Am I just being impatient? He has me very confused

[kitt]

I met a man on line on a dating site in March, actually didn't meet him until June 7. He had introduced himself in March on the site and I thought he was nice but never accepted his invitation for a date and cancelled my subscription on the site. He is a Batallion Cheif in a fire department, divorced 9 months now.

Well, I rejoined the site In June and he was still on and asked me out once again. This time I met him in person. He and I hit it off and have been out 3 times. In late June his mother was diganosed with cancer and with other issues happening, moving, children, relatives from out of state visiting etc., he told me that in the month of July he had so much going on that he may not be able to see me.

 

I was bummed out, but at the same time knew he had alot on his plate. Well heres the problem.

He has called me once since that conversation, over a month ago now. He is still a member on the site we met on however, I am not as of two days ago.

I would log on and he would be chatting with other women, and he is still staying on the site until late at night.

I would email him on the site but unless I asked a question he never wrote back.

 

I finally asked him in chat if he had dated anyone else other than me since he last saw me. He replied, "No I have not".

Then I felt like I blew it asking him that.

I asked him if I had, and he said no.

Now what is going on here, no calls, one email on regular email, and slowly stopped writing to me on the site. Yet in chat he was upbeat, talking about seeing me, what we could do etc..

 

Am I just being impatient? He is a genuine person, caring and very responsible. Do you think I am over reacting?

I have never been able to trust, because of issues with men in the past. Something tells me that it is all my fear trying to take over, and to just be patient. He has alot going on.

 

Keep in mind we live 2 1/2 hrs. away from each other.

 

Any advice will be appreciated.

 

thanks,

[Java]

[Java]

How do you know he's a genuine person?....... that's an assumption on your part as you don't know him well enough to know for certain, only time sheds light on characteristics like that.

 

I don't think this guy is genuinely interested in you. Keep this in mind.... actions speak far louder than words. Forget what he's 'saying' and look at what he's doing. That's the proof of the pudding.

 

I understand you'd like to have something happen with this guy but it's really not smart to be letting out your insecurities to someone you barely know. Bad guys take advantage of that sort of stuff. Seems he got pretty excited after you let him know your fears that he might be seeing someone else and that you might have 'blown' something that never really was (ie you really like him). If he's not interested (and his actions have said to date that he's really not), then it's his loss, that's where your head should be at.

 

Ask yourself what's acceptable to you. Is it acceptable that a potential love interest can't find 5 minutes to keep in contact with you, despite his busy life, yet finds the time to chat to other women, despite his busy life?. Easy to rationalise behaviour away, I know

 

Don't know if that help.... best of luck

Java

[clia]

He has called me once since that conversation, over a month ago now.

 

I think this pretty much says it all. Do you honestly think that if this guy were crazy about you that he would let an entire month go by and only call you once? No, he would not. He seems to have lost interest, at least IMO. Your best bet at this point is to simply move on and date other men.

[kitt]

Yes, I thought that the fact he had not called was not a good sign either.

I do want to say that he had told me after he found out his mother had cancer along with his children going through an emotional upheaveal, his two sisters from out of state visiting, and moving into a house he bought, that he felt as if he was spreading himself thin, and he didn't feel he had time for everyone, including friends and family and especially me right now, and told me that he hoped I would understand. Things were just really difficult. (3 dates)

I thought this was reasonable.

I do not think he is lying, but I do think there is more to it than that.

 

I thought maybe along with just the things he mentioned maybe he was afraid of me. It was very clear that he really liked me.

I know it may sound like I am looking for reasons to hang on to this but, I have a good sense about people, and this guy is not a liar.

I just opened an email from him saying, he wished he could get up here to see me and around the second week of August things should settle down for him, he will be moved and company will be gone. He said he was going waterskiing with his sister and brother-in-law at the lake today.

 

Now what? Any other opinion?

[clia]

I thought this was reasonable.

 

I think it's completely reasonable. People get busy--there's nothing wrong with that. It just seems like if he was intent on moving things forward with you that he would make more of an effort, busy or not. Things such as this always come up in life. Doesn't mean you need to drop everything else.

 

I do not think he is lying, but I do think there is more to it than that.

 

He may not be lying, but he may be withholding the entire truth. I just find it odd that he can find the time to chat online with other women or to send you e-mails, but no time to pick up the phone and call you or see you. This doesn't mean he doesn't like you at all--it just makes me question how much he does actually like you.

 

Now what?

 

I think if he asks you out in August you should go. But don't put all your eggs in one basket. Keep in mind that you've only been on three dates with him and you have no idea what he is thinking at this point.

[kitt]

Thanks

I think you are completely right. I shouldn't put all of my eggs in one basket and actually I haven't, I have met three other men that would like to date me. I have not made any definite date plans, as I don't know any of them at all, and talk to them on the phone or email. I am moving very slow. Although, I like the man I am writing about the most, I am not going to wait around. If he isn't interested at all, I will find out soon enough.

I will wait and see and thanks for giving some time to answering me. I am a well educated, single mother, who has alot of friends and family. I stumbled on this site, and decided hey why not! I'll post and see what others might say or think.

 

 

Thanks again!

[clia]

I have met three other men that would like to date me.

 

Sounds good to me!

 

Although, I like the man I am writing about the most, I am not going to wait around. If he isn't interested at all, I will find out soon enough.

 

You sound like you are being very smart about this.

 

Hope it all works out how you want it to!