Author Kamikaze Posted July 1, 2008 Author Share Posted July 1, 2008 I have been keeping up with this thread and there has been some great advice and points made that I too will take away. Good luck Kami! I am in a similar place and getting thru it as you are. Be strong! Thank you MOW. I have been weak today and have telephoned him 3 times and left VM messages. I know he is screening his calls and he will not call me back. That is actually a good thing. I really don't know what I would say to him if I did talk to him. Tomorrow is another day - I will try harder tomorrow to stay away from the phone. There are just so many un-answered questions!!! Link to post Share on other sites
pythonshoes Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 I don't think pythonshoes was talking about you... no I wasn't. I was talking about oh so sweet luv my 2 something or other Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 that being said if your married I am sure there is zero communication there. you seem like a self rightious christian PTA mom. how unattractive! You completely missed my point! lol Geez. Simmer down! Either this gal is VERY selfish, or her H was such a tool she had to become that way out of self preservation. Been there, done that. Though I didn't cheat, my ex was selfish, even where our son was concerned. Hence, he is now the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 no I wasn't. I was talking about oh so sweet luv my 2 something or other And thanks. I am "oh, so sweet." In fact, my honey just stated so on the card he included with my flowers the other day. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 Thank you MOW. I have been weak today and have telephoned him 3 times and left VM messages. I know he is screening his calls and he will not call me back. That is actually a good thing. I really don't know what I would say to him if I did talk to him. Tomorrow is another day - I will try harder tomorrow to stay away from the phone. There are just so many un-answered questions!!! You will never get your answers. He isn't going to share the inner-most selfish parts of his soul with you. Let it go and don't let him think you are pining for him. Link to post Share on other sites
shawna Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 I would imagine that it is very difficult. And it's really not the issue of an A, but the issue that two lives who were linked together emotionally are apart, and all the other stuff makes it more complicated, and then the anger and all comes with that. It's the anxiety and pain of seperation and the fear of change, it's a myriad of emotions that go along with this kind of a relationship that would seem to be normal. It's also the dissapointment of expectations - expectations that we built our future and emotions on. So yes, you are going through a huge array of emotions all at once, and that can be overwhelming, because they are all combogulated, and some are more prevalent like the hurt and the anger. Know that this is normal, and you will get through it. it's the shock to the system, but you will get through it, as you settle each one. I have noticed that anger alot of times is the reaction to shame, whether consciously or unconsciously. Let this time be a time of looking inside. The hurt and anger are feelings of a root cause, and could it be that you feel very rejected, and in competition with his W? And if so, perhaps that leads you to feel not good enough, or severely used, or what's wrong with me, or I gave you so much, and this is my reward, etc, etc. If you can quiet your emotions and yourself for a bit to reach deep and decide what is really going on, and face those feelings of inadequacy or shame, if applicable, then you can look yourself in the mirror and face the truth and allow that to comfort you. It may be, yes, I was wrong, but I was so vulnerable, and I didn't mean for this to happen, and I am not a bad person, I just made a mistake, there were things going on in my life and this was an escape and then I fell in love, not meaning to, but wow, he loved me too, (or whatever the case maybe), and yeah, I was meaningful to him. And heck, it's his loss, not mine. (!!) That is just an example, I don't know what the answers are, I am just trying to play out a scene to make it more clearer. Once you can gather up and solidify what is going on inside, then that truth will help carry you though the hard times. And as far as your marraige, now is NOT the time to make that decision, stay in it for now! You may not have any emotions anymore for the marraige, but stay in it, love can be rebuilt, give it time, and have ultimate fortitude in going through the temporary storm, then make your decisions based on a solid foundation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 I would imagine that it is very difficult. And it's really not the issue of an A, but the issue that two lives who were linked together emotionally are apart, and all the other stuff makes it more complicated, and then the anger and all comes with that. It's the anxiety and pain of seperation and the fear of change, it's a myriad of emotions that go along with this kind of a relationship that would seem to be normal. It's also the dissapointment of expectations - expectations that we built our future and emotions on. So yes, you are going through a huge array of emotions all at once, and that can be overwhelming, because they are all combogulated, and some are more prevalent like the hurt and the anger. Know that this is normal, and you will get through it. it's the shock to the system, but you will get through it, as you settle each one. I have noticed that anger alot of times is the reaction to shame, whether consciously or unconsciously. Let this time be a time of looking inside. The hurt and anger are feelings of a root cause, and could it be that you feel very rejected, and in competition with his W? And if so, perhaps that leads you to feel not good enough, or severely used, or what's wrong with me, or I gave you so much, and this is my reward, etc, etc. If you can quiet your emotions and yourself for a bit to reach deep and decide what is really going on, and face those feelings of inadequacy or shame, if applicable, then you can look yourself in the mirror and face the truth and allow that to comfort you. It may be, yes, I was wrong, but I was so vulnerable, and I didn't mean for this to happen, and I am not a bad person, I just made a mistake, there were things going on in my life and this was an escape and then I fell in love, not meaning to, but wow, he loved me too, (or whatever the case maybe), and yeah, I was meaningful to him. And heck, it's his loss, not mine. (!!) That is just an example, I don't know what the answers are, I am just trying to play out a scene to make it more clearer. Once you can gather up and solidify what is going on inside, then that truth will help carry you though the hard times. And as far as your marraige, now is NOT the time to make that decision, stay in it for now! You may not have any emotions anymore for the marraige, but stay in it, love can be rebuilt, give it time, and have ultimate fortitude in going through the temporary storm, then make your decisions based on a solid foundation. Thank you for your sincere reply Shawna. The eMM has shown his true colors. The pain is still there, but I am moving forward with eyes wide open. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 Thank you for your sincere reply Shawna. The eMM has shown his true colors. The pain is still there, but I am moving forward with eyes wide open. Big hugs and be grateful it didn't drag out much longer. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamikaze Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 Big hugs and be grateful it didn't drag out much longer. Good for you! Thanks WF. I am glad it is over. 27 years is too long to care for someone and then find out they are not who I thought they were. Which is really ironic since he used to tell me over and over that I was the only one that knew him/loved him for who he really was! LOL! I just have the huge void now that I have to find a way to fill. But, I will - I certainly will! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 5, 2008 Share Posted July 5, 2008 I know you will. I will too. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts