in about 2002, I think. There were about 75 people there. I work with a lady named Alice and her husband is Harry. Alice told me that Harry was going to do something crazy at the party but wouldn't elaborate. Harry is a rather large man with a beard and a perfect Santa. there was suddenly a lot of laughing and everybody's attention focused on one entryway to the room. There came Harry carrying a large sack full of toys, wearing a Santa hat, red tennis shoes, bright red knee socks and a florescent green jockstrap, nothing more but a smile. He came out with the Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas routine for a couple of minutes and retreated to another room to get dressed and rejoin the party. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Alice wasn't the least bit concerned that everyone had seen Harry's big old butt, and obviously Harry wasn't either. He was the life of the party even after putting his clothes back on. Alice got teased at work quite a bit but it doesn't bother her. Personally, I wouldn't mind if my hubby did a stunt like this for laughs. But that's just one person's opinion.

[Jersey Shortie]

While I do think alot of men would feel the same way, I do also think you are over-reacting. How many other different women have you seen their bare butt and whatever? I would bet alot. Because most men do view porn.

 

Men have a double standard here where it's okay for them to look at any naked female but it's not okay for anyone else to be privy to their wives/girlfriends "assests". Which seems stupid to me. Because if a guy isn't doing anything wrong by looking at other naked women, then how could a woman be doing anything wrong by being looked at naked. If it's normal for a guy to want to look at naked women, it's normal for a woman to want to be looked at.

 

Get over it, I am sure she isn't the only woman you have ever seen naked while you've been married to her. I am sure you look at other naked women all the time with a smile on yoru face.

[NeverLetMeDownAgain]

In this photo, she is standing at the ironing board ironing something without any clothes on. The shot was taken from the back and therefore her entire bare backside is visible.

 

I've been to some beaches where you can see a hell of a lot more than just a bare backside in tiny string bikinis - and I wouldn't consider this any different.

 

If you're a woman on this forum, would you be comfortable with these photos? Would your husband or boyfriend mind?

 

I'd be okay with it, although I'm not sure that I'd want them pulled out over a casual get-together - that's my own sense of modesty talking there. The one with the bras and half-slips sounds cute, actually - and it was probably taken in that spirit.

 

I think you're overreacting, yes. The way to solve this is to simply put such pictures away and not bring them out at get-togethers, if it bothers you.