my internal struggle

[r4836]

Basically, I met this girl in my college calculus class last year, and we soon became good friends. However, I soon began to have feelings for her, and in February I told her how I felt. Unfortunately, she didn't feel the same way, and I was devastated. Nevertheless, I have decided to respect her choice and just remain friends. There is no awkwardness between us at all, and in fact we're now much better friends (so much so that if you saw us hanging out you'd probably think we're a couple, but we're really not).

The problem is that I still have feelings for her, and these feelings have done nothing but grown ever since. I really would like to tell her how I feel again especially since my feelings are much stronger now ... I think I love her.

The thing is that I don't want to ruin our friendship (I would rather have her as a friend than nothing at all), and especially now since we're both in a summer research program where we are going to see a lot of each other for at least the next month and have several plans to hangout.

 

Anyways, this is something I wrote that I been wanting to tell her:

 

(Her name), I know we went through this in February, but I never really told you; You just knew what I was going to say, and look I do understand that you don’t feel the same way, and that we’re just friends. I respect your choice, and I would never want to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable around me, because I really do value your friendship. However, ever since February my feelings have done nothing but grown.

I enjoy spending time with you; I don’t even mind getting up at six just to get to class, because I know you’ll be there … I don’t know, but I’m just happy when I’m around you. I like your personality; I like that you put yourself out there, you’re more talkative, friendly, funny and outgoing and clearly I’m not like that; I’m more reserved and it’s like opposites attract. I like that your intelligent, motivated, and you have goals for your future which I know you’ll accomplish. I even like all of your little quirky and geeky tendencies. There is so much more but basically I think you’re amazing, and I just like you for you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone … I love you.

I honestly don’t know what to expect by telling you this but something inside of me was just telling me that I should. I’ve been very reluctant to tell you this because I don’t want it to affect our friendship because I would rather be friends than nothing at all, but I really wish we could be more.

 

I guess there really isn't a question here, but I just felt like ranting. However, I do appreciate any input.

[lostboy11]

Dude, that's a beautiful letter man. I've felt things like that before and almost written them, but never quite got around to it. No one can tell you how to go about this man, but are you prepared to be the unrequited love guy after putting yourself out there again to be potentially devastated? What happens if she declines again and then starts dating someone and can't spend time with you as much? The thing I don't like about your position is that you're going to be the guy who's at her beck and call because she has power over you. If I were you I'd create some distance and see what happens. Maybe she'll think twice about the opportunity she had. If not, maybe she doesn't value the "friendship" as much as you thought. Either way, you win because aren't torturing yourself with her presence. She is like a drug for you, but if things go south, you will be going through major withdrawals (i.e. if she starts dating someone else). Trust me, if you want to be attractive to her you can't be jumping at her every request and being around her 24/7. Women want what they can't have and it sounds like she's got you whether she wants you or not. If you really need to pass her this note, I think you revise it to say "I have feelings for you and I value your friendship, but I love you so much that I can't do the friend thing anymore. I'm sorry but it's too painful." See what she says then. I don't know if you wanted all this unsolicited advice but I think I've got some good info for you here. Being the one who loves the uninterested one is a bit of a victim role. Don't be victim. Take control. I'm rooting for you so good luck!

[vanilla87]

Anyways, this is something I wrote that I been wanting to tell her:

 

(Her name), I know we went through this in February, but I never really told you; You just knew what I was going to say, and look I do understand that you don’t feel the same way, and that we’re just friends. I respect your choice, and I would never want to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable around me, because I really do value your friendship. However, ever since February my feelings have done nothing but grown.

I enjoy spending time with you; I don’t even mind getting up at six just to get to class, because I know you’ll be there … I don’t know, but I’m just happy when I’m around you. I like your personality; I like that you put yourself out there, you’re more talkative, friendly, funny and outgoing and clearly I’m not like that; I’m more reserved and it’s like opposites attract. I like that your intelligent, motivated, and you have goals for your future which I know you’ll accomplish. I even like all of your little quirky and geeky tendencies. There is so much more but basically I think you’re amazing, and I just like you for you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone … I love you.

I honestly don’t know what to expect by telling you this but something inside of me was just telling me that I should. I’ve been very reluctant to tell you this because I don’t want it to affect our friendship because I would rather be friends than nothing at all, but I really wish we could be more.

 

I guess there really isn't a question here, but I just felt like ranting. However, I do appreciate any input.

 

That is such a heartfelt letter you sent her, it really is.

 

But if she has told you that she doesn't see you as more then a friend, don't push your luck with her, because its a 50/50 thing when a girl could change her mind and its not often.

 

Just wait and see if she shows any interest. First ask a friend if you think she likes you, and ask a girl, not a guy, because the girl will know way better then a guy anyway.

 

Also just focus on the summer, your plans, and her as just a "friend", nothing more, it'll make it easier if you convince yourself that first.

 

Lastly, if she changes her mind, let her come to you first then go from there, till then don't assume too much and wait it out, things change, people change, and hearts change too. So have fun and forget about how you feel, its hard i know, but keep busy and be distracted so you don't have to think about her.