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[Corinne]

Hi fellow heartaches

 

I have found this site really helpful and just wanted to say Hi and tell you my story.....

 

My husband of 6 years left me a couple of months ago, just got his stuff one night and went It had been difficult for a while, about a year before I was getting bored with him never giving anything of himself or making any efforts to show me love, I began to find him quite dull but still loved him and didn't want to end it. Then a major catastrophe happened, my 2 youngest sons father died suddenly from a heart attack, he was 48 I didn't cope very well with that, felt guilty for feeling anything for him and was so upset for my boys as I had lost my father at a young age and know that they will miss him for the rest of their lives. My husband wanted to leave me then <_< but I told him I didn't have the strength to lose them both in the same month so he stayed. We muddled through until the beginning of May when he left.

 

I was/am devastated but am hanging on in there, I have lost loads of weight ( I wasn't happy with myself after putting on a few stone) I have decorated the kitchen and had a good clear out, going swimming every morning and now I am looking and feeling much better ..... except my heart hurts like hell.

 

We have talked about being friends and I have text him a lot, I have been very up and down and my texts have been too, the last ones were angry as it was youngest sons prom, I thought he might have the heart to realise that it was a big day for him and it would be nice if he contacted him as his Dad is no longer here but I should have realised he just doesn't have the heart.

 

He is unaware of others peoples emotions because he tries so hard to ignore his own (he had a difficult abusive upbringing) Only sees his brother when he wants something, never buys his Mum a birthday card etc. I guess I just need a man who has the courage to feel.

 

Anyway we have met a couple of times, explained a lot of stuff and he wants to be friends and maybe go out now and then, I know in my heart that is not going to work and just gets in the way of me getting over it, he is coming tomorrow to pick up the rest of his stuff and my wedding dress, just can't have it sitting there in the cupboard crying at me so I suggested he take it as it doesn't hurt him (as he has a better grip? on his feelings, says if sad thoughts come into his head he just turns them off)

 

So after tomorrow its going to be NC! I am pretty sure that when I get over it he will start to feel it and it will be hard all over gagin but I am allready in a better place, maybe if he did something spectacular I would consider a new start but either way, its over and I must get back to me

 

I know its hard but I also KNOW deep in my heart what I need to do, its just sooo sad but one day I WILL be loved again

[Corinne]

I seem a little over optimistic there, I am dreading/looking forward to tomorrow, I want him to take the stuff so maybe he looks at it and hurts and remembers we had something wonderful. I also want to get rid of all the stuff I have been dragging round for years so its not just that

 

'I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair' lol

 

Any advice on how I deal with the last contact tomorrow?

[sultry33]

I seem a little over optimistic there, I am dreading/looking forward to tomorrow, I want him to take the stuff so maybe he looks at it and hurts and remembers we had something wonderful. I also want to get rid of all the stuff I have been dragging round for years so its not just that

 

'I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair' lol

 

Any advice on how I deal with the last contact tomorrow?

 

hi corrine.. will be tough, cant really say what to do.. but be strong, if you cry u cry.. dont try be someone else he will see through it.

you know he is saying he has off switch.. maybe he has but usually people just say that.. its the way they cope.

it will hurt him. but if he was planning on leaving he already thought of ways to deal with it.. although reality will kick in..

im a week no contact.. yeah hurts.. but its the right thing to do.. he said fate may bring us together.. damn im not fate..

 

just be strong.. get everything ready.. then have distraction.. call someone.. put on a comedy.. google funny pics.. anything to lift your mood.

 

you are doing well already x

[Corinne]

Thanks Sultry I have just got in from work and the fella at the corner shop told me he has been around all day? just down the road from me?? saw his new works van.... must be a good job if he has been hanging around all day??

 

He will soon get bored and start to feel! I read a good post on here about how men and women deal with it and I am pretty sure he will let it in in a few months time.... I really hope I am on a good positive thing by then and remember how he treated me and broke my heart so I can tell him to go **** himself!

 

Wish me luck tonight, its gonna be hard, then the real hard work starts

 

(hugs)

[sultry33]

Thanks Sultry I have just got in from work and the fella at the corner shop told me he has been around all day? just down the road from me?? saw his new works van.... must be a good job if he has been hanging around all day??

 

He will soon get bored and start to feel! I read a good post on here about how men and women deal with it and I am pretty sure he will let it in in a few months time.... I really hope I am on a good positive thing by then and remember how he treated me and broke my heart so I can tell him to go **** himself!

 

Wish me luck tonight, its gonna be hard, then the real hard work starts

 

(hugs)

 

hi corrine, really hope you got through it ok.. was thinking about you earlier.. the last contact is very hard to deal with but somehow you have to be strong..

 

last words i said to my ex was " i love you and dont want to give up on us if we have a chance.. think about what ive said ok." he said "i love you too" then i kissed him.. ran in an cryied..

 

that was on the tuesday... on the friday i ended the waiting.. changed the power.. couldnt do it no longer.

been 9 days nc i think now

 

whatever happens remember we care ok x

[Corinne]

Thankyou Sultry

 

It sort of went well he told me things that he should have told me when we were together... that he feels he gave too much and turned me into a lazy person, I did get fat and grey and stopped caring about myself and then whenever I got drunk I would sit and cry about the same old stuff, going round and round my pain I wore him out so he has no more compassion to give

 

I was very selfish and lazy, didn't work much and let the house go to pieces, it wasn't all my fault but I wish he had talked to me about it, he told me he went up the woods and cried , he should have cried with me

 

All the stuff is gone and he said 'if you think this will get an emotional reaction out of me youre wrong' He saw through that, he says he has cut off his feelings and he will probably bin it

 

He is very self aware and quite wise which just makes me love him more <_< lol I am still holding on to hope and sent him a text this morning at 5am <_< because he said I would never have got the house together and lost weight for him, I have now but I did do it for him in the vain hope that he would see the real me he married in here and want me back.... shame it was too little too late And a real shame that he couldn't have told me all that when wew were together

 

What do I do now except live with my regrets

[sultry33]

Thankyou Sultry

 

It sort of went well he told me things that he should have told me when we were together... that he feels he gave too much and turned me into a lazy person, I did get fat and grey and stopped caring about myself and then whenever I got drunk I would sit and cry about the same old stuff, going round and round my pain I wore him out so he has no more compassion to give

 

I was very selfish and lazy, didn't work much and let the house go to pieces, it wasn't all my fault but I wish he had talked to me about it, he told me he went up the woods and cried , he should have cried with me

 

All the stuff is gone and he said 'if you think this will get an emotional reaction out of me youre wrong' He saw through that, he says he has cut off his feelings and he will probably bin it

 

He is very self aware and quite wise which just makes me love him more <_< lol I am still holding on to hope and sent him a text this morning at 5am <_< because he said I would never have got the house together and lost weight for him, I have now but I did do it for him in the vain hope that he would see the real me he married in here and want me back.... shame it was too little too late And a real shame that he couldn't have told me all that when wew were together

 

What do I do now except live with my regrets

 

well what a man;) when the going gets tough he gets going...

what do you do now? you start living.. do all the things to make u feel good.. get some highlights.. new hair do.. tan ... delete his number if you need too..

for your own healing may be best to go nc as he is not going to help you and from his words .. he didnt want to communicate when yoiu was together so wont now.

 

i know you worry about your age as i do and im younger.. i worry i be on my own forever.. but you know id never settle for someone who would bail at the sight of trouble and id hope the right guy for me would be there to hold my hand.. give me kick up the butt too if i needed it..

 

sounds like you was depressed and he just left you..

 

have you got a good friend network? so you can go out have some fun?

 

your worth more than this treatment:) and dont put yourself down.. you tried he didnt x

[Corinne]

I didn't really try though Sultry I don't know why I just ignored it and got more depressed and layed on the sofa ... I didn't bother with my friends my kids my Mum and had no motivation to do anything, I am feeling better now, except the heartbreak just wish I had realised before it was too late

 

I think we just brought out the worst in each other, in my relationship with the boys Dad I did all the work and never got much back from him, then after we finished I got into a horrible relationship with an alcoholic and again I did all the work. He says that because of that I didn't do much in our relationship and sort of turned the tables and took from him, I never even really cooked dinner or showed him I loved him, I did tell him but its not the same as doing little kind things just to show you care.

 

I have tried to blame him and last night said 'you don't know what you have done to me' He said 'I HAVE SET YOU FREE!' He is right and I think he is being brave doing that.... although I have text him again a few more times saying I don't want to live in regret and need to work on being positive and its best to just let it go... he said I think so too He asked me for sister in laws number and I replied 'I would give it to you but I have deleted your number lol ??? (Just so he knows I will not be contacting him again) I did then say 'Marriage is about learning and growing and getting stronger, not bailing out! Life is hard and I hope you learn to love again BE BRAVE I will xxx'

 

Thats it! no more texts, no more reading through them, I deleted them and I will delete his number as he has a new one and I can't remember it. I am going to have to be so strong! Either way I have to let it go wether he ever thinks it could work again or not its going to be a long time

 

God I am so sad!

 

I have got my hair done, bought new clothes and am looking after myself much more

 

I am going to a Salsa dance class on Friday should be a laugh

 

Thanks for letting me let it all out

 

I am going to leave him alone and try to focus on myself but I know I am only doing it so he has time to miss me, I hope he does, I hope at some stage he starts to feel, he has a big barrier up at the moment

[sultry33]

I didn't really try though Sultry I don't know why I just ignored it and got more depressed and layed on the sofa ... I didn't bother with my friends my kids my Mum and had no motivation to do anything, I am feeling better now, except the heartbreak just wish I had realised before it was too late

 

I think we just brought out the worst in each other, in my relationship with the boys Dad I did all the work and never got much back from him, then after we finished I got into a horrible relationship with an alcoholic and again I did all the work. He says that because of that I didn't do much in our relationship and sort of turned the tables and took from him, I never even really cooked dinner or showed him I loved him, I did tell him but its not the same as doing little kind things just to show you care.

 

I have tried to blame him and last night said 'you don't know what you have done to me' He said 'I HAVE SET YOU FREE!' He is right and I think he is being brave doing that.... although I have text him again a few more times saying I don't want to live in regret and need to work on being positive and its best to just let it go... he said I think so too He asked me for sister in laws number and I replied 'I would give it to you but I have deleted your number lol ??? (Just so he knows I will not be contacting him again) I did then say 'Marriage is about learning and growing and getting stronger, not bailing out! Life is hard and I hope you learn to love again BE BRAVE I will xxx'

 

Thats it! no more texts, no more reading through them, I deleted them and I will delete his number as he has a new one and I can't remember it. I am going to have to be so strong! Either way I have to let it go wether he ever thinks it could work again or not its going to be a long time

 

God I am so sad!

 

I have got my hair done, bought new clothes and am looking after myself much more

 

I am going to a Salsa dance class on Friday should be a laugh

 

Thanks for letting me let it all out

 

I am going to leave him alone and try to focus on myself but I know I am only doing it so he has time to miss me, I hope he does, I hope at some stage he starts to feel, he has a big barrier up at the moment

 

hi corrine im right there with you.. i hope my ex misses me but im doubting it atm..

im not sure id want him back anyhow now as im ok without him.. hurts but its true.. i miss the life we planned to have.. last time i saw him he looked like ****..

and i think deep down he is one of them guys that trys something for a while ie gym.. then bails out.. bit like with us too... im sick of that.

 

seriously i have days where im really sad about us.. but others where im angry at him..

i bought a paul mcenna book.. how to deal with your broken heart.. have not opened it yet! but you know im not sure i need it right now..

 

i did have some tears today in the garden as i thought about our holiday as it had a nice beachy smell an was hot outside.. we did so much together.

 

i know with all my heart id never have bailed out on him..

 

please be strong.. delete his number.. you have told him how you feel now give him time to maybe miss you.. and yourself time to heal..

believe me i know its hard.. we was a couple that cuddled every night.. held hands.. he kissed my head when asleep.. kissed my nose lol

called me through the day every day.. plus texted.. he really showed me love:( i miss that...

but im being strong:confused:

 

hugs to you x

[Corinne]

Hugs back

 

I had a bit of a cry last night then went round and mowed my neighbours massive lawn, by 9pm I was knackered and ready for bed, I think doing a lot of physical work helps and I feel ok for a little while, its nice when your brain gives you a rest from it. I was getting there more often before the contact but it DID send me back to day 1 and so I KNOW NC is the only way forward. I have to take care of me now.

 

So I am deleting his number now........ Done!

 

Onwards and Upwards

 

Day 1 .... I am going swimming first thing, then a appointment at the gym, back home, go to the dump with piles of crap I have accumulated, then work, get home and put 2 of our vehicles on ebay

 

Thank God its summer or I would be bouncing off the walls lol

 

I hope you have a good day hun (hug)

[sultry33]

Hugs back

 

I had a bit of a cry last night then went round and mowed my neighbours massive lawn, by 9pm I was knackered and ready for bed, I think doing a lot of physical work helps and I feel ok for a little while, its nice when your brain gives you a rest from it. I was getting there more often before the contact but it DID send me back to day 1 and so I KNOW NC is the only way forward. I have to take care of me now.

 

So I am deleting his number now........ Done!

 

Onwards and Upwards

 

Day 1 .... I am going swimming first thing, then a appointment at the gym, back home, go to the dump with piles of crap I have accumulated, then work, get home and put 2 of our vehicles on ebay

 

Thank God its summer or I would be bouncing off the walls lol

 

I hope you have a good day hun (hug)

 

yeah its good to keep busy.. my life is focussed around the home more.. but its where i feel safest.. best.

i finally binned some of his clothes.. just chucked them in with the trash..

still have some.. still have letters etc but i bin them too when times right.

hey at least u may get a bit for your cars eh.. spend on yourself;)

 

i was thinking yesterday.. he doesnt look too good and im looking better..

maybe its finally hitting him.. even with his busy life.

 

i didnt feel too sad this morning when i woke..

i like days like this as they dont hurt as much.

 

its good that you deleted his number.. you are doing everything right and like i said in other posts.. small steps:rolleyes:

 

hope you have a great day.. smile even if you dont feel like it.. hey i flirt with bald butcher.. makes his day:p

[Corinne]

Bald butcher I will try that

 

One of the best things about this is that I am learning to take control of my own mind! I was so into seeing the worst in everything but now I HAVE to see the positive in stuff

[sultry33]

Bald butcher I will try that

 

One of the best things about this is that I am learning to take control of my own mind! I was so into seeing the worst in everything but now I HAVE to see the positive in stuff

 

you know thats right.. good thoughts bring good thoughts..

 

my ex said a flaw i have.. that he worrys about is that i only see good in people.. good job for him as he portrays himself as hard.. you know mr tough

guy.. i saw straight through that;)

 

i dont actually think its a bad flaw.. unless they was like mega bad.. but then id see that.

 

he made me very scared of the world.. so he could protect me that little bit more.. he actually made me more vulnerable now.. its funny that eh

 

some people have lists.. things they dislike/like

when your feeling less positive maybe do this..

 

i think you are doing well already.. keep it up:)

[Gordon's Right]

Man, your ex husband sounds like a real jerk.

 

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

Stay strong, life is an experience, don't base your life on a man who does not value you!

[Corinne]

Man, your ex husband sounds like a real jerk.

 

I'm sorry to hear that.

 

Stay strong, life is an experience, don't base your life on a man who does not value you!

Why do you think he's a jerk? I really need to feel that now so it would be good coming from a different perspective... I think it was pretty **** of him to tell me I looked 56 when we were together and that I wouldn't have changed for him <_< I would have done anything for him if he had told me how he felt I just thought he loved ME

 

It is a bit crap to leave someone a few weeks after their childrens father died... and he told me I wasn't his soul mate then I should have tried to find the ME I am finding now.... Its too late now and 2 months later I am even more devastated

[Corinne]

Feeling a bit better today Had a bit of a flirt online with some random fella and it made me feel less crap about the whole situation Was just nice to not be thinking about him and reaffirming who I am

 

I am actually a real nice, interesting, loving and kind person! and he is a muppet to let that go!

[sultry33]

Feeling a bit better today Had a bit of a flirt online with some random fella and it made me feel less crap about the whole situation Was just nice to not be thinking about him and reaffirming who I am

 

I am actually a real nice, interesting, loving and kind person! and he is a muppet to let that go!

 

thats great:bunny:

told you flirting is good haha:laugh:

[Corinne]

On 6/29/2008 at 10:38 AM, Corinne said:

Hi fellow heartaches

 

I have found this site really helpful and just wanted to say Hi and tell you my story.....

 

My husband of 6 years left me a couple of months ago, just got his stuff one night and went It had been difficult for a while, about a year before I was getting bored with him never giving anything of himself or making any efforts to show me love, I began to find him quite dull but still loved him and didn't want to end it. Then a major catastrophe happened, my 2 youngest sons father died suddenly from a heart attack, he was 48 I didn't cope very well with that, felt guilty for feeling anything for him and was so upset for my boys as I had lost my father at a young age and know that they will miss him for the rest of their lives. My husband wanted to leave me then <_< but I told him I didn't have the strength to lose them both in the same month so he stayed. We muddled through until the beginning of May when he left.

 

I was/am devastated but am hanging on in there, I have lost loads of weight ( I wasn't happy with myself after putting on a few stone) I have decorated the kitchen and had a good clear out, going swimming every morning and now I am looking and feeling much better ..... except my heart hurts like hell.

 

We have talked about being friends and I have text him a lot, I have been very up and down and my texts have been too, the last ones were angry as it was youngest sons prom, I thought he might have the heart to realise that it was a big day for him and it would be nice if he contacted him as his Dad is no longer here but I should have realised he just doesn't have the heart.

 

He is unaware of others peoples emotions because he tries so hard to ignore his own (he had a difficult abusive upbringing) Only sees his brother when he wants something, never buys his Mum a birthday card etc. I guess I just need a man who has the courage to feel.

 

Anyway we have met a couple of times, explained a lot of stuff and he wants to be friends and maybe go out now and then, I know in my heart that is not going to work and just gets in the way of me getting over it, he is coming tomorrow to pick up the rest of his stuff and my wedding dress, just can't have it sitting there in the cupboard crying at me so I suggested he take it as it doesn't hurt him (as he has a better grip? on his feelings, says if sad thoughts come into his head he just turns them off)

 

So after tomorrow its going to be NC! I am pretty sure that when I get over it he will start to feel it and it will be hard all over gagin but I am allready in a better place, maybe if he did something spectacular I would consider a new start but either way, its over and I must get back to me

 

I know its hard but I also KNOW deep in my heart what I need to do, its just sooo sad but one day I WILL be loved again

Sixteen! years later I found this and realised I should have been true to myself 🙄 nothing really changed,  except life, I lost myself and put up with never really being loved. 

Don't waste yourself on someone who doesn't deserve you. 

[Miss Chrysalis]

15 hours ago, Corinne said:

Sixteen! years later I found this and realised I should have been true to myself 🙄 nothing really changed,  except life, I lost myself and put up with never really being loved. 

Don't waste yourself on someone who doesn't deserve you. 

 

Does that mean you and your husband never split up or....? 

[Corinne]

7 hours ago, Miss Chrysalis said:

 

Does that mean you and your husband never split up or....? 

We got back together a few months after this post, I was so weak and sad on my own.  Then my eldest son was diagnosed with brain cancer and died 6 years later 😪 that was 9 years ago.  Now my mother is dying and he still wasn't there for me and I finally woke up and realised that he never was.

What an idiot I am 🤯 I even posted 'Happy Ending' on here back then.

The moral of my story is be strong! listen to your intuition and believe you deserve the best in your life and don't settle for anything less ❤️

[ExpatInItaly]

You've been through an awful lot, OP. I am very sorry for your loss, and your impending loss. 

I hope others take heed in your story. Wishing you strength moving forward. 

[Corinne]

9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You've been through an awful lot, OP. I am very sorry for your loss, and your impending loss. 

I hope others take heed in your story. Wishing you strength moving forward. 

Thank you ❤️

It certainly hasn't been easy and this latest break up after 23 years of marriage and mother on her way out is certainly testing my resilience 🤯

I do hope others listen to their intuition and believe in themselves more than I did.