Lmaiden Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I’ve recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years 2 months ago I haven’t really been out there on the dating scene or looking for anyone else to take his place. Recently while out visiting a mutual friend of my ex I ran into this young man we did some playful flirting for a while and exchanged numbers (shocking to me I actually pursued him). We conversate often and we’ve went out on one date, he has expressed to me that he has feelings for me that are a little more than he’s expected. I told him in the beginning that I wasn’t looking to get involved in another relationship anytime soon just someone to befriend. I need advise for 3 scenarios… 1st situation within the last few days got a little intense once we discussed something’s from the past, he told me that he and my ex are not friends but they know each other, me ex is a barber and he use to cut his hair about 4 years ago which stopped because we moved. He described days that he spent at my house and told me how he would park in our driveway while visiting friends next door, I was shocked because I DON’T remember him AT ALL (how love can blind the eye). I was a little disgusted by this because I’ve actually formed a sexual attraction to this guy and really had plans on acting on it. He assured me that they are NOT friends and has not had any contact since we moved from his area of town (My ex sets up his shop from home). Should I continue talking to him knowing that he is an acquaintance of my ex? Which is hard for me to do in any situation because he is a very well know barber in our town and he knows almost EVERYONE literally. 2nd and 3rd situation his age! I’m 29 and he’s 24, I’ve always dated men older than me (my ex is 34) but for some reason this guy is such a pleasure to talk to and be around. During our conversation about his feeling for me he also expressed to me that he was feeling a little intimidated by my age and experience he feels that I may use him and have him out on a whim which is not the case. I told him that I am extremely attracted to him sexually and I have formed a slight emotional connection. In the beginning my intentions were to befriend him and get to know him on a more platonic level, but now I’m so into him physically I want to make him my sexual partner with no strings attached (in his words Cup Caking with no filling) LOL. I do want to consider his feelings on the other hand I don’t want to involve myself with him sexually and then it back fire because he care a little more than I do. He told me that he could handle being my unattached lover and I want to believe him. So what should I do I’m struggling with 3 things his association with my ex his age and taking our relationship to a sexual level with no strings attached even tho he has feeling for me. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Who cares about his age. You are going to find yourself attracted to a lot of younger guys now that you're almost 30. I did. The fact that he is an acquaintance of your ex is not good. I would say don't date him. Your ex will find out and if you're like me, I wouldn't want him knowing my business. Especially if you want your ex back. If he finds out you have been doing this guy he will view you as a slut. That's just how they are. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 1) I wouldn't stop talking to him because he's the barber. Chances are good he won't dish out any private info on you to your ex even if he does see him. After all, if anything happens between you two, that'll mean he's putting his private life on display, too, and that won't happen. He's a barber; he's got more than enough info on the rest of the world to keep his clients happily chatting without throwing his own life in the mix. Your ex will find out sooner or later, and will be mad about it, but that's his problem, not yours. 2) 5 years? That's nothing! When I was in my early 20's, I was dating a woman who was in her early 40's, more recently, I dated a woman in her mid-40's (I'm early 30's now), and now I'm pursuing a girl who's 7 years younger. Five years is no big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Sw3etdev1L Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I am in a similar situation right now.. well... you only live once right? why think about it so much, just be free, take care of yourself and..don't get hurt/ don't hurt him... and if you see things are starting to become dangerous for both of you.. walk away.. that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I get pretty turned off if I'm having sex and I find strings. Link to post Share on other sites
Sw3etdev1L Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 the hard thing is.. if you had a relatioshp of about six years.. how are you going to overcome the separation with him if you are still going to have sex I mean.. isn't what you are doing, trying to prevent feeling the void of not having your ex in your life constantly, blindingly accepting for a free relationship. I mean... the thing is.. in your place, I'd be really hurt. If as a woman you get hurt when you have sex with a stranger and you feel a void after doing it, with an ex... I mean, wouldn't it hurt not only your heart but you integrity?? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 First of all, 29 and 24 is hardly an age difference, in my eyes. I am 31 but I still consider guys that are 26 or older, given their maturity level. Might as well make that issue an invisible one. What matters is the friendship or chemistry. As for your Ex, if he's such a popular guy that he knows everyone, he shouldn't be surprised to eventually hear about someone new in your life. If he can't handle that, maybe he should not have broken up with you. And the two guys are not friends, they just know who one another is. However, if it would be awkward for YOU to have your Ex know about a guy you date, maybe you are not really ready to form any kind of relationship yet. But yes, if you two agree to a sex-with-no-strings thing, you are taking the chance of his feelings growing stronger for you. By saying he's okay with it, I bet he secretly is hoping that it will cause your feelings to grow as well. Maybe not, but it's a definite possibility. If you are a person who is only open to sex with no strings right now, it's usually best find someone who is on the same page as you there. Even then, there's no guarantee that someone won't develop feelings for the other in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
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