What NOT to say if I am cornered.....

[Hemmed Up]

I realize this might sound strange...but due to a recent change of events, it looks as if the man I spoke of in earlier posts might be around sooner than I expected. A LOT SOONER.

 

Its not much, but Click if you want backround

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t153728/[url=http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t153728/][/url]

 

Short version, I cant use the normal venues of protection at the moment, hence the strange requests for unconventional advice...

 

Okay, reason for post is to ask what NOT to say if or when he has finally caught up to me (have to plan for everything) and has me cornered.

 

Lets say he catches me somewhere, alone, and I cant get away. If he says to me "If you dont want anything to do with me, then tell me to my face right now that you dont love me and you want me to go away and I will"

 

Should I risk it and tell him to his face that I dont love him and want him to go away?

 

I know the answer should be an obvious one, he is presenting me with an opportunity to get him out of my life, right?

 

No.

 

In the past, I have told him to his face I didnt want nothing to do with him (at his request) and it made him crazy angry, seeing red angry and not only did it not make him let me go, it made him violent too.

 

This time, however, much time has passed in between him not seeing me. A lot has happened since then. He has adopted the attitude that he really doesnt want much to do with me anymore, and he is really tired of pouring his heart out to me only for me to stomp all over it.

 

He does sound defeated, and tired of it all.

 

If he should happen to catch up with me this time, and asks me to tell him to his face, should I trust that he just wants his closure and he will leave me alone for all times sake and tell him that I dont want him in my life and to go away?

[Hemmed Up]

I cant figure out how to respond to that message, I wanted to say sorry for all those weird fonts. I went back and fixed it, we must have been doing it at the exact same time because the minute I realized my error, I immediatly went back to rectify the situation. I didnt do it on purpose.

[Nevermind]

Short version, I cant use the normal venues of protection at the moment, hence the strange requests for unconventional advice...

 

You never explained why, but I am still curious.

 

 

This time, however, much time has passed in between him not seeing me. A lot has happened since then. He has adopted the attitude that he really doesnt want much to do with me anymore, and he is really tired of pouring his heart out to me only for me to stomp all over it.

 

He does sound defeated, and tired of it all.

 

Have you talked to him? Why? How?

[borelandkaren]

I realize this might sound strange...but due to a recent change of events, it looks as if the man I spoke of in earlier posts might be around sooner than I expected. A LOT SOONER.

 

Its not much, but Click if you want backround

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t153728/

 

Short version, I cant use the normal venues of protection at the moment, hence the strange requests for unconventional advice...

 

Okay, reason for post is to ask what NOT to say if or when he has finally caught up to me (have to plan for everything) and has me cornered.

 

Lets say he catches me somewhere, alone, and I cant get away. If he says to me "If you dont want anything to do with me, then tell me to my face right now that you dont love me and you want me to go away and I will"

 

Should I risk it and tell him to his face that I dont love him and want him to go away?

 

I know the answer should be an obvious one, he is presenting me with an opportunity to get him out of my life, right?

 

No.

 

In the past, I have told him to his face I didnt want nothing to do with him (at his request) and it made him crazy angry, seeing red angry and not only did it not make him let me go, it made him violent too.

 

This time, however, much time has passed in between him not seeing me. A lot has happened since then. He has adopted the attitude that he really doesnt want much to do with me anymore, and he is really tired of pouring his heart out to me only for me to stomp all over it.

 

He does sound defeated, and tired of it all.

 

If he should happen to catch up with me this time, and asks me to tell him to his face, should I trust that he just wants his closure and he will leave me alone for all times sake and tell him that I dont want him in my life and to go away?

 

Punch in Domestic Violence Memorial (Angelfire) into your search engine. If you live in any doubt as to whether or not you should speak to this man, this should dispel these thoughts. He is dangerous. Stay away.

[Angel1111]

It's not up to you to guess the current temperature of his state of mind - you need to ALWAYS automatically assume that he is dangerous and if it's possible that he can trap or corner you in any way, then buy a can of mace or a gun....or both. And keep one of them with you all the time.

 

Don't believe him if he tells you that he's much better now, or he's accepted his horrible fate, or that he wants to jump off a bridge. If his mouth is moving, assume he is lying. As a matter of fact, let him call you until the cows come home but do not talk to him EVER because it gives him exactly what he wants - your attention. Positive, negative, he doesn't really care as long as it's attention. Don't feed the monster.

 

I once dated a guy for 3 weeks and when I broke up with him, he went completely crazy and began doing things that I didn't even think a person would ever think of doing. The first week this started happening, I was completely petrified, and he had me in total fear.

 

And then the following week, I got pissed off. And when that happened, everything changed. It's the same with you - it's time to get pissed off instead of doing this dance for him by wondering what the appropriate words are to say. I can also save you the guesswork and tell you that it doesn't matter one bit what you say or do. He has his own agenda and he'll twist your words into whatever he wants them to mean. Just understand that you're wasting your time and energy thinking about this stuff in the way that you are. It's a circular pattern of thinking that will keep you tied up in knots and lead you to nowhere. What you need to start thinking about, instead, is how to keep yourself protected at all costs, and what you will do if you're trapped and caught alone.

 

You need to do exactly what everyone has told you already - go to the police, let everyone know that he may be coming back in town and that you need their help to watch your back. And keep protection with you all the time.