In Pain

[nadiaj2727]

That's not helping at all. You are doing what you and the rest of you lot do best, GOING ON A WITCH HUNT.

 

that's not help at all and neither is what Nadiaj posted.

 

Well I don't think you're helping her at all either so to each her own. Get over it already.

[bentnotbroken]

That's not helping at all. You are doing what you and the rest of you lot do best, GOING ON A WITCH HUNT.

 

that's not help at all and neither is what Nadiaj posted.

 

 

 

She doesn't want my brand of help, so I will state my opinion when I feel like it, just like you and everyone else here. I don't believe in witches, so I don't do witch hunts.

[Tomcat33]

I have walked in your shoes honey. I threw those dirty yucky shoes AWAY and the only way you will be able to do that is to look at yourself straight and honestly in the mirror. Doesn't sound like you're doing that. I am judging your actions, which unfortunately we as people are defined as. Change your actions and you will start to change your character. Not that it sounds like you want to.

 

 

You may have thrown THOSE dirty shoes away but you traded them in for a pair of cheesy smelly holey socks instead.

[nadiaj2727]

You may have thrown THOSE dirty shoes away but you traded them in for a pair of cheesy smelly holey socks instead.

 

Again, get over yourself already. I love my shoes and socks thank you very much!

[nadiaj2727]

You may have acted like this when you were having an A, only you can say. But not all of us do or have done.

 

Sweeping statements tend to irritate rather than enlighten.

 

I'm not trying to enlighten someone who clearly doesn't want to be enlightened, hence her saying "don't tell me anything that could possibly enlighten me and make me have to take a good look at myself."

[Tomcat33]

I'm not trying to enlighten someone who clearly doesn't want to be enlightened, hence her saying "don't tell me anything that could possibly enlighten me and make me have to take a good look at myself."

 

 

Well then why are you even posting here? She has clearly stated she does not want to be judged or even wants to deal with your type of comment so why are you begging to be heard where you are not wanted?

[nadiaj2727]

And now I am exiting this thread because I think it is pointless. Whoever wants to hold this poster's hand while she is in pain is clearly welcome to. But OP I know for a fact that you will not get out of your pain while looking everywhere but within, and to everyone's mistakes and bad character traits but your own. I wish you the best in realizing that! Cheers.

[OWoman]

I'm not trying to enlighten someone who clearly doesn't want to be enlightened, hence her saying "don't tell me anything that could possibly enlighten me and make me have to take a good look at myself."

 

Perhaps you read a different post then, because that wasn't the opening post that I read.

 

The OP asked not to be attacked. It seemed to be read as an invitation to a lynching by certain posters. Clearly we don't all understand English in the same way.

[Kamikaze]

And at what point did you assume your life was worse than someone else's. So bad that it gave you the right to insert yourself into someone else's life without regard for their feelings. You made judgments about his wife without knowing her background or how she grew up, but no one here is supposed to do what you did to her. Again, interesting. Do what I say, not what I do.

 

I never said I had the worst life! I have survived being on my own since I was 15, I have survived the beatings from a former husband, I have survived living on the streets, raising my child alone, working 3 jobs to go back to school - and the list goes on!

 

And I don't make judgements about the W. I do know her background and how she grew up as well as why she is the way she is! I am just stating the facts!

[bentnotbroken]

I never said I had the worst life! I have survived being on my own since I was 15, I have survived the beatings from a former husband, I have survived living on the streets, raising my child alone, working 3 jobs to go back to school - and the list goes on!

 

And I don't make judgements about the W. I do know her background and how she grew up as well as why she is the way she is! I am just stating the facts!

 

 

That's all I did was state the facts. She sounds like you and the cheating prick she is married to. That is a fact. Trying to get what she wants at all cost, no matter who it hurts. She is selfish right? I would wager money that if your H knew he would fell the exact same way as you do, except he would feel that way about you and the walking prick. You aren't the only one who has survived hardships and still managed to live a life that was not hurting someone else for the sake of luvvvv.

 

 

I didn't offer you any advice or judge you. I stated what I see as the facts and nothing but the facts you stated ma'am.

[OWoman]

I never said I had the worst life! I have survived being on my own since I was 15, I have survived the beatings from a former husband, I have survived living on the streets, raising my child alone, working 3 jobs to go back to school - and the list goes on!

 

And I don't make judgements about the W. I do know her background and how she grew up as well as why she is the way she is! I am just stating the facts!

 

Kami, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone here. Only to yourself. If you are comfortable with your life and your actions - and only you can know that - then what anyone says here, supportive or attacking, shouldn't matter to you. Draw on the helpful posts for what they offer, brush off the ones that offer you nothing. Only you will know which is which for you in your situation.

 

Some people here use anyone's thread as a convenient soap box to draw attention to themselves and get the kind of response little children seek from their parents. In time - if you stick around - you'll recognise who these are, and take their posts whence they come. Others offer constructive input and although you may not necessarily agree with all they're saying, they're offering it from a spirit of helpfulness and not from a spirit of meanness. And some others may come across as in your face, but their input, though robust, is not nasty. You'll see who fits into which category as you read on...

 

Oh, and welcome - not sure if anyone's mentioned that bit before

[Tomcat33]

That's funny! OP, seeing that you aren't willing to examine your own actions in the past or the current but you still ask for help in getting over this prize of an OM, I have no advice to offer you. I'll leave that for the usual coddlers and hand-holders that have already given you responses. But my guess is that true healing won't come until you are ready to look within. That means you can't block out the truth, sorry honey but it doesn't work that way.

 

 

And another thing, I find it really odd that you are telling someone else how to reach enlightenment and healing.... if you were a role model for true introspection, recovery and enlightenment you would not be constantly flip flopping back and forth between loathing those that are in the same shoes you once were in, and loathing yourself. You still have a very long way to go Nadia sorry to say, so don't kid yourself. You have stagnated in a position of self hate and that is why you are incapable of offering true support and you offer beligerent attacks instead.

 

A person who has reached enlightenment and is truly at peace with the self can offer advice to those who even if they disagree with their actions can respect them enough to overpass their own needs to help them out of whatever crisis they may be in. You are incapable of doing that but look around here there are plenty of people who can do that, it will help you differentiate between what "help" is and what "attack" is.

[Owl]

A person who has reached enlightenment and is truly at peace with the self can offer advice to those who even if they disagree with their actions can respect them enough to overpass their own needs help them out whatever crisis they may be in.

 

Now here are true words of wisdom. Imagine...people who can overcome their own personal trauma enough to actively seek to help people involved in similar situations, even if those people are engaged in the same type of activity that harmed the person offering advice in the first place. Much better than someone simply seeking to "help" by recommending people continue in self-destructive behavior! Great thought, TC!!!

[MOWnSouth]

Thanks! People can say what they want - I am looking for help not judgement! Unless someone wants to walk in my shoes, endure what I have endured throughout my life, they should keep the judgements to themselves.

 

Those of us who have experienced similar situations do understand and you just have to look past those who don't mind throw stones at you. Alot of what they say maybe true but its hard to absorb it when its presented with such hatred. good luck!

[Tomcat33]

Now here are true words of wisdom. Imagine...people who can overcome their own personal trauma enough to actively seek to help people involved in similar situations, even if those people are engaged in the same type of activity that harmed the person offering advice in the first place. Much better than someone simply seeking to "help" by recommending people continue in self-destructive behavior! Great thought, TC!!!

 

 

Yes and you are a good example of that.

[whichwayisup]

Oh yes she knows! She is also very controlling, manipulative, and does not care who she hurts to get what she wants.

 

So she knows about the A and you? Earlier you mentioned your H doesn't know, my train of thought is, what if she gets ahold of your husband and tells him about your affair with her husband? Never say never..

 

Good luck and stay strong. Don't let your MM manipuate you or make you feel guilty/bad/feel sorry for him! Stay in NC mode and take it one day at a time.

[bentnotbroken]

Those of us who have experienced similar situations do understand and you just have to look past those who don't mind throw stones at you. Alot of what they say maybe true but its hard to absorb it when its presented with such hatred. good luck!

 

What is your definition of hatred? Is it calling names, or not sugar coating things.

[Kamikaze]

Kami, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone here. Only to yourself. If you are comfortable with your life and your actions - and only you can know that - then what anyone says here, supportive or attacking, shouldn't matter to you. Draw on the helpful posts for what they offer, brush off the ones that offer you nothing. Only you will know which is which for you in your situation.

 

Some people here use anyone's thread as a convenient soap box to draw attention to themselves and get the kind of response little children seek from their parents. In time - if you stick around - you'll recognise who these are, and take their posts whence they come. Others offer constructive input and although you may not necessarily agree with all they're saying, they're offering it from a spirit of helpfulness and not from a spirit of meanness. And some others may come across as in your face, but their input, though robust, is not nasty. You'll see who fits into which category as you read on...

 

Oh, and welcome - not sure if anyone's mentioned that bit before

 

Thanks! I have been reading for several weeks so, I have already identified those with a chip on their shoulder. I sincerely appreciate you and others who are here to help.

[Tomcat33]

So she knows about the A and you? Earlier you mentioned your H doesn't know, my train of thought is, what if she gets ahold of your husband and tells him about your affair with her husband? Never say never..

 

 

Yes I was thinking the same thing....

 

WWIU is another good example of people who are here to really help despite what her personal views might be.

 

What is your definition of hatred? .

 

go back and read your posts on this thread and that's the definition you are looking for.

 

Thanks! I have been reading for several weeks so, I have already identified those with a chip on their shoulder. I sincerely appreciate you and others who are here to help.

 

I'm glad you are able to see what's what.

 

Can I ask you something? why are you staying with your H if you are not sure you even want to be with him? Is it for financial reasons? And secondly is this OM someone you had considered being with long term?

[Kamikaze]

So she knows about the A and you? Earlier you mentioned your H doesn't know, my train of thought is, what if she gets ahold of your husband and tells him about your affair with her husband? Never say never..

 

Good luck and stay strong. Don't let your MM manipuate you or make you feel guilty/bad/feel sorry for him! Stay in NC mode and take it one day at a time.

 

I have thought about this too and if she does find a way to contact him and tell him I will deal with that also. I have not decided if I am going to stay in my marriage.

[Owl]

Can I ask you something? why are you staying with your H if you are not sure you even want to be with him? Is it for financial reasons? And secondly is this OM someone you had considered being with long term?

 

Good questions...and...ask yourself the reverse of these questions too: Why would you choose to leave your H? What are the reasons you don't want to be with him? Where do you see things going from here...divorce, reconciliation, what?

 

I'm also curious, and this is an honest question...is the reason you don't want to tell your H about the affair because you don't want to hurt him, or is it that you don't want to deal with the pain and trauma that the affair caused? Is it concern for him, or a desire to avoid the problem?

[bentnotbroken]

Yes I was thinking the same thing....

 

WWIU is another good example of people who are here to really help despite what her personal views might be.

 

 

 

go back and read your posts on this thread and that's the definition youare looking for.

 

 

 

I'm glad you are able to see what's what.

 

Can I ask you something? why are you staying with your H if you are not sure you even want to be with him? Is it for financial reasons? And secondly is this OM someone you had considered being with long term?

TC, I don't hate her or anyone else, too much energy. But I have no intention of not commenting on a thread that I want to just because someone doesn't agree with my opinion or how I state it. I don't know thsi woman, but I do know here actions. And I don't feel as if saying that she and the MM and his wife are selfish(that's what she called his W).

 

Hatred is such a waste. As you and others advised her, take what she wants and leave the rest. Because I intend to continue to state my opinion the same as everyone else does on whatever topic I choose, the same as everyone else does. :)Get used to it. I didn't live 40 + years to be told what I should comment on.

[whichwayisup]

Can I ask you something? why are you staying with your H if you are not sure you even want to be with him? Is it for financial reasons? And secondly is this OM someone you had considered being with long term?

 

Adding onto TC's questions - Here's one to really think about.

 

Think long term, k..

 

Can you see yourself with your husband forever? Is it fair for him to stay married to someone who cheated on him, had an affair and then came back home? Do you think he has a right to decide if he wants to stay married to you? You don't have to answer these publically if you're not comfortable, but you really ought to take time to think this through and put yourself in his shoes. If he had cheated on you, had an affair, would you want to know and decide for yourself if the marriage was worth saving? To give him a chance to prove himself to you that he can be trustworthy? By not telling him, you're taking away his right to stay in the marriage and he's under the impression that you are inlove with him and ONLY him.. It'll be ALOT worse if he finds out from MM's wife or someone else other than you..Atleast if you tell him, you'll have a better chance of working this out.

[bentnotbroken]

Adding onto TC's questions - Here's one to really think about.

 

Think long term, k..

 

Can you see yourself with your husband forever? Is it fair for him to stay married to someone who cheated on him, had an affair and then came back home? Do you think he has a right to decide if he wants to stay married to you? You don't have to answer these publically if you're not comfortable, but you really ought to take time to think this through and put yourself in his shoes. If he had cheated on you, had an affair, would you want to know and decide for yourself if the marriage was worth saving? To give him a chance to prove himself to you that he can be trustworthy? By not telling him, you're taking away his right to stay in the marriage and he's under the impression that you are inlove with him and ONLY him.. It'll be ALOT worse if he finds out from MM's wife or someone else other than you..Atleast if you tell him, you'll have a better chance of working this out.

 

 

 

Beautifully stated as usual.

[Kamikaze]

Good questions...and...ask yourself the reverse of these questions too: Why would you choose to leave your H? What are the reasons you don't want to be with him? Where do you see things going from here...divorce, reconciliation, what?

 

I'm also curious, and this is an honest question...is the reason you don't want to tell your H about the affair because you don't want to hurt him, or is it that you don't want to deal with the pain and trauma that the affair caused? Is it concern for him, or a desire to avoid the problem?

 

I just do not believe that I should inflict this pain on him - why? So that I can ease my own burden? NO! If he finds out I will deal with that. If he does not and I stay with him it is up me to be a better person and wife. If I decide not to stay it is because what I once felt for him is gone and I believe the feelings will not return.