Was I Justifiably Rude?

[gotnogame]

Hi all, I'm new here and looking for some feedback as to whether I was justified in being rude to a guy.

 

I will try to condense this the best that I can...

 

OK, I'm a 30 y/o, (old enough to know better than to go meeting some strange guy at midnight, as I did). I made a few bad choices that night, I'm aware....

 

A little background:

 

I'm bi-sexual and have been in a relationship with another woman for the past 13 years. We've been together since I was 17 y/o. Well, we've had our share of problems and in recent history, we have no longer been sexually active. To be exact, the last time we were intimate was in September of 2007.

 

Without going into major specifics, we have the understanding of an open relationship, which I have not really taken advantage of.

 

The situation:

 

Four/five nights ago, I went to the gas station for cigarettes and gas. It was very late, around 3am, actually. Since it was so late, I had to pay for my gas and cigs at the window. While I was pumping my gas, this guy who was sitting on the passenger side of a van, (his friend was pumping gas), spoke to me.

 

He was like..."How are you doing? Are you out here, cheating on your man?"

 

I can honestly say that I have NEVER played along with guys "in the streets," trying to pick me up. However, for some reason, I felt an instant attraction to him. He asked me for my number and I hesitated, at first. I ended up giving it to him, though, and he called me right away. He asked me if I was married and I told him that I was. He said that he would call me later in the day, (since it was technically morning). He told me that he didn't want me to forget about him.

 

The next day, I noticed that he called but felt that I should wait another day to call him back- (I didn't want him to think that I was desperate). Besides, I got my "monthly bill" and was feeling terrible. I didn't want to talk to anyone.

 

The following day, I called him, letting him know that I wasn't feeling well but that I hadn't forgotten about him. He responded with, "What's wrong with my baby." OK....I thought that was kind of cute, but I should have taken it as a forewarning.

 

The following day, I felt better and texted him. I told him why I had not been feeling good and let him know that I would call him the following day, when the pain would be gone.

 

Later that evening, I felt miles better and decided to text him. It was almost 10:30pm, but I had a feeling he would be awake. I asked him what his zodiac sign was, out of curiosity. It turned out that we were both of the same sign. I asked him what his age was and if he had kids. He replied that he didn't have children and was one year younger than me.

 

So, I'm feeling like....ok....maybe we could become friends w/benefits. Ya know, we could scratch each other's backs every once in a while...

 

While we were texting, I gave him a hint...stating that it was too bad that I had to get up early because I really wanted to go out. He responded, stating that if I wanted to come hang with him, he would make sure that I was awake early. * I assumed he meant that he would provide a wake-up-call, opposed to him believing that we would be in a situation where he would be nudging me awake...

 

He then added..."I'd love for you to cum, oops I mean come to see me."

 

Normally, I would be turned off by someone coming on to me like that, so fast, but feeling bored, restless and curious, I did not protest to this statement.

 

Here I am, traveling to some strange guy's pad at midnight. Terrible decision, I know...

 

I called him to ask for clarification on directions and told him that I was not the type of woman to go off to some strange place in the middle of the night, and that I wasn't sure exactly why I was going to see him. He assured that I would be alright with him. Ok...I'm thinking to myself..."this guy could be a rapist or a killer," but I kept driving...

I arrive to his street, where he's outside, along with two other guys. My inner alarm was going off, but I parked anyway. He motioned for me to park in front of a different house, which I did.

 

I get out of my car...greet him, his cousin and brother and we proceed to stand outside and talk.

 

Almost immediately, he asked me what I meant when I told him on the phone that this was a "first" for me. He actually asked me in front of his friends. I told him that I didn't want to discuss my situation with him in the presence of others, to which he apologized.

 

Well, we were standing for about 20 minutes when he asked me if I wanted to go to the liquor store and pick up some alcohol. He was sipping on gin, straight from the bottle and sweating...ugh. A beer or two sounded ok after I wondered what I had gotten myself into, so we left.

 

We got back and again, proceeded to stand outside bs'ing on the sidewalk. After my second beer, I let them know that I wanted to go sit down so we went inside to play darts.

 

Beforehand, outside, he's telling everyone that I'm his "new ol' lady." He made that comment, verbatim, several times. He was his cell phone telling someone that he was hanging with his folks and his "New ol' lady." I was thinking..."hmmmm I don't like this..."

 

Fast-forward to the game of darts...

 

We're in a garage, playing the game and during...he was grabbing my hips, pulling me close to sit on his lap and kissing me. For one...we had not even spent minute one alone to bond, or even get to know each other, yet he felt that I would somehow be comfortable making out with him, in a room of other guys...no less.

 

I explained to him that I didn't want to make out in front of people, again he apologized.

 

At one point he actually told the other guys that I was 30, with no kids, and that we could have our first child together. I thought...."Wow, is he insane?"

 

He looked at me and smiled, saying, "This is our first date." I wanted to laugh. A first date? Hanging out on the sidewalk with a bunch of dudes, drinking, and then playing a game of darts in a dusty garage. At this point, I'm thinking he must be used to very simple, super easy chicks with no hang ups over making out in front of everyone.

 

Again, he pulled me close to him. I pulled away some. He chuckled and said that I was "full of chit." I thought that was what I heard but asked him for clarification. He said that he was playing with me, but repeated the phrase.

I told him that it wasn't my intention to lead him on or tease him, that I was there to hang out. Hell, I figured that since he knew I was on my monthly cycle, he wouldn't have wanted to be all on me. I was wrong...

 

I noticed once, after he pulled me to sit on his lap and I pulled away, he had a pout on his face. I caught the look on his face after having turned around to face him. I asked him what was wrong, to which he replied..."Nothing..."

 

Then he tells me that after the game, we would go to his place, watch a movie and get better acquainted. He added that I could leave him around 5:30am. Again, I thought...."oh really?"

 

The game ended and he and his cousin were in front of me, walking outside. I met up with them on the sidewalk. They didn't see me at first. It sounded like they were talking about me. I could have sworn I heard him say something like..."Yup, going to smoke this up, watch a movie..."

His cousin said, "...Yea and then it's on."

 

By this time, I'm not feeling good about any of this, at all. I was feeling quite stupid, actually. So we're all outside, to once again, continue standing around. He had to take a whizz. He unzipped his pants and urinated in a bush while standing on the sidewalk, outside of the house we were in. I couldn't believe it!!!

 

I told him that I had to go to the bathroom, also. His answer was to tell me to grab a napkin out of my car and go behind the house!!!!!!!!! Well, I declined.

I knew that he was drunk, but I didn't get why he would tell me to go outside when we would be "watching a movie," in short order.

 

He told me to park in the driveway of the house that he and his cousin were walking to. I was facing the main street and had a flashing thought to just drive away instead of turning around. I turned around to follow them, instead. I'm thinking to myself, "What in the hell is wrong with you? Why do you feel like you owe this dude anything????"

 

I parked in the driveway and turned off the ignition. He then motioned for me to park in a different spot in the driveway. That was when I decided to reverse out of the driveway and go home. I didn't turn back and I didn't call to explain why I left.

 

When I got home, I noticed that he had called me 13 times but had not left a message. Yesterday, he left a text message stating how messed up it was for me to leave without saying goodbye. I replied to it with a sincere apology, but I explained that I felt he was moving waaaaay too fast for me. I added that he seemed disappointed when I would pull away from him, and that I didn't want to be alone with him, later. I explained that I thought he might have felt slighted or annoyed knowing that I would not be ready to be intimate with him. I reminded him of how adamant he was to make out in the presence of others and that I knew it would be even more so, if we were alone. He did not reply.

 

Well, I know that I did the right thing by leaving when I did, considering the fact that I shouldn't have placed myself in that situation to begin with,

(truly, this confession reflects a lapse in usually clear decision making).

 

I do feel bad about how I left. His family and friends were actually very, very cool. If things were platonic, I could see hanging with him, that's not what it is. He was just too drunk, pushy and presumptuous for anything "beyond-platonic" to occur.

 

I know that he would've pressured me for something sexual, to then possibly give me a hard time when I would have declined. Who knows how it would have ended. I took a stupid gamble and feel lucky to have gotten out of it. Ahh, still...

 

How bad should I feel about how I handled it?

 

Thanks in advance...

[puppycat]

Do NOT feel guilty for protecting yourself. Ever. Period.

 

And consider yourself lucky. That sounds way sketchy, and you could have been raped or killed.

[Ronni_W]

Well, I wouldn't really say that you were "rude", especially given all the, er, inappropriate stuff that went on, on BOTH sides. After all, he wasn't NOT "rude", either. You both just went a little bit too nuts, for whatever reason.

I would actually feel GOOD that I finally did come to my good senses, saw a good 'escape hatch' and had the good presence of mind to jump ship...it was really sinking way too fast, was it not? Ah well...at least you'll know for next time .

[JohnnyBlaze]

How bad should I feel about how I handled it?

 

On a level of 1-10, I'd say zero. I thought that, given the situation, you were actually a little too nice to him. For just hanging out, he was making altogether too many presumptions about things. Reading your post, even I was getting creeped out by his behaviour. If I was in your position (i.e. if it was a girl saying all that), I'd be doing my best Jesse Owens impression. And I'm a 6'1, 200+ guy; I don't have nearly as many safety concerns as you do. How you stayed there as long as you did amazes me.

[GPFan]

Hmm... Well, that was entertaining, thank you! The two of you dance to completely different tunes and wouldn't make it across the street together.

 

How bad should I feel about how I handled it?

About a 2, I suppose. He was nice, not dangerous nor threatening but he was clueless as hell.

 

Chalk up another learning experience!

[Jilly Bean]

Girl, this story had gang rape written all over it. I am SO relieved to hear that you finally came to your senses and got out of there in time...

 

The only one you owe something to is yourself, and that is to keep yourself SAFE.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

This is why I don't mess with drunk women or women who even drink to get a buzz. I had an incident where an ex would not take no for an answer and I eventually gave in against my better judgment.

 

While I am not going to be as negative about the guy or going to say he or any of them would rape you, I do say leaving without saying goodbye was not rude. You felt uncomfortable and took notice of your own possibilities of things happening and with him not being in his normal state of mind, you had every right to leave in a hurry. So don't feel bad or suspicious, especially if he has not proven to have tried to do anything wrong. But, do know yourself and keep in mind how he is when he is drunk. That's what I always do with the women I am with, especially if they get drunk and stupid.

 

 

 

DNR

[Ally Boo]

You weren't rude enough to that guy. Seriously.

[Mary3]

This was an exhilerating dangerous thing you did and risky.

 

I am not one to cast stones because I have done some pretty risky things.

 

I can't say you won't get caught up in something like this again...

 

You had an immediate attraction to this stranger. Where it went from normal to abnormal is when you drove up and his buddies were standing outside. Even me , ms risky , would have left the area becuase that is too strange.

 

I mean a stranger , you just met , you go over his house late at night . He is there with his buddies. First thing that would make me bolt.

 

But you stayed for the crazy ride.

 

His take : " Hey guys I just met this chick at the gas station. I got her over here and now I am going to paw her and make sexual references because if we can dupe her drink then we can all have rounds of sex with her "

 

Thats my take .

 

Next time access your situation. Risky should not get you attacked or worse...