movingonandon Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 Most people would probably love to be in this position after a breakup, but I am really puzzled and a little quilt ridden. Specifically, only 2 days after my girlfriend of 4 years told me that she has feelings for somebody else - which left me with no choice but to leave - today I am feeling great. Does this mean that I did not love her that much to begin with? This happened only 3 weeks after she did break up with me however both of us commited to giving it another shot. Now I understand that she has not been completely honest the 1st time, but that's irrelevant for the question that puzzles me. I expected to be devastated for months, but at least today I am not. big part of this is probably doe to the fact that everything else in my life is going great, which certainly softens the blow a lot, but still... Has anybody else experienced a surprisingly quick recovery??? Link to post Share on other sites
JackhammerGemma Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I have never experienced relief so soon after a break up but man, good for you! You're one of the lucky ones-ride that wave as long as you can! Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 hi op, maybe its a sense of relief or denial.. but yes it must be good but strange. i think if my ex had cheated id have got over him straight away as i cannot stand a cheat. is that bit harder as he says he loves me.. but im moving on as its what we both need to do. really hope you can stay positive Link to post Share on other sites
backto1 Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I felt fine for about a week...then I started feeling like ****. Good luck to you and stay positive. You'll probably go through some ups and downs but at least you're starting out on a positive note. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 After my breakup I felt fine for a day or two. That was the numbness. I don't think reality has set in for you yet. Be prepared for hard times, but enjoy the way you feel now... most likely it will not last. But it will come back after a month or two! Link to post Share on other sites
Author movingonandon Posted June 29, 2008 Author Share Posted June 29, 2008 hi op, maybe its a sense of relief or denial.. but yes it must be good but strange. i think if my ex had cheated id have got over him straight away as i cannot stand a cheat. is that bit harder as he says he loves me.. but im moving on as its what we both need to do. really hope you can stay positive you are probably right. Three weeks ago it was much harder when she just told me she does not love me anymore and is not happy with me. Which unfortunately is all my fault - I can see how I've been a jackass to her, but I did love her very much. I did get her back (or so I thought), by explaining to her that the things that have driven her away are easily remedied assuming that her and mine deep feelings have are unchanged. After all, this is what adults do - work things out, right? (Both of us just turned 30, so supposedly have some more mature understanding of relationships...) However, fast forward 3 weeks later comes the "I may have feelings for someone else" part which actually does change the things completely. Although no actual affair has taken place, and perhaps even nothing will happen now that we're not together, she's been having these thoughts for months so this is stil a betrayal on some level, so perhaps this is the reason it's easier to stay positive... I'd expect this type of behavior of a very young woman who's still checking things out, but not of a 30 year old. I (and my friends i share with) have had multiple lady-temptations, but that's never a reason to break up - you dismiss such feelings because you are devoted to a person (and because you know that the other person is not better, just different, so there's no point...) Anyway, thank you for the reassurances... as much as I feel angry/betrayed/relieved, I'd also hate to realise that I've been wasting this woman's time anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
Author movingonandon Posted June 29, 2008 Author Share Posted June 29, 2008 After my breakup I felt fine for a day or two. That was the numbness. I don't think reality has set in for you yet. Be prepared for hard times, but enjoy the way you feel now... most likely it will not last. But it will come back after a month or two! Thank you, hope you are doing better now? Link to post Share on other sites
AnLandy Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I just broke up with my fiance last night. I woke up this morning feeling surprisingly optimistic. I think that it's a combination of denial and relief. Maybe that's what is going on with you. Also, like us, it sounds as if you and your girlfriend didn't have a sudden, unforseen break up. My fiance and I had been talking in circles for weeks about our doubts, our differences, and our own insecurities about the relationship. I even took the ring of two weeks ago and put it in my safety deposit box. Given the previous "temporary" break up that you and your girlfriend went through, I'm guessing that you have been preparing emotionally for the end for quite some time. Keep focusing on what is going right in your life. Right now, I am grasping at the silver lining that I won't have to move out my house in two months, my dog can start sleeping on the bed again, and I have two months of Summer break to recover. (I'm a teacher) Link to post Share on other sites
wareagle Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 Yea enjoy what you are feeling now! I really hope it lasts for you, but from my experiences it will hit you soon enough! Link to post Share on other sites
Author movingonandon Posted June 29, 2008 Author Share Posted June 29, 2008 I just broke up with my fiance last night. I woke up this morning feeling surprisingly optimistic. I think that it's a combination of denial and relief. Maybe that's what is going on with you. Also, like us, it sounds as if you and your girlfriend didn't have a sudden, unforseen break up. My fiance and I had been talking in circles for weeks about our doubts, our differences, and our own insecurities about the relationship. I even took the ring of two weeks ago and put it in my safety deposit box. Given the previous "temporary" break up that you and your girlfriend went through, I'm guessing that you have been preparing emotionally for the end for quite some time. Keep focusing on what is going right in your life. Right now, I am grasping at the silver lining that I won't have to move out my house in two months, my dog can start sleeping on the bed again, and I have two months of Summer break to recover. (I'm a teacher) I think you're right, in retrospect, it wasn't such a huge surprise, more like the other shoe finally dropping, I just didn't know all the variables involved. Which is sad, not because of self-pity, but things really could have been different. Breaking up with a fiance must be orders of magnitude harder. But you are right to focus on the things that get simplified as a result. Much of this applies to me as well, so I'll keep that in mind! Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 you are probably right. Three weeks ago it was much harder when she just told me she does not love me anymore and is not happy with me. Which unfortunately is all my fault - I can see how I've been a jackass to her, but I did love her very much. I did get her back (or so I thought), by explaining to her that the things that have driven her away are easily remedied assuming that her and mine deep feelings have are unchanged. After all, this is what adults do - work things out, right? (Both of us just turned 30, so supposedly have some more mature understanding of relationships...) However, fast forward 3 weeks later comes the "I may have feelings for someone else" part which actually does change the things completely. Although no actual affair has taken place, and perhaps even nothing will happen now that we're not together, she's been having these thoughts for months so this is stil a betrayal on some level, so perhaps this is the reason it's easier to stay positive... I'd expect this type of behavior of a very young woman who's still checking things out, but not of a 30 year old. I (and my friends i share with) have had multiple lady-temptations, but that's never a reason to break up - you dismiss such feelings because you are devoted to a person (and because you know that the other person is not better, just different, so there's no point...) Anyway, thank you for the reassurances... as much as I feel angry/betrayed/relieved, I'd also hate to realise that I've been wasting this woman's time anyway... so like myself you was given up on really... we had a 30min breakup 6 weeks previously and he was ok about it which i admit confused me alot, id just been pratically assulted an robbed.. i came home expecting some support and he was like well im going in the morning you been talking to your ex.. my daughters father.. i just said yea he makes me laugh. not great reply but i was bit drunk and also upset.. after we sorted it out we made up and i had gut feeling that all was not ok.. but i asked him said are we ok he said yes.. i even one night broke down an said i was dreaming he was leaving.. he said he would never leave me.. this was 2 weeks before he left me whilst i was asleep dreaming again that he was leaving. i actually hate him for leaving like that an lying to my face.. i cannot forgive that.. never will. i wish he was an adult we deserve to be treated like one eh even if facing the other rips your heart out you have to be honest. i dont think you wasted her time.. maybe your own and you must not blame yourself, **** happens its life. i too had many temptations but u know it was just him i wanted. i hate to say that it will probably hit you.. it hit me within 20mins of him leaving.. how weird is that.. that i actually woke at 3am.. he left at 2.40 without waking me.. i knew instantly an i cried full on for a week.. still do but i have strength and i have both bad days an better days. i come here it really helps. Link to post Share on other sites
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