skypie Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I found out my gf kissed a work colleague. We were going through a rough patch and she was often upset...... the guy was saying 'soothing things'.she went to give him a hug but ended up kissing him which she instigated.. A few days later he tried to kiss her but she pushed him away and said it had been a mistake. She never told me about this and i found out months later through another work colleague.......................i was devastated. I confronted her, she denied it but eventually admitted to the kiss. She had tried to keep the incident from me, even denying to my friend there was anything to it.... which allowed other rumours to circulate that they were going out/ having a relationship. I have since discovered there was no foundation at all to the other rumours......but it still has hurt me greatly. I myself have been no angel......... i criticised and emotionally bullied her, threatening to end it many times which led to the said rough patch. I have also held hands and 'fondled' other women while drunk.I didnt tell my gf about these incidents. She has since apologised endlessly, said she was terrified of loosing me and didnt know how to tell me. One part of me thinks that we have both been stupid but that nothing very serious has gone on and that we should learn our lessons and progress. Another part is devastated by her lies and deceit.......cannot deal with the fact she would want to kiss another man and cant stop thinking about it all negatively. Could anybody offer their opinion on this?.... should i get a grip or am i justified in my feelings? What would you do in my position?!......................many thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Get a grip. If you can't overlook this and let it go, break up and move on. The fact that you hold onto this crap may be evidence of why your relationship has been rocky. Relationships aren't perfect and neither are people. When the guy or gal is pissed they often do things as a grudge and feel better. It's just a human thing. If you can't accept that, get out of the game. If you can't get past this immediately and start enjoying your relationship, do your lady a favor and split. Do yourself a favor and don't get in relationships. Until the day you die, even the very closest people in your life will disappoint you from time to time. Chill and don't think about it. Shxt happens and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it. Go out of your way with all your might to stop upsetting yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 OK, OP, it sounds like neither you nor your GF are perfect. Welcome to the human race My advice is to work on being the best person you can be and attract like to yourself. If your GF is like, she will be with you. If not, not. You can't control her or ever figure out what makes her tick. Give it up Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I don't know why everyones being so sort? We've seen similar stories like this and others have said to dump, once a cheater yarda yarda. This is hard, she did admittedly instigate the kiss a moment of weakness perhaps, what kind of kiss was this exactly a deep passionate kiss sure sounds like it. I really don't know why she would not tell you, unless she was scared you'd start a fight with the other man but even so.. if it clearly was a mistake she should of confessed. As a result everyone started rumours and you've been the butt of jokes over her actions so much so that they thought she was having a relationship witht his man. Has she not said she has a partner to anyone until recently? What I never understand is while yes it was just a kiss and she realised it was a mistake (after a few days when he tried to return the favor... wtf?) if you say she was just so scared to lose you wouldn't she of told you herself and not you having to find out from several others? I say this because now even though you've investigated what rumours were true and false you'll always wonder now and hell it's making you scratch your head enough that you made a forum post. Do you truely believe she is sincere in her apology? With all that said you are justified in your feelings but then again mate you've done similar things in the past, fondling women (wtf) maybe you're the one that should 'fess up about those nights even if you think it was just for fun. Maybe your both with eachother for convinience or else the kiss and your drunken wandering hands wouldn't happen. Have a discussion with eachother about the status of your relationship and see if your both on the same page. It may be time to call it quits then to keep fooling yourselfs out of fear of being alone. Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I myself have been no angel......... i criticised and emotionally bullied her, threatening to end it many times which led to the said rough patch. I have also held hands and 'fondled' other women while drunk.I didnt tell my gf about these incidents. <snip> Another part is devastated by her lies and deceit.......My question is why her deceit is so much worse than yours? The fact you haven't shared these groping incidents with your girlfriend is current, ongoing deception! Drunk is not an excuse but it is an opportunity to act out your deepest desires. You might find that disclosing these incidents coupled with your constant threats to end it may result in a lightbulb moment for her. Is the semi-public nature of her betrayal at the root of your distress? Link to post Share on other sites
Author skypie Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 I guess it is dealing with the 'semi-public' nature of the kiss that makes it so hard to deal with............. if she had kissed the guy then came home and told me, i would have dealt with it better....i think! She seems very genuine in her remorse. Part of me feels like a hypocrite because, as described i have done stupid things which i suppose could be called cheating. I have also asked myself why she didnt come to me sooner and tell me if she was so concerned about my feelings.........but then i never told her what i did and i know that was because i didnt want to lose her.... Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I guess it is dealing with the 'semi-public' nature of the kiss that makes it so hard to deal with............. if she had kissed the guy then came home and told me, i would have dealt with it better....i think! She seems very genuine in her remorse. Part of me feels like a hypocrite because, as described i have done stupid things which i suppose could be called cheating. I have also asked myself why she didnt come to me sooner and tell me if she was so concerned about my feelings.........but then i never told her what i did and i know that was because i didnt want to lose her.... You both show an overall lack of comittment to one another. That is a really bad sign for a relationship. I don't see this coming to anything good down the road. Do you want to end it? Can you come clean with her about what you have done? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I myself have been no angel......... i criticised and emotionally bullied her, threatening to end it many times which led to the said rough patch. I have also held hands and 'fondled' other women while drunk.I didnt tell my gf about these incidents. Then why don't you just break up with her? What she did has no excuse, but you went there first. She has since apologised endlessly, said she was terrified of loosing me and didnt know how to tell me. If only she knew how you really were. As if bullying and criticizing her weren't enough. One part of me thinks that we have both been stupid but that nothing very serious has gone on and that we should learn our lessons and progress. Another part is devastated by her lies and deceit.......cannot deal with the fact she would want to kiss another man and cant stop thinking about it all negatively. ????? her lies and deceit?? What about yours? Could anybody offer their opinion on this?.... should i get a grip or am i justified in my feelings? What would you do in my position?!......................many thanks I'd break up. Because you obviously don't respect her, and now that she has cheated, and done something along the same lines as you have, this relationship is doomed. End it and use your learned experiences with someone else. And quit fondling other women and quit bullying them. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I myself have been no angel......... i criticised and emotionally bullied her, threatening to end it many times which led to the said rough patch. I have also held hands and 'fondled' other women while drunk.I didnt tell my gf about these incidents. What would you do in my position?!......................many thanks I'd tell her about these incidents you've had, see how she reacts & go from there. What she did wasn't a good thing but atleast she told you about it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author skypie Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 i did tell my gf about my 'incidents'.... a few weeks after i had found out about hers....... she wasnt very happy but has forgiven me for them and said she loves me too much to hold it against me.... Link to post Share on other sites
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