Do you folks think that it is just a rebound? Interested in some good opinions

[htcc]

My ex-girlfriend and I were together for more then four years. Yes we had our share of arguments and ups & downs, like anyone else.

 

Toward the end we went through some stressful times with finances and our relationship suffered as a result. So one day the final straw broke and we decided to go our seperate ways. The breakup was very amicable but heart breaking as well- we did a lot of talking, crying and hugging and so forth. We were both still very much in love but we knew that we needed time apart to figure out if the grass was greener. Something like that.

 

One week after we split up she started dating another guy. I found out about it and decided to sever all ties with her and move on. I was hurt that she could start dating so quickly. I did not tell her that was the reason, I was very nice and told her that it was for the best. She was not happy about and fought me about it for about 30 minutes or so.

 

Well, almost two months has gone by since then. However During those two months she continued very regular contact with my family and even hung out with them every week in some way shape or form. She is also checking my email everyday but she doesn't know that I know about it.

 

The other day I was at my parent's house and I picked up their phone to call my friend and when I picked it up there was a female's voice on the other end. It was hers. I decided to talk with her because I really do miss her and I was comforted by the sound of her voice. We talked for about 20 minutes and I asked her to come over to my parents, which she immediately did.

 

When I saw her, all of my feelings for her came back. I realized how much I still really lover her. It killed me. We had great conversation and neiter of us even mentioned the fact that we are dating someone else (I am too but not too seriously).

 

Since then she has maintained steady contact with me, in some way, for about five days in a row. She even asked to see me one night, which didn't happen.

 

I was like, great, she wants to be back with me! So, I called her to tell her how seeing her makes me feel. I told her that I don't think that I can be just her friend because of the feelings that I still have for her.

 

She said that a part of her would love to be with me again but she is not sure if two months is enough time to heal our relationship. She then came clean about the guy that she has been dating for the past two months. She told me that he treats her like a queen. However, when she went into examples of how he treats her like a queen, the majority of the things were money related. He sticks cash in her purse, he takes her out to fancy dinners, he lives in a nice home. But she also confided in me that she was not sure if he was the one for her or not because he is moody and has a bad temper, so forth. He has already taken her out of state to meet his family (after only 3 weeks). She said that when they came back from the trip he did not call her for three days and that forced them to take a big step back. I just feel like she is very iffy about this guy because she never really did give me a solid "no" about getting back together. She just danced around it with the, how can I be sure tha things would be better? And she thinks this guy has potential and she would not want to get out of this situation just for things between us to be the same as they were before.

 

I felt better after having the conversation because I felt a bit of closure and I said that I was glad that someone was treating her so well but I am disappointed that we will never be together again. She said that, "you don't know that, we may wind up back together again." I am definitely not going to sit around and wait for that to happen though.

 

My question is really regarding that fact that most of her good points about her new guy seem to be money motivated and already has said that there were a couple of times that she has really doubted their relationship already. Do you folks think that it is just a rebound and that they are going through the honeymoon period of the relatoinship? I think that if she has already been doubting their situation after less then two months, they are not getting off to a good start. It always seemed to me that most solid relationships shouldn't have problems that cause "steps backward" in the first couple of months.

 

Thanks for reading

[clia]

She is also checking my email everyday but she doesn't know that I know about it.

 

This? Is creepy.

 

Do you folks think that it is just a rebound and that they are going through the honeymoon period of the relatoinship?

 

Who knows? Some rebounds turn into lifelong relationships. She obviously enjoys being with him or she'd break up with him.

 

I am definitely not going to sit around and wait for that to happen though.

 

Good!

 

I have to say, I don't get these relationships where people break up and then continue staying in contact. I think it's inappropriate for her to be spending time with your family and inappropriate for her to be checking your e-mail. If you both indeed want to find out if the grass is greener, you need to actually have real time apart from each other. This means no contact.

[htcc]

I agree with the zero contact thing and that is why I severed ties with her. It was truthfully an accident that I wound up on the phone with her in the first place. The only reason I allowed further contact was to see if we would get back together.

 

Everybody keeps saying that the email checking is a bit psycho though. It doesn't bother me because I really have nothing to hide from her anymore. Afterall, we are broken up. If she wants to hurt herself by knowing what I am doing with new girlfriends, that is her own stupidity.

 

Just my thoughts on the matter.

[nicegirl03]

I personally think she is trying to get your attention. She is using the other guy to see if it makes you jealous. If it does, then she will keep using him to her advantage to get what she wants from you. If he is already taking her to meet his parents, that would scare me. If I am wrong, why does she check your email? I am sorry but you obviously have some trust issues there. When my b/f and I broke up, I sat down and wrote out these things, likes, dislikes, problems in the relationship, confusing messages that he said to me and weighed them. What are the pros and cons of this relationship? Is it worth repairing or letting go? If they aren't willing to repair them with you, then you have to let them go. There is no alternative. I would first offer therapy together as a "couple" and go from there. Women are hard to figure out to men and Men are hard to figure out to women. The book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus helps draw perspective in a general sense but therapy I think would help in a "broader" sense of this relationship.

[my_mother's_daughter]

I personally think she is trying to get your attention. She is using the other guy to see if it makes you jealous. If it does, then she will keep using him to her advantage to get what she wants from you.

 

 

Unlikely. Why have a 2 month relationship with someone to do this?

 

I would first offer therapy together as a "couple" and go from there

 

Aah the American solution!!! Therapy should only be used (and money spent on it) when absolutely necessary. IMO this is not such a case.

 

Summary:

Seems to me son, she's playing games with ya' Give her some rope and she'll hang you with it.

 

Get her back if you want, but I've seen this before, she'll do it again.

 

A good expression: Once the bags have been packed already, they're forever out there waiting in the hall.

[stewh]

If only you knew how similar our situations are my friend. Pretty much exactly the same happened to me.

 

I am still in contact with my ex, pretty much daily by e-mail. We are going out for a meal on Sunday night but that does not mean much as she is still with her new man. Who like your ex's has plenty of cash.

 

I find it very insulting though when I get given the line "If I had never met him then I know I would be back with you by now"

 

I am single and have been since we split, I don't think that she is 100% happy with what she has now at all, I could be wrong though. However I feel a lot better in not rushing into anything and finding myself and enjoying the space I now have.

 

Don't get me wrong I am looking forward to meeting somebody new now. It will happen when you don't look for it. I won't ever go back with my ex even if she wanted me back now as I have seen qualities in her that are not what you want in a long term relationship.

[stewh]

A good expression: Once the bags have been packed already, they're forever out there waiting in the hall.

 

I liked that!