snide responses to porn...don't get mad guys

[tanbark813]

But you did say "Threads like this make me glad my gf isn't a bitter prude." So, if a woman has a problem with her guy looking at naked women, she's de facto a bitter prude, but if a guy has a problem with his woman posing naked, he's normal and justified?

 

Pretty much.

 

I'm kidding.. well, half kidding. The "bitter prude" comment was more about women bashing men for looking at porn or making assumptions about them because of it.

 

I also find your comment about "a whore who puts naked pics of herself online" disturbing. A naked woman is good enough to be a sexual object to bust a nut over but not good enough to be considered a worthwhile person?

 

Sounds like as women we're damned if we love sex (whore) and damned if we have any kind of boundaries or preferences about it (prude).

 

I already took back the whore comment. And I never said there's anything wrong with women loving sex. I'm even in the minority of men who don't hold it against a woman for having sex on the first date. But porn and putting your pics online is not having sex (at least not with other people ), and that was the topic.

[OpenBook]

Sounds like as women we're damned if we love sex (whore) and damned if we have any kind of boundaries or preferences about it (prude).

 

Ruby, I couldn't have said it better myself. That just about sums it up. That's why I don't give a damn what men think of me anymore. I think they're all full of it. And the really weird thing about it is, they eat it up, this new attitude of mine. I actually think it turns them on. Men are strange creatures.

[The Collector]

I think women call each other whores and sluts more than men do.

[angie2443]

Sounds like as women we're damned if we love sex (whore) and damned if we have any kind of boundaries or preferences about it (prude).

 

Very true.

[SunnySideUp]

The actions are doing two completly different things. Saying one action is "male" and the other is "female" and therefore they are equivalent is arbituary.

 

all I'm saying is that the action that happens to be common for most men and much less common for women is deemed normal and acceptable for either gender to do, and the action that may (I still am not proving this point to be true, just suggesting it might be) be more common (or desired quietly) for women is deemed deviant for either gender to do.

 

I'm questioning it because it seems like a bias toward the male side, which is obviously something I have great stake in because I've come this far in the discussion.

[BUENG1]

all I'm saying is that the action that happens to be common for most men and much less common for women is deemed normal and acceptable for either gender to do, and the action that may (I still am not proving this point to be true, just suggesting it might be) be more common (or desired quietly) for women is deemed deviant for either gender to do.

 

I'm questioning it because it seems like a bias toward the male side, which is obviously something I have great stake in because I've come this far in the discussion.

 

There are plenty of things that are viewed as prevalent(violence would be an example). for one gender than the other, but that doesn't make the action ( if its bad) any more or less acceptable if done by either gender.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I think if a man finds himself in a situation where his wife/gf isn't up for sex when he is, they need to come to some type of compromise.

I would say it would be unreasonable for her to expect him to never masturbate when she isn't up for sex. If she is making unreasonable requests, they will have to try to work something out if possible.

Maybe she would be okay if he was to masturbate, but just not with the porn. Maybe she would be willing to make videos with him he can view later. I don't know. It would have to be discussed and worked out though.

I think lying about the porn is the worst thing man can do. Many don't realize that when they do this, they're actually making things much worse. Personally, I can tell you I would rather my husband just be upfront about it and say "I can't give it up" or "I won't give it up" (although I've never asked him to completely give it up) and deal with it from there. When he lies about it and placates me, it really does destroy his credibility and lacking trust in a marriage is such an ugly thing.

 

In a perfect world... yes a couple would work that kind of thing out in advance. However, it's like communism. It looks great on paper, but rarely works in the real world.

 

I do agree that the lying is bad. Guys need to be more upfront about stuff like this anyway.

 

You have to admit that there is a very strong "Yes Dear" culture and teaching. Because, wives regularly turn into unholy demons when they don't get thier way... we learn to just keep the peace. So... I suppose you need to choose what you want in a relationship... honesty... or having things your way. Cause guys are always going to just do what works.

 

Everyone likes to feel wanted. That is true. But do men typically go to the lengths women do to be noticed? Be honest here.

And yes, some women do like to look at men. But how often have you heard stories of someones wife being caught masturbating to nude pictures of Brad Pitt? How many nude magazines, strip clubs, porn, etc out there is geared towards women? Most women aren't anywhere near as visually stimulated as the average male. Not even close.

 

It doesn't really matter. The actions are separate and different. Saying that they are the same is ludicrous.

 

Posting naked pictures for a woman is... the same as posting naked pictures for a man. Not like looking at them. That is a different action entirely.

 

That's like saying cooking is for a woman what watching sports is to a man. Two different things.

 

So for all you ladies that are trying to say there is a connection... your logic doesn't work.

[angie2443]

all I'm saying is that the action that happens to be common for most men and much less common for women is deemed normal and acceptable for either gender to do, and the action that may (I still am not proving this point to be true, just suggesting it might be) be more common (or desired quietly) for women is deemed deviant for either gender to do. .

 

This works out well for the guys, not so well for the girls.

[angie2443]

So for all you ladies that are trying to say there is a connection... your logic doesn't work.

 

Correctin, your logic doesn't work.

 

By the way, what do you mean that wives "turn into unholy demons when they don't get thier way"? This just sounds hateful.

[Jersey Shortie]

Can the gentlemen here at least agree that sometimes the way women turned on, are different from the way that men are turned on? I'd really be interested in the answer to that for starters.

 

If men would like women to be accomdating and accepting of their sexuality, it would be nice if men returned on the favor and were accomodating and accpeting of the ways women can be turned on and their sexuality. And sometimes the things that are inherent to women and get them going, are very different from the things that get men going

 

Men and women say it all the time, men are more visual. Men are more sparked by the visual. Most women do not respond to images of men in the same way that men respond to images of women. This is more of a stereotypically driven male interest. And while women might appreicate a good looking male, most of us do not respond in the same way a man does to a woman and her looks. I think this is most obviously shown in the difference between how women spend time on their looks and how men do. It is also shown through the over whelming choices men have in porn, men magazines and other visuals of that nature that women just don't have such a high demand on because our sexuality can be very DIFFERENT

 

If a man gets turned on by looking, what makes a woman a "cheater" for getting turned on by looking at?

 

If a man is looking and isn't cheating, that most logically mean that a woman who is being looked at and getting enjoyment from it is cheating and is "bad". So as SunnySideup said, then all men in relationships must be good and not cheating, and all women in relationships that enjoy being noticed are cheaters and bad. Maybe a male perspective could agree or disagree with this statement.

 

I really don't understand how looking isn't cheating but being looked at it is. That makes no logical sense what-so-ever. Usually the explanation men give is that there is no interaction going on with the other person. So by default, a man can look at a woman without interaction and a woman can be looked at withouth interaction. It goes back to men being open to a woman's seuxality as long as it fits within his own narrow male way of being turned on.

 

However, if she's the one in the nude pics, she's sharing her nudity with the people viewing.

 

To go with what you are saying, if you feel that she is sharing something of herself with the other people that are viewing her, then parellel to that she must be giving something of herself and they are in response taking what she is sharing, yes? I'm just trying to understand Tanbark.

 

 

I also find your comment about "a whore who puts naked pics of herself online" disturbing. A naked woman is good enough to be a sexual object to bust a nut over but not good enough to be considered a worthwhile person?

 

Sounds like as women we're damned if we love sex (whore) and damned if we have any kind of boundaries or preferences about it (prude).

 

Yeah, this seems to be a common idea with men and it's frustrating. Women are only allowed to express their sexuality if it matches a man's way of being turned on. At least, that is the message I get from men. If I'm wrong, please explain why. He is good enough to use another woman and then call her a "whore" and think that he is such a highly enlightened and better party then the girl he getting excited over. It's mind blogging the hypcrosicy.

 

]And yes, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. We are suppose to be this wild little sex kittens that pander to his every whim and love it and share all of our sexuality with only him while he can look/fantasy/ and think about other women and express is sexuality. And if we love sex, we are worthless. Women can't win. Then men sit there wondering why their wives aren't mores sexual with them. Perhaps it's because men seem to call women names for being sexual.

 

Posting naked pictures for a woman is... the same as posting naked pictures for a man. Not like looking at them. That is a different action entirely.

 

Do you or don't you agree that the way women are turned on and express their sexuality can be vastly different from the way men do? Or do you think that wome nshould only be turned on by the things and by the way that men are?

 

The only action that is different is the dynamic, not what is going on. A man looking at a picture of a naked women isn't interacting with that woman. He is just looking. A woman having a naked picture of herself that she gets pleasure out of knowign that a man is looking, isn't interacting with that man.

 

Do men think women are in the wrong for taking a female pleasure in being noticed?

[blind_otter]

if you study other cultures and historical times in the european history you'll notice that what is considered beautiful or sexy is different from culture to culture, and that women and men of the culture tend to have a pattern of dressing and grooming that lives up to those fashions. Do you think it's impossible that we all sort of live up to societal expectations of beauty? We are constantly bombarded by images of women in all forms of visual media that let us know what is currently considered beautiful. Why else would we bother getting our hair cut or doing our makeup in the fashion, much less maintaining our bodies in a way that is fashionable and considered beautiful by the culture as a whole?

 

What you're saying is entirely different from what angie2442 was saying.

 

You're pointing out social norms for appearance, she was specifically indicating that women do this to garner attention from men.

 

And I disagree. Being 9 months pregnant, when I wear my bikini I am not displaying my partially nude body in order to get attention from men. And to be honest, I don't think I'm wearing my bikini to fit into some social dictate of what seems attractive because let's face it - in our society, pregnant women are not considered sexual objects. I'm wearing it because I'm more comfortable in it, it's what I'm used to wearing at the beach.

 

How I look does not even enter my mind, at this point. I'm so swollen, it doesn't really matter anymore - my body exists to care for my baby, not to be oggled by men. And I feel the same way about my breasts, at this point. They are not there to be enjoyed by men, they are there to feed my baby, period.

[tanbark813]

all I'm saying is that the action that happens to be common for most men and much less common for women is deemed normal and acceptable for either gender to do, and the action that may (I still am not proving this point to be true, just suggesting it might be) be more common (or desired quietly) for women is deemed deviant for either gender to do.

 

I'm questioning it because it seems like a bias toward the male side, which is obviously something I have great stake in because I've come this far in the discussion.

 

Even if we assume your theory about the inherent actions is true, so what? Not everything is always going to be exactly equal.

 

Typical rules for who pays for dates is biased in favor of women. The existence of romantic movies is biased in favor of women.

 

So there's one thing biased in favor of men. Big f**king deal. You'll live.

 

Women are only allowed to express their sexuality if it matches a man's way of being turned on. At least, that is the message I get from men. If I'm wrong, please explain why. He is good enough to use another woman and then call her a "whore" and think that he is such a highly enlightened and better party then the girl he getting excited over.

...

And if we love sex, we are worthless. Women can't win.

 

JS, You need to learn how to read. I made the whore comment about a girl posting her pics online. I never said anything about her having sex or expressing her sexuality. I am all for women enjoying sex and expressing their sexuality. So quit whining about "women can't win".

[Stockalone]

Can the gentlemen here at least agree that sometimes the way women turned on, are different from the way that men are turned on? I'd really be interested in the answer to that for starters.

 

Since I am not a woman, I will take your word for it that most women are turned on by different things than most men.

 

 

If men would like women to be accomdating and accepting of their sexuality, it would be nice if men returned on the favor and were accomodating and accpeting of the ways women can be turned on and their sexuality. And sometimes the things that are inherent to women and get them going, are very different from the things that get men going

 

Seriously, what is this? Tit for tat? Is this still about men watching porn or something else?

 

I already asked that question, but this time I am serious. I have never watched porn when I was in a relationship.

 

So, in return, can I expect my gf to not wear mini skirts that barely cover her crotch or can I expect her to not wear that tight, low-cut and very revealing top?

 

Is that a reasonable expectation to have on my part? I did voice my objection to certain clothes. Even though I did so very rarely, my gf's usually didn't like it one bit.

 

 

Men and women say it all the time, men are more visual. Men are more sparked by the visual. Most women do not respond to images of men in the same way that men respond to images of women. This is more of a stereotypically driven male interest. And while women might appreicate a good looking male, most of us do not respond in the same way a man does to a woman and her looks. I think this is most obviously shown in the difference between how women spend time on their looks and how men do. It is also shown through the over whelming choices men have in porn, men magazines and other visuals of that nature that women just don't have such a high demand on because our sexuality can be very DIFFERENT

 

Agreed, but what do you want? Men behaving in a way that you deem appropriate or men listening to your concerns and then making a choice to either agree with you, work out a compromise or walk away?

 

 

 

If a man gets turned on by looking, what makes a woman a "cheater" for getting turned on by looking at?

 

Neither looking nor being looked at makes someone a cheater. The problem of cheating arises when man and the woman in the relationship are not on the same page.

 

And no, I wouldn't consider it cheating if a gf were to look at porn. But I would consider it cheating if she were to put explicit pictures of her on the internet or send them to guys.

 

We all have things we will accept and things we won't. Some of those believes may be influenced by the fact that I am a man, but that is not surprising.

 

 

 

If a man is looking and isn't cheating, that most logically mean that a woman who is being looked at and getting enjoyment from it is cheating and is "bad". So as SunnySideup said, then all men in relationships must be good and not cheating, and all women in relationships that enjoy being noticed are cheaters and bad. Maybe a male perspective could agree or disagree with this statement.

 

Man who look at porn against their girlfriend's wishes are doing something wrong.

 

However, in many cases, the women do not have a problem with their guy looking at porn. Thus, the guy certainly isn't doing anything wrong.

 

 

I really don't understand how looking isn't cheating but being looked at it is. That makes no logical sense what-so-ever. Usually the explanation men give is that there is no interaction going on with the other person. So by default, a man can look at a woman without interaction and a woman can be looked at withouth interaction. It goes back to men being open to a woman's seuxality as long as it fits within his own narrow male way of being turned on.

 

Maybe it's the same problem a lot of men have with the logic that a man looking at porn is the same thing as a woman putting pictures of herself on the internet.

 

I do not have to accept another person's sexuality if it is incompatible with my own.

 

 

To go with what you are saying, if you feel that she is sharing something of herself with the other people that are viewing her, then parellel to that she must be giving something of herself and they are in response taking what she is sharing, yes? I'm just trying to understand Tanbark.

 

To be honest, from what I have read from tanbark, he is one of the guys that has the least hangups about women's sexuality and how they can express it.

 

 

 

Yeah, this seems to be a common idea with men and it's frustrating. Women are only allowed to express their sexuality if it matches a man's way of being turned on. At least, that is the message I get from men. If I'm wrong, please explain why. He is good enough to use another woman and then call her a "whore" and think that he is such a highly enlightened and better party then the girl he getting excited over. It's mind blogging the hypcrosicy.

 

You should read the "Bar chicks worth banging, not worth dating" thread if you haven't already done so.

 

 

]And yes, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. We are suppose to be this wild little sex kittens that pander to his every whim and love it and share all of our sexuality with only him while he can look/fantasy/ and think about other women and express is sexuality. And if we love sex, we are worthless. Women can't win. Then men sit there wondering why their wives aren't mores sexual with them. Perhaps it's because men seem to call women names for being sexual.

 

That is not the case with all men. Some men have double standards, some don't. Others have a more uptight opinion about how a women's sexuality should be but they hold themselves to the same standards so there is no double standard.

 

 

Do you or don't you agree that the way women are turned on and express their sexuality can be vastly different from the way men do? Or do you think that wome nshould only be turned on by the things and by the way that men are?

 

That again leads to the question what really bothers you. That men look at porn or that you feel that women are opressed and not allowed to express their sexuality?

 

 

The only action that is different is the dynamic, not what is going on. A man looking at a picture of a naked women isn't interacting with that woman. He is just looking. A woman having a naked picture of herself that she gets pleasure out of knowign that a man is looking, isn't interacting with that man.

 

It's still not the same thing.

 

 

 

Do men think women are in the wrong for taking a female pleasure in being noticed?

 

If they do so in a relationship where the man considers that to be cheating, then yes. It's not different than you complaining about the men looking at porn while in a relationship where the woman is against it.

[ohmy3]

OMG ........ i love this, i printed it and posted it proudly on my fridge!

[Jennifer26]

Seriously, what is this? Tit for tat? Is this still about men watching porn or something else?

 

I already asked that question, but this time I am serious. I have never watched porn when I was in a relationship.

 

So, in return, can I expect my gf to not wear mini skirts that barely cover her crotch or can I expect her to not wear that tight, low-cut and very revealing top?

 

Is that a reasonable expectation to have on my part? I did voice my objection to certain clothes. Even though I did so very rarely, my gf's usually didn't like it one bit.

 

 

I can't speak for JS, but my take on this is it isn't about tit for tat. I think a lot of women do enjoy being looked at and receiving attention from the opposite sex. I know I certainly do. It feels nice to know someone finds you sexy.

 

But, out of respect for my husband and our marriage I generally don't seek out this attention. I don't flirt, I don't dress in mini skirts or have my boobs on a platter for the world to see.

 

Yes, I did once post a nude (topless) photo of myself many years ago and it was because my husband and I were having some serious issues in our marriage, partially due to his sex addiction and not wanting to sleep with me. So, I went out and found attention elsewhere. I don't think what I did was cheating, and in many ways I found it to be exhilarating. But I wanted to work out my marriage, so I ceased this type of behavior.

 

I don't think it is out of the question to want your girlfriend to dress in a more conservative fashion. I mean, if you're forcing her to wear turtleneck sweaters in July that might be far fetched, but I think not wanting her to wear mini skirts, or extremely low cut tops isn't. I can see why a man would have an issue with this (although not all do) in the same way I can see a woman having an issue with their men looking at porn (although not all do). Neither position is wrong in my opinion.

 

My personal beliefs are that if you are in a relationship, you should try to devote yourself mind, body and soul to your spouse. That means not consuming your time looking at other women (although I do understand if it is an occasional thing, like your wife it out of town or not available) and women shouldn't spend their time trying to gain the attention of other men.

 

That is my own thoughts. But I think if you are a man and you feel it is perfectly acceptable to look at other women, you're a bit of a hypocrite if you think your woman can't have men looking at her.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yes, I did once post a nude (topless) photo of myself many years ago and it was because my husband and I were having some serious issues in our marriage, partially due to his sex addiction and not wanting to sleep with me. So, I went out and found attention elsewhere. I don't think what I did was cheating, and in many ways I found it to be exhilarating.

More power to you, I say.

 

But I think if you are a man and you feel it is perfectly acceptable to look at other women, you're a bit of a hypocrite if you think your woman can't have men looking at her.

I concur 100%.

 

I find it amusing how everything changes drastically for a man when you turn it around and put his wife, girlfriend, sister, or daughter into the spotlight of male attention and masturbation fantasies.

[carhill]

I find it amusing how everything changes drastically for a man when you turn it around and put his wife, girlfriend, sister, or daughter into the spotlight of male attention and masturbation fantasies.

 

I think it's individualistic, depending on whether a man has evolved from his base territorial nature, which is genetically hard-wired into us. I personally have never had any such issues, short of attempting to protect a woman if her physical safety or life is at risk. Otherwise, I've always seen women as able to take care of themselves when it comes to attention from males

[BUENG1]

Can the gentlemen here at least agree that sometimes the way women turned on, are different from the way that men are turned on? I'd really be interested in the answer to that for starters.

 

Men and women say it all the time, men are more visual. Men are more sparked by the visual. Most women do not respond to images of men in the same way that men respond to images of women. This is more of a stereotypically driven male interest. And while women might appreicate a good looking male, most of us do not respond in the same way a man does to a woman and her looks. I think this is most obviously shown in the difference between how women spend time on their looks and how men do. It is also shown through the over whelming choices men have in porn, men magazines and other visuals of that nature that women just don't have such a high demand on because our sexuality can be very DIFFERENT

 

How much a person enjoys a particular action has nothing to do with whether it is equivalent or acceptable.

[Stockalone]

Thank you for that honest answer. I appreciate it.

 

 

I can't speak for JS, but my take on this is it isn't about tit for tat. I think a lot of women do enjoy being looked at and receiving attention from the opposite sex. I know I certainly do. It feels nice to know someone finds you sexy.

 

Yes, I understand that. That doesn't mean that I am too happy about it. It's something that I have to accept and as long as it's not over the top, I can deal with it. A woman can dress sexy in an appropriate way and you can dress in a way that makes you look tacky. Granted, I am on the conservative side but I still believe that I am not wrong.

 

 

But, out of respect for my husband and our marriage I generally don't seek out this attention. I don't flirt, I don't dress in mini skirts or have my boobs on a platter for the world to see.

 

Respect is one of the reasons why I didn't watch porn when I was in a relationship. I have to be honest though, not looking at porn isn't that much of a sacrifice for me. It's not something I absolutely need to have.

 

 

Yes, I did once post a nude (topless) photo of myself many years ago and it was because my husband and I were having some serious issues in our marriage, partially due to his sex addiction and not wanting to sleep with me. So, I went out and found attention elsewhere. I don't think what I did was cheating, and in many ways I found it to be exhilarating. But I wanted to work out my marriage, so I ceased this type of behavior.

 

Your husband must be one of the guys that has an actual problem with his porn consumption and I am very sorry that you have to suffer because of it.

 

I consider it cheating because it would be a sign of blatant disrespect. I have very clear boundaries on that and my gf's knew that. They would have known that I wouldn't be o.k. with it. Had they gone ahead and done it anyway, I would have considered it an act of betrayal.

 

 

 

I don't think it is out of the question to want your girlfriend to dress in a more conservative fashion. I mean, if you're forcing her to wear turtleneck sweaters in July that might be far fetched, but I think not wanting her to wear mini skirts, or extremely low cut tops isn't. I can see why a man would have an issue with this (although not all do) in the same way I can see a woman having an issue with their men looking at porn (although not all do). Neither position is wrong in my opinion.

 

Sure, I have friends that enjoy the attention their gf/wife is getting when they go out. I am not one of those guys though. I am too possessive and also a bit jealous. Or as carhill put it, territorial. Territorial sounds less negative, but it doesn't change what it is.

 

And no, I never forced a gf to wear a turtleneck sweater in July. I just think that some clothes are less appropriate than others but I certainly can't force a woman to wear different clothes.

 

I'd probably ask twice a year on average if she absolutely has to wear that and if she wouldn't mind wearing something less provocative.

 

For example, one mini skirt my gf bought, looked more like a belt to me, that thing was VERY short. Another gf wore a blouse (the see-through kind) and a very flimsy bra. You could easily see her nipples through that outfit. I thought that was inappropriate and asked her to please change into something else.

 

They sure weren't happy and argued but they did those favours for me and changed because I only asked them very seldom and only when it really bothered me.

 

 

My personal beliefs are that if you are in a relationship, you should try to devote yourself mind, body and soul to your spouse. That means not consuming your time looking at other women (although I do understand if it is an occasional thing, like your wife it out of town or not available) and women shouldn't spend their time trying to gain the attention of other men.

 

That is something I absolutely agree with. Ideally, we would never have to argue about stuff but we all know that is unlikely. If we can reach a healthy compromise that is acceptable for both people involved, that goes a long way.

 

Sadly, not always can a compromise be reached. And sometimes people simply aren't upfront and honest enough about their needs and the other party gets hurt as a result.

 

 

That is my own thoughts. But I think if you are a man and you feel it is perfectly acceptable to look at other women, you're a bit of a hypocrite if you think your woman can't have men looking at her.

 

I would be lying if I said that I never look. And I am fully aware that other men will look at her, there is not much I can do about that.

 

However, I don't think that makes me a hypocrite. I didn't watch porn and I didn't go out to ogle other women. Sure, I would look at a some women when I walk down the street. A quick glance here and there, but it's not like I would turn my head to stare at a woman for an insane amount of time or start drooling.

 

Maybe a guy can condition himself to never look, but I very much doubt that. If a gf feels good about herself when other men look at her, then I neither can, nor do I want to stop my gf from getting such positive reinforcement. But it has to be a healthy amount.

 

I can't give you a specific number or amount that is acceptable or when it starts to bother me. Let me put it this way, if a gf always needed to get attention from other men to be happy or if she went out with the sole purpose of getting attention from other men, that would be too much for my taste. And flirting is not allowed.

[Stockalone]

But I think if you are a man and you feel it is perfectly acceptable to look at other women, you're a bit of a hypocrite if you think your woman can't have men looking at her.

 

 

More power to you, I say.

 

 

I concur 100%.

 

I find it amusing how everything changes drastically for a man when you turn it around and put his wife, girlfriend, sister, or daughter into the spotlight of male attention and masturbation fantasies.

 

 

Please refer to my post to Jennifer26 concerning the hypocrisy.

 

 

Certain actions need to be re-evalued and the dynamics change when they become personal and involve people you know. That is normal and applies to every aspect of our live. It might not change the way we think but it sure makes certain decisions harder.

 

For example, I would not watch a porn movie if the woman in it were someone I knew, like the gf or wife of a friend or a friend of my sister, etc.. That would be gross. Obviously, women in porn are real. They have a face, a name but they are faceless/nameless, meaning they aren't real to me, when I watch it.

 

It's not different than a movie character. The actor/actress is a real person, but the character they portray doesn't exist. That character isn't real.

 

If we use the example of a gf/wife who puts explicit pictures on the internet, then things become real. There is no actress, it's a person that is close to me, someone I care about. That, among other things, makes it different.

[SunnySideUp]

Please refer to my post to Jennifer26 concerning the hypocrisy.

 

 

Certain actions need to be re-evalued and the dynamics change when they become personal and involve people you know. That is normal and applies to every aspect of our live. It might not change the way we think but it sure makes certain decisions harder.

 

For example, I would not watch a porn movie if the woman in it were someone I knew, like the gf or wife of a friend or a friend of my sister, etc.. That would be gross. Obviously, women in porn are real. They have a face, a name but they are faceless/nameless, meaning they aren't real to me, when I watch it.

 

It's not different than a movie character. The actor/actress is a real person, but the character they portray doesn't exist. That character isn't real.

 

If we use the example of a gf/wife who puts explicit pictures on the internet, then things become real. There is no actress, it's a person that is close to me, someone I care about. That, among other things, makes it different.

 

they wouldn't become real if you weren't the one doing the looking at it. If you weren't involved it would just be strangers looking at her, which has nothing to do with you. Just like if you're masterbating to porn and your SO isn't there, she is not involved and it has nothing to do with her.

[SunnySideUp]

Even if we assume your theory about the inherent actions is true, so what? Not everything is always going to be exactly equal.

 

 

true, very true. At this point I'm simply fascinated by stumbling upon what I consider to be a gender-biased moral value that I'd like to learn if more people share.

[SunnySideUp]

person 1 looks at person 2 nude online. they don't interact. person 2's actions consist of being photographed/filmed or photographing/filming oneself and putting that image/video on the internet to be viewed. person 1's actions consist of searching for and finding that image/video and looking at it. each party knows what they're doing and doesn't let anyone they know be a part of their actions.

 

it is like some sort of distant exchange. i don't care if person 1 never makes contact with person 2, there is an exchange going on... a consentual exchange. a knowledge that each party involved is using his/her own free will. person 2 is putting him/herself on display for person 1. person 1 knows there are people like person 2 out there who put themselves on display and finds their image/video.

 

To me, to say that being on one side of this exchange and not the other is wrong is absurd.

[Stockalone]

they wouldn't become real if you weren't the one doing the looking at it. If you weren't involved it would just be strangers looking at her, which has nothing to do with you. Just like if you're masterbating to porn and your SO isn't there, she is not involved and it has nothing to do with her.

 

If I would be masturbating to porn, even though my SO doesn't want me to, it already is real. She may not know about it, but I would know that it happened. If I were to hide things like that, that would also influence the way I treat my SO, which means it has very much to do with her and she is involved in it.

 

Just because the SO doesn't know about it, doesn't make it any less real. You can't say that it has nothing to do with your SO just because he/she doesn't know about it.

[Ruby Slippers]

If we use the example of a gf/wife who puts explicit pictures on the internet, then things become real. There is no actress, it's a person that is close to me, someone I care about. That, among other things, makes it different.

And to her, I'm sure it's real that her guy is masturbating and having orgasms to images of other women. If I send a picture of myself to some random guy in a chat room and he pays me a few compliments and that incites sexy thoughts for me and I go masturbate, I see that as no more "real" than my boyfriend viewing porn. I am never going to talk to this man, meet him, or have anything more to do with him. He's mere pixels on a screen, just like porn. It's a meaningless way to get fantasies flowing and remind me of my sexy side, to get some of that famous sexual and sensual "variety" that men love so much.

 

As for myself, I wouldn't need to do that, but if my guy is going to mix it up with porn, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to mix it up with a similar activity that turns me on.