Severe Clinical Depression

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I spent years in a mild-moderate depression. I was severely depressed for about 6 months + in college.

 

Your brain chemistry changes. i remember thinking I would rather have had cancer, because that would be better than feeling so utterly hopeless and full of despair.

 

Your sister needs help, that is for sure. I think that some kind of intervention is probably the best route. I worry for her when the boyfriend breaks up with her. I gather that she lives in another state? I wonder if someone could be close by when he goes through with it?

 

Nobody gives up a brilliant career, friends, etc because they want to. Depression is a deadly disease that sneaks up on you, grabs hold, and doesn't let go very easily. Your brain is so warped that you don't even know how your own thinking is so skewed. Case in point. I went off meds in college because I felt better. Against doc's advice, of course. One day I was driving down the street and I saw a truck coming at me. It was raining at the time. I thought to myself, well wouldn't if be nice if my car would just skid underneath the truck. The thought was like any other thought. It seemed like a normal thing to think. Like maybe I should have ice cream. It didn't seem strange to me at all. It wasn't until later that I thought, wow, that's not normal. i called the doc.

 

The longer depression goes untreated, the harder it is to reverse. Your sister needs help and she won't get it for herself. It's not likely, anyway.

 

Good luck and I'm sorry that this is happening.

[Jilly Bean]

Thanks for the latest comments. It's amazing when you open up something like this, how many people are personally affected, or have someone close to them battling the disease.

 

Lino - she always was kind of a "delicate" type. Always got sick easily, would get sullen from time to time. But she had a GREAT life. Fab job, made sick money, lived on the beach in a gorgeous condo, great BF... Then, no joke, both of her cats died. And she was never the same. Now, I have lost pets that I have adored, but we all move on. This seemed to be some type of odd catalyst for her depression. She stopped working entirely, and hasn't for three years now. Her BF of three years, who lives with her, is so fed up, he is moving to where my folks and I live. Hoping she will follow. I don't have that confidence, however.

 

You are right that depressed people don't process normal disappointments and tragedies as well as the rest of us. As was exampled by your friend with his break-up. It wouldn't surprise me if she ended up taking her life, to be honest...

 

Josie - that is exactly how it is! I have had two friends with depression, and your description is dead-on. I am so sorry you fought this...

 

I'm frustrated for her for ruining her life. But if she had cancer and didn't seek treatment, I would be just as angry. Yes, she has a disease - she is just chosing not to treat it.

 

I hope you're right about her being that weak-willed if we tried to commit her against her wishes. My Mom fears she would never talk to her again. Im totally willing to take that risk. I even said I would pay the money to put her in a 30-day facility.

 

The plan right now is that if she ends up losing her house, then we will intervene and have her commited.

 

Sunshine - see above. Seriously, if she had cancer, I wouldn't blame her unless she chose to ignore it. To me, this is NO different. Illness is illness. She is smart. She has resources. She just choses to ignore options. She claims that meds won't work for her. Bleh.

 

CB - thanks for sharing your story. You are very right about your brain chemistry being altered. This is exactly why I want to get her some meds! Some people require cocktails, rather than a straight dosage of paxil or the like. Also, FWIW, I think we all have those odd stray thoughts from time to time of ramming our cars into a wall or sticking a pin in our eye. At least I think we do...if not, then perhaps I need some treatment, too!

[sunshinegirl]

Okay sweets, I think the thing you're not yet getting is that her very ability to choose to get help is affected by the depression. Think of it this way: if she got BRAIN cancer, would you still blame her for not getting treatment, if indeed the cancer itself had wrecked the part of her brain that is responsible for making decisions like that?

 

Glad you're getting some good info, in all events. Hopefully you and your family can do something to help her.

 

Good luck!

[Jilly Bean]

Okay sweets, I think the thing you're not yet getting is that her very ability to choose to get help is affected by the depression. Think of it this way: if she got BRAIN cancer, would you still blame her for not getting treatment, if indeed the cancer itself had wrecked the part of her brain that is responsible for making decisions like that?

 

Glad you're getting some good info, in all events. Hopefully you and your family can do something to help her.

 

Good luck!

 

You're probably right, Sunshine. I'm not getting it. I'm being way too rigid, aren't I? I guess it's just SO hard for me to imagine feeling so despondent that I would give up on myself. Even in my darkest of hours, there was always some remote voice in the far recesses of my mind that was telling me not to quit.

 

She's missing that voice, isn't she?

[josie54]

She's missing that voice, isn't she?

 

Exactly! The disease takes away the voice--the will, the motivation--to get help. When you get any other disease (cancer, lupus, whatever), you'll head to the doctor as fast as you can, because with all other diseases the motivation to get better is there. That voice that says, "I need help, I need to go to the doctor now," is there.

 

With depression (and bipolar), the disease takes away that voice. Your sister's lack of motivation to get help is a symptom of the disease. She does need someone else to be that voice, motivation, and if necessary, that ride to the doctor's/hospital.

 

Again, I would talk to a health professional first, though, for advice in how to approach her and take this step to get her help.

[Jilly Bean]

Josie - how do you cope? And how would someone be able to approach you when you were in the well?

[josie54]

Josie - how do you cope? And how would someone be able to approach you when you were in the well?

 

It's really hard to explain. When I'm in really dark moods, I stay in bed all day, but luckily, those moods aren't frequent. My depression did not reach the severe stage, thankfully. I'm functional overall. The real trigger for me to seek help was my ability to support myself. That has always been paramount to me. When it was clear that I was unable to concentrate enough to get my work done (and I almost lost my job), I knew that my life was going to go one of two ways--and one of those ways would end very badly.

 

It took a friend (a co-worker, actually) to say, "Look, you're getting out of control and you're going to be fired. Here's the name and number of a therapist. Go. Now. I'll call if you don't."

 

And I did. I went to therapy (with several different therapists) and even tried medication, but unfortunately those didn't work for me. But some things that each therapist said were helpful, and helped me to go further. Plus, at that point, I was active again. It just took that rebalancing in the other direction, from doing nothing to doing something, to change my mindset, and make me think that perhaps I could find my way out of this or through this. I started reading. I read books on everything from managing depression, to diet, to Buddhist teachings. It was the books on Buddhism that really resonated with me and how I was seeing the world.

 

I now manage my depression with a combination of exercise, diet, and meditation. This is going to sound silly to many, but I occasionally add mantras to my meditation that remind me to look at good in my life, not to dwell on the bad. Over time, this helps change my thought patterns. I stay away from all foods with refined sugar, because I've found that my previous sugar binges had a very negative effect on my moods, which caused me to eat more sugar and on it went.

 

This "prescription" won't work for everyone, but it was what I found, through much experimentation, worked for me. It does not eradicate my depression completely, but it helps keep me moving and to give me some measure of hope. I now know what I need to do to bring myself out of it (a jog, yoga session, or 45 minutes of meditation). Sometimes I don't want to, but I do it anyway because I now know it will work. Once I get going and momentum takes over, I feel better.

 

I had a friend take me by the ears and say "You've got to do something. I'll help." That kept me from spiraling out of control, so that I was eventually able to get up and get going.

 

From your description, your sister is still deep in that cycle of dark thoughts. When that happens, those pathways in the brain just get more deeply entrenched. Once depression really takes over, it can take a superhuman effort to escape. For some, it can seem impossible without some outside catalyst to snap them back into some version of reality.

[Jilly Bean]

Thanks for sharing your story, Josie. You are a very strong and courageous woman.

 

I hope that the prospect of losing her house will be the impetus for her change. Her "rock bottom" if you will. Time will tell, as this is all bearing down soon...

 

And I do agree that diet and meditation can have a HUGE influence on one's psyche. Good for you for finding a way to make that work for you.

 

Thanks again for sharing.

[AnLandy]

I'm frustrated for her for ruining her life. But if she had cancer and didn't seek treatment, I would be just as angry. Yes, she has a disease - she is just chosing not to treat it.

 

From the way you phrased this, it doesn't sound as if you are angry at her for "ruining her life". It sounds as if you are angry at her for not getting the treatment that would allow her to recover. I don't perceive your anger as coming from a place where you are upset that your sister is risking her relationship, has ruined herself financially, and has lost contact with her circle of friends. What I perceive is that your anger has more to do with the fact that the sister you knew isn't there anymore.

 

Through all of this, everyone has been really sympathetic about the general situation, which is good. However, no one has acknowledged your loss. I am so sorry that the vibrant, successful, happy, full-of-life sister that you once had isn't there anymore. She has lost a lot because of her illness, but so have you and your family. It's a horrible thing to watch the personality of someone you love become so fundamentally altered that she just isn't there anymore.

 

My relationship to my sister is one of the most sacred parts of my life. I don't know how I would react if she were to suddenly undergo such a major personality transformation. I can't even begin to imagine what you are struggling through.

[Jilly Bean]

I'm frustrated for her for ruining her life. But if she had cancer and didn't seek treatment, I would be just as angry. Yes, she has a disease - she is just chosing not to treat it.

 

From the way you phrased this, it doesn't sound as if you are angry at her for "ruining her life". It sounds as if you are angry at her for not getting the treatment that would allow her to recover. I don't perceive your anger as coming from a place where you are upset that your sister is risking her relationship, has ruined herself financially, and has lost contact with her circle of friends. What I perceive is that your anger has more to do with the fact that the sister you knew isn't there anymore.

 

Through all of this, everyone has been really sympathetic about the general situation, which is good. However, no one has acknowledged your loss. I am so sorry that the vibrant, successful, happy, full-of-life sister that you once had isn't there anymore. She has lost a lot because of her illness, but so have you and your family. It's a horrible thing to watch the personality of someone you love become so fundamentally altered that she just isn't there anymore.

 

My relationship to my sister is one of the most sacred parts of my life. I don't know how I would react if she were to suddenly undergo such a major personality transformation. I can't even begin to imagine what you are struggling through.

 

Why, thank you!

 

But to be honest, I am angry with her for a LOT of things. Mainly for causing my folks SO much pain with her choices. Who as an elderly person wants to see your kid totally screw up their life? It causes them immeasurable pain, and that bothers me the most.

 

Besides that, yes, I do miss the girl I looked up to growing up. She was always so smart, and so on top of EVERYTHING - her work, fitness, relationships. Bleh.

 

And I am mad at her for letting a beautiful life slip away.

 

Those others have made me realize here that it is beyond her control. That makes it even MORE frustrating.

 

I talked with my Mom about it today. She just feels that until my sis ends up homeless, she is going to retain hope that she will right herself. Moms...

[Melisande]

Hey Jilly Bean!

 

I suffer from severe depression. I also self-harm and have been very suicidal (got everything I needed to do myself in last Thursday, but ended up self-harming instead. I also have very bad anxiety, which causes depersonalisation (everything around me seems unreal) and hallucinations when it peaks.

 

I suppose I'm lucky because I caught when it started getting very bad, and got help immediately (I'm followed by a gp, a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist). Getting help is a LOT of work and effort, and it can take a long time before you find the right meds. It can be very scary and disheartening.

 

A family intervention could be a good idea, but make it clear that you (meaning the family, not you personally) are going to be there for her, to help her and support her, maybe take her to appointments etc. so she doesn't feel she has to do everything on her own, which can be incredibly overwhelming and terrifying (more than staying in the house feeling terrible).

 

I've been very lucky because my bf has also gone through depression before, so knows what it's like and have been extremely supportive.

 

Good luck, and thanks for caring!

[Jilly Bean]

Hey Jilly Bean!

 

I suffer from severe depression. I also self-harm and have been very suicidal (got everything I needed to do myself in last Thursday, but ended up self-harming instead. I also have very bad anxiety, which causes depersonalisation (everything around me seems unreal) and hallucinations when it peaks.

 

I suppose I'm lucky because I caught when it started getting very bad, and got help immediately (I'm followed by a gp, a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist). Getting help is a LOT of work and effort, and it can take a long time before you find the right meds. It can be very scary and disheartening.

 

A family intervention could be a good idea, but make it clear that you (meaning the family, not you personally) are going to be there for her, to help her and support her, maybe take her to appointments etc. so she doesn't feel she has to do everything on her own, which can be incredibly overwhelming and terrifying (more than staying in the house feeling terrible).

 

I've been very lucky because my bf has also gone through depression before, so knows what it's like and have been extremely supportive.

 

Good luck, and thanks for caring!

 

Oh my! You poor thing. What a story!

 

I do hope you have "done away" with the suicide supplies you gathered last week! Just THROW THEM OUT. They are of NO USE in your life.

 

Thank you for the tips and advice.

 

Her BF is moving here within the month, so we hope that will also give her some impetus to get herself moving again. We have the plan in place, ready to deploy, should we need to intervene.

 

Thanks again for sharing. I sincerely wish you clarity and peace!

[Melisande]

Oh my! You poor thing. What a story!

 

I do hope you have "done away" with the suicide supplies you gathered last week! Just THROW THEM OUT. They are of NO USE in your life.

 

Thank you for the tips and advice.

 

Her BF is moving here within the month, so we hope that will also give her some impetus to get herself moving again. We have the plan in place, ready to deploy, should we need to intervene.

 

Thanks again for sharing. I sincerely wish you clarity and peace!

 

Heh, thanks a lot for your concern

 

I am doing better, though there are still ups and down. Getting well is a very long process, and takes a lot of energy, so she needs to be ready for that. But it's possible, and that should never be forgotten!

 

Good luck to you as well, I know it's not easy dealing with a severely depressed person!

[lino]

Lino - she always was kind of a "delicate" type. Always got sick easily, would get sullen from time to time. But she had a GREAT life. Fab job, made sick money, lived on the beach in a gorgeous condo, great BF... Then, no joke, both of her cats died. And she was never the same. Now, I have lost pets that I have adored, but we all move on. This seemed to be some type of odd catalyst for her depression. She stopped working entirely, and hasn't for three years now. Her BF of three years, who lives with her, is so fed up, he is moving to where my folks and I live. Hoping she will follow. I don't have that confidence, however.

 

You are right that depressed people don't process normal disappointments and tragedies as well as the rest of us. As was exampled by your friend with his break-up. It wouldn't surprise me if she ended up taking her life, to be honest...

 

 

Wow..so sad to hear and yes it's definitely very hard for me to understand how she let the death of her 2 cats get her so down..

I mean when there's drugs or really serious family problems involved I can see how some people with everything have their life become a total nightmare but with things like this it's just so hard to understand

 

Please keep us informed here of how things go with your sister if you don't mind..all the best