Husband Constantly Lies

[michellechgo]

Hello,

I have been married for 8years and I am so upset with my husband I don't know how to forgive him or if i can this time. If their is one thing I HATE it is being lied to. 4years ago i found out my husband cheated on me, it was't the sexual act that bothered me it was the lies, I thought I was married to a different man and I NEVER thought he would do something like that and the fact that I was misled crushed me. Since then I have forgiven him the one time discretion and we moved on. Well like a year later I happened to find out that he was lying again, but this time it was about money. He was hiding money from me and fudging the checkbook register. i was MAD, the reason was he wanted to get me a ring. Well I forgave him, but I told him never to hide money like that again. Well he did it again 2 years later he stopped bringing in his paycheck stubs and was entering in the checkbook the deposit amount but in reality his checks were more money and he used that money for car stereo equipment (a hobby of his very expensive one) when I found out we got into another huge fight I reminded him of his promise and demanded to see his paycheck stubs every pay period, he threw a fit saying he didn't need to (I am a stay home mom I just work PT on weekends) anyway he finally relented and agreed to show proof of pay, that lasted for a couple paychecks and then i was lulled into a complacency and forgot to check up ON the paycheck stubs, Well fast forward to today I found out 4days ago by accident that he has been doing it AGAIN, but this time it is way worse we are talking about thousands of dollars, he has 2 credit cards i knew NOTHING about racked up debt I knew nothing about spent $2000.00 on his car stereo crap so far I have totaled $5500.00 worth of debt he had to hide his income from me to pay his secret bills and this entire time he has been lying to my face nearly everyday, when i confronted him he CONTINUED TO LIE I had to overwhelm him with my proof and ANGER!!! We don't have a house we live in an apartment with 2 little boys 7 and 3, this man has spent the majority of our marriage lying to me over and over as far as I am concerned he might as well have cheated on me. I am so disgusted with him i can barley look at him, I don't know if I can forgive this time I don't know what is real in this marriage, he said he has been doing it since last November, Why should IO believe THAT?? The point is everything is now up for scrutiny, I don't know what to believe. I know we have a disgusting amount of debt before he added to it, i know we don't even have a home. He is just a liar to me. I have NEVER cheated on him, I NEVER hid money from him, I NEVER racked up debt he didn't know about. I am sick of being the one who gets screwed, I want to HURT him and let him know what it feels like to have no faith or trust in the one person you are supposed to feel safe with. To top it off he doesn't even seem to realize how serious this is to me. By the way last Friday when he got paid he STILL didn't bring me his paycheck stub, you would think he might have at least thought it would be agood idea??? I am to angry i can't even articulate myself, I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Michelle

[Tony T]

It's obvious that you're not going to change this man or his desire to hide money from you...so why not work with him. Let him know you are willing to allow him to have his money for stereo equipment, etc. However, in return YOU have to be in charge of all family finances. Yeppers, you accept his entire paycheck and all other income. He discusses with you his desires and you budget out so he can have his toys. You may not want to do this but it's a sure way you can keep tabs on your little spender boy.

 

There is no other solution if you want to stay married to him. He is intent on keeping his financial information away from you...so you may as well enter into a partnership with him to help him plan for these big ticket items and not get pissed. The first time you get pissed, he'll start keeping his checks again.

 

Together, the two of you should work on a plan for saving in the future so that you can buy a home, pay all bills off, etc. His credit card debt is very heavy and with the economy the way it is, if he lost his job your family would be in a terrible mess. He needs to know he has a serious problem but that you are willing to help him work out a plan to get his toys and be financially responsible at the same time.