snide responses to porn...don't get mad guys

[SunnySideUp]

tanbark you brought up a good point when you mentioned posting one's nude picture online was like "sharing" something with another person. After thinking about this good point for several days, I've thought of another way to try and convey the situation (again, I'm not trying to change your mind here, just directing my comment at you because it's a response to your comment).

 

 

women don't own their man's gazes. they can fight, but most men's gaze will wander to other women and porn.

 

men don't own the image of their woman's body. i would argue women should share the image of their body if they want and let their man fight. If it is something satisfying, to receive a gaze, why not seek it out the way men seek out other women to project their gaze upon? It's the flipside of the coin, the other side of a singular interaction that has been accepted as OK.

 

a woman who has a problem with her SO looking at porn thinks: "I'm the only one he should be seeing naked". Of course he's not making physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

 

a man who has a problem with his SO posting nudie pics online thinks: "I'm the only one who should be seeing her naked". Of course she's not making any physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

[Jersey Shortie]

ROFL - I believe the comment was directed at the OP :lmao: but yours does provide some insight.............

 

 

My bad..and thanks.

 

 

Because she put it out there for the world to see of her own volition.

 

No one is arguing that she didn't. But what does an action she took have to do with the action you take to look at her? If she puts herself out there, that doesn't mean you have to look. It sounds to me that you are justifying your behavior based on another person's actions.

 

 

I turtleneck sweaters, especially the short-sleeve, cotton rib ones in beige or white.

 

In my situation it was a manipulation to get me to be more covered up but where he would oggle women who were less coverned me. I wore alot of halter tops with him.

 

 

If your SO listens to your concerns and you are able to talk about things and reach a compromise that works for both of you, then what does it matter what other men do or think?

 

I don't find that most men really listen to their SO's concerns.

 

From what you have written, it sounds like you are convinced that all men will compare the woman in their life to a porn star.

 

Most Porn stars appear ("Apppear" being the key word here) are so phenomonly better body wise and sexual performance wise to most normal women that men don't think to compare their average aging SOs with their imperfect very female very human bodies. But that doesn't stop men from being turned on by the fake image of the porn star and upholding that to the epitome of female beauty. If men aren't comparing, it's not because they think their SOs are more attractive/beautiful then the idea of a porn star or a woman in a magainze. It's because the image the porn star uphelds and creates is so highly above any normal female that it turns men on but they couldn't possibly hope to have it in real life. So they settle for a "normal" woman's body and remind their SOs how hot they find porn stars and how they don't "compare" their idealation of the porn star to their average woman. And then men turn around and wonder why women have so many body conflicting issues. It's part of the reason. We are exploited to have perfect bodies. Perfect idealized bodies are prized by men. And then when we see our men smiling and masturbating to these bodies and women, we are naturally going to feel that we don't measure up. It's 100% normal just as it is 100% normal for men to get excited by porn.

 

 

 

That men need porn in addition to sex with their SO to be happy.

 

It appears that most men do. Since I haved asked a few men even on this website if they would give up porn if their parter was aviable for more sex and most men seemed to say that they would still look at porn because they need the "variety". So it doesn't really appear that men can be happy with only their SO. They need porn, other women, the ideas of other women, to be happy with their relationship and sex life with their SO. One could argue that that is man's big insecurity. And while those men that say "you're just insecure" to make women feel bad, are in turn playing off their own insecurities and need to keep reaffirming themselves through sexuality.

 

That men will adopt a behaviour that they have seen in porn and thus treat their gf or wife without respect or that they will degrade all women.

 

You watch/see anything enough it becomes normal. I think we are ridden with disrespect for the opposite sex. Men and women alike tobe honest. I don't think porn helps that. I don't think some things women do help that either. I think the act of supporting porn alone and watching it is degrading to a man's wife or girlfriend. He doesn't mind using other people in his wife's/girlfriend's gender to satisfy himself. He doesn't mind at what cost it comes. Perhaps he does think less of women that he is able to do this anyway. Why should a woman think a man respects women if he enjoys a medium that is about disrespecting and using them for their own enjoyment? I find a bit of a paradox in men who expect women not to question their respect for women in general, and their respect for their SO, when they enjoy and help to keep a medium going that really does all around disrespect women and make them nothing mroe then service toys. You can understand that I'm sure.

 

However, not all men like the same kind of porn.

 

I think the majority of porn is degrading and that a very little bit possibly isn't. I think men enjoy more "hardcore" porn in *most* cases. I would bet that most men watch some kind of degrading porn to varying levels in most cases.

 

 

And not all men attach the same meaning (if any) to the things they see in porn.

 

Perhaps it's time to start seeing the underlining message of porn then and taking it more seriously. As I don't think it jsut harms women, but I think it harms men too. And I think it harms trust between the sexes. Especially for younger generations that are so very much exposed to it.

 

I am sure there are some men that actually have problems and are addicted to porn or have become corrupted by their porn consumption, but this is certainly not the case for the vast majority of men.

 

Well, I think we have probably all been somewhat corrupted by porn to varying extents. Myself included from my experience with it. And I think men are more addicted to it then they care to admit to themselves.

 

To put it simply, lets think of porn in terms of advertising. Advertising works quite simply because repetitive ads pull our most base emotions and hormones out of us. What is porn but another form of repetitive advertising that pulls base emotion and hormones from people. No one is unaffected by something they see that regularly. No one. Advertising works for a reason.

 

 

What I meant was that there are men that are a lot less open-minded than tanbark when it comes to women expressing their sexuality. I mean, how many women actually do post pictures of themselves online? There are other ways of expressing sexuality that are much more common where tanbark has no objections and other men do.

 

I don't want to relate this to Tanbark so I will not. I will speak more in a general sense based on my experiences with real life men.

 

There are other ways of men expressing their sexuality that does not include porn that I have no objections to either. I am sure alot of men would think that I was being controling to say such a thing. I think a man isn't as open to a woman's sexuality if he can not accpet the aspects of her sexuality that do not 100% agree with his.

[SunnySideUp]

What I meant was that there are men that are a lot less open-minded than tanbark when it comes to women expressing their sexuality. I mean, how many women actually do post pictures of themselves online? There are other ways of expressing sexuality that are much more common where tanbark has no objections and other men do. That was why I mentioned the "bar chicks" thread.

 

I would like to personally make it my mission to get more women in relationships who might get some satisfaction out of this to do so. I've been discussing it with my husband, who's stance on porn is that it is a useful tool to satisfy the need for variety. He is ok with me posting my pics, with just a hint of jelousy, which is basically my stance on his porn usage. That seems damn fair to me.

[tanbark813]

a woman who has a problem with her SO looking at porn thinks: "I'm the only one he should be seeing naked". Of course he's not making physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

 

a man who has a problem with his SO posting nudie pics online thinks: "I'm the only one who should be seeing her naked". Of course she's not making any physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

 

IMO, you're still only addressing 50% of the cases. The above doesn't take into account women who have no problem with porn, and men who have no problem with their SO posting nude pics online.

 

Again: Find someone with compatible viewpoints.

 

No one is arguing that she didn't. But what does an action she took have to do with the action you take to look at her? If she puts herself out there, that doesn't mean you have to look. It sounds to me that you are justifying your behavior based on another person's actions.

 

Not at all. My opinion of porn stands regardless of whether or not my gf posts nude pics.

 

If anything, the attitude displayed by some women of, "Well if he's going to look at porn, then I'm going to post nude pics online," is justifying your behavior based on another person's actions.

[SunnySideUp]

IMO, you're still only addressing 50% of the cases. The above doesn't take into account women who have no problem with porn, and men who have no problem with their SO posting nude pics online.

that would be because in those cases there is no problem, so there's nothing to discuss. I'm focusing on the problematic relationships.

 

If anything, the attitude displayed by some women of, "Well if he's going to look at porn, then I'm going to post nude pics online," is justifying your behavior based on another person's actions.

 

i don't see it that way. I see it as realizing that we all have the right to satisfy instinctual urges in a way that doesn't involve physical contact with another person, just wires and light and electricity, in a simulation of reality. If there is a satisfaction (some) women can get by posting nude pics online, if it's a common interest, I'd like to start convincing women it's ok to do so, to get sexual attention if they crave it. It's like realizing that some selfishness is ok, based on some men's arguments for keeping porn despite their SO's complaints. They have their own reasons for doing it, as part of their private life, that have nothing to do with their SO. I see it as reclaiming some selfishness in a relationship, as realizing that one can satisfy their personal, instinctual urges, and not be willing to sacrifice this satisfaction for the person their with. It's about reclaiming the importance of enjoying something and not feeling pressured to give it up because of being in a relationship. It's about owning something after having a history of being collectively marginalized by the historically dominant gender, and sacrificing oneself to unfairness and inequality due to that marginalization.

[tanbark813]

that would be because in those cases there is no problem, so there's nothing to discuss. I'm focusing on the problematic relationships.

 

Be that as it may, I don't think that the non-problematic relationships should just be ignored for the purposes of this thread. It's important not to draw conclusions about genders as a whole based on assumptions of only part of those respective genders.

[Ruby Slippers]

i don't see it that way. I see it as realizing that we all have the right to satisfy instinctual urges in a way that doesn't involve physical contact with another person, just wires and light and electricity, in a simulation of reality. If there is a satisfaction (some) women can get by posting nude pics online, if it's a common interest, I'd like to start convincing women it's ok to do so, to get sexual attention if they crave it. It's like realizing that some selfishness is ok, based on some men's arguments for keeping porn despite their SO's complaints. They have their own reasons for doing it, as part of their private life, that have nothing to do with their SO. I see it as reclaiming some selfishness in a relationship, as realizing that one can satisfy their personal, instinctual urges, and not be willing to sacrifice this satisfaction for the person their with. It's about reclaiming the importance of enjoying something and not feeling pressured to give it up because of being in a relationship. It's about owning something after having a history of being collectively marginalized by the historically dominant gender, and sacrificing oneself to unfairness and inequality due to that marginalization.

SunnySideUp, I think you make a lot of sense, and I think it's really cool that you talked with your husband about this and came to an agreement. I love to see women standing up for themselves and truly practicing equality in their lives.

[tanbark813]

SunnySideUp, I think you make a lot of sense, and I think it's really cool that you talked with your husband about this and came to an agreement. I love to see women standing up for themselves and truly practicing equality in their lives.

 

 

Having different rules for yourself as you do for other people isn't equality.

[Jersey Shortie]

SunnySideUp, I think you make a lot of sense, and I think it's really cool that you talked with your husband about this and came to an agreement. I love to see women standing up for themselves and truly practicing equality in their lives.

 

 

I agree! I think that's cool.

[Stockalone]

In my situation it was a manipulation to get me to be more covered up but where he would oggle women who were less coverned me. I wore alot of halter tops with him.

 

Ogling other women that are dressed more provocative when he wants you to wear other clothes is kind of selfish and also manipulating. But how much ogling other women are we talking about here? Did he neglect you and looked at every woman like you didn't even exist or did he give other women a quick glance here and there?

 

As I already mentioned, I sometimes asked an ex to wear less revealing clothes. So I am not sure if my reasoning is more or less manipulating than that of your ex.

 

But I can honestly say that I never lied when I told a gf that she looked beautiful and sexy in the less revealing outfit. I would never tell a gf that she has to wear clothes that make her look bad.

 

 

I don't find that most men really listen to their SO's concerns.

 

I don't see how you can have a relationship when one side isn't even heard.

 

 

Most Porn stars appear ("Apppear" being the key word here) are so phenomonly better body wise and sexual performance wise to most normal women that men don't think to compare their average aging SOs with their imperfect very female very human bodies.

 

But that doesn't stop men from being turned on by the fake image of the porn star and upholding that to the epitome of female beauty.

 

Personally, I don't think that the epidome of female beauty is a porn star, nor some stick thin Hollywood actress for that matter.

 

 

If men aren't comparing, it's not because they think their SOs are more attractive/beautiful then the idea of a porn star or a woman in a magainze. It's because the image the porn star uphelds and creates is so highly above any normal female that it turns men on but they couldn't possibly hope to have it in real life.

 

So they settle for a "normal" woman's body and remind their SOs how hot they find porn stars and how they don't "compare" their idealation of the porn star to their average woman. And then men turn around and wonder why women have so many body conflicting issues. It's part of the reason.

 

I'll admit that I am attracted to a certain physique, meaning I have a certain type that I prefer. However, I don't have a blue-print of the "perfect female body" in my head, meaning that her face has to look like this, her boobs have to be like that and her legs better look like those, etc.

 

Do Hollywood actresses or porn stars look different that the average, normal woman? Sure. Does that always equal better? Not for me.

 

Also, it's not like men have nothing to worry about. Some of the requirements women have are physical, others are emotional standards that are tough to live up to (if it is at all possible). I certainly don't have the abs of Matthew McConaughey (I didn't even come close when I played football). And some of my gf's had a toy that was bigger than me. And I am not always as affectionate as a woman would like, nor do I possess that selfless empathy many women have.

 

Given that I don't talk to other guys about whether or not they scrutinize their gf's body and compare it to other women, I have no idea how many men do that. Don't get me wrong, I am sure that some men do and settle for a "normal" woman because a porn star wasn't available. If they tell their gf or wife that she will never be as hot as a porn star, then I feel sorry for those men. They will never be contend with a woman that isn't completely "perfect".

 

And I feel for the women who have such a man, but to be honest, I am also wondering why they tolerate such behaviour. They got dealt a lousy hand if this happens sometime in the relationship, that's for sure. Maybe even in a marriage with kids and then their husband starts to neglect them and is disrespectful. I know I would walk away because my pride would not tolerate anything else but it's not a situation I would wish anyone to be in.

 

 

We are exploited to have perfect bodies. Perfect idealized bodies are prized by men. And then when we see our men smiling and masturbating to these bodies and women, we are naturally going to feel that we don't measure up. It's 100% normal just as it is 100% normal for men to get excited by porn.

 

I can understand that.

 

 

It appears that most men do. Since I haved asked a few men even on this website if they would give up porn if their parter was aviable for more sex and most men seemed to say that they would still look at porn because they need the "variety". So it doesn't really appear that men can be happy with only their SO. They need porn, other women, the ideas of other women, to be happy with their relationship and sex life with their SO. One could argue that that is man's big insecurity. And while those men that say "you're just insecure" to make women feel bad, are in turn playing off their own insecurities and need to keep reaffirming themselves through sexuality.

 

I wouldn't know about that, I don't have that need for variety. Maybe I would develop that need if I were married for a long time, but I hope that wouldn't be the case and I don't see that happening to me.

 

I think most of the men you are describing always had that need for variety but probably weren't honest about it.

 

 

You watch/see anything enough it becomes normal. I think we are ridden with disrespect for the opposite sex. Men and women alike tobe honest. I don't think porn helps that. I don't think some things women do help that either. I think the act of supporting porn alone and watching it is degrading to a man's wife or girlfriend. He doesn't mind using other people in his wife's/girlfriend's gender to satisfy himself. He doesn't mind at what cost it comes. Perhaps he does think less of women that he is able to do this anyway. Why should a woman think a man respects women if he enjoys a medium that is about disrespecting and using them for their own enjoyment?

 

That all depends on your point of view. I can understand that some people are appalled by the very idea of porn. There is a lot of porn that I find disgusting and degrading. Then again, I am very vanilla, so what I find disgusting, many other's will enjoy. Live and let live, as long as what they do is legal and as long as I don't have to do what they do.

 

Do I think porn is degrading? Most of the time, yes. Does porn portray an unrealistic and unhealthy image of women? Sure, but it still depends on the guy watching it whether he adopts that mentality or not.

 

Do I think porn is always degrading? I would have to say no because I don't see it like that.

 

The women in porn get paid for what they do. They are playing a role and that role is to become a stimulus, a visual aide, usually for a heterosexual man to support his imagination. The fact that a heterosexual man thinks about a woman when he masturbates can't really be surprising to you.

 

And when you are single, pleasuring your SO and intimacy isn't an option, so all that is left to do is take care of your own desires. It's the only intimacy (not that it's real intimacy) that is available. Granted, if I solely used my imagination, the film in my head would be far less tacky than a porn movie but instead of a porn star, I would think about an ex that I still love. I don't think she would like it that I masturbate while thinking of her and it feels kind of pathetic too.

 

 

I find a bit of a paradox in men who expect women not to question their respect for women in general, and their respect for their SO, when they enjoy and help to keep a medium going that really does all around disrespect women and make them nothing mroe then service toys. You can understand that I'm sure.

 

If his gf or wife feels that way about porn, then yes, I can understand that. However, I don't think he is being disrespectful because he watches porn. I think he is being disrespectful because he does it even though he is fully aware of the impact it has on his gf/wife.

 

 

I think the majority of porn is degrading and that a very little bit possibly isn't. I think men enjoy more "hardcore" porn in *most* cases. I would bet that most men watch some kind of degrading porn to varying levels in most cases.

 

Porn seems to become more and more violent/degrading than it used to be, or at the very least there seems to be a growing market for that specific kind of porn. There is a lot of porn that doesn't appeal to me and it seems to be getting more and more.

 

 

Perhaps it's time to start seeing the underlining message of porn then and taking it more seriously.

 

And what would that message be?

 

 

As I don't think it jsut harms women, but I think it harms men too. And I think it harms trust between the sexes. Especially for younger generations that are so very much exposed to it.

 

I am worried about the possibilities that teenagers have these days with the internet, thus making all kind of porn available to them with a mouse click.

 

I don't consider myself old (29), but when I think back to my teenage years, it was a different world back then. I saw my first porn movie when I was 20 and serving in the army. Before that, I had seen a couple of "Playboy" magazines that one of the guys had snatched from his old man. That was it.

 

Now, I know that I am not anywhere near the average when it comes to exposure to porn for a guy my age back then. But still, it was a different time. And porn can be damaging to a person that isn't mature enough to handle it and understand what he/she sees in porn.

 

 

There are other ways of men expressing their sexuality that does not include porn that I have no objections to either. I am sure alot of men would think that I was being controling to say such a thing. I think a man isn't as open to a woman's sexuality if he can not accpet the aspects of her sexuality that do not 100% agree with his.

 

Even though I am one of the men that doesn't accept quite a few choices women make, I don't disagree with that statement. Women have the right to express their sexuality in every way they want. However, you can't expect every men to accept the choices you made.

[Stockalone]

I would like to personally make it my mission to get more women in relationships who might get some satisfaction out of this to do so. I've been discussing it with my husband, who's stance on porn is that it is a useful tool to satisfy the need for variety. He is ok with me posting my pics, with just a hint of jelousy, which is basically my stance on his porn usage. That seems damn fair to me.

 

If that works for you and your husband, then it isn't a problem.

 

It wouldn't work for me. I would be livid if a gf were to send out explicit pictures of herself.

[Jersey Shortie]

Ogling other women that are dressed more provocative when he wants you to wear other clothes is kind of selfish and also manipulating.

 

But to some extent, that is what most men seem to want. They don't want other men staring at his woman's goods but it's okay if he stares at other women's goods.

 

But how much ogling other women are we talking about here? Did he neglect you and looked at every woman like you didn't even exist or did he give other women a quick glance here and there?

 

It was enough ogling that I noticed and felt uncomfortable.

 

 

Personally, I don't think that the epidome of female beauty is a porn star, nor some stick thin Hollywood actress for that matter.

 

Okay, you don't but there are alot of men that do.

 

 

 

Do Hollywood actresses or porn stars look different that the average, normal woman? Sure. Does that always equal better? Not for me.

 

Okay, but again, for alot of men it does.

 

Also, it's not like men have nothing to worry about. Some of the requirements women have are physical, others are emotional standards that are tough to live up to (if it is at all possible).

 

Well I have been attracted to "average joes" and not been attracted to "hot guys" and vice versa, it depends on the person. I think that is true for alot of women. We don't have the same physical standards that men do about men's bodies that men do about women's bodies. But yes, maybe sometimes we expect better emotional standards from men.

 

And I am not always as affectionate as a woman would like, nor do I possess that selfless empathy many women have.

 

Well, at least you regonize it.

 

I am sure that some men do and settle for a "normal" woman because a porn star wasn't available.

 

I think alot of men do since men are always reminding us that they don't even really have the chance to run away with one so we shouldn't worry. But that's like saying that if they did, they would which is insulting. Or that they don't expect their women to look as good/hot...which again, is somewhat insulting that they fall pray to the fantasy that isn't even real. Men say the understand the difference between fantasy and reailty but that doesn't stop men from wanting the fantasy to be reality. That's the cold hard truth.

 

 

 

 

I can understand that.

 

Well that's good. But even if you do understand that, will it effect how you use porn? Because I think in most cases men might understand but they don't completely care because their desire for porn out weighs.

 

 

 

 

I think most of the men you are describing always had that need for variety but probably weren't honest about it.

 

I think men that need "variety" are insecure.

 

 

 

Do I think porn is degrading? Most of the time, yes. Does porn portray an unrealistic and unhealthy image of women? Sure, but it still depends on the guy watching it whether he adopts that mentality or not.

 

Most men, to some degree are influnced by their porn consumption. It's a fact of lie and a fact of advertising.

 

Do I think porn is always degrading? I would have to say no because I don't see it like that.

 

But most of the time you said that it was.

 

The women in porn get paid for what they do. They are playing a role and that role is to become a stimulus, a visual aide, usually for a heterosexual man to support his imagination. The fact that a heterosexual man thinks about a woman when he masturbates can't really be surprising to you.

 

Of course not. its the way women are treated in porn, the unrealistic standards men buy into from porn that get to me. I understand why men want to think about wome nwhile he masturbates but it is over whelming the things men expect women to just be "cool" with.

 

 

 

If his gf or wife feels that way about porn, then yes, I can understand that. However, I don't think he is being disrespectful because he watches porn. I think he is being disrespectful because he does it even though he is fully aware of the impact it has on his gf/wife.

 

And is he being disrespectful to women in general since you said most porn is degrading to women?

 

 

 

Porn seems to become more and more violent/degrading than it used to be, or at the very least there seems to be a growing market for that specific kind of porn. There is a lot of porn that doesn't appeal to me and it seems to be getting more and more.

 

Well you are one of the first men to be honest and acknowledge that that is the case. Men want wome nto be vulnerable with them but how are we suppose to be when men like to use women like that?

 

 

 

And what would that message be?

 

It's all over this post and my last one, the message.

 

 

 

I am worried about the possibilities that teenagers have these days with the internet, thus making all kind of porn available to them with a mouse click.

 

I don't consider myself old (29), but when I think back to my teenage years, it was a different world back then. I saw my first porn movie when I was 20 and serving in the army. Before that, I had seen a couple of "Playboy" magazines that one of the guys had snatched from his old man. That was it.

 

I agree. I feel sad for the girls and boys growing up now where they are more exposed to this stuff. But until adults get real about it, that will continue to happen and I think it does cause rifts between the sexes.

 

 

 

Even though I am one of the men that doesn't accept quite a few choices women make, I don't disagree with that statement. Women have the right to express their sexuality in every way they want. However, you can't expect every men to accept the choices you made.

 

I don't but it would be nice if men didn't creat double standards about what is acceptable in their sexuality but what shouldnt be acceptable in a woman's.

[Hyperpen12000]

I personally think that porn erodes the soul of the viewer.

 

Sorry, that wasn't very snide.

 

And so does these threads of ranting women about how much it's destroying the relationship when it's your ranting that's doing it:lmao:

 

 

Eventually the guy gives in because her vociferations eat at his soul and he rather have a happy life then a ranting, nagging wife for life.

 

 

"The squeakiest wheel gets the grease...."

[Hyperpen12000]

JS - You read too much into what I write and put too many words in my mouth for it to be worth my time to continue to respond to you.

 

I feel the same way. She has this ongoing obsession with derogating men who watch porn or has watched porn in their lifetime. No on is safe!! Watching someone have sex is probably lower than prostitution the way she adamantly goes on about it; not trying to open her mind to it.

 

There is no compromise with her. Her compromise is this,"you eliminate it and It will make me happy..." that's it. She probably tries to controls the sex in her relationships and porn undermines that!

[Jersey Shortie]

I feel the same way. She has this ongoing obsession with derogating men who watch porn or has watched porn in their lifetime. No on is safe!! Watching someone have sex is probably lower than prostitution the way she adamantly goes on about it; not trying to open her mind to it.

 

 

You don't try to open your mind to the way women can feel about porn and the negatives.

 

I think it's intersting that you say I am derogating towards men when I think men are being derogatory to women in porn and to women in general. Porn isn't exactly about respecting the female gender. No one likes to be treated derogatory or see members of their gender treated derogatory either.

[EnigmasMuse]

I just think Jersey stands her ground on how she feels on the whole issue of not caring for porn. Just as others stand their ground on how they feel about liking it.

[Hyperpen12000]

It isn't MY view actually.

 

I don't have a problem with my husband looking at porn so long as it isn't conflicting with our sex life.

 

I'm just trying to look at this objectively, and I do see some hypocrisy and double standards taking place on this issue.

 

 

That's what I've been saying in my last post! As long as it's not conflicting with the sex life....

 

Like tanbark813 said if you don't like your SO watching porn, don't be with him.

[Hyperpen12000]

I just think Jersey stands her ground on how she feels on the whole issue of not caring for porn. Just as others stand their ground on how they feel about liking it.

 

There isn't a non-care for it from her, it's a hatred. Because if she didn't care, she would let it bother her if her SO was watching occasionally (as long as he isn't neglecting her).

 

Be we all know that's not the case.

[Jersey Shortie]

tanbark you brought up a good point when you mentioned posting one's nude picture online was like "sharing" something with another person. After thinking about this good point for several days, I've thought of another way to try and convey the situation (again, I'm not trying to change your mind here, just directing my comment at you because it's a response to your comment).

 

 

women don't own their man's gazes. they can fight, but most men's gaze will wander to other women and porn.

 

men don't own the image of their woman's body. i would argue women should share the image of their body if they want and let their man fight. If it is something satisfying, to receive a gaze, why not seek it out the way men seek out other women to project their gaze upon? It's the flipside of the coin, the other side of a singular interaction that has been accepted as OK.

 

a woman who has a problem with her SO looking at porn thinks: "I'm the only one he should be seeing naked". Of course he's not making physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

 

a man who has a problem with his SO posting nudie pics online thinks: "I'm the only one who should be seeing her naked". Of course she's not making any physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

 

I think this is a good point.

[EnigmasMuse]

There isn't a non-care for it from her, it's a hatred. Because if she didn't care, she would let it bother her if her SO was watching occasionally (as long as he isn't neglecting her).

 

Be we all know that's not the case.

 

 

OK, well maybe some people have a great "hatred" for porn just as some have a great love for it. I dunno.

[Untouchable_Fire]

tanbark you brought up a good point when you mentioned posting one's nude picture online was like "sharing" something with another person. After thinking about this good point for several days, I've thought of another way to try and convey the situation (again, I'm not trying to change your mind here, just directing my comment at you because it's a response to your comment).

women don't own their man's gazes. they can fight, but most men's gaze will wander to other women and porn.

men don't own the image of their woman's body. i would argue women should share the image of their body if they want and let their man fight. If it is something satisfying, to receive a gaze, why not seek it out the way men seek out other women to project their gaze upon? It's the flipside of the coin, the other side of a singular interaction that has been accepted as OK.

a woman who has a problem with her SO looking at porn thinks: "I'm the only one he should be seeing naked". Of course he's not making physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

a man who has a problem with his SO posting nudie pics online thinks: "I'm the only one who should be seeing her naked". Of course she's not making any physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

 

Looking is looking, and showing is showing.

 

Streaking in public is illegal. Looking at a streaker is not.

 

Trying to say that looking and showing are the same thing just doesnt make sense. They are separate and unequal actions.

 

Bottom line... if your man is looking at porn and you don't like it. Find out why he does it then tackle the issue like an adult.

 

Some guys are addicted, Some like variety, some just are not getting enough from thier SO.

[Hyperpen12000]

You don't try to open your mind to the way women can feel about porn and the negatives.

 

I think it's interesting that you say I am derogating towards men when I think men are being derogatory to women in porn and to women in general. Porn isn't exactly about respecting the female gender. No one likes to be treated derogatory or see members of their gender treated derogatory either.

 

 

 

Yes I have opened my mind to the ways women can feel about porn and the negatives. I tried to sympathize with that feeling yet not taking away from the guys feelings. I've say things like,"he's wrong for having a large collection","He shouldn't neglect you for it", "he shouldn't watch it habitually"....

 

You haven't done that at all. You're stern to how it should be eliminated completely without compromise.... Every time someone says something about how a guy feels you reverse it. You're like a rubber banned. I'm glad my SO is more compromising than you are. If not, I would be arguing with her like I am with you on every porn thread.

 

My so likes to masturbate, I'm not going to fighter her if she's been doing it before she got with me. Maybe I'll tell her to slow down but not tell her to stop. I would feel like I'm controlling her, even when I'm not around. As long as it doesn't affect our sex life I'm happy.

[Hyperpen12000]

a woman who has a problem with her SO looking at porn thinks: "I'm the only one he should be seeing naked". Of course he's not making physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge.

 

a man who has a problem with his SO posting nudie pics online thinks: "I'm the only one who should be seeing her naked". Of course she's not making any physical contact, just satisfying an instinctual urge. I think this is a good point.

 

 

When a man watches porn, he as only exposing his eyes to someone that doesn't know he exist. No one knows outside of the house but him. (Men too are in the porn which women say ignorant to)...

 

When a woman posts a nude picture of herself she has exposed her entire body to the public. When he walks out of the house; what he knew was sacred instead their home, only to him, is now publicize.

 

 

How do you feel when he looks at the guys body too, which is inevitable? Do you still think, "I'm the only one he should be seeing naked"?

 

To think nowadays that you are the only woman that he will ever see necked again is laughable.....

[Hyperpen12000]

OK, well maybe some people have a great "hatred" for porn just as some have a great love for it. I dunno.

 

Yeah, you're right, and I try to stay far away from them both.....

[Ruby Slippers]

Looking is looking, and showing is showing.

Yes, and men usually prefer to look and women usually prefer to show. Your average guy is more turned on by looking than showing, and your average woman is more turned on by showing than looking. When you're out with your woman checking out other women, other men are checking out your woman. That's just the way it works.

 

Making the argument that looking is OK while showing is not is male-centric.

 

SunnySideUp said it best:

 

a man looks at a woman naked online. if both parties are in a relationship, the woman is in the wrong, but the man is not.

 

how in the world is that fair?