why did he molest our child

[brownlight]

has anyone ever been married to someone for 10 years , had a child together and after 11 years he molest her in the worst way and everything you think your life was , it was all a lie ! Im pressing charges to the fullest and going on with our lives I just cant beleive this its like a nightmare. I know this happens to kids all the time , but they usually say it was thier nieghbor , stepdad, friend of family . Not someone I thaught drank a little much but at the same time was a very good father at one time i thaught. Now Im scared of what he did to her emotionally . We problems but were happy I thaught . You really just never know people. Does anyone know what I mean?

[Last_Nerve]

You need proof that he did what you say he did. Take the kd to the ER and get a report from a doctor that says the same thing that you are saying. Get her into counseling ASAP.

[Nevermind]

He is sick and dangerous. Get your kid into therapy, both of you into family therapy and him into jail.

 

Be there for her and never ever let her think that it was her fault.

 

I am sorry.

[Mustang Sally]

People abuse other people because they (the abusers) are broken.

 

Get yourself and your kid(s) away from this person until you can get it all sorted out.

 

Good luck, and I'm sorry for your situation.

[sb129]

One thing you must NOT do brownlight is blame yourself at all.

 

It is not your fault.

[brownlight]

You need proof that he did what you say he did. Take the kd to the ER and get a report from a doctor that says the same thing that you are saying. Get her into counseling ASAP.

I did go staight to er after left police station , The police say it can take up to 3-4 mths to get evidence back. I just pray that it comes back postive. I know it will because of the awlful things he did, I want him to be humilated they way she was . I hurt so bad for her and for me. We are scheduled for counseling . Thank you

[boshemia]

Actuallyin 90% of the cases the abuser was a close friend or family member. It's just that many of the victims don't come forward with the accusations because they are too close to the perp.

 

First of all, you believed your child. This is amazingly awesome! You can't believe how rare it is. Second you did not minimize it, you went forward and did what needed to be done to protect your child... again very rare.

 

I can't really tell you why they do it, there are many different people with many different reasons. Sometimes there is no real why, not one that a sane person would comprehend.

 

Good luck and remember that no matter how tough the road ahead may be, you are doing the right thing.

[brownlight]

Actuallyin 90% of the cases the abuser was a close friend or family member. It's just that many of the victims don't come forward with the accusations because they are too close to the perp.

 

First of all, you believed your child. This is amazingly awesome! You can't believe how rare it is. Second you did not minimize it, you went forward and did what needed to be done to protect your child... again very rare.

 

I can't really tell you why they do it, there are many different people with many different reasons. Sometimes there is no real why, not one that a sane person would comprehend.

 

Good luck and remember that no matter how tough the road ahead may be, you are doing the right thing.

Thank You I love this website , I feel alone with all this . My daughter gets A & Bs in school , but shes already trying to act out. I think shes trying to see how much she can get away with. I really have been more of the easier going parent , but now I have to be the mom and the dad so its hard. I think I should move because this place is just filled with memories of a lot of things between all of us. She dont want to go cause she is used to all her friends, but at the same time I think we both could use a fresh start. I cant beleive there are parents out there that just let this go. I was only 18 when we had mr daughter but my stepdad used to touch me over my clothes and I loved hin " like a stepdad" I would turn over and act like I didnt know , when I met my husband "my daughters perpatrater" he told me everything i wanted to hear , he could'nt beleive what my stepdad did to me , told me he would always love us and protect us and I believed it. He wanted to hurt my stepdad for longest time for what he did to me. I was 16 when I met him he was 23 , my mom who is passed away now used to say what would he want with a 16 year old and now I see why cause he was way more experienced then I was . I was so good to him. I never cheated , never lied I was the perfect little wife. Our daughter was a great kid and everyone says that about their kids , but she really is good. She loved her dad so much. Its hard enough raising a teenager let alone have your own father so alwful things to you. Now what , I have a scelduled appt for her to see a counseler, but I cant get her in for 3-4 weeks. I did put up with a lot of **** from him and his family now that I look back , but I was always concerned about my kid a lot more than his family. I mean there is alcohol abruse and drug abruse that goes all threw his family and mine , but I promised when I had a kid I would break that sick cycle and I was thinking he wanted the same thing. I wil never let my baby down the way my mom did. The police are still like well whatever . Does anyone know how long it really takes to get evidence back from the hospital . I went on 052508 , the police said months and months thats crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Curmudgeon]

Does anyone know how long it really takes to get evidence back from the hospital . I went on 052508 , the police said months and months thats crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Evidence of molestation is or can be instantaneous based upon signs left in and on the victim's body. However, getting DNA results can take awhile. It all depends upon where you live and how busy the police labs are.

 

Meanwhile, I sincerely hope you and your daughter are out of this man's reach. If he wasn't arrested I'm surprised.

 

You always wonder how anyone can do this to a child, much less someone who is supposed to love and protect them. I'm a manager in forensic mental health for my state and I read dozens of cases of sexual offenses every day. I'm also a former cop and I still wonder.

 

I wish you and your daughter nothing but the best and sincerely hope the counseling helps her, and you. In a way, you've been abused as well.

[brownlight]

has anyone ever been married to someone for 10 years , had a child together and after 11 years he molest her in the worst way and everything you think your life was , it was all a lie ! Im pressing charges to the fullest and going on with our lives I just cant beleive this its like a nightmare. I know this happens to kids all the time , but they usually say it was thier nieghbor , stepdad, friend of family . Not someone I thaught drank a little much but at the same time was a very good father at one time i thaught. Now Im scared of what he did to her emotionally . We problems but were happy I thaught . You really just never know people. Does anyone know what I mean?

Well its been since may 24 2008 and my husband still is a free man for what he did to our daughter!! I started feeling a little better a couple weeks ago . That was until I had to go to court for our cpo (cival protection order) . I didnt think he would be there because not only is he not in jail, he has'nt been served w/ tpo or cpo anyway , as soon as I walked out of one room I went out when our case was called, imagine my surprise when I see that piece of **** walking towards me to go inside for court. I have'nt seen him since the day I left and all the anger came back to me all over again. We have a vehicle in both of our names that was ordered to be in his possesion and he was'nt making payments. I was getting so sick of paying the car insurance for both cars so I dropped his truck. Which I probably would have been just as responsible because its in my name to, but oh well I am working 40 hrs. 4 ten hr days paying my bills baraley while going to school. Taking care of my daughter has been hard. She is having a hard time , but we start couseling on 072408 , my anniversary !!!!! How odd is that ? The police have a statement from his niece stating that my husb called her 2 days after this happened and told her he did something so awlful to his kid he wanted to kill himself and they have her boyfriends statement saying when he passed out on the chair , he carried my husb to his kids room , which were'nt home , and put him in sons bed . My daughter was in thier daughters other twin bed but same room. The boyfriend said he went to restrooom later that night and the door was shut all the way this was about 1:00 am . He just looked in there to see if maybe they had left , well he was in bed w/ our daughter . Sleeping at this time b/c he didnt start on her until about 6:30 am. The police took his first statement and the cop told me they Knew he was lieing . They could tell , but without a confession they cant do anything until evedence from lab comes back. This is so crazy!!!!!!!! I know I should be patient , but when I saw him the other day he tried to act all sad when the judge ask me if I was getting a divorce. Then when we were in lobby he sat there w/ his elbows in knees and his head in his hands. He is such a good actor. I cant believe I fell for that for so many years. I want him to be humilated for what he did to her , because she just didnt know what to think. She had her innosense taken by her own father . Its hard enough raising pre teens and teenagers then she has been introduced to stuff she should'nt even be thinking of. I feel so bad for her . It was strange because after I was able to leave court I got in my car and cried all the way home .I guess I have come upon a new emotion. Now I feel mad and sad all at the same time . I mean I WOULD NEVER TAKE HIM BACK , but part of me just gets so sad about the whole situation. I was with him for a total of 13yrs and ten of those married. Its like a death occured only I can look right at him, then the other emotion makes me feel like I wish I could be the one to end his life. I know that sounds violent and Im not normally like that at all , I just feel like noone nows how I feel . Ya know , or does anyone know?

[whichwayisup]

I am so sorry that your daughter had to go through this, NO child should have to suffer this way.. Sorry that now you have to deal with the fallout of this monsters sick actions.

 

All I can say is, continue to love your daughter, get her the help she needs and hopefully soon he'll be in jail, locked up for a long time and put on the National sex offenders list forever.

[brownlight]

has anyone ever been married to someone for 10 years , had a child together and after 11 years he molest her in the worst way and everything you think your life was , it was all a lie ! Im pressing charges to the fullest and going on with our lives I just cant beleive this its like a nightmare. I know this happens to kids all the time , but they usually say it was thier nieghbor , stepdad, friend of family . Not someone I thaught drank a little much but at the same time was a very good father at one time i thaught. Now Im scared of what he did to her emotionally . We problems but were happy I thaught . You really just never know people. Does anyone know what I mean?

Well its been since may 24 2008 and my husband still is a free man for what he did to our daughter!! I started feeling a little better a couple weeks ago . That was until I had to go to court for our cpo (cival protection order) . I didnt think he would be there because not only is he not in jail, he has'nt been served w/ tpo or cpo anyway , as soon as I walked out of one room I went out when our case was called, imagine my surprise when I see that piece of **** walking towards me to go inside for court. I have'nt seen him since the day I left and all the anger came back to me all over again. We have a vehicle in both of our names that was ordered to be in his possesion and he was'nt making payments. I was getting so sick of paying the car insurance for both cars so I dropped his truck. Which I probably would have been just as responsible because its in my name to, but oh well I am working 40 hrs. 4 ten hr days paying my bills baraley while going to school. Taking care of my daughter has been hard. She is having a hard time , but we start couseling on 072408 , my anniversary !!!!! How odd is that ? The police have a statement from his niece stating that my husb called her 2 days after this happened and told her he did something so awlful to his kid he wanted to kill himself and they have her boyfriends statement saying when he passed out on the chair , he carried my husb to his kids room , which were'nt home , and put him in sons bed . My daughter was in thier daughters other twin bed but same room. The boyfriend said he went to restrooom later that night and the door was shut all the way this was about 1:00 am . He just looked in there to see if maybe they had left , well he was in bed w/ our daughter . Sleeping at this time b/c he didnt start on her until about 6:30 am. The police took his first statement and the cop told me they Knew he was lieing . They could tell , but without a confession they cant do anything until evedence from lab comes back. This is so crazy!!!!!!!! I know I should be patient , but when I saw him the other day he tried to act all sad when the judge ask me if I was getting a divorce. Then when we were in lobby he sat there w/ his elbows in knees and his head in his hands. He is such a good actor. I cant believe I fell for that for so many years. I want him to be humilated for what he did to her , because she just didnt know what to think. She had her innosense taken by her own father . Its hard enough raising pre teens and teenagers then she has been introduced to stuff she should'nt even be thinking of. I feel so bad for her . It was strange because after I was able to leave court I got in my car and cried all the way home .I guess I have come upon a new emotion. Now I feel mad and sad all at the same time . I mean I WOULD NEVER TAKE HIM BACK , but part of me just gets so sad about the whole situation. I was with him for a total of 13yrs and ten of those married. Its like a death occured only I can look right at him, then the other emotion makes me feel like I wish I could be the one to end his life. I know that sounds violent and Im not normally like that at all , I just feel like noone nows how I feel . Ya know , or does anyone know?

[redfathom]

I hope your daughters first appoitnment went well today. Sorry that you are both dealing with this, it's really horrible. I hope you can quickly move on to a better place.

[Mz. Pixie]

As a child my mother didn't believe me- so I give you much respect for believing your daughter- many other mothers do not- or if they know it's true they turn a blind eye to it out of need of financial security.

 

She definitely needs intensive counseling to be able to cope with this. Bless her heart. I'm so sorry that she has experienced this.

[Mz. Pixie]

Oh and he did it because he's sick.

 

Personally I do not believe they can be rehabilitated period- so in my opinion he could never change the part of himself that made him want to molest his daughter.

Even though many molestors say they are cured, I do not believe it for a minute.

 

Protect your daughter accordingly.

[borelandkaren]

Thank You I love this website , I feel alone with all this . My daughter gets A & Bs in school , but shes already trying to act out. I think shes trying to see how much she can get away with. I really have been more of the easier going parent , but now I have to be the mom and the dad so its hard. I think I should move because this place is just filled with memories of a lot of things between all of us. She dont want to go cause she is used to all her friends, but at the same time I think we both could use a fresh start. I cant beleive there are parents out there that just let this go. I was only 18 when we had mr daughter but my stepdad used to touch me over my clothes and I loved hin " like a stepdad" I would turn over and act like I didnt know , when I met my husband "my daughters perpatrater" he told me everything i wanted to hear , he could'nt beleive what my stepdad did to me , told me he would always love us and protect us and I believed it. He wanted to hurt my stepdad for longest time for what he did to me. I was 16 when I met him he was 23 , my mom who is passed away now used to say what would he want with a 16 year old and now I see why cause he was way more experienced then I was . I was so good to him. I never cheated , never lied I was the perfect little wife. Our daughter was a great kid and everyone says that about their kids , but she really is good. She loved her dad so much. Its hard enough raising a teenager let alone have your own father so alwful things to you. Now what , I have a scelduled appt for her to see a counseler, but I cant get her in for 3-4 weeks. I did put up with a lot of **** from him and his family now that I look back , but I was always concerned about my kid a lot more than his family. I mean there is alcohol abruse and drug abruse that goes all threw his family and mine , but I promised when I had a kid I would break that sick cycle and I was thinking he wanted the same thing. I wil never let my baby down the way my mom did. The police are still like well whatever . Does anyone know how long it really takes to get evidence back from the hospital . I went on 052508 , the police said months and months thats crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

When something bad happens to us, like your stepfather molesting you because whether clothed or not, it was still molestation, we can tend to look for situations without knowing it. You were molested and had your boundaries violated. Unwittingly, you ended up with the same kind of person as your stepfather. When you met, he was 23 to your 16. Your mum was right. To me a 23 year old wanting a sixteen year old is a bit strange, too. I think that the signs were there all along. This is no-ones fault but your husbands. Take care of yourself and your daughter. I think you are a wonderful woman, to have listened to and believed your daughter is a rare and fantastic thing to have done. The same happened to me. My two older brothers fooled about with me from 3-14 and I knew I could not tell my mother because she would not believe me. This was proved to be true when I told her at 21. She did not believe me. Treat your daughter with gentleness and understanding. Nothing that happened is her fault, as you've very lovingly made her realise and while it will take time for the scars to fade, with love on her side, she will come to terms with this. Just don't let that bastard near her again.

[Angel1111]

In order to understand why he would do something that horrible would require getting inside his head. You will never understand this mind-set no matter how much you try to wrap your head around it. So don't waste your energy trying to understand it because, at the end of the day, 'why' doesn't matter one tiny bit.

 

What does matter is that he went after your child and did an unimaginable amount of damage - and that's all you really need to know. Shield her as though he had just stabbed her with a knife. He has done incredible damage and she will need help for a long time, as I'm sure you know. If someone did that to my child, I'd tell him to feel very lucky to be alive. Very lucky. And then I'd get a lawyer that would hammer him so hard that he would start thinking that death would've been the better alternative.

[Staring]

has anyone ever been married to someone for 10 years , had a child together and after 11 years he molest her in the worst way and everything you think your life was , it was all a lie ! Im pressing charges to the fullest and going on with our lives I just cant beleive this its like a nightmare. I know this happens to kids all the time , but they usually say it was thier nieghbor , stepdad, friend of family . Not someone I thaught drank a little much but at the same time was a very good father at one time i thaught. Now Im scared of what he did to her emotionally . We problems but were happy I thaught . You really just never know people. Does anyone know what I mean?

 

Maybe he has sick sex fantasies?? He probably looked at a lot of porn

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Your daughter is lucky that her mom loves her so much, listened to her at her most desperate hour, and has followed through. Tell her you love her every day and you won't give up on her, even when it is most difficult. You will be rebuilding the parts of her soul snatched away by that monster.

[Lovelybird]

I am sorry what you and your daughter have to deal with. You are a good mother, a brave one.

 

Joyce Meyer also was molested by her own father, for many years, and her mother did nothing to protect her, maybe her mother was very weak herself. you must know Joyce Meyer? she wrote a book The penny, a novel, how did she experienced sexual abuse, how did she recovered and having a happy life now.

 

I heard it is very painful experience for a child, most of them carry the wounds and could not have a happy adult life. There is a man who wrote The Shack by William P. Young, also very healing, he said he is a totally free man now, because of his childhood sexual abuse experience he had a messed up adult life, but things turned around after he seeking God. maybe these books can help you to heal yourself and your daughter.

 

Things can be changed

[Green]

I am not a mental health proffessional nor some one who has ever dealt first hand with this type of abuse. It seems to me that you had your own traumas that you now relive after what has happened to your daughter. You need to break the cycle or your daughter will be in the same position posibly with her own daughter one day. Your husband is obviously a screwed up man who lacked the control to keep his hands off his own daughter for what will obviously be a bad point in her life. I think your daughter is more then just a girl who got molested and you can't forget that, I wish the best of luck to every one involved in this messed up situation

[shanta]

Thank You I love this website , I feel alone with all this . My daughter gets A & Bs in school , but shes already trying to act out. I think shes trying to see how much she can get away with. I really have been more of the easier going parent , but now I have to be the mom and the dad so its hard. I think I should move because this place is just filled with memories of a lot of things between all of us. She dont want to go cause she is used to all her friends, but at the same time I think we both could use a fresh start. I cant beleive there are parents out there that just let this go. I was only 18 when we had mr daughter but my stepdad used to touch me over my clothes and I loved hin " like a stepdad" I would turn over and act like I didnt know , when I met my husband "my daughters perpatrater" he told me everything i wanted to hear , he could'nt beleive what my stepdad did to me , told me he would always love us and protect us and I believed it. He wanted to hurt my stepdad for longest time for what he did to me. I was 16 when I met him he was 23 , my mom who is passed away now used to say what would he want with a 16 year old and now I see why cause he was way more experienced then I was . I was so good to him. I never cheated , never lied I was the perfect little wife. Our daughter was a great kid and everyone says that about their kids , but she really is good. She loved her dad so much. Its hard enough raising a teenager let alone have your own father so alwful things to you. Now what , I have a scelduled appt for her to see a counseler, but I cant get her in for 3-4 weeks. I did put up with a lot of **** from him and his family now that I look back , but I was always concerned about my kid a lot more than his family. I mean there is alcohol abruse and drug abruse that goes all threw his family and mine , but I promised when I had a kid I would break that sick cycle and I was thinking he wanted the same thing. I wil never let my baby down the way my mom did. The police are still like well whatever . Does anyone know how long it really takes to get evidence back from the hospital . I went on 052508 , the police said months and months thats crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as far as her already acting out it is not to see how far she can get away with.This is coming from someone who has been where she is at now. She is going to act in ways that you wouldnt think she would act.its her way of dealing with the things that happened.Everybody acts differently to situations.I do agree she needs counseling the sooner the better. This is not going to go away over night she will never completly recover but she can put it past her to a certian extent.Rather you move or stay where you are the memories are still there.Also if you move her away from her friends and all she will more then likely take it as a punishment for what happened then just you trying to protect her.

[mental_traveller]

Actuallyin 90% of the cases the abuser was a close friend or family member. It's just that many of the victims don't come forward with the accusations because they are too close to the perp.

 

First of all, you believed your child. This is amazingly awesome! You can't believe how rare it is. Second you did not minimize it, you went forward and did what needed to be done to protect your child... again very rare.

 

I can't really tell you why they do it, there are many different people with many different reasons. Sometimes there is no real why, not one that a sane person would comprehend.

 

Good luck and remember that no matter how tough the road ahead may be, you are doing the right thing.

 

I agree with this post. One of my exes had a similar thing happen when she was young. She refused to tell me who did it, because I would have either tried to get the guy jailed, or at very least made sure everyone on his estate knew what he had done.

 

If for some reason the police/justice system don't pull through, contact your local political representative. Also remember you have every right to name & shame this guy publicly, so other people know the truth. This crime goes on mainly because everyone keeps quiet about it. The victims are too embarrassed to come forward, and their relatives are either in disbelief or want it hushed up to avoid being "that family". So good on you for believing and supporting her. Be tenacious with the police and consider getting legal representation. Also get your daughter some counselling.

 

Don't move away because that will uproot her and take away her support network of friends, which she needs now more than ever. Good luck!

[Siciliana]

I have my 4 year old daughter laying next to me right now. I am sick to my stomach at the thoughts of your situation. My heart goes out to you. I hope for a positive update from you.

 

I envy your ability to not act upon the violence that brews within. I am not sure that if I ever found myself in that situation I would not hunt the man and cut him to pieces in his sleep, though I suppose that would do no one any good as you would be taken from your daughter for murder...

 

I am sorry to go on a tangent...but, the day my daughter was born, so was my fear of this ever happening to her. I have actually had nightmares about it. I don't know how you manage to stay so strong.

 

Peace to you and your daughter. Please be ok.