Walk Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I've found the more I engage in his fantasies (whether it be actually experiencing them, or simply just discussing them), the less he wants to view porn. I don't know if this is unusual, or quite common. Same here. The more effort I put into creating a situation that is a play on his fantasy, the more into me he is (both during and for a long time afterward). I think its more about showing your partner you care enough to want to fulfill their desires even if you don't understand them, like them, or have much desire to it... That's really what I want from my hubby too. Even if its not always sexually related. My H and I have an agreement regarding sex. If he just wants a quicky without having to work at, or put effort in, then he tells me. Even if its the middle of the night and I'm sleeping. And it's simply a quicky, meaning the quickest point from no erection to ejaculation that I can humanly make it. (then he rolls over and sleeps ) It works for us because he doesn't abuse the priviledge, and I like it because instead of him wacking off to some other woman I get to make him come. Plus, he's gotta do the same for me if I ask him for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Oh no doubt, we have an issue and I know exactly what that issue is. My husband loves me but he is not physically attracted to me, my aging face and body turn him off sexually. It's quite simple really. How old are you? (just curious) What's the issue? Porn? Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Oh no doubt, we have an issue and I know exactly what that issue is. My husband loves me but he is not physically attracted to me, my aging face and body turn him off sexually. It's quite simple really. Loose the husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Oh no doubt, we have an issue and I know exactly what that issue is. My husband loves me but he is not physically attracted to me, my aging face and body turn him off sexually. It's quite simple really. If you've been together any length of time I'm sure he's no Adonis either....... men (bleaacccchhhh) Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySideUp Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] I like the turn this thread took. I have to 100% agree with Angie. This is what i was saying before and have infact used this comparison before. Men and women are different. Men like looking, women like to be looked at. If a man isn't doing anythign wrong by taking the action to seek out porn or go to strip clubs, how could a woman be doing anything wrong by posting pictures of herself or stripping while having a boyfriend? As long as we lie and tell ourselves there is no interaction going on. [/FONT][/COLOR] I actually have to agree with Jersey Shortie on this one. Men have a basic desire to look at lots of women, which I have begun to understand is something they really can't help, it's built in so much. I also think women have a basic desire to be looked at and know they are being looked at, which they also might not be able to help. So to quench these desires men look at random women they will never meet online or look at women on the street. Women may get pleasure when they notice a man looking at them on the street, or have a picture online that gets comments. Honestly, to me there is no difference between a man looking at naked strangers online and a woman being looked at by naked strangers online. It's just that the two genders are on opposite sides of the coin. As long as there is no infidelity, no touching or actual meeting in real life, I think that the actions of both parties are fine. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 But it wouldn't be the same if a woman showed naked pictures of herself to others, unless she was getting some kind of sexual gratification from sending out those pics. A woman most likely would get some kind of sexual gratification from sending out nude/sexy pics of herself. Why should she be denied this? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 A woman most likely would get some kind of sexual gratification from sending out nude/sexy pics of herself. Why should she be denied this? It can be considered a form of cheating. Like I said before: If you're so sure it's fine, do it, tell your SO about it, and let us know what the aftermath was. Instead of asking meaningless questions, put your money where your mouth is, so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 It can be considered a form of cheating. I guess then looking at porn can be a form of cheating. You can't have it both ways. I men can get "theirs" and women can't, then an inequality exist. I say, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I guess then looking at porn can be a form of cheating. You can't have it both ways. I men can get "theirs" and women can't, then an inequality exist. I say, "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". You're not understanding what I'm saying. I don't want it both ways. There is no right or wrong here. If I was with a woman who bitched and moaned about porn, I'd cut her loose. I'd also cut her loose if she put naked pics of herself online. My current gf doesn't dislike porn and isn't a whore who puts naked pics of herself online so it works out just fine. I'm not telling you what you or women as a whole should do. Do what you want. What do I care? If you don't like your guy looking at porn, then don't be with him. Find a guy who doesn't look at it. If you feel that "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" about your man looking at porn, and you don't want to leave him, then put naked pics online instead of posting hypothetical scenarios that you don't have the balls to follow through on. Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I don't know, I am pretty open-minded when it comes to sex and porn, but I have to say I don't think men looking at porn is the same as women sharing their nude bodies. I, for one, would not find it at all sexually gratifying for someone to see my nude body, unless that person is my man. And that is an entirely different story. I have to agree with tanbark; I'd consider that cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvstarved Posted July 2, 2008 Author Share Posted July 2, 2008 I don't know, I am pretty open-minded when it comes to sex and porn, but I have to say I don't think men looking at porn is the same as women sharing their nude bodies. I, for one, would not find it at all sexually gratifying for someone to see my nude body, unless that person is my man. And that is an entirely different story. I have to agree with tanbark; I'd consider that cheating. First of all, I did not intend for this thread to become so serious, I was hoping people would poke a little fun and lighten up on the topic... But since that did not happen, I just had to jump in here. I strongly disagree that posting nude pics is more akin to cheating than whacking off to porn. What is the basic point of fidelity anyway but to reserve your sexual energy for one person...to be sure that you are both satisfied and have an exclusively intimate relationship together. If a woman posts nude pics, she isn't really taking anything away from her SO. However, if he uses porn, he is basically taking away a sexual episode that she could have been a part of. Don't get me wrong. I do think that it is unrealistic if nothing else to expect a guy to not masturbate, and fantasy is part of masturbation, so wtf? But, if you are going to call one cheating and not the other, I am not sure on what basis you make the argument. If one should be considered cheating, I do think it should be the one that involves orgasm...???? Personally, I don't see either as cheating in small quantities. I consider it cheating when one partner goes sexually unsatisfied because the other is spending his/her "energy" elsewhere... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 If a woman posts nude pics, she isn't really taking anything away from her SO. However, if he uses porn, he is basically taking away a sexual episode that she could have been a part of. Not necessarily. In your situation it is, but not in all. Personally, I use porn when I'm single or when I won't be seeing my gf for a few days. I've never chosen porn over her or any other girl I've been with. In no way does it takes way from a sexual episode with a girl I've been with. Link to post Share on other sites
saraispiel19 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 how about "it hurts to know that other women make your penis cry" I don't like porn that is mixed in relationships (unless both partners mutually agree) but for those who watch it hey whatever but in my realtionship it is indeed taboo. I'm pretty sure my hubbby would not like me seeing another mans donker and getting pleasure out of it. Hell he'd be furious... Link to post Share on other sites
JerseyShortie Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Untouchable fire[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]That's sad to me, because what kind of loser would prefer his hand to a woman? [/FONT][/COLOR] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I don’t know. But there are times when men who even get regular sex from a real live women, prefer the porn as a sorce of “variety”. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I hear alot of guys say that they don't perfer porn to a real woman, but so many men use porn AND have a real live SO to satisfy themselves sexually. So which is it? I'm not sure even men know. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] At the same time you need to understand there are guys who simply don't get enough from thier SO. What do you do then?[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]In that case, something needs to be done. It’s not fair if a guy isn’t having his needs met any more then if a woman wasn’t having hers met in the relationship.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]If I was with a woman who bitched and moaned about porn, I'd cut her loose.[/FONT][/COLOR] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Then porn most be an important component of your sexuality. And while it's fine to what a woman that will accept porn. There are alot of women that would cut you loose for your dedication to it. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I'd also cut her loose if she put naked pics of herself online. My current gf doesn't dislike porn and isn't a whore who puts naked pics of herself online so it works out just fine. [/FONT][/COLOR][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Women and men's sexuality aren't always the same Tanbark. The things that turn women on are not always the things that turn men on. If you get turned on by looking at other women, why is she a whore because she gets turned on by being looked at ? Suppose she just posted pictures of herself naked and had no interaction with the men viewing her? If a man isn't doing anything wrong by looking at othe women naked, then the woman in the picture isn't doing anything wrong by being looked at naked.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]The double standard always interests me when men defend their porn use and looking at other women, but when a woman wants to be looked at, she is a "whore". How is a guy so innocent and good and a woman a no good whore for taking a very feminine pleasure in being looked at? [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Men want these sexual she-tigers in the bed, but then we get called names like "whores" for being sexual when it's not narrowly defined by the things that turn men on. This is sort of the kind of stuff I was talking about earlier. Men are okay with women being sexual as long as it is in terms of how men are typically turned on. Take it into a context that is different then men, and how women can be turned on in a more typically feminine way, and you can see the insecurity in men instead.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]To use the men's arguement against themselves, if you are confident in yourself and trust your woman, then what's the big deal about her showing naked pictures of herself as long as she isn't interacting with other men? [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 You're not understanding what I'm saying. I don't want it both ways. There is no right or wrong here. If I was with a woman who bitched and moaned about porn, I'd cut her loose. I'd also cut her loose if she put naked pics of herself online. My current gf doesn't dislike porn and isn't a whore who puts naked pics of herself online so it works out just fine. I'm not telling you what you or women as a whole should do. Do what you want. What do I care? If you don't like your guy looking at porn, then don't be with him. Find a guy who doesn't look at it. If you feel that "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" about your man looking at porn, and you don't want to leave him, then put naked pics online instead of posting hypothetical scenarios that you don't have the balls to follow through on. I think what you want is one of those women from the LDS compound that walk around "keeping sweet" and obeying their husbands while their husband's can do anything they want. For the record, my husband looks at porn from time to time and I darn well make sure that I get my share of attention from other men. You presume to know alot about people here without actually asking them about their situations. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 1727848The double standard always interests me when men defend their porn use and looking at other women' date=' but when a woman wants to be looked at, she is a "whore[/b']". How is a guy so innocent and good and a woman a no good whore for taking a very feminine pleasure in being looked at? Men want these sexual she-tigers in the bed, but then we get called names like "whores" for being sexual when it's not narrowly defined by the things that turn men on. This is sort of the kind of stuff I was talking about earlier. Men are okay with women being sexual as long as it is in terms of how men are typically turned on. Take it into a context that is different then men, and how women can be turned on in a more typically feminine way, and you can see the insecurity in men insteadTo use the men's arguement against themselves, if you are confident in yourself and trust your woman, then what's the big deal about her showing naked pictures of herself as long as she isn't interacting with other men? ] There is a huge double standard here, and I think this is why porn is such a big issue between many couples. I think there is this unspoken rule than men can keep their single, sexual selves after marriage or entering a commited relationship, but women have to become these lady like creatures who never flirt with other men or never dress to get sexual attention from other men. I think men use this double standard to control their women because deep down inside they are the ones who are insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
JerseyShortie Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I agree with that.. I don't know what is wrong with my post above but it won't let me edit all that junk out. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySideUp Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Wow. This has become a very interesting thread. Again, I am very surprised, but I agree with your further comments, Jersie Shortie. I think this is the double standard some people are arguing: It's not cheating for a man to look at a naked woman engaging in sexual acts online, and to derive pleasure from that looking. It is cheating for a woman to be looked at in nude/naked pictures or videos online, and to derive pleasure from being looked at. I thought the whole thing with porn is that it satisfies men's natural desire for variety without actual infidelity, so the marriage stays in tact. What about women's natural desire to be desired by many different men? If she posts nude/naked pictures of herself online and has feedback that lets her know she is being desired, that fulfills her natural desire. She is not actually making contact with another man or interacting with him in real life, it's all on the computer. How is that cheating? No one gets touched, each partner just has some way to fulfill urges that might otherwise lead to infidelity. What's the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I think what you want is one of those women from the LDS compound that walk around "keeping sweet" and obeying their husbands while their husband's can do anything they want. First off, you're wrong. Secondly, insulting me or my gf or my choice in women doesn't make your argument any stronger. Just because my gf and I have similar views on sexuality doesn't mean I can do anything I want. Get it through your thick skull that not every woman is the same. For the record, my husband looks at porn from time to time and I darn well make sure that I get my share of attention from other men. You presume to know alot about people here without actually asking them about their situations. Excuse me?? You're the one who is making claims about what other people want. I don't know anything about your situation nor do I care. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 A woman most likely would get some kind of sexual gratification from sending out nude/sexy pics of herself. Why should she be denied this? How would she get sexual gratification from other men looking at her? Would she masturbate at the thought of them looking at her nude body after posting the pictures? I'm not quite sure I understand how that would work. For the record, I am a woman and I have no desire or urge to display my body for other men to look at, nor would i get any sexual gratification from that act. In fact, the thought of it makes my vagina dry as a bone. Maybe this is why I cannot understand how you equate the two. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 There is a huge double standard here, and I think this is why porn is such a big issue between many couples. I think there is this unspoken rule than men can keep their single, sexual selves after marriage or entering a commited relationship, but women have to become these lady like creatures who never flirt with other men or never dress to get sexual attention from other men. I think men use this double standard to control their women because deep down inside they are the ones who are insecure. They're two different actions so it's not a double standard. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 There seems to be a false assumption in this thread that women don't masturbate, and if and when they do, they are fantasizing about their SOs. Link to post Share on other sites
Jennifer26 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 Maybe this is why I cannot understand how you equate the two.Exactly. For some people, voyeurism is a huge turn on. For others it's not. Link to post Share on other sites
Jennifer26 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 There seems to be a false assumption in this thread that women don't masturbate, and if and when they do, they are fantasizing about their SOs.I can't speak for all women, but I do not fantasize about anyone when I masturbate. Not my husband, not some famous actor or model, not someone I know from work - no one. I am usually just very focused on what I am doing and achieving orgasm. Which doesn't include thinking about men. Maybe I am just weird. The only time I've ever "fantasized" over men is in the beginning of a relationship and it isn't so much fantasizing as it is spending a lot of time thinking about the person in general, not just sexually. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySideUp Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I'm not saying there would be sexual gratification on the woman's part. I'm saying it would satisfy a natural desire (of some women) to be looked at. I think there's a double standard even though the actions are not the same. Is a man cheating if he watches an online video (porno) of a married woman performing sexual acts on herself? (and is it cheating on the married woman's part?) Is a man cheating if he watches an online webcam show of a married woman performing sexual acts on herself? (and is it cheating on the married woman's part?) Is a man cheating if he looks at a nudie pic online of a married woman? (and is it cheating on the married woman's part?) ------------ Men are on the looking end, women are on the viewing end. You can't dismiss the whole argument on the grounds that the actions of the men involved and women involved aren't the same. Men and women have different desires, on opposite sides of the coin (this is generalizing, for the sake of the argument). To me, the whole thing basically comes down to this: the man isn't wrong for looking, but the woman is wrong for allowing herself to be looked at. Does anyone else see it this way? This seems like a huge inequality. Link to post Share on other sites
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